Such A Tankless Task

Roll Out The Barrel

The British Army is reportedly testing secret technology which makes tanks and troops invisible. The Ministry of Defence revealed they made a vehicle seem to completely disappear in trials last week. A soldier present at the trials said: "I looked across the fields and just saw grass and trees - but in reality I was staring down the barrel of a tank gun." The highly secret trials were conducted by the Royal Engineers and scientists from specialist researchers QinetiQ. The system uses cameras and projectors to beam images captured from the surrounding landscape on to a specially-adapted tank coated with silicon to maximise their reflective qualities. The result is that the naked eye sees only the view which is behind the tank.

FOOTNOTE: Here today, gone today.

Sitting On Defence

Take That Helicopter Away, You Scoundrel

A British family is suing the Ministry of Defence for 200,000 pounds after a helicopter containing servicemen ogling a sunbathing au pair blew down part of their mansion. Hovering too close to the sprawling East Sussex mansion, the down-draught so badly damaged a 7m conservatory - the winner of an architectural prize in 2000 - that it needs to be pulled down. The ministry says the fliers could not have caused the damage, but George family barristers say the crew did not have permission to descend below 30metres.

FOOTNOTE: Hover crafty.