Michael Ironside Can Visit Me Any Hour

Why does MIchael Ironside headline so few films? 

Why does Michael Ironside wear women's makeup in so few films?

Why does Michael Ironside wear a pleather tank top in so few films?

Why is this world such a poorly managed place?

Quick Plot: A feminist newswoman named Deborah (Lee Grant) earns some press when she grills the lawyer who prosecuted a battered wife who killed her abusive husband. Later that evening, Deborah comes home to find a shirtless Michael Ironside wearing her costume jewelry and waving a knife over her heart. 

Deborah is sent to a general hospital and put in the care of Sheila, a single mother nurse who does double duty at a woman's shelter. What neither woman realizes is that Ironside's Colt is a serial killer who stalks and slays women that catch his interest.

Visiting Hours was once classified as a video nasty, which is irritatingly ridiculous. Watching it today, the actual violence is quite tame, leaving more to the imagination than you'd expect. Despite being about a raging misogynist who slaughters strong women, the film contains no nudity, hardly any gore, and carefully filmed violence that has far greater effect for not being exploitive. A pseudo-rape scene, for example, never lingers over the victim's body lecherously. It's a great exercise in restraint that makes Visiting Hours feel positively classy (not nasty). 

Okay, so there's this, but trust me!

The film was written by Brian Taggart, whose genre credits include a random assortment of television and films like The Spell, Omen IV, Poltergiest III, V, and the made-for-TV remake of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. Director Jean-Claude Lord has a long resume, though few (that I can tell) genre credits. It’s quite a shame, since Visiting Hours is indeed a uniquely well-crafted thriller that does almost everything right.

There's also something to admire about the strong female characters, not a trait you found readily in '80s killer thrillers. As Sheila, Linda Purl (probably better known to modern audiences as Pam Beesly's mom and Michael Scott's ex) conveys a realistic balance of likable innocense and common motherly sense. Sure, she probably shouldn't run home without that reluctant cop when she suspects a killer's playing house there, but you believe her earnestness at that point and become genuinely invested in her fate. Lee Grant's Deborah isn't a perfectly defined character (see Low Points) but she has a certain Dee Wallace-in-The-Howling quality that makes you respect this professional woman's dedication to her beliefs.

But the real star of Visiting Hours has Sides of Iron, and his contribution can't be underrated. The fact that he barely says two sentences in a row yet still conveys so much presence speaks strongly to Michael Ironside's performance, making the character's Energizer Bunny-like determination to assassinate his targets all the more powerful. 

 Also, he wears a pleather tanktop in one scene and an argyle sweater vest the next. Now THAT'S versatility!

High Points

I won't argue that I'm not biased--my love of Michael Ironside is legendary to listeners of Girls On Film--but I do objectively feel that he gives a superb performance. The man's face is obviously custom-made to this kind of role, but Ironside goes a step farther by making Colt both a sociopath and child of abuse. It's actually quite understated

This is an odd 'high point' to explain, but I shall try: the sexual aspect of Visiting Hours' violence is handled incredibly well. A lesser film would have used several chances to toss in a few boobs or worse, gone more conventionally brutal with the attacks. But that's not who Colt is. As we learn from his surviving victim, he's impotent and therefore not interested in the sexuality of his female victims, but in their strength. It's a much more complex topic than you typically see in a serial killer thriller, and I appreciated it.

Low Points

I understand that Deborah's main position as a political newscaster is anti-violence, but this quirk seems so shoe-horned in to make Visiting Hours end on a kind of Straw Dogs 'we're all killers' note that simply isn't necessary

Random AMC Pacer Alert!

