An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

I set this blog up, almost 9 years ago, to vent, share, work out the life I was living. A recently broken marriage of 30 years, a mom whose kids were now adults, a woman starting over, a person reckoning with her inner family, getting ready to heal. Lately I've found that I don't have a ton to say and have thought about abandoning this blog I have come to love.  Maybe I just need to reinvent it.  I am no longer my problems, I am my answers. I am not my hurts, I am more resilient. Not so much a victim, which is how my inner teenager got her needs met, but more a gal learning to stand on her own two feet, learning to ask for help without manipulation and finding that inner peace is far preferable over inner fear and dread of what might come next. Fun and fascinating....growing up at 59. So, I would like to introduce what got me started.......... Sunday, September 21, 2014 To Start I've decided that weekends are too long. How does one adjust from being a wife of 29 years to be...

Trying to expand my reading. Would like to know three of your favorite blogs and what you love about them. 

I changed my blog sub-title. It was "Finding dynamic forgiveness and a healthy spirit in the face of betrayal and addiction."   That no longer really applies. I am still working on forgiveness but much more for myself than anyone else. I have forgiven the Secret Keeper 100%. I recognize who he was and who he became was caused by a horrible illness in the brain that I cannot fully comprehend. I understand now that he did not purposefully betray me, it was NOT personal. He did what he had to do to survive. It wasn't pretty but me adding to his shame will not help either of us. I will continue to try to do no harm. Forgiving is an incredible freedom. I highly recommend it.

When I started this blog, I half believed I was a crazy person and just needed to put things on paper (or computer) to sort them all out. Now I do it so I can keep track of this incredible walk I am on called life. I popped into my office this morning before my run and the blog called out to me, begging to be addressed, impressed, acknowledged and inscribed. I've got no big thoughts on my mind. Just a heart that still searches for peace and a desire to connect with others on the same walk. On dictionary.com the 6th definition of PEACE is ~ freedom   of   the   mind   from   annoyance,   distraction,   anxiety,   obsession,   etc.;   tranquility;   serenity.  I'll take a number 6 please, heavy on the freedom.  Slowly, and I will repeat...SLOWLY, I have seen changes in me. Others may not notice, but the inner storm is quieter, the self-talk is not so nasty and negative, the anxiety not so persistent. I am doing better ...

Whew! A great AA slogan. There was a time I would have laughed at someone suggesting that I NOT try to solve a problem at hand. Got to have everyone in line, performing up the the standards that make me feel safe and comfortable. If not, swift action was the plan of attack.  One of the kids doing something out of the ordinary?....get to the bottom of it. Husband not being an attentive father...my job to fix. The result is the people around me either got in line or they learned to hide. Don't get me wrong, I am not actually a selfish person. I just never learned that, in life, there are times you will feel uncomfortable, and when those times come, knowing how to be Ok with the discomfort is important. This slogan reminds me to step back, not try to fix, and then deal with the discomfort I am feeling. Pamela Madsen wrote in Psycology Today: Helpful Tips For Getting Comfortable During Feelings of Being Uncomfortable: 1. Walk, or run outside . Movement in the fresh air can r...

My first blog post was on September 21st 2014. Thirteen months have past since that post. Fifteen months since my Secret Keepers walls fell in on him. Never in a million years would I have believed I would be grateful but I am. Grateful that I am out of such an unhappy situation. Thankful for the new doors God has opened. There was love but we were such a mess. The downward spiral happened so slowly; you don't even realize how warped it is until you have a chance to look back at it from a new perspective. Once all was found out and once he was tucked far away in rehab, desperation and fear were the feelings that controlled  my thoughts and actions. How I wish I knew then what I know now. I think about the Bob D Alcoholics Anonymous speaker tape when he talks about the man who has a number of different things happen to him that the world construes as either bad or good. This wise man sits back and accepts but does not judge and in the end, some of the good turns to sorrow and...

Life is good....there is always, always, always something to be grateful for. Knowing that in your head and keeping it in your heart are two different things. As this lesson becomes imprinted upon my heart, my blog changes its nature. Slowly, it shifts focus from the heartache to the blessings. At the onset, I needed this place to think things through, to connect with people with similar struggles, to document my brokenness and, hopefully, to see progress. More time goes by between entries as I reach higher for the whole person God intended. Without my High Power, I flounder. Without His mercy, this girl would still be raging and causing harm in this world. The past may have been painful, but it is gone now and the time to create a better future is here. I found the following to be helpful in every day life, not just when there is substance abuse present. Accept what is.  While it is understandable to wish things were different, know that you are not alone, that family subs...