Sundowning

 

Sometimes you just really need to watch zombies eat people. 

Thus do you discover a 2013 star-studded Asylum Studios movie made for the SyFy Channel.

Quick Plot: The dead have risen on a warm evening in suburban California. Patrick Johnson (Anthony Michael Hall!) is trying to get his daughter Tracie and her pal Rachel over to his neighbors' panic room, but a detour leaves them trapped in a cemetery. Back home, wife Birdy (Daryl Hannah!) is struggling to stay calm with her dementia-ridden mom (Shirley Jones!). Their neighbors, the Maddens, are dealing with interior conflicts, stirring up dad Joseph's worst instincts involving the non-American help. 

Yes, much like owning a yacht, the rules of cinema tell us that a homeowner with a panic room is probably a wealthy, racist jerk, and that's the case here. That would be Joseph Madden (Alan Ruck!), who locks his superstitious housekeeper inside and moves his wife and sons to safety.

Elsewhere in town, Officer Lopez does a terrible job of not saving anybody. 

Welcome to Zombie Night! Directed by Feast's John Gulager (son of genre royalty Clu), Zombie Night is one of those mid-tier Asylum movies. Not a mockbuster, not an entry level CGI tale of random monster words mashed together, but an original(ish) story with modest ambition and an even more humble budget. 

It's passable. 

I grew up in the heyday of video store zombie scavenging, which (de)volved into very cheaply shot made-for-video-store-zombie-obsessed scavengers. At a certain point, anyone with a camera (and eventually just smartphone) could make and even sell their response to Diary of the Dead. I say all this to justify why Zombie Night, for me, a 42-year-old lifelong horror fan with an abundantly rich access to the catalog, is perfectly fine. 

Reviews of this movie are not kind. Maybe those writers came in with higher expectations based on the cast, or a chip on their shoulder because of the studio association. I'm not here to tell you that Zombie Night is a hidden gem or anything worth your full attention for 85 minutes. But it moves quickly, looks fine, and kept me mildly entertained. 

High Points

Nobody is swinging for an Oscar here, but by golly does it make a difference when a movie, no matter how little ambition it has, casts professionals who know their way around a set

Low Points

I welcome zombie movies finding new tics to their version of the undead, but Zombie Night's ending throws a random fact about the monsters that comes out of nowhere and feels not just dumb, but like something that we should have been told 85 minutes earlier in order to have a better understanding of the stakes. Maybe I'm holding the screenplay to an Asylum studio movie to a bit too high a standard?

Lessons Learned

If you can see it, you can sew it! 

All men, aside from Anthony Michael Hall, are rats

Never put a talking toy inside a casket

Rent/Bury/Buy

If you were to go by the reviews on IMDB, Zombie Night is the Plan 9 From Outer Space of the aughts. Its 3.5/10 rating is .2 worse than Death Count, WHICH IS A VERY BAD MOVIE. Zombie Night is not worse than Death Count. It's a perfectly passable cable horror movie that gets its minimum wage job done. Nobody needs to watch it, but if you're desperately seeking the undead, it's a watchable option. 

Dawn of the 32 Seconds Later

The day might come when I don't greet the discovery of a new zombie siege with glee.

But it is not this day.

Quick Plot: On the rougher side of Montevido, young mother Iris is heading to work as a security guard (of sorts?) at an empty fitness center. Her ex surprises her by dropping off their child Tata, who's in for quite a take-your-daughter-to work day.

As is so often the case these days, there's a pandemic on the loose. This one attacks like your standard 28 Days Later rage virus, with one (occasional) twist: after any surge of activity, the carrier is left immobile for the titular 32 seconds. Once that time passes, it's back to your usual biting fury.

Most of the time.

See, science fiction and horror stories need rules. It's what keeps us holding our breath when teenagers can't shake off sleep on Elm Street or screaming "THE HEAD" when a character is firing rounds into the stomach of the undead. Virus 32 seems to make a big deal of its timer gimmick, but that doesn't do much when it's not used consistently. 

 

If that was Virus 32's biggest issue, I'd still be satisfied. Unfortunately, director/cowriter Gustavo Hernandez (of the original Silent House) is apparently as big a zombie fan as the audience, and works incredibly hard to celebrate some recent hits. The score owes 28 Days Later John Murphy residuals, while both the opening panning shot and pregnancy storyline are ripped straight out Zach Snyder's Dawn of the Dead. 

Horror is often referential, but when the movie seems to deliberately want you to think about films that did this exact thing better, it's...well...odd. 

High Points

A good zombie flick requires a human anchor, and as Iris, Paula Silva makes for a wonderfully genuine mess of a lead

Low Points

Did I mention the movies that do this same thing better? Because the movie itself did...

Lessons Learned

The concept of time can vary from rage zombie to rage zombie

32 seconds is best defined as the time needed to move one plot point around efficiently

It's rude to mistake rum for beer

Rent/Bury/Buy

Virus 32 is a perfectly passable spin on your standard action zombie flick. It doesn't come close to the movies it actively models itself on, but you could do worse with 90 minutes of your life. Find it on Shudder when that very particular mood strikes. 

I'll Have Another

I Drink Your Blood has a nifty distinction: the first film to be rated X purely for its violence. 

Sign me up.

Quick Plot: A diverse gang of devil worshippers makes camp in a small, nearly empty town filled with some decent abandoned real estate and a whole lot of rats. After raping a local woman, they ignite the fury of her ineffectual grandfather and wildly creative little brother Pete. 

Grandpa tries to exact revenge only to end up being forced to take LSD by a gaggle of hysterically laughing punk satanists high on rodent hunting (happens to the best of us). Peter, on the other hand, has a more solid plan. He shoots a dog infected with rabies, collects its blood, injects it into meat pies at the town's only market for food, and convinces his sister's tormenters to chow down.

As cinematic little brothers go, Peter is up there with the best of them