The vehicle of choice for single mom nurses everywhere

Lessons Learned

Even crimped hair and hot pink high-waisted jeans aren't enough to arouse some men

Sleeping in the nude can be slightly inconvenient, especially if you're babysitting small children or expecting a serial killer to break in

Too much loose living causes gallstones 

Hospital pudding can be quite tasty, at least if you're William Shatner

Random Observation

When the subject of criminal sketch artists arises, I often find myself confused. I can't remember what color hair a person has, much less describe in detail where his or her cheekbones sit with enough accuracy to produce an accurate portrait. That being said, Michael Ironside has a pretty unique face and had any police department employee with a notebook and pencil asked, I imagine every female character in the film could have given a full-bodied driver's license photo!

Rent/Bury/Buy

It's a shame that Lord didn't make more genre films, as Visiting Hours is by far and away a cut above most of what I associate with this type of story. The characters are well-constructed by good writing and solid performances, making the plot twists believable even when they shouldn't be. The film is streaming on Netflix and has just received a long-delayed DVD release (on a dual disc with Bad Dreams, no less) so check it out if you enjoy a good cat-and-mouse hunt or if like me, you just enjoy Michael Ironside in pleather.

Marcia Marcia Marcia!

It must be hard to be the ugly twin. Humans are insecure enough without the constant reminder that someone with all the same potential is using it in a better way. Likewise, Hollywood is often prone to birthing a pair of fraternal films that share a unique or timely concept. Because us audiences are generally unable to tell Bill Paxton apart from Bill Pullman, the very idea of similarly plotted films often feels cruel and intolerable, thus dooming one to certain box office death. We’ve seen it in the art houses when the mighty Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Capote slew poor little Toby Jones’ Infamous. and we’ll soon be served with two dueling helpings of Sherlock Holmes. In terms of genre cinema, here are a few examples of double features and some thoughts on how time has aged them.

1996: Independence Day / Mars Attacks

Connection: hostile aliens, ensemble casts, big budget

With the economy booming and humans enjoying themselves way too much on that new toy called the Internet, the film gods looked upon us and decided the world needed a serious beatdown. Aliens of all sizes were lining up to do some damage and while I hate to project a stereotype on any species, everybody knows that extraterrestrials do not respect the rules of the queue. The long-legged villains of Roland Emmerich’s Independence Day naturally took the lead over Tim Burton’s goofy little bobbleheads by premiering on its namesake holiday (hear that, Rob Zombie?). The July 4th opening famously cemented Will Smith’s Uncle Sammish reign over the start of summer, while Mars Attacks thudded into the Christmas Season. Whoulda thunk seeing the world vaporized by country music hating bug-eyed gremlins wouldn’t be popular with the mall-going December crowd? 

13 years later... While Independence Day has racked up its share of well-deserved criticism (golden retrievers with great timing, Harvey Fierstein's gravely whining, and an advanced inter-galaxy traveling species without Norton Anti-virus protection are just the start), the effects have aged decently enough and the initial attack still feels appropriately exciting to a popcorn munching, belief suspending viewer. Modern viewers are justified in scoffing at the faux nationalistic spirit and hokey pro-America attitude, but the rash of big dumb action flicks it has since inspired look and sound so much worse, it’s hard to claim Independence Day has aged poorly. Similarly, Mars Attacks remains a polarizing film, respected by some as a clever piece of pop art lampooning B-movies and hated by others as an overlong and overloud slog far less entertaining than it thinks it is. All in all, history and now remain in sync. 

Sixth Sense / Stir of Echoes

Connection: ghosts, haunted little boys, working class

1999 was a fantastic year for movies, so it’s natural that a few merely good ones might slip through the cracks. David Koepp’s Stir of Echoes, a surprisingly effective--if not overwhelmingly awesome--ghost story was thus doomed by its release date and four little whispered words: “I see dead people.” Talk about bad luck. M. Knight Shayamalan’s blockbuster juggernaut changed the nature of twist endings and helped--briefly--to restore some mainstream cred to scary cinema. It packed astonishing performances, oozy atmosphere, and one of the biggest shocks of its time. Stir of Echoes, on the other hand, was a solid little thriller aided by its blue collar setting and Kevin Baconness, yet limited by a familiar plot and Law & Order: SVU ish resolution. 

