An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

My kids and I have a place we can share the little things going on in our life’s. It’s an app called Discord. It can be hard to find time for a phone call that you know will take more than 1/2 hour but in Discord we share our hobbies, animals, hikes, passions, moves, jobs and boring life moments with the people that care the most.  I was sharing with them my feelings about job hunting for the first time in 39 years.  In response, I got a lot of love! The other day I was FaceTiming with my youngest. It’s lovely to be able to connect long distance. The interesting thing about FaceTime is that you see both the person you are talking to and yourself. It's so odd to see who you are (or appear to be) to them. When I am inside myself fully, which is very often with my kids, I feel like I am 30ish. But as I talked to her and saw myself too, I realized that what she sees is an older woman with a lot of wrinkles. Funny how my skins feels smooth on my body but is far from it on the outsi...

I've been hard at work at not working. At 16, I started working full time. It is strange and foreign to be without the thing that has been a source of my security and self worth. Nevermind that my worth should not come from my job; it just is what it is. My family (my mom, my brother and me) was in financial dire straits when I left school at 16. Somehow, I got a job at Security Pacific Bank. Thinking back it such a surprise that a big corporation would hire a minor for a regular full time job. My mom never signed a waiver. I worked on the 14th floor of the Glendale CA building in the payroll processing center. My job was to process the purchase of US Savings Bonds through the service's automatic deductions. Honestly, I felt like I was a kid pretending to be an adult. Honestly, I was. From there, I went to downtown Los Angeles to work for a print shop, moved to Ventura and, tired of the corporate world, I tried my hand at dog grooming, sold Ethan Allen furniture and then...

There are times when we allow someone else to be the measuring stick of our value. We take how we are treated or what is said and internalize it; give it credence it does not merit. I have done it many times, especially with those I love. In reality, our value comes from within and if we are giving that right or responsibility to someone else, it's time to take it back! I am working on that. Recently, that effort was strengthened as I watched someone very dear to me hand their value to two people who did not deserve to hold it. They are not bad people, not cruel or especially unkind but they had not earned the right to pipe in, whether with words or actions, to the beholders value. And, in fact, perhaps they were completely unaware that they were affecting my beloved.  If one is not taught their value is from "just being" from a young age then it is going to be a hard lesson to learn as this world can be genuinely tough. We then start to try to earn it. I don't w...

Yesterday was our weekend now that the Boy Scout has a job bartending (which is a subject for another blog post). We spent a wonderful day in downtown Los Angeles. It was nice just being together and enjoying the sights and sounds. I love how each section has a very distinct feel. We had lunch in a restaurant called  Petit Trois , which is a tiny hole in the wall with fabulous food with a french flair. We sat at the counter and watched everything being prepared. It was crowded and bustling but the head chef watched over everyone, making sure it was up to his standards. He stepped in when needed and looked over every dish before being served. I enjoyed watching the culinary dance. While looking on I noticed the head chef's arms. There were burns, bumps and tattoos, then suddenly he pulled up his sleeves and revealed the evidence of old cutting. The top of his forearms showed the scarring of repeated cuts. Nothing fresh. How I would have loved to hear his sto...