An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

Lunch with my youngest girl yesterday provided one of those moments where your heart breaks and melts at the same time. The feeling of pride and regret can live simultaneously in the moment but the combination had us both in tears.  We were discussing her dinner the previous night with my oldest girl and their dad (the Secret Keeper). They had planned ahead and my girl had texted him to reinforce where dinner was but he ended up in the wrong place again. They finally got him to the correct restaurant and had a nice dinner but she expressed to me that he was just a little off. Medications for mental illness are powerful, necessary and not always user friendly. He tries so hard to be that goofy, joking and loving father that once was so easy for him but is work, very hard work these days.  As she and I talked, we both recognized that his effort made us feel pity.....and how pity doesn't help anyone!!!  I never want to be pitied and feel certain that there are better ways...

When being grateful outweighs the pain, you know you will recover. You know you can love and laugh and live a life with purpose. The weight of anger and pain and, dare I say, hatred is considerable, so burdensome. At times, the need to feel justified, validated by onlookers, perhaps even pitied (guilty as charged) can keep you in that horrible place.  But life moves forward. If you are wise or if you have someone around that helps you open your eyes or if you can somehow see how much damage it does to your heart and to the ones that love you, you can try to drag yourself up. Some people forgive so easy. I am not that person. But I've got a God that wants so much more for me than anger and spite. He has begun the softening of my rough edges and pointed out those areas that need work. Some that I knew of but held onto like an treasured family heirloom and some I simply was not conscious of. Our families of origin helped form the people we are; good, bad or otherwise. I li...