10 years later... While it’s certainly true that M. Knight can’t brag about spawning a Rob Lowe starring sequel, The Sixth Sense remains an admirable film that lives up to its hype. Despite the well-deserved backlash against the director’s later works and the fact that everybody and their kittens knows the twist, some memorable scenes--such as Cole's offscreen tussle with a servant in a friend's attic--still provide genuine chills. Stir of Echoes now gets the obligatory "Oh yeah, that was a good one" nod from later viewers. It certainly holds up as an effective thriller and makes for a decent night's viewing, but it remains a humble pearl in a year of gems.

Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors  /Bad Dreams

Connection: See below

It’s not surprising that a studio would want to market its film to subconsciously remind audiences of the most sucessful franchise of the 80s, but it sure is unfortunate that a haunting and well-acted thriller like 1988’s Bad Dreams (yes, your thesaurus is correct in noting that those words are a synonym for ‘nightmare’) would be dismissed as a quick cash-in to Freddy Krueger’s third and, according to many, best outing into Springwood. Really, the similarities between the films are surface level...it just happens that the surface is really thick:

-Both are set in the psychiatric wing of a laxly run mental asylum and focus on a diverse group of unstable patients

-Both share a middle aged male villain who died by fire and now wears some badass burns

-Both feature an elaborate collection of insanely creative deaths wrongly dubbed as suicides

-Both star Jennifer Rubin

You can see how an theater patron might get confused and ultimately choose the more familiar, if much wordier, title. And they did.

21 years later...Most fans of Freddy still contend that the Frank Darabont co-penned Part 3 is heads (perhaps even pizza topping heads) above other 6 sequels). At the same time, Bad Dreams continues to slowly win approval from late blooming DVD renters. Once removed from its Krueger connection--especially since, despite its title, there are no actual rapid eye movement set scenes--Bad Dreams does stand on its own as a solid 80s entry into the horror world. 

The Zombie Diaries / Diary of the Dead

Connection: title, downbeat ending, found footage device

The word 'diary' is associated more with a fourteen year old girl than gruesome flesh eater (I'm waiting for a truly sick combination of the two, by the way). In 2008, however, video journals were all the rage in the zombie genre. George Romero's pseudo guerilla style documentary hogged the theatrical attention, receiving a fair amount of critical praise but loads of hatred from the general horror community. Michael Bartlett and Kevin Gates’s British anthology, The Zombie Diaries, on the other hand, found its audience a month or year or two later (all depending on which country you call home) on DVD, where podcasts, blogs, and other webbish forms of communication spread that this was in fact one of the best zombie films in years. 

One year later...It's too soon to really call a winner here, but history is already warming up to favor The Zombie Diaries over the far too dated Diary of the Dead (even the Myspace reference feels like a relic a mere year later). Then again, when both films utilized a filming style that had and has since reared its shaky head in Cloverfield, REC, Quarantine, District 9, our sensitive stomachs can only wait and see what the world will make of home movie horror.  

I'm sure there is a shoe closet full of other pairs I'm forgetting, so add below and declare your winners.

Get Out of My Bad Dreams and Into My Cult

Perhaps it's my own age, but I always find something truly special about non-slasher horror films made in the 1980s. Once you hack your way through the cookie cutter patterned Friday the 13ths and their knockoffs, there is a seemingly endless supply of decent little thrillers rich in gore, compelling storylines, and character actors that instantly keep viewers young by challenging them to identify what other 1980s horror or 1990s sitcom they made brief appearances in.


For these reasons and more, I was excited to finally view 1988's Bad Dreams, a Nightmare on Elm Street-ish inspired flick that had the terrible luck of premiering around the same time as Freddy’s most beloved outing against the Patricia Arquette-led Dream Warriors. Well-cast and directed by a young (very young) Andrew Fleming (he who would go on to make a personal 8th grade favorite, The Craft), Bad Dreams is not what you would call a classic, but certainly worth its weight in dead mental patients and 80s era scoring.


