An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

My #3 child is still working abroad. She and her partner live in England somewhere near Manchester. The company she works for is an Oregon based company that provides medical and dental insurance for the citizens of this and 3 other states. When she started at this company about 6 years ago she worked with an older gent who left within the first year of her employment. They did not have a ton of interaction but they were on friendly terms. The other day, quite out of the blue, my daughter received an email from this person. They reached out, wishing her well, and letting her know how very sorry he is for how the LGBTQIA+ community is being treated by the current government. Letting her know he is on her side.  I think we are going to need to do a lot of that from this point on. For the brown skinned people in our communities, who must be living in fear, for the LGBTQIA+ community, who has no idea what is in store for them in regards to passports, bathrooms, their names, their posit...

It can be hard to put my whole self out there. It can be hard to know who I am in some situations.  When someone from the past asks about child #3, they will say things like, How is Prescott doing? How’s he liking England or Portland or his work etc. When that happens now, because everyone important or close has been told, I have to dig deep. Who am I in this situation? Do I just say, “SHE”, and go on with the conversation as if it is nothing big? It is big! Do I smile wide and say “oh, she’s in the process of transitioning”, without going into anything else. Do I let them ask questions? Do I know how to answer? This is her personal journey. I am a bystander, a caring one, but bystander just the same. Do I avoid the subject completely and just be careful with pronouns so that I am not disloyal. If I am avoiding, am I being disloyal? Maybe they haven’t earned the right to hear her story. There is a protective defensiveness that I have to be aware of too. My feelings are still comple...

My youngest texted me the other day to say she wanted to facetime in an hour. She lovingly let me know it was nothing bad, just something she wanted to share. When we finally get connected, my Gigi said that she had a client that was processing so she called her Pop and asked him to come over and visit for awhile. They went next-door and got a coffee and then went to the salon's back room to chat. She says to me, "Look what he gave me." and points to a necklace that is a tiny wrench with a little gemstone. She smiles and says that it doesn't matter what her father gives her, that she loves it no matter what because she knows he puts thought in to it. She puts that wrench right around her neck to show him how much she loves it. This girl is so tender with that man. I do not believe that she has one ounce of resentment about what happened. She accepts, has forgiven and loves him completely. Amazing! The subject of our trans daughter comes up in their conversation. He sa...

Yesterday I got my hair done for the first time in awhile. My girl, who is doing her internship, took on this big job with the help of her fellow stylists. It was what they called "a full color correction", so it took a good long while.  I got there and she got to work right away. We talked lightheartedly and had comfortable silences as she did her magic. At one point, I realized that I should probably remove my hearing aids because of the moisture and so many chemicals. The world went silent except for the ever present drone, layered with a piercing high pitch that is a more recent uninvited guest that has overstayed its welcome. The tinnitus becomes far louder when the hearing aids are removed. It was at that point I made a choice. I wanted to enjoy this time with my girl. I wanted to be there fully present with her as she did her very first "professional" client, even if it was her mom. So I let go and refocused my attention, enjoying the sensation of the warm wa...

I still smell your perfume, as if in the next room, even though you are not here. Your essence remains. So dear to my heart are you who was the most unexpected gift. How angry I was when I first knew of you. So selfish this soul of mine can be. But God or nature or Mother Earth knew far better than me of your true value.  Your tender, empathetic heart, so rare in this day and age. Complex yet loving, our relationship enriches and confuses me but we are bonded by our mutual love for the incredible woman you called grandma and I called my tether to this planet, the three precious jewels who call you Macky, Bobo or sister, the big guy who takes up a lot of space and the broken man who needs our love more than breath. I am grateful for you today. Grateful you eat the leftovers in the fridge, leave the bathroom light on all night and that you call my "guest" room yours for a little while longer.