An Invincible Summer - A Woman's Journey

Yesterday I worked in the yard. It was a lovely, centering time. In my thoughts, enjoying the beauty, moving my body. It was warm, the dogs were content in my company and I was loving life. Boy Scout went to a memorial for the wife of our neighbor Gary. When he returned home he said he’d take me to dinner 🥳. We opted for a new food cart collective in a neighborhood called Woodstock. Grabbing a nice little isolated table, complete with umbrella, we settled into dinner and a couple of games of cards. The light breeze was warm, the place packed with loads of young families and four legged creatures, a great atmosphere.  I felt a couple of drops of water on my arm, then on my back. Then that warm musky scent of petrichor reached into my senses, reminding me of every other time that smell wrapped me up and made me feel, somehow, like home. God, how I love it.  The sky above us opened, which was interesting, because all I could see was gorgeous blue sky. The table umbrella was hidi...

It’s rainy and cold. Probably not for my Canadian friends but 40° is cold for this California girl so, for this post, it is cold. The drops are big, fat, squishy and coming down fast. A car goes past me as I sit here in my little refuge. It’s rare that I see a car since I am usually gone by 7am but I slept in a bit and at 9am the car passes. It’s a standard issue Subaru which is the Portland car of choice. There must be 3 for every other model.  The car stops, maybe 150 yards away, three people get out, each with their own umbrella, slowly, separately, they walk to their destination. It’s not far. As they reach the place that is calling their hearts, they stand still, but even in their stillness they are drawn together like magnets, edging closer and closer to each other until they look like a single entity, sheltering under their paltry protection. Are they seeking a barrier from the cold or is it deeper than that? Will the close proximity ease the pain of saying goodbye? There th...

Spring is showing up all over the place. We are excited to be experiencing it for the first time in Portland.  We've not only survived the winter but I'd even say we flourished. Every once in awhile one of us will ask the other, "Are you tired of the rain yet?". Thus far we've been able to say no.  I think much of that has to do with the fact that we left a 22 year long drought. One has to wonder when a drought stops being a drought and just becomes the new reality. Twenty-two years is a very long time. Those years of getting rid of lawn, picking plants carefully, pulling out established plants that suck down too much water and trying to create as much shade as possible to protect the tender beings trying to eke a life out of the ground, those years got old. Supposedly, up here in Portland we are also in a drought but it's all relative isn't it. We've spent the last 4 months where hardly a day goes by without some type of precipitation.  Happy happy! O...

A long day of looking at houses during a good rain. A job offer being thought over. Lots to consider.  We get home and I turn back around to walk the dog out in the “green space” across the street. My thoughts are all over the place. In fact, everywhere but in the spot I am in.  But then a light breeze captures my attention and I catch my breath. The universe is telling me to put my feet on the ground and be present. Noticing how my path is softened by the dried needles, I see them falling to the ground, cast out from their tall perches by a gentle breeze. Small brown flecks, some still glistening with the moisture that fell from the sky only minutes before. It was then I realized that I could hear it. The glorious sound of the wind in the pines breaks through my hearing loss and tells me to listen up. The dappled sunlight jumping across the golden path makes my heart squeeze with childlike delight. I am here, with a sweet natured 4 legged companion. What could possibly be bet...

Woke to this interesting wet stuff that has been so rarely seen at my other home that I almost forgot what to call it. I have always loved it. I hope I never tire of it even while in a place of abundance.  We need to relearn life with a dog in Portland. Teeny tiny apartment + big wet dog = muddy carpet. We will figure it out.   Still I will greet the new day in my usual spot, practicing my meditation, getting in touch with my feelings, remembering to breathe, experiencing wonder at the beauty, and working on good self talk. Today is not guaranteed. I will rejoice and be glad in it.   Happy Saturday to you.  Not sure why, but it is a big No/No to have an umbrella in Portland. A sure sign you are a tourist. Boy Scout took it to heart. The dog? She has no problem with the rain.

I must admit that thus far, aside from the one week heat dome, I am loving Portland. The nights are chilly and the days are moderate to warm. I am learning to take a sweater everywhere I go. There is a lot of overcast but, so far, it is a very high ceiling, unlike at home where the May, June and July gloom would sit within hands reach, if one would just stretch out a little further. I am a little nervous about the winter but am hopeful that I will adapt and keep a good attitude. I love rain. I have always loved rain but perhaps that is because Southern California gets so very little of it that it is a novelty. I don't think so though. Rain, to me, means life and renewal. It makes me happy. I'll check in with you sometime next April and let you know if I've had a change of heart. My hearing has taken a turn for the worse the past week and it is incredibly frustrating and a little scary. The Boy Scout seems a bit nervous about it too, as he has to deal with it day in and day ...

It is Thanksgiving eve and we are having a downpour. The total rain we have had so for is 0.21 inches FOR THE ENTIRE YEAR! We desperately need this rain. But tomorrow I am having 18 people come for a huge meal. My house is 900 sq. ft. I was counting on some outside access especially for the kidlets. Not sure how this is going to go but I'll put on my happy face and try to make the very best of it. The dogs, who are still trying to kill each other, are taken care of. Scruffy is going visiting with a lady who takes dogs in for a price. That way we don't have to worry about someone accidentally letting a dog loose. I would hate for the little ones to have to watch it. It's quite traumatizing. My boy from Portland is here with his partner and my boy from San Francisco will be here in a few short hours. Aside for the fact that they must stay in a leaky, cold garage, I am happy. My man is joyfully cooking. Wishing you a great day and a wonderful holiday if you are ...

We have had glorious rain and I am refreshed, my soul washed clean by it. The plants in my tropical garden surely are confused to have gone so long without a drop of this precious matter. It goes by many monikers; water, H2O, aqua, drink, dew, moisture....   Whatever you call it, we've got some and boy do we need it. The cities of Ventura and Santa Barbara have been under close watch with voluntary evacuations put in order. Not something we are taking lightly.  View from Grant Park - Cross This storm is almost over and tomorrow it is expected to be sunny and back into the 70° range. I will welcome a little bit of sun but have enjoyed this weather tremendously and wouldn't mind if it headed back out direction real quick. PS  I would be remiss if I didn't mention that on January 9, 2018 our local cities were digging out of horrific mudslides, not because we had an especially lot of rain that season but because we had had the terrible deforestation of Thomas f...

Rain!  We had rain last night! You may sit there and think I am crazy but it is so rare that we get rain that I do believe I should have gone out to do a rain dance....in the middle of the night...naked....to keep it coming. Ok, well I guess not but I am GRATEFUL. It wasn't much judging by my pair of work boots I accidentally left out but, all the same, I'll take it. Hope your Tuesday is spectacular!!!

Nothing to say, bruised and battered (figuratively) So I will be grateful: for the desire to change. for the knowledge that I am not crazy. for this incredible rain. for my conscience that tells me right from wrong. for the hard work I've done to get where I am. when the knot in my stomach eases. for remembering I have the ability to take care of myself.  for my body that encapsulates my soul and keeps me moving for a silly dog that can make me smile in bad times. for Mexican Food!!! the rain again. loving and wonderful kids. for Jacuzzis for a flawed man. for a good counselor. for the reminder that "GRATEFUL"  can change the day. did I mention rain? So the knot is smaller, more manageable. Have yourself a great day.

Got invited to go to my daughters counseling appointment yesterday. She is working so hard and I am so proud of her. My girl is an amazing thoughtful person who is so purposeful and diligent in her endeavors at being an excellent girlfriend, daughter, sister and friend. It was lovely to go and to recognize how much she loves me despite all of my failures and faults. I am blessed beyond measure to be loved that way and to be able to, finally, know how to return it fully.  One of the greatest gifts Al-Anon has given me is the ability to detach my personal value from just about everyone around me and allow me to love without conditions. My mothering skills, or lack of them, does not make me unlovable, it makes me human. Still my fear of many things get in the way of peace. But given some time, I am working those things out. Learning to recognize the difference between reactions and responses is my next goal. It's a sneaky one....one moment I feel so assured that I am in the ...

A picture from yesterdays golf game..my favorite hole. New Years resolution...continue last years and say yes. Feelings today....interesting.  I just kinda realized that I am seeing my siblings less and less. L and S, who are both older than me (and with whom I was once so close) continue to do things together as couples whenever they get a chance and I, or we, are rarely invited. Probably because they are so used to me saying no but also because they have developed common interests that I don't share. Not necessarily because I don't want to but because when my life went on hold, when everything was crazy in my house, their lives went on. They go on cruises together, they have kayaks and took swing dance classes together. It's alright...I am happy they are busy and having a good time but I do wish I was a bit busier and that my world was a bigger. Perhaps a new resolution? Feeling anxiety today for no particular reason so I am trying self care. Allowing myself to...

Rain, glorious rain. I'd forgotten what it looked like, what it smelled like. Beautiful beyond words. This little house I bought is now home to me, my Boy Scout, one French bulldog, two Clumber Spaniels and a tropical jungle full of plants. While having two big, hairy, white, outdoor dogs is much more conducive to dry climate, the garden has suffered since I purchased the place. Palms, ivies and fruit trees have done OK for the most part but the avocado tree and the delicate ferns, not so much. After receiving my first water bill in excess of $400.00, I had to cut back on usage (there's a drought here in California). Wednesday the tree trimmers will come and take out the giant avo tree which monopolizes the air space in the back yard. Hopefully, the other plants will start to thrive after it is gone and we will be able to start planning the landscaping. The Clumbers are leaving soon and I have very mixed emotions. When they moved in, it was out of necessity as my Boy ...