Quick Plot: We open on an icily blond Richard Lynch leading his Waco-esque (pre-Waco times) cult into a fiery mass suicide. One young woman, Cynthia (Nightmare 3’s mohawk donning Jennifer Rubin), survives alone, falling into a 13 year coma which wakes her up conveniently enough in the 1980s, just in time to ride the nightmare horror craze and act beside a Summer School era Dean Cameron in a powerful supporting role. Since Cynthia has no memory of the fire and has even less resources in the outside world, she’s committed to a mental asylum headed by ReAnimator’s Bruce Abbott and Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Henry Yulin*. Cynthia struggles to fit into the kooky borderline personality support group, quite a challenge when she’s continually haunted by the eerie image of a post-burning Lynch and the slightly uncomfortable fact that everyone she seems to talk commits suicide in an elaborate manner.

This is not your fluffy dumb and dead teenager movie, despite its reputation as Freddy's illegitimate child tucked away in a VHS love nest. While Bad Dreams was clearly influenced by the more famous films of its time, it holds its own and holds up well 20 years later. Sure, we've seen our share of pretty young women with ghostly visions and questionable sanity, but middle aged horndogs being splattered by violent air conditioning and salty mouthed Weekly World News reporters add new and welcomed touches to an age old sub-genre. The film is not without its faults--a clumsy climax and not quite fully realized villain revelation bog down its second half--but Bad Dreams ultimately succeeds on its own terms in creating a new story with memorable characters and a few moments of actual fear.


High Points
From Jennifer Rubin’s sympathetic amnesiac to the quirky but resonant mental patients and always enigmatic Richard Lynch, the entire cast turns in solid performances to make you genuinely care about each character




If you read my disappointed review of The Believers, you may know that I have a fascination of sorts with cults. While I still would have preferred a little more exploration into Unity Field, the presentation of this Jonestown-ish group is haunting and realistic


The gore is not nearly as explicit as in the Nightmare series, but Bad Dreams does boast a few memorably twisted and creative death scenes, plus a truly disturbing and impressively directed baptism by fire that may indeed induce your own bad dreams


Low Points
Somewhere along the line, the film switches viewpoints from Rubin’s patient to Abbott’s psychologist and while this does produce one of the film’s wackiest and most entertaining sequences, it also loses our character investment

This moment actually made me happy, but not in a good way: note the final expression and blase shrug of the police investigator at the film’s resolution. Should major characters really express such a blatant lack of interest after a dramatic and deadly showdown between the protagonists and villain?


Lessons Learned
If you want to be totally 80s, get two divorces and a yeast infection. If all you can handle is Cleveland, stick to the 70s.


Having secret sex in a turbine fan room carries risks far greater than herpes


The record for longest tenure in a coma is 37 years


Comas will do wonders for your hair and complexion

Rent/Bury/Buy
Fans of 80s studio horror should enjoy Bad Dreams as an interesting, if not amazing remnant of a time when horror had something of a heyday. While it doesn’t pack the lasting visual innovation of its ultimate rival, Dream Warriors, it is a well-acted and sometimes haunting film that refreshingly does not involve zombies, big men with machetes, or boobs (sorry boys; the ladies can enjoy the sexiness of Bruce Abbott’s Mr. Rogers’ sweater). The DVD includes a few older featurettes, along with a friendly commentary by writer-director Fleming. An alternate ending packs a creepy and appropriate punch before finishing with a dime store Halloween decoration image that belongs in no film made for more than thirty seven dollars and eighty two cents. Bad Dreams is definitely worth a viewing and could have enough rewatchability potential to merit a purchase.


*You might be wondering why I seem to have this need to credit each actor with another performance. Truly, it’s just too hard not to when nearly every cast member has some notable horror or cult film on his or her resume. Plus, I've been playing the movie-actor-movie connection game for nearly two days, so I'll personally take any chance to boost my personal database of useless film knowledge.