Witchy Woman (with a great name)

If you can find a name that's more fun to say than "Baba Yaga," then I suppose I'll have to change the prosed title of my future kitten. 

Quick Plot: Valentina is an independent-minded photographer living in Milan. After leaving a party and turning down the shockingly restrained sexual advances of George Eastman, she nearly gets hit by a car when trying to save a stray dog (INSTANT CHARACTER LIKABILITY ESTABLISHED). Out of the car emerges a mysterious, sexy blond who goes by the totally common name "Baba Yaga."

Before you can realize the actress playing Baba Yaga is none other than the evil grandma in Kindergarten Cop, Valentina begins to have strange, eerie dreams about bottomless holes, witchy seduction, and for less clear reasons, Nazis. 

Real life doesn't get any more normal, especially after Valentina visits Baba in her antique-filled home. It's there where she finds what has to be one of my favorite film dolls, and guys, that's REALLY saying something.

Baba gifts the porcelain leather-clad dominatrix to Valentina, who soon has even stranger nightmares as one of her regular models becomes ill at the sight of it. It doesn't take a genius to guess that Baba Yaga is some form of ancient witch keen on making the beautiful Valentina into a companion. 

Written and directed by Corrado Farina, Baba Yaga was based on a series of European comic books, which most likely explains why still images are used throughout in a sort of panel-ish way. It certainly fits the kind of story that involves a doll coming alive to assist a centuries old witch. There's some wonderfully weird sexiness to be found in Baba Yaga, but it takes a good deal of patience to enjoy. Despite boasting George Eastman and a whole lot of bizarro dream sequences loaded with nudity, this is a film that takes its time to toy with atmosphere rather than story. Not much happens, and when it does, it happens quite slowly. 

I didn't love Baba Yaga, and had I been in a different mood, I honestly might not have liked it THAT much. A movie with a dominatrix doll should instantly top my list of "HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE?" classics, but this one was more, "oh, so that's where they're going with that." Enjoyable, but far from dominatrix doll mind-blowing.

High Points

Second only to the trying on clothes montage, fashion shoot montages never fail to make me scream "FASHION SHOOT MONTAGE" at my scream with glee

Valentina is a refreshingly awesome lead, taking full control over her sexuality, making political stands through her art, and, you know, saving a dog from danger

Low Points

Sadly I don't know that the odd atmosphere was quite captivating enough to fight through some of the film's overall boredom (and yes, I realize I say this about a film that includes two topless women boxing in a dream sequence)

Lessons Learned

Snoopy is, in his own way, quite anti-establishment

Fog can be a huge turn-on for some women

Few henchwomen are quite so loyal--or breakable--as reanimated porcelain dolls

Rent/Bury/Buy

Like most releases from Blue Underground, Baba Yaga comes fully loaded with interviews and other special features, so collectors will certainly get their money's worth with a purchase. That being said, this movie is not for everyone. The pacing is slow but doesn't necessarily build up to a grand climax, and while there is certainly some pretty neat imagery, I don't know that all of it adds up to a truly satisfying conclusion. This is the kind of film I'd like to revisit some time down the line to see if it sticks better on second viewing. 

A True HOOT-Done It!

When an '80s slasher opens on the kind of frenetic Broadway dance performance that makes Sylvester Stallone's sweat-drenched solo in Staying Alive look classy, something called love happens in my heart.

Welcome to Stage Fright.

Quick Plot: A snooty and intense theatre director is torturing his cast with one last rehearsal before opening night of their “intellectual musical.” What are they rehearsing? Why, only THE GREATEST STAGE PERFORMANCE OF ALL TIME.

There's a man with a giant owl headpiece. And he dances. A lot.

I think he dances about rape? Or prostitution? Or about being raped, because seriously: what prostitute is NOT going to want to rape the dancing man dressed like an owl?

It's more amazing than something as limiting as words can describe, so just go with it and I'll get to the murdering.

After the leading lady sprains her ankle, she and the wardrobe mistress head to the nearest mental asylum for a wrap-up. There they learn that the famed Irving Wallace, legendary actor turned serial killer, is admitted as a patient. Before you can say 'Macbeth' in a theater to piss off annoyingly superstitious actors, Wallace has tracked the ladies back to the now-locked-from-the-inside theatre to shed some blood, where the overzealous director is doing an 11th hour restaging to properly take advantage of his show's newfound infamy.

Cue figurative AND literal axings!

It’s not long before the bodies start piling up mid-rehearsal. Our murderer is refreshingly creative, utilizing everything from hunting knives to drill bits. If you, like me, have spent long nights dreaming of the day you’d see an owl man tear through snooty theater directors with a chainsaw, I don’t know that there could possibly be a better choice out there than Stage Fright.

