Showing posts with label 1970s. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 1970s. Show all posts

Monday, November 3, 2025

There's Got To Be a Morning After (so why not make it a sequel?)

 


The Poseidon Adventure is a masterpiece: a big, bawdy disaster flick with committed movie stars dressed to the nines navigating huge set pieces until they hear the sweet chords of 1972's Best Original Song. What more can you ask for?



Well, a sequel, apparently. 

Quick Plot: Indebted tugboat captain Mike (Michael Caine, or as I know want to think of him, Mike Caine) is having a tough time navigating some stormy waters with a small cargo load. His second mate Wilbur (Karl Malden!) has picked up a clumsy but cute hitchhiker Celeste (Sally Field!!) right in time to discover the overturned remains of the SS Poseidon. 


Mike is a practical man. Having lost some pricey containers, he knows the bank is about to take Jenny (yes, the boat's name is Jenny which is also Forrest Gump's boat's name which also starred Sally Field and who needs 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon now?). Mike and Wilbur decide to invoke their salvage rights to scour the Poseidon for some valuables, though they're soon joined by a shifty group of Greek medics who are hungry to save some lives. Considering their leader is Telly Savalas(!!!), it's as hard for Mike as it is for the audience to trust their good faith. 


Once on board, the teams split up to search for their respective goals. Mike's group quickly gathers a few survivors: angry retired army sergeant dad Peter Boyle!!!! and his daughter, his daughter's handsome Iowan farmer savior (baby Mark Harmon*), a kindly and efficient nurse (Shirley Jones), a drunken Texas billionaire (Slim Pickens), and a middle-aged woman (Shirley Knight) who refuses to leave her blind husband (Jack Warden).


*My keyboard has run out of exclamation points.

As you suspect, Telly Savalas's crew have less-than-noble intentions, making Mike's gold-hungry hunting seem admirable by comparison. As Mike slowly warms to the idea of helping save lives, the other group finds what they were really looking for: crates of firearms and a batch of plutonium. 


Oh, and did I mention THIS BOAT IS SINKING?

Like many sequels to huge hits, Beyond the Poseidon Adventure tries to cover its predecessor's greatest hits. Instead of a doubtful swimming record, we get different accounts of personal achievement in the long jump. A slippery ladder is contractually obligated to reappear. The oldest character makes a heroic sacrifice to save others. And so on. 


Much in the vein of The Lost World to Jurassic Park, Beyond the Poseidon Adventure was commissioned to original novelist Paul Gallico as a book sequel to the film that differed from his book in order to provide the material for a film sequel. As one might expect, that kind of warped timeline doesn't necessarily yield the finest screenplay. 

Irwin Allen, who had produced the first film, moved into the director's chair here. His touch is a few steps below Ronald Neame's, never quite capturing the sheer grandiosity of the disaster at hand. Instead of understanding just how terrifying being trapped in a capsized ship can be, we get axe murders and a shootout.
 


It was probably impossible to match the energy of The Poseidon Adventure. Ultimately, this film really does sit in the same, expected space as Home Alone 2 and Die Harder with the usual foibles of trying to recapture lightning in an expensive but leaking bottle. Still, the utter '70s of it has a certain charm that's hard to resist.


High Points

She's not given the best material, but by golly is Sally Field adorable in what could have been a very annoying role




Low Points

Even with a cast this stacked, the basic truth that these are people who LITERALLY boarded a sinking ship, so much of the actual horror seems a bit muted. The straggling survivors don't even seem to be THAT bothered by the fact that they've been trapped in the middle of the ocean for a full day




Lessons Learned

Never confuse an arms dealer with an impotent terrorist


Being trapped under a sinking luxury liner for a few hours gives one plenty of time to think about the future




Enormous boat disasters merit just one round of coast guard rescues


Advertising At Its Best

I recorded this movie off TCM, which occasionally sprinkles in some commercials for its various themed offshoots, including a Disney-sponsored luxury cruise liner with classic movie stars and screenings. I can't quantify just how much joy it brings me to inform you that this commercial airs before a movie about, you know, a luxury cruise liner sinking into disaster




Rent/Bury/Buy

Beyond the Poseidon Adventure is many, many decks below the perfection of The Poseidon Adventure. It's a bit shrill and very messy, but I can't say I wasn't entertained by the sheer bigness of it. Those curious probably won't be bored, so as long as you go in with low expectations, you'll likely have a good enough time. 

