When Death Race Meets Bartertown

So there's the Roger Corman-produced Death Race, which somehow took 33 years to be remade into a bland Paul W.S. Anderson/Jason Statham muted action vehicle, which then got a sequel/prequel that nobody saw, followed by another sequel/prequel that I didn't know happened, then a more direct sequel/reboot of the original film made with full zany Trumpian overtones in 2017, and then, because life is sometimes very confusing, a direct (maybe?) sequel to the 2008 movie.

I know I complain an awful lot about the confusingly sequenced Fast & the Furious franchise, but the Death Race series makes those look perfectly linear.

Quick Plot: In the near future sometime after Death Race 2008 but before Death Race 2050, unemployment and crime rates are at an all-time high. America meets the call by privatizing prisons to the extreme. The largest maximum security facility has been dubbed "The Sprawl" and is set up more Escape From New York than No Escape. New prisoners, both male and female, are dropped into the hot zone to serve out the rest of their lives in a Mad Max-ish hellscape ruled by the masked Death Race champion, Frankenstein.

Having missed the middle two installments of Anderson's series, I have no idea if this Frankenstein is a holdover from the rest of the series, or exactly what Danny Trejo's casino captain has to do with any of it. What I do know is that Frankenstein is voiced by the actor who plays Spencer Hastings' dad on Pretty Little Liars, and that's important.

Frankenstein, however, is not the hero (and honestly, might not actually be the villain, though I'm still unsure) of Death Race: Beyond Anarchy. That title falls to Connor Gibson (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Zach McGowan), a mysterious convict who glistens without a shirt and asserts his position in the next round of Death Race by plowing through a gaggle of other eager contestants. 

With the help of Danny Glover (yes, seriously) and a fun but completely undeveloped female navigator named Brexie, Connor takes on Frankenstein for control of The Sprawl. Meanwhile, in the free world, Danny Trejo organizes some gambling brackets while a senator and warden hedge their own bets on Connor while watching a Death Race stream via the Dark Web.

There's a fair amount going on in Death Race: Beyond Anarchy, which is perhaps why this Death Race movie runs nearly two hours. Directed by Don Michael Paul (he of such notable genre sequels as Lake Placid: The Final Chapter and Tremors 5: Bloodlines), it's far more fun than the 2008 version, but comes nowhere near the insane satirical pleasures of the Malcolm McDowell camping it up for the cheap seats. 

Points for Paul’s ambition, which spans a batch of creative action sequences well before we even get to the slightly anticlimactic titular vehicular obstacle course. If anything, the breadth of wacky characters feels like a lost opportunity. From Cassie Clare’s Aunty Entity-is Brexie to the badass bus driver Matilda the Hun, Death Race: Beyond Anarchy is populated with some disappointingly untapped potential. 

That being said, I’d be welcoming of another entry, more so if it found more time for its quirkier sensibilities. 

High Points

For a movie about a coed prison filled with the worst of the worst, I suppose I should be thankful that Death Race: Beyond Anarchy avoids any real dalliance with sexual assault

Low Points

And yet, for a movie about a coed prison filled with the worst of both sexes, it's pretty unfair that every frame is from the heterosexual male gaze

Lessons Learned

In the future, global warming will make weather so confusing that you'll need a winter hat and an open chest hoodie

Dystopian prisons lack many amenities, but heavy black eye makeup is not one of them

You can never really know which skills will keep you alive in future prison, but if Death Race is telling the truth, the following will prove valuable: music, fire throwing, bartending, unicycling, and decapitating

Rent/Bury/Buy

For an extremely violent future-set action flick, Death Race: Beyond Anarchy has enough decapitated heads-as-props to keep you entertained, though the 110+ minute running time could have been easily shaved for better pacing. I'd still go with the original, or G.J. Echternkamp’s 2017 version to scratch that campier fun itch, but this is at least more enjoyable than the 2008 film. 

The Fast & the Fabulous

In 2008, Paul Not the One That Directed Boogie Nights W. Anderson "remade" 1973's Death Race with Jason Statham's torso, which apparently got a sequel that nobody ever heard of two years later called Death Race 2.