Directed by Michael Soavi (The Church), Stage Fright is a fairly standard slasher enriched by a fair amount of fun theater tricks. A few hunt scenes offer some genuine tension, while the basic ‘there’s a killer dressed like a giant owl’ trick simply gets me every time. Soavi gets some good pokes in surprising places, like framing real blood oozing over a spilled jar of red stage paint or focusing the camera on our final girl as she watches her understudy get knifed an inch from her face. 

And when in doubt, there’s neon workout gear, dummy violence, and a MAN DRESSED LIKE AN OWL DOING BALLET.

I’m a fan.

High Notes

Though I sometimes have a problem with the electro-techno soundtrack style so popular in ‘80s Italian horror, it’s used quite well here and not JUST because one song bears a ridiculously strong resemblance to the music played when Sarah first enters the labyrinth in a little movie you might have seen called Labyrinth

Low Notes

Michael Soavi’s direction is about as good as it can possibly be. The problems with Stage Fright are found in the by-the-numbers script, one that produces virtually no surprises in plot development or character quirks

Lessons Learned

It’s surprisingly easy to knock someone’s head off with one axe swing

On the flip side, turning a key in a lock can be exceedingly difficult

Grizzled janitors like to bet their bottom dollars, just like Annie

The Winning Line

“Your character will no longer be an anoynmous owl”

Based on what I know about actors, this is pretty much a synonym for ‘living the dream’

Rent/Bury/Buy

Stage Fright is far from a masterpiece, but it’s a darn good time. Sure, it’s technically a typical ‘80s slasher, but the theater angle makes it infinitely more interesting than your regular hack ‘em up. The DVD from Blue Underground is fairly bare bones, but it still includes INTERPRETIVE DANCING BY A MAN DRESSED LIKE AN OWL. In other words, why WOULDN’T you seek out this film?

And one day, you too shall be a great witchhunter!

Ever watch a film that in no way embodies its reputation? You see a title like “Mark of the Devil,” spot Udo Kier in the cast, and knowingly eye the cover art featuring a pretty blond having her tongue cut out. Internet research reveals this was advertised with a William Castle-ish campaign complete with complimentary barf bags with every ticket purchase. If you’re like me, you pretty much assume the next 90 minutes will be spent with cheap period costumed bosoms, lots of burnings at the stake and eventually, silly dallyings with Satan himself.

You know what they say about assuming.

Quick Plot: In the 18th century (or so), priestly witch hunters devote their lives (or more fittingly, the lives of a whole lot of unlucky villagers) to purging the lands of the devil, mostly by imprisoning random citizens and inflicting ungodly methods of torture until they nod blankly at the suggestion of working for the devil, only to then be beheaded in front of TV-less townspeople who love a good show. 

This particular cleansing occurs in a regular old European town ruled by Albino, a scarred and cruel man who resembles a period-era Geoffrey Rush after being left out in the sun for too long. Like most witch hunters, Albino uses his power to randomly execute locals to suit his needs, even having the jerkitude to accuse a nice young bar wench for spurning his oily advances. Things seem to look brighter at the arrival of Lord Cumberland, the world’s most revered and feared enemy of Satan, and his fluffy assistant (Udo Kier! dubbed). 

Too bad ‘better’ lasts as far as slapping the smarm out of Albino before then returning to even crueler methods of torture.

Although nun tongues are severed, limbs stretched, and bodies burned at the stake, Mark of the Devil is hardly trashy exploitation. The production values are top notch, with gorgeous cinematography that paints a postcard-like landscape and kinetic camerawork that plays with perspective. A few background searches (plus gloriously Kierish special features) reveal a rather tumultuous filming process, with a director replacement and constant script revisions. Am I crazy for not seeing this?

What I’m trying to say is Mark of the Devil is a genuinely fine film. Hammer quality history with more discipline and patience, plus the rather nihilistic nerve to end in a frustrating, yet fitting way that defies your general expectations. 

High Points

In a film seeped with seriousness, a side story involving confused executioners and impressive marionettes is a hilarious and welcome diversion

Have there ever been such memorable faces sharing the screen as the executioner and indictment writer? These mugs could make roses wilt

Low Points

For a movie that wore its grisliness on a promotional barf bag, the final revolt is disappointingly tame

Lessons Learned

Rabbits don’t eat meat, but they do make fairly adorable marionettes

In order to avoid being accused of mating with Satan, avoid being rich, pretty, or good with puppets

In the 18th century, the only cure for impotence was rape

Rent/Bury/Buy

Perhaps my expectations were simply in the minor leagues, but Mark of the Devil felt like a genuine all-star film, odd considering its troubled history, dual directorship and dubbed awkwardness. Some of the camerawork is truly innovative and the story keeps you intrigued throughout the brisk 100 minute running time. Blue Underground put out a top notch DVD complete with a very frank commentary and a basketful of interviews with the cast (including a hilarious Udo Kier). It’s an easy rental with possible buy potential.