Monday, September 1, 2025

This Traffic Is Killer

 


They don't make 'em like they used to.

The "'em" in this case is obviously made-for-TV movies. We have LOTS, but there's something about the way 1970s America gave us these overly ambitious, incredibly dramatic and perfectly timed for commercial breaks features that just has an incredible charm. 

Quick Plot: It's a busy July 4th on the titular California Interstate 5. On this particular holiday in 1976, a 39-car pileup will take the lives of 14 motorists. 



These are their stories.

Well, about a dozen of those involved IN said pile-up. After an incredibly impressive opening stunt on par with the opening of Final Destination 2, Smash-Up On Interstate 5 turns the clock back 48 hours to tell us just how we got here, zooming in a few of the drivers who will meet some dramatic fate. It's a very '70s disaster movie collection that includes:

- June (Harriet Nelson) and Al (Buddy Ebsen), an adorable elderly couple trying to make the most out of June's impending cancer



- a gang of bikers who try to assault -
- Erica (Vera Miles), a later-in-life divorcee trying to find her way and stumbling upon a ridiculously romantic doctor-turned-trucker 


- Penny and Pete, a runaway couple who hitch a ride with Lee before turning a gun on him but killing -


- a baby-faced Tommy Lee Jones as Officer Hutton, who widows his young wife just as she gives birth the to child he'll never meet


- his brother-in-law and sergeant Sam (Robert Conrad), who wants to marry nurse Laureen (Donna Mills), who refuses to do so because Sam could die on the road and leave her a widow like her sister


Got all that? 

Based on the novel Expressway, Smash-Up On Interstate 5 feels unusual today, but probably fit quite well in the epic disaster era of its time. It's a star-studded ensemble piece that culminates in a giant action sequence and a surprising body count. To call director John Llewellyn Moxey a television veteran is like saying Cal Ripken Jr. had good attendance. This is a man whose career spanned four decades, including The Night Stalker and EIGHTEEN episodes of Murder, She Wrote. Not all heroes make it to the big screen.

But they can still wear capes


In truth, I'm not really sure what Smash-Up is trying to do as a movie. There's a certain kind of human discovery in getting to know a variety of strangers whose lives will be fundamentally changed (and maybe even ended) in just a matter of hours by a sheer mechanical accident. The day-to-day, how-we-got-here works better for some stories than others. I would have happily watched a full movie centered on June and Al navigating their relationship in the face of disease, while the troubled-runaway-meets-even-more-troubled-murderer did little for me (and this is technically a horror blog). 


So why even write about it here, you might ask? Well, the odds are somewhat higher that I'll meet my fate at the hands of a bad driver than masked machete-wielding supernaturally gifted maniac, so on that front, Smash-Up IS scary. And you know what? So is being a middle-aged divorcee fighting off the advances of Herb Edelman.



High Points
Seriously, Ebsen and Nelson are so touching as a couple with decades of love and the knowledge that things are about to end. It makes you understand why this kind of storytelling was so popular. When it works, it really, really works

Low Points
Maybe it's just the current state of the country, but the cop stuff (which takes up a significant amount of screentime) is far less interesting than the rest. Even the sheer manipulation of a woman giving birth while her dutiful policeman husband is gunned down summoned more of an eyeroll than frown





Lessons Learned
They don't teach screaming in lamaz

Nothing brings a couple back together like a smash-up!

