Dream On

 

I'm a mark for pretty movies. Tropical islands with blue water and forest green trees and beautiful people in small amounts of clothing generally add up to something that doesn't even have to be good to be aesthetically enjoyable. 

A Perfect Getaway is obviously the gold standard for this, a twisty thriller stacked with a hot, talented cast in a postcard-ready setting. Few movies (in ANY genre) will ever top it, and based on all the horrible things I heard about Fantasy Island when it came out back in 2020, I was doubtful this would be one. But when on Hulu...

Quick Plot: After winning a contest, a batch of immediately awful strangers lands on the titular Fantasy Island. The concierge guides them to their luxury rooms and cocktail hour, whereupon the smooth Mr. Roarke appears to confirm the reason for their visit: the island will make their dream come true. 

Brothers JD and Brax start it off with a spring break-like pool party, while the more mature Gwen revisits her chance to accept her ex-boyfriend's marriage proposal. Melanie gets to enact extreme revenge on her middle school bully and Patrick gets to finally play soldier, the dream he's had since his father died heroically on duty. 

It's all fun and games until they all realize, at right the same moment, that the fantasies are indeed too real. 

Fantasy Island is directed by Jeff Wadlow, who also made the Lucy Hale-starring Truth or Dare (not to be confused with the other movie that told the exact same story with the same beats and was also titled Truth or Dare but did not contain a Pretty Little Liar). Here's what I had to say about that film back in my original watch:

The film was savaged by critics when it came out in theaters, but as a two-years-later Hulu watch, it's exactly the kind of hot-people-in-peril horror flick that I tend to enjoy.

And here we are again! 

Great cinema? No. Fully watchable? Absolutely! On Hulu, yes, that too.

Lucy Hale gets to be dynamically snarky. Ryan Hansen and Jimmy O. Yang create an adorably dumbly funny brotherly dynamic that works (at least for me). Michael Pena has fun as island master Mr. Roarke, and Maggie Q helps to lend a little humanity to the whole affair. There's even a Michael Rooker gone rogue subplot. Why did horror fans hate this?

Sure, there was some kerfuffle over the film's late decision to edit down for a PG13 rating, but honestly, there was really no need to go any harsher. Granted, as someone who has their own, I don't need to see what were apparently digital bikini top-covered breasts, nor did I find any of the violence (which ranges from grenade explosions to electrocution torture) lacking in the level of intensity required. 

This is knowingly dumb, high concept horror fluff that wants to have a good time and look good doing it. I was buying what it sold.

High Points

Many thought the big plot twist was stupid. I'm not saying they were wrong, but for me, it gave a fun boost to an already silly story and shuffled character dynamics around in a way that felt fresh

Low Points

Obviously, the fact that every other person who watched this movie hated it has SOME merit, and if Fantasy Island's goal was on a horror scale, then I can easily agree that there's nothing that comes close to being scary

Lessons Learned

According to dorks, LARPing is fun

Most fantasies are painfully unimaginative and involve lots of sex stuff

A hero's a guy who's too stupid to stay alive

Rent/Bury/Buy

I often find myself the lone defender of PG13 horror, so if I've sold you on these before and you found yourself disappointed, I can't say for certain this will be different. I found this an incredibly entertaining summer watch. The 8% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes suggests MOST wouldn't agree. Make of that what you will! I've never claimed to have good taste. 

Pretty Little Truth Tellers

As said before, the Doll's House will always be a safe space for Pretty Little Liar alumni. There have been highs, there have been mediums, and as somewhat expected based on its reception, we now have a low.

But of course, me being me, not THAT low in comparison to the average person with taste.

Quick Plot: Olivia (Lucy Hale) is all set to spend her last spring break doing good with Habitat For Humanity, but her BFF Marky convinces/forces her to ditch that plan and head to Mexico for beaches and beer. Also in tow is Marky's boyfriend (and Olivia's obvious crush) Lucas, med student/drug dealer Tyson and his dependent girlfriend Penelope, and closeted (to his family) Brad. Wacky Instagram stories involving very attractive people ensue. 

On their final night out, Olivia is charmed by Carter, a handsome stranger who saves her from some mild sexual harassment from college pal Ronnie. Last call shuts their bar down but Carter suggests Olivia and her pals keep the fun going at an abandoned mission he found. Because they're young, drunk, and as dumb as they are pretty, the gang agrees.

Cue the titular party game. It only takes one round of truth for Carter to confess his intentions: he saw Olivia as a lonely pushover who would be easy to lure to this place. Once there, Carter pulled them into the game he and his own (mostly dead) pals began. Follow the rules and you won't die. Okay bye!

It's not until the group returns home and begins to resume their regular lives that they realize that Carter wasn't kidding. Olivia's turn of truth leads to a friendship-breaking reveal, while Ronnie's refusal of his dare ends with his death. The game is afoot, and while you can survive by completing your task, there's a lot on the line with every round.