But we're not here to talk about that.

In 2017, it would seem, the House that Roger Corman Built went back to the well for another remake closer in tone to the original and pleasantly far from the movie that I once described as "a video game for people with arthritis."

Although it does have ample Jason Statham torso

Quick Plot: It's the year 2050 and the United States of America is...different. Or maybe it's just exactly what it will be like in 33 years. 

Actually, that can't be the case, because science has been allowed to progress far enough that cancer has been eradicated. The downside? People are living longer, leading to overpopulation in a dying economy.

President Tru--

eh, excuse me, "the Chairman", aka Malcolm McDowell done up in the most glorious futurized  dead-bird-toupee we've seen since, well, the latest presidential (er, I mean presidented) news conference.

So. The Chairman, played in juicy full-teethed glory by the always game McDowell, runs the country like a busy arcade that just discovered virtual reality. In order to help reduce the masses, an annual death race is held across the country. Like the 1975 original, the best way to rack up points is to kill pedestrians along the way.

Our contestants are, quite literally, a colorful bunch. Roll call:

Jed Perfectus, a genetically engineered superhuman specifically designed to win the death race, although one has to imagine the scientists were a little distracted by crafting their version of Alan Tudyk playing Rocky in The Rocky Horror Picture Show

A.B.E., a robot car designed to show that technology is all you need (until he experiences his own form of an existential crisis)

Tammy the Terrorist (YellowBrickRoad's Anessa Ramsay), a southern blond psychopath who has created her own form of a cult that, not surprisingly, does well in the red states

Minerva Jefferson, an enthusiastic black rapper with a mission of her own

and of course, Frankenstein, the seasoned masked champion. In this iteration, Frankenstein is played by Manu Bennett, formerly Crixus (or as I liked to call him, Studdicus) from Starz's delightful, highly underrated Spartacus series.

Extreme operatic violence ensues, all with a biting wink and Idiocracy flavor you expect from a film that encourages the murder of children and the elderly. As the race takes us across the America of the future, the film gives us a mix of obvious jokes, massive CGI decapitations, sly political commentary, and even a pair of TV personalities shamelessly mirroring Effie Trinket and my REAL favorite Hunger Games character, Stanley Tucci's Caesar.

It's a good, cheesy, violent, and gloriously stupid time if there ever was one.

High Points

Much like the first Death Race, this one's most interesting characters are its women, particularly Ramsay's Trumpette-From-Hell messiah and Folake Olowofoyeku's layered gangsta rapper with a conscience

Low Points

As much as I loved Minerva's hit single "Drive Drive (Kill Kill) Drive Kill", the fact that I haven't been able to get it out of my head for a week has been a tad inconvenient for daily life

Lessons Learned

Math is for heathens and nerds

Turning global famine into clickbait is harder than you think

Winter was just a myth

Rent/Bury/Buy

Maybe I was just in the perfect mood, but I enjoyed the hell out of Death Race 2050. Watching politically relevant movies these past few months has generally been a sad, troubling experience, but this one pairs the timely analogy with such gleefully over the top vengeance that it hit me in just the right spot. It's on Netflix Instant and so long as you're in the right mind space, its' quite a ride. 

Trash of the Titans

Okay, one last review before I hit the road for a week. I dedicate this post to my broken iPod, whose inability to work led me to busy my 70 minute train ride with another activity.


Onward we go:


Sometimes, there’s truly nothing like big dumb action movie drunk on excess violence to get you through a busy day. Knowing that stress was slowly building up on me last week, I bumped the recent remake of Death Race 2000 (minus the 2000 and set in 2012) up on my queue hoping for a mindless helping of carsplosions and Statham scowling.


