An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

 Vai. E, se der medo, vai con medo mesmo. When one is raised in an angry family, it’s not enough to say I don’t want to be angry. You must learn how to do it differently. That’s no easy task. If judgment and self hatred became a way of life, a new way to live has to be taught. There are many ways to do it. Reading, writing, sharing, practicing all help the change. Counseling, psychoanalysis, religion, meditation, gratitude, have the ability to transform but I needed to see it in action, it needed to be more tangible, visual, accessible. I needed to understand the possibilities. There is a YouTube channel that I watch over and over again in order to absorb how to live more fully, more open and from the heart. One of the first episodes that I stumbled on is this…. The channel is Reflections of Life and through it we get to meet people who are doing life a little differently, often more soul based. People who are living life, healing wounds and finding what is truly important.  I...

 Happy Friday my blogging friends. We had our Thanksgiving and it was sweet and lovely. Missed my older girl and her partner so much. He's a unique and kind individual that takes conversations to a whole new level. She is quieter, listens intently and provides a special form of unconditional love and non-judgement that inspires me to be better. Maybe next year. Boy Scout outdid himself with this scaled down version of my favorite holiday.  I've found a YouTube channel that I adore. It is called Green Renaissance and it describes itself like this: We are on a journey to inspire change - creating beautiful, meaningful stories. Through our films, we explore what it means to be human. We share conversation with ordinary people doing extraordinary things. We’ve always said that if each film touches just one person, fills them with a bit more hope, or leaves them feeling more inspired, then it has achieved its goal. It enhances my spiritual journey by encouraging  connection to...

I am perfectly smitten and cannot get enough: And if you only want to watch one, you must see this one💗

While practicing my Al-Anon walk, I found a frustration that even though the texts and sayings showed me there was a better way to live, I just wasn't getting some of the tools needed to make certain changes. Turn up the heat and I was right back to being the cornered animal, feeling powerless, ready to do anything I needed just to feel safe. That ugly reaction still exists but not so severe and definitely not as often. One of the things that I do to help facilitate real change in my life is to listen to positive affirmations. I use YouTube videos that do not run contrary with my belief system to help change my negative or fearful thought process.  Search positive affirmations or meditations and many videos will come up. Some voices irritate me or are difficult to understand because of my hearing loss and some are just too "other worldly". For one reason or another, I have found that I really like a number of the Jason Stephenson videos. I don't know a thi...

Hello, I'm Linda and I am an alcoholic.  Well, no I'm not but I have listened to so many YouTube "We Do Recover" videos that I have the urge to say that on occasion.  Those recovery videos, along with my Al-Anon meetings have changed the way I think about the alcoholics / addicts in my life. They have changed the way I think and feel about the homeless man screaming as he walks along the street, the gal who waits at the bus stop but never boards the bus, the teen on the street who looks angry and man who makes it to work every day but numbs himself to the hilt after he gets home. Building a foundation of empathy with good, healthy boundaries is such an amazing blessing.  Don't get me wrong, I still have a healthy dose of fear because of the unpredictability of the addict/alcoholic. I like to know exactly what to expect in any given situation...I didn't know that about myself before but it's true. It doesn't have to involve my qualifiers, it ...

I used to be a hard core sleeper. I could sleep through absolutely anything! Earthquakes, power tools, kids parties, etc.  The funny thing though, I never slept through my babies crying. I was a nursing mom for a lot of that time and I would wake at the first peep. The sleeping brain is so very interesting. Now-a-days, as I've shared before, sleep is a toughie. Many nights I will wake around 3:00 or 3:30 and be done...occasionally falling back down at 5ish. I've learned not to freak out about it, trusting that if not tomorrow night, then maybe the night after, I will sleep. I can get a little tweaked when it is the fault of someone else but otherwise I just try to quiet my brain and relax. Some YouTube videos have helped me get a little more balance and taught me how to relax when my brain will not cooperate. I listen to the following:       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=46dYmKYpnGY       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L12_GAi2...

For some strange reason, anxiety has reared its ugly head. Never before have I experienced it to this degree. Freaking out a bit, I was assigning the feelings inappropriately, giving them to someone else instead of taking ownership and dealing with it. With recognition comes responsibility and addressing it the best way possible for me, myself and I. New to this particular game, I searched out some aids. YouTube, mediation and positive affirmation videos helped some. Also, a guy named Leo with Actualized.com helped too. I fell in love with this guy months back and starting gleaming whatever I could from his videos. His talks about mindfulness, meditation, personal growth and mastering emotions were terrific. Unfortunately, there are a few of his videos that I wholeheartedly despise...especially the one on advice to women about sex and the way to a man's heart. Taking what I could use and leaving the rest has helped. On my run yesterday, his advice was to recognize what ...

Morning often comes much earlier than I desire. Usually around 3:30 or 4:00. Love, love, love it when it doesn't show its face until 5:00 or 5:30 am. Before the direction of life changed so drastically, I was a sleeper. Bed started whispering my name around 9:00 pm. Sometimes answered and sometimes put it off for awhile but lovingly slipped into at a "decent" hour. Sanctuary. In the realm of sleepers, I was pro. I could fall asleep with power tools running, teen parties going on, lights on or off....it did not matter. Even nail guns were no match for the trusty internal clock. My Secret Keeper installed base boards in the entire house, late hours into the night (see earlier posts for an explanation for that), without disturbing my slumber. Rarely waking before the allotted time...rarely did sleep surpass the allotted time, it all worked well. Those days are gone. A full nights sleep rarely happens without the help of a Benadryl or something stronger. Fretting doesn...

I love to listen to AA speakers on YouTube.  It helps keep me on the straight line of working my Al-Anon program. Many a speaker lulls me to sleep at night but NEVER Chris R. who is clever and articulate but a bit of a screamer. Unfortunately, it is all so new that when something big comes up my first reaction is often that of the old me. Exploding, sarcasm, attacking and thinking in Black & White.....all old tools. Luckily, now-a-days, when the old tools are pulled out they are quickly replaced by new ones.  Love the feeling when I realize I don't need to win. That diplomacy means everyone is heard and nobody really "Wins" because winning implies that there must be a loser. I love the idea of allowing our loved ones dignity. Dignity to make their own choices in life without me trying to fix, soothe, cojole or simply boss the shit out of them (Guilty as charged!). Stepping back, making my own choices of what I can tolerate or what I no longer want to deal with in...