Never accept a ride from Bad Ronald, even if you're fully armed



The Winning Line
[upon hearing hubby Al tapping out some Chopin on the piano] "You played that the first time we made love!"

I knew Buddy Ebsen was talented, but the ability to play a nocturne while having sex? That's coordination!




Rent/Bury/Buy
Smash-Up On Interstate 5 is far from a classic, but I found it quite entertaining. It's currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

Monday, June 30, 2025

Gaslight (White Diamonds Edition)

 


Every time I move, I play the mathematical nightmare game of trying to figure out what I should be doing about cable. Anyone younger than me may be googling the definition of ‘cable.’ Those older are just asking, “Spectrum or Optimum?” Those in between wonder about Fios. 


Sometimes it is a bit of a mind boggle to realize how many languages this particular moment in time is speaking without realizing they’re different. We are our own Tower of Babel, a precarious stack of cable boxes atop routers spewing out cut cords like dead vines. 



Inevitably, because I am now officially old, I flirt with such things as Hulu Live or YouTube TV and realize in the end, I’m just going to keep that darned fossil of a cable box…though now a smaller pebble that makes my RoKu look like overweight.


All this is to say that with my ridiculously overpriced cable plan (look, a lifelong baseball fan will almost always be stuck giving in to the network gods) I now get TCM (Turner Classic Movies, for the younglings). And that means I have constant access to film classics that are often hard to find or more specifically, hard to remember that I want to find them. So when something in the genre hits that digital guide, it’s a safe bet that I’m going to make that $10.99 DVR do its job.



Quick Plot: Ellen Wheeler is the kind of glamorously wealthy English(?)woman who sleeps in full makeup and drinks brandy from fine glassware in a sprawling garden estate. She also looks a lot like Elizabeth Taylor.



There's been a lot of talk in the last few years about what it means to be a movie star, and how that kind of categorization has been dying out in an age of 21st century media. I disagree with the sentiment (Florence Pugh, Michael B. Jordan, Sydney Sweeney to name a few new ones). Still, when those unusual violet eyes catch the film’s lighting in such a way that you get an all-out diamond sparkle, you kind of understand the phrase "the camera loved her.”


But the world doesn't seem to love Ellen. A few years earlier, her husband died in a car crash. That's sad, but it's a harsher memory when his passenger was a much younger, also dead mistress.



Ellen moved on well enough to remarry, but things seem tense between new husband John. One night, during a chaotic storm, Ellen spots a dead body sitting in front of the window of the abandoned house next door. The police are summoned to predictably find no sign of foul play, and John is doubtful of his wife’s state of mind. Much like every beautifully wealthy British(?sure) woman of her time, Ellen is recovering from a nervous breakdown.



Bestie Sarah (genre all-star Billie Whitelaw) is visiting and quickly sides with John, which only fuels Ellen’s fury. There are also shady psychiatrists, mysterious gardeners, finely worded paperwork, and all the other details you look for in this kind of story. 



Based on a successful play, Night Watch was directed by Brian G. Hutton, better known for war movies like Kelly’s Heroes. He seems a good fit for this material and cast. The story feels like a rather straight British mansion mystery, but the film never feels as if it was confined to a stage. Part of that is the pure star power of Elizabeth Taylor, but it’s also the simple joy of a raging thunderstorm and heavy classical score. We use the word “cozy” to describe a lot of mysteries these days, even when they involve homicide. Night Watch seems to have that same perfect mood.




High Points

I wasn’t terribly surprised at the film’s second-to-last reveal, but I was fairly shocked at the level of violence and pure viciousness in the primary act(s) of violence. It takes Night Watch to a brutal place I didn’t see coming, and it makes the denouement that much more chilling in its own eerie way




Low Points

I’ll be a little vague here as to avoid spoilers, but I do wonder if the film needed just a hair more of one character’s chronic betrayal to better tie things together



Lessons Learned

Everything is bigger and better in Spain


Dead bodies are easier to cope with than dead husbands


Ulcers and golf make for a terrible combination


Rent/Bury/Buy

There are certainly better versions of this kind of tale than Night Watch, but I still had a fantastic time with its twists and turns (even if a clever viewer could probably call most of them out early on). Elizabeth Taylor commands the screen and leads us into a gloriously satisfying finale. If you’re experiencing any kind of itch that only a 1973 British mystery can scratch, this one will feel great. 