If this sounds familiar, it might be because I covered ANOTHER film titled Truth or Dare about a group of attractive college students who begin to play a haunted game of, you know, truth or dare. The deep bonds of friendship between the film's central females are tested due to a love triangle. The token "hot couple always having sex who can't function apart" dies early, and the last few have to travel to the home of a shut-in female who survived a previous version of the game at the cost of her friends and face. 

Apparently, there's only one way to tell a horror story about this subject.

Directed by Cry Wolf's Jeff Wadlow and written by far too many screenwriters, Truth or Dare could be both a lot better and a lot worse. The film was savaged by critics when it came out in theaters, but as a two-years-later Hulu watch, it's exactly the kind of hot-people-in-peril horror flick that I tend to enjoy. In many ways, it really is indistinguishable from the same-titled movie that went straight to streaming the year before, and I could probably just remove one or two details from that review and come up with the same basic writeup.

There's nothing too groundbreaking here, though the film does pull a neat little twist with its ending. More importantly, Truth or Dare does make a point of doing what it can with its fairly bland cast, trying its best to have their tragedies carry some weight. It doesn't always work, but I can appreciate the effort.

High Points

Lucy Hale's Aria was my least favorite Liar, so I was fairly surprised to see her Olivia end up being the best part of (Blumhouse's) Truth or Dare. The film establishes a very clear do-gooder heart that guides her character, making her final choice a neat surprise

Low Points

I knew that Truth or Dare was jokingly subtitled "The SnapChat Filter Flick", but I don't know that I was properly prepared for just how overused the CGI smile and red eyes would be

Lessons Learned

When a stranger tells you to tell him to piss off, listen

Everyone loves Beyonce

The great thing about modern coeds is how much they talk in detail about their lives and motivations, ensuring new film audiences just stopping by for a peak understand every key part of who they are and what they fear

Rent/Bury/Buy

Look, Truth or Dare isn't a particularly good movie--and I honestly can't tell you whether it's the best truth or dare movie to come out in the last three years--but it's not nearly as bad as you've probably heard. There are less entertaining ways to kill 90 minutes of your free time. I dare you to try it. 

Party Games

No, Truth or Dare is not an Asylum Studios adaption of the Blumhouse theatrical release of the same title. Much like meteors in 1998, sometimes a random plot point becomes all the rage in one cinematic year. From 2017-2018, that rage was, it would seem, teenage party games.

Quick Plot: In 1983, a group of college kids play a fatal game of Truth or Dare, leaving one lone survivor to live out her remaining years with an acid-scarred face but in a lovely, hard candy filled home. 

Some thirtysomething years later, a new gaggle of ridiculously attractive young people decide to spend Halloween weekend in that same former dormitory. Sure, this time there are cell phone videos, but really, a haunted party game can only evolve so much.

The rules of this version are simple: three rounds of truth or (mostly) dares, to be completed within 48 hours. Those who fail to complete the challenge die in semi-Final Destination ways so that their autopsies can be justified as bizarre accidents or creative suicides. If that doesn't sound Nightmare On Elm Street-ish enough for you, enter a very welcome Heather Lagenkamp to lend some maturity to the proceedings as the sole survivor of the last Truth or Dare massacre.

Directed by The Girl In the Photographs' Nick Simon, Truth Or Dare shares the same mean bone and black comedic sensibilities. That's mostly a good thing: by no means can this actually be called a good movie, but as someone who braved the '90s era of WB stars put through mild torment on the big screen, rougher dead teenager movies have their own certain charm. 

You can find a lot wrong in Truth or Dare -- bland characters, stupid decisions, and cockroach CGI so ridiculous that it's almost adorable -- but if you go in with the same attitude that made me the #1 fan of The Sand (yes, that's the movie about killer sand), then it's the kind of dumb fun horror movie that is weirdly watchable. This is the kind of film where a character announces her vegetarianism only to be forced to eat burnt human skin a few scenes later. 

You know what you're getting into.

High Points

Truth or Dare could have easily contained all of its action in its semi-haunted house, but its choice to break the game up and take it deeper into the real world is somewhat refreshing

Low Points

It's rare to find deep characterization in a movie like this, but it would have been nice to have some sort of character development that wasn't entirely based on who's dating whom. The movie makes a last minute attempt to fit its premise into a deeper "our punishments fit our hidden crimes," but it's so rushed and ultimately incomplete that it comes off as comically inept

Lessons Learned

If your friends refer to your partner as "what’s his face," the relationship is probably not long for this world

Baking soda has a roughly 50% acid protection rate

The power of besties involves being able to provide quick synonyms on call

Rent/Bury/Buy

Truth or Dare is not good, but hey: it's kind of fun. Queue it up on Netflix when you want to turn your brain off and enjoy watching pretty young people cut each other's fingernails. 

Don't act like you're above these things.