When Tomatoes Attack!

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes from 1978 is a delightful romp in movie making by folks who knew only some of what they need to know to make it a fully professional show and didn't have the money to do it anyway.  The show is a send-up of most every invasion and monster movie you've ever seen while taking time to potshot then recent hits like Jaws and Superman. The movie has three sequels, the first in 1987 and sadly by that time despite an earnestness of purpose and talented folks, the movie looks a whole lot like most other ironic monster movies which filled the VHS racks to supply the endless need of the home video user. There is a abundant use of sex to sell a show that is essentially cynical about its subject. That's not the case with the original. There is a genuine exhilaration at just making a movie which keeps this cheap little number from falling into the same ditch so many of its kind discover in the end.

The premise is pretty simple -- mutated tomatoes of our own making have attacked their creators and it's up to a few brave public servants to discover the full nature of the threat and stop it. The film has pros in it like Jack Riley and Eric Christmas, but the bulk of the story is carried forward by essentially amateurs. One of those amateurs is Stephen Peace who goes on to appear in other of the Tomato movies and who became a  California legislator for a time.

The show's biggest moment comes early when a helicopter crashes with a stunning realism. The reason it was real, a helicopter did crash in the middle of a scene and the camera kept rolling. No one was hurt, but it was hard to watch it and not thing someone did. The filmmakers just used it and it became a famous enough scene to get Jack Riley onto the Tonight Show and got Attack of the Killer Tomatoes some free publicity it could have never afforded otherwise. I imagine most folks have seen this one. But if you've only ever seen one of the sequels, I beseech you to seek out and enjoy the original. It's shoddy but filled with enthusiasm and more than a few laughs. It, unlike its descendants has a heart, a great big juicy red heart.

In 1988, the same team that created the first movie attempted a sequel titled Return of the Killer Tomatoes, and this time they had money. They also unwittingly had a budding superstar in George Clooney, who doesn't even play the romantic lead but his sidekick. 

The movie shows a world reeling still from the tomato wars and tomatoes are forbidden. But John Astin is a mad scientist named "Professor Mortimer Gangreen" who was at least in part responsible for the first attack. He's at it again, but this time he can make tomatoes into a people, or at least imitations. 

One such creation is "Tara Boumdeay" who rebels and takes her little tomato buddy F.T. (for Fuzzy Tomato) with her when she escapes. She finds comfort in the arms of "Chad Finletter", the nephew of the hero of the first tomato war. They fall in love and the rest is madness. The movie breaks the fourth wall often and even stops at one point to fund raise by using product placement. Clooney is Chad's best bud Matt, who is a lady killer of the first order. The old team from the first movie return as well to foil the schemes of Gangreen. 

In 1991 we are treated to the third installment in the series titles Killer Tomatoes Strike Back. The absurdity is dialed up even more, if that's possible. I really enjoyed this one as the story got weirder and the performances got broader in response. By the climax of the movie, the story has reached Warner Brothers cartoon parameters with logic giving way to visual gags over and over again. The story starts in a world again threatened by tomatoes, but this time they are rather like the Gremlins in that movie series, the size of softballs and hungry. 

Our hero is a cop played by Rick Rockwell who is a fool from the beginning, and he eventually teams up with a "Tomatologist" played by Crystal Carson. They are battling Professor Gangreen yet again, but this time he is using television to hypnotize the world to follow his orders. To do that he has created the identity of "Geronahew" ( Geraldo and Donahue blended to together) to take control by using a daytime talk show to spread his message. It's a crazy movie, but I have to say I enjoyed it, especially the after-movie reports. 

Professor Gangreen (John Astin again) and his assistant Igor (Steve Lundquist who has played the role in all three sequels) are up to no good again in 1992's Killer Tomatoes Eat France! This time they are assisted by tomatoes the size of soccer balls, each with a malicious look on his mug. The biggest difference is that the tomatoes can talk this time and have distinct personalities, all bad save for the F.T. who is once again on the side of right. Zolton, Viper and Ketchuk are the three main baddie tomatoes and according to sources are largely borrowed from the cartoon series derived from the movies at this point. 

