An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

  Courage is what love looks like when tested by the simple everyday necessities of being alive. ~DAVID WHYTE It really does take courage to choose love in this world. To  remove all the guardrails installed with every hurt, every wrong doing, every traumatic event, all the rejections. This week held the first truly clear days in Portland in months. It's been a long, chilly winter. The sun coming up over the Cascade Mountain range was a tender gift of renewal. Today I will choose love. Is there really any other choice? Not for me.

What? Stop worrying and fretting about all the things going on around me?  I'll keep trying to have the faith in a great big God that has got matters in hand.

Clearly it started young; my need to control what goes on around me. Unknowingly, a child makes a decision that affects ones entire life. An adaptation, an adjustment in the way one thinks that makes each day just a little bit more bearable.  Life is scary, so scary....everyday feels a little unsure and insecure.  A father walks out, without looking back. Food was scarce occasionally, house payments and rent were often late. Who can you count on, if not your father? One starts to build on that feeling, to find ways to cope, to make it feel better. I did that by thinking that no one is going to control me, that I would not count on anyone, be ultra independent. But in truth, the emotional needs were tremendous....so much so that the people around just could not measure up. Each person in my sphere needed to behave a certain way in order to make me feel OK. My poor Secret Keeper....already a people pleaser, already ill-adapted to a healthy emotional life, tried so hard. He re...