An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

During my time alone today I thought about how being a mom has been the best thing I have ever experienced. It has been the most connective and rewarding adventure in my life. And yet, it has not come without the usual complications and then a little extra. As I contemplated the past 35 years, some of the things I am most proud of, memories started to creep in. And then, a memory that was nestled between the face of my childhood librarian who looked a lot like Beverly Cleary and the young man, whose name completely escaped me now, that had professed his love for me when I was 15, came forth. I'd rather not go into details. With the conveniently forgotten memory came that feeling. You know the one. That feeling that makes one feel small, unworthy and threatening to overshadow any good you've ever done. It renders the positive mute. The familiar feeling of shame came bursting out. My first instinct was to GET RID OF IT! I wanted to text the kids and bring the occasion to the fore...

The solution is to become your own loving parent.  In ACA, we recognize that our parents fell short in many ways. They may have been alcoholics or addicts, they may have been physically or verbally abusive or may have simply lacked the tools to care for us in a loving, nurturing way. Or, like my father, abandoning the family in every sense of the word.  While all that was happening, we, being little tiny children, developed tools to deal with the life we were handed. Often times, those tools saved us. Whether it was knowing when to hide or be scarce, or figuring out how to feed ourselves as a 4 year old, or knowing how to gauge the adults mood at any given time, or just learning how to not show emotion because the reaction to that would be cruel or dismissive. These tools worked well until they didn’t.  Now we get the choice to change the narrative. We get to figure out what those ill adaptive tools are. That can be hard work because they have been with us for such a long...

We did not get the house that we made an offer on. It went to the person that offered $75,000 over the asking price. Yup! It takes an extra 50 to 75K to get a sellers attention. My inner critical parent mocked me and asked me who the hell I thought I was, thinking I could live in such a nice area. She reminded me of where I came from and told me I didn't deserve anything better than that. Luckily, I've acquired some handy tools to deal with her, that voice that tries to keep me small and living in scarcity. I combat her negativity with love. In ACA we have a reading that is called The Solution. It begins: The solution is to become your own loving parent As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears you have kept inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carryovers from the past. You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions. You will recover the child within you, learning to accept...