An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

Last night I dreamt I was sitting in a chair outside in a yard that I did not recognize. The door opened and a 3 year old walked out the door right up to me. My first son, with his chubby, chubby cheeks, sad big brown eyes and straight light brown hair came close.  He stood there as I held his beautiful face, I pushed his hair back then kissed big smooches on his mushy cheeks. I could smell his sweet scent, a mix of baby shampoo, a hint of breakfast and a little touch of dirt.  I woke crying from the sweet love I felt. 

I had a dream last night that I was sitting at a table in a restaurant with the Boy Scout and his ex-wife. They were arguing a bit and, out of frustration, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I heard some shuffling and a strange noise so I went back around the corner to find her on top of him, aggressively kissing him. He wasn’t fighting it.  I, of course, woke up and slugged him. Come on, admit it. I can’t be the only one. Ps. It was playful.

The Camino is calling me again. It has whispered my name for 15 years or more. 5 years back, when I has finally got more serious about the undertaking, my family went through a metamorphosis of sorts, I realized it just wasn't the time. Kids were still at home and home life was chaotic at best. Then I met the Boy Scout and was just concentrating on healing and enjoying life in a way I never had. Not a perfect life but a far better one that I had been living for the best part of 10 years; one with friends and outings with people I enjoyed. Waking up everyday knowing that I no longer had to live with the insanity that had become "normal" to me. The Boy Scout and I have had our ups and downs. I am growing and healing old scars and dealing with new ones in a healthier way. I've got a long way to go but I am thrilled to be headed in the right direction. Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, a great counselor and some excellent support from family and friends have p...

IN THE LAST TWO YEARS I: Sold my home Moved twice Bought a house Slept alone Ended my marriage Fell in love Let go of all my children Installed a garbage disposal and light fixture Gave up a dream Learned to forgive Found a church home Developed empathy Became a better friend I STILL NEED TO: Heal my soul Learn to trust Let go of fear Walk closer to God Be a better friend Have faith that it'll all be OK