The plot draws from the barest outlines of Alexander Dumas' The Man in the Iron Mask. Our hero is an American named Michael (Marc Price), and a French young woman named Marie (Angel Visser). As much as they try to recreate manic madness of the previous movie they fall short, though it does quite hectic. This is my least favorite of the four movies in the "Killer Tomato Trilogy". 

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Movie Knights - Monty Python And The Holy Grail!

This month-long look at movie and comics featuring sword-wielding types such as King Arthur and his cronies would not be complete without a shoutout to the greatest Camelot movie ever made, and that's the funniest flick in the history of flicks -- Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This is the absolute ideal marriage of material and talent, a cretinous bunch of over-educated British louts having a smack at the mightiest of British legends. The Pythons were excellent at pulling the pompous wool out of over-stuffed aspects of society and the hyper-serious considerations concerning the King Arthur legends were ripe for the predations of the Python clan. 

One thing that always bugs me a little when I squander my time watching a movie or reading a book or comic about kings and queens and knights and such is the easy acceptance on the part of all concerned of the absolute correctness of the situation at hand. A king is manifestly right because he is the son of the king before him and the nobility that maintain this hierarchy are showcased without qualm. 

Of course as modern people we know that such a social structure is inherently unfair to the vast majority of mankind and that in our more enlightened times we appear, on the surface at least, to desire structures which are fundamentally fairer and recognize the sameness of people. "Strong Men" come and eventually they go, but most see that dictatorship is not a long term solution to even the most heinous of social breakdowns. It's a patch at best and then of dubious value. For someone to ascend to the throne and ascribe that ascension to the handiwork of a god is outrageous to a truly modern mind. (Not that it doesn't stop some nutter from trying it on, as we've recently learned to our chagrin in my own United States.)

Monty Python and the Holy Grail is infused throughout with a good and proper disdain for royalty and that wisdom informs the smartest gags and bits directly. The whimsical debate between Arthur and the "peasant" Dennis at the beginning always gets a laugh from me and sets up the absurdity of much of the rest of the movie. Later we "nobles" doing all manner of things which people are not supposed to do and assuming it right simply because they have a particular bloodline. But likewise rank stupidity of the common man is set afire time and again as the people are show to possess little true critical thinking power in a universe riddled with superstition. 

Monty Python and the Holy Grail is an excellent movie for our times because it's about our times and not the mythic kingdom of Camelot, but rather the hectic world of modern London and beyond. 

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Ice Princess!

My daughter is the one who convinced me I needed to see the movie I, Tonya. I admit that since it starred Margot Robbie, an actress I have immense respect for after seeing her in great roles in the last few years, it was a relatively easy push, but left on my own I'd likely have not gotten around to this one. But let me say, it's a darn great flick. (It also stars Sebastian Stan so if you like we have a clever crossover for comics fans -- Harley Quinn and Bucky Barnes in the same movie.) This is comedy of the darkest sort, a smart movie which does its due diligence and tells us a version of the famous "incident" which thrust skaters Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan into the spotlights beyond the relatively obscure realm of figure skating. But it's much more than that too.

This is a movie with real villains, but mostly it's about cracked people filled with conflicted emotions and grim desires who try to find some sunshine in a world which gives them little beyond clouds and rain. It's about people who desperately want love, but because of the nature of their raising and the dark contours of their souls are unable accept and hold onto what little love they find. It's like all great movies, it's not just about something that happened once upon a time in America, but it's about all of us and how we're all in this show together and we need to be on mark for one another. It could be me, it could be you. This is the smartest movie I've seen in a long, long time. See it if you haven't.

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The Not-Quite-A-Bond Movie!

In the now quite deep James Bond canon the offbeat 1967 Casino Royale is a novelty of the highest order. If you like your movie adventures shaken with absurdity and not stirred by actual real suspense then this might be the Bond movie for you. I enjoy it well enough, but watching it is always more of an act of beholding a pop-art piece than falling into the throes of a sweeping spy flick. The story just doesn't cling together in any way which might allow a viewer to get swept away, the movie always brings you up short and reminds you that all of the farce which is writhing on the screen is not for a moment intended to elevate your endorphins, save for the bits which feature some beautiful dames, and the movie does that splendidly.