I should preface this writeup with two confessions:


1. I have yet to see the original (as it currently isn’t available through Netflix)
2. This was my first experience seeing the much loved by genre fans Statham actually act, as opposed to glaring sexily from movie theater posters


Quick Plot:
In the near future, America is wallowing in some economic lows (imagine that!) and hard-working Statham is trying his bloodiest to provide for his sweet and filmically understanding wife and newborn daughter. Like all movies involving Sweet & Understanding Wives with husbands that insist themselves to be unworthy of such Sweet & Understanding love, Sweet & Understanding Wife is soon murdered in the middle of a stir fry.


Statham is framed and sent to prison, where TV exec/warden Joan Allen (yes, three time Oscar nominee Joan Allen) runs a successful reality competition pitting lifers against one another in a Nascar-esque race watched by millions via pay-per-Internet. Having seen our share of this plot in everything from Series 7: The Contenders to The Condemned, it’s not that Anderson & Co. bring anything new but it seems that even they are aware of that. Little time is wasted on explaining what went wrong in society or just who it is that watches the Death Race. Frankenstein, the Hulk Hogan of the series has perished, but rather than lose a few viewers and admit defeat, Allen recruits her newest inmate to don the previous Frankenstein’s mask and drive his car to freedom...providing he wins the upcoming race.

There’s not a whole lot to say about Death Race. It’s loud, slick, and peppered with some fine moments (usually provided by the fire crackling voice of Ian McShane or the simply unbelievable carving of Statham’s torso) but ultimately, Death Race is a video game for people with arthritis or bad eye-finger coordination. There are some decent deaths and a few explosions. Characters die and others live, but none drudge up any real interest or sympathy between the blaring score and hasty plotting. Anderson takes a few stylizing chances at making Death Race a tad meta and aware, but he never crosses that line to real innovation. The film is what you would expect, for better and worse.


High Points
Considering this is made by Paul W. Anderson, the minimal use of annoying jump cutted editing during the races was far less severe than I was expecting


Ian McShane. Nothing to really say about him; just Fucking Ian McShane


Statham, it would seem, has indeed inherited the title of Best Action Hero currently working. His physicality is quite believable, but more importantly, his acting is good enough to make us root for his character, whether we really care about the film or not

Low Points
While Allen’s icy villainess is entertaining in the ridiculous way only an A-list actress can pull off, a film like this needs a few more colorful baddies with Running Manish personalities. Most of the prisoners here feel like extras on Oz answering a casting call with little flavor to make a real impression


Granted I’m not the target audience here, but do we really need blaring “She’s So Sexy” rap scoring during the extremely slow-motioned scenes introducing female characters to inform us that the these women are hot? Their hair is blowing, midriffs are exposed, and short shorts are worn: we get it

The final plot twist is a decision made by our characters offscreen in a secret conversation. Nothing irks me more than a film that simply cheats its viewers by taking them on one character’s journey, only to then hide key details for an “exciting” surprise. Such a plot can occasionally work if the film never actually lies (think of the hints in Inside Man or The Sixth Sense), but merely holding back information that breaks the flow of the film for the surprise factor is a cheap, dishonest trick.


Good thing I didn’t really care about the movie that much. I may have been angry.

Lessons Learned
In the near future, salaries will crash, but a blue collar worker can still afford a lovely two-level house


All mugshots should involve a topless reel, particularly if the subject is Jason Statham

Declaring “You can’t kill me!” will instantly get you, indeed, quite killed


If you fuck with Joan Allen, you will finally answer the age-old question of just who it is that shits on the sidewalk

Addendum: What the hell does that actually mean?


Rent/Bury/Buy
Eh. You won’t get much out of Death Race that you couldn’t find in other R-Rated action fare. My lack of enthusiasm is probably in some part due to my low interest in car chase films (give me Point Break to any Fast &Furious incarnation), so if you what horsepower rating a '67 Mustang has or leave Ronin on TiVo for months solely to catch a few speed scenes whenever a commercial comes on (as my own Pacer owning father is prone to do), then this may be worthy of a rental with a few beers. Otherwise, tune in when it airs on cable or just stare at this for two hours:

Or for a week, as I head to Dollywood and try to survive car sickness, country music, and not watching movies without turning into a Redneck Zombie. Although, the possibilities of that could make for some reaaaaaaal horror commentary.