Monday, July 8, 2024

Definitely Not Square


I've had a fairly disappointing run with newer genre movies as of late. When in doubt, head to the 1970s!

Monday, August 1, 2022

Little Orphan Mary

 


Has there ever been a film duo more perfect than Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing? 




You don't have to answer. We know. 


Quick Plot: A trio of older, incredibly wealthy Brits are murdered in careful manners that leave their cause open to accident or suicide. Meanwhile, a school bus filled with sinfully noisy Scottish orphans is derailed, perhaps by a justifiably grumper driver, perhaps as a continuation of the conspiracy, or maybe because one of the injured is Mary Harb, the daughter of an infamous murderess. 



Mary is recovering under the care of Dr. Peter Haynes, a caring psychiatrist who senses his young patient is in grave danger. Lucky for everyone, his supervisor Mark is played by Peter Cushing so naturally, Mark's best pal is a semi-retired but very competent Col. Bigham and obviously, he's gloriously inhabited by the towering perfection that is the late Christopher Lee.



Bingham knows that so many related untimely deaths are no mere coincidence. As he continues his investigation, Dr. Haynes strikes up a gratifying (in multiple ways) relationship with Joan Foster, a journalist working to explore the story of Mary's birth mother, Anna Harb. 



A glorious angry redhead ex-con, Anna wants her child back and might be willing to murder a few other orphans and doctors to do so. Or maybe these charitable millionaires have some homicidal plans of their own. It's a mystery!



A delightful one, to be sure. Based on John Blackburn's novel and directed by Countess Dracula (and more excitingly, I Don't Want to Be Born!)'s Peter Sasdy, Nothing But the Night is a crafty little thriller filled with dynamic characters and sharp twists. Even the score makes for a jaunty watch, playfully toying with children's tunes one moment then smoothing out a sexy saxophone to amp the romance in the next. 


I won't spoil the weird, wonderful ending, but it must have been a shock in 1973. It may have even given a certain celebrated comedian-turned-great-horror-filmmaker a few good ideas. With that and the Cushing/Lee blessing, I'm fairly shocked that Nothing But the Night doesn't seem to have the fanbase it deserves. 



Maybe it's the contemporary setting, or that this isn't an official Hammer studio production, or that the horror seems to lean more into mystery novel than supernatural for most of its run. Whatever the reason, it ends today: Nothing But the Night is a surprising little joy. Go get it. 


High Points

Perhaps it's that Brian Hayles' screenplay has a whole novel to pull from, but it's incredibly refreshing to see how almost all of the adult characters are so clearly drawn and fully fleshed out in a story-heavy 90-minute film. Granted, all Christopher Lee really needs to do is show up and the audience is enthralled by his very presence, but his Bingham is somehow immediately recognizable, while Georgia Brown's Joan and Keith Barron's Peter create fully dynamic professionals whose brief chemistry helps to make a quick subplot pop




Low Points

How is it possible to throw in a reference of a famous triple murder but never actually explain the details? And yes, really, I'm just formally requesting a prequel about the glorious Anna Harb




Lessons Learned

A prostate gland treatment is hardly the end of the world


12 is a perfectly adequate amount of men



"Scattergun" and "knocking pen" are very common American terms (that I've personally never heard in my apparently not-so-American life)


Rent/Bury/Buy

At the time I watched Nothing But the Night, it was on but leaving Amazon Prime. I would imagine it's since moved to another streaming site, so do some Googling and grab it. You won't be disappointed.