For those who might not know what Casino Royale is, let me try to explain. The world is threatened and all of the usual spies have been taken off the board because they have become overly consumed with sexual antics. The leaders of the spy world convene to bring back the original James Bond (David Niven) who is quite prudish and effete, the very opposite of the classic manly Bond type. He investigates the near immediate demise of the spy leaders and gets caught up in an absurd scheme to stop him which involves pretty girls (who are led by Deborah Kerr) and pheasants. He lives. Then we find out that there are other "James Bonds" in the world and  we end up with Peter Sellers as a James Bond who is trying to bring down Le Chiffre (Orson Welles) in a card game with the help of Vesper Lynd (a gorgeous Ursula Andress) and meanwhile the love Matta Bond (Joanna Pettit -the daughter of Niven's Bond and Matta Hari) investigates behind Soviet lines in Germany, and Jimmy Bond (Woody Allen) is on the run in a South American country. Along the way we meet Moneypenny (the ravishing Barbare Bouchet) and someone called the Detainer (the lovely Daliah Lavi) and others. Add in cameos by John Huston, Charles Boyer, William Holden, and George Raft and you get the idea. Actually it all makes much less sense than the paragraph I just wrote.

The movie had at least four directors and took literally years to create. It cost a fortune as producer Charles K. Feldman lavished money and time on the project. Peter Sellers apparently cracked up during the film and was kicked off, which was what inspired the creators to make it into the exotic romp it is. The finale is an event which evokes the later work of Mel Brooks.

Casino Royale ain't really a good movie and it ain't a bad one. But it is a curiosity, a museum piece from an era when spies were all the rage and movies were spectacles. This one is all of that. I used to dislike this movie for what it wasn't, but now I enjoy it for what it is. That's one way.

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The Phynx!

I had never heard of the movie The Phynx until I stumbled across its description at Turner Classic Movies. It described the movie as a spoof of spy films and hearkening from 1970 I thought it might be worth my time. It was and it wasn't.

I am not going to waste a lot of my time writing up a detailed summary of the movie. This review does it quite nicely with a good level of detail if you don't mind spoilers. But I do want to comment generally on what stood out from this bomb of a movie.

It seems to be a film shout out to The Monkees, a pop band is conscripted by the United States secret services to infiltrate Albania to rescue a mob of vintage celebrities who have been kidnapped for exceedingly unclear reasons. The movie purports to be a farce and perpetrates some of the most unfunny comedy I've seen on the screen in some time. Off and on through the movie The Phynx (the band itself) sing some of their music and it as listless and lifeless as any pop music you've ever encountered. There is much jumping about and even an implied orgy or two, but eventually the band get to Albania and encounter the "celebrities" who are held captive. It's gaggle of old fogies but salted in among them are a few who are of interest to this writer and folks with a pulp sensibility.

Johnny Weismuller is on hand as is his old jungle mate Maureen O'Sullivan and the pair do a shout out to their olden days as the number one jungle couple which comes across as one of the few genuinely sweet moments in a dreary movie. Also of note is the Lone Ranger (John Hart) and Tonto (Jay Silverheels) and Silverheels gets off my favorite line of the movie when he retorts to the Ranger's decision to sally forth and protect the mob that it's the stupidest dang thing he's heard. Great stuff and Silverheels steady and reliable voice is at once recognizable and still able to carry off a choice bit of sarcasm. For all the inherent flaws in the relationship between the Ranger and Tonto, it was always the dignified way Silverheels carried himself which made the thing work as well as it did and limited the cringe-worthy moments even in the modern day.

But aside from these brief highlights this is a dumbfounding mess of a movie which apparently was so obvious at the time of its impending release that it got a a very limited one and has been held hostage itself for decades, escaping to dvd only a few years ago. It's truly an awful movie, but as a curiosity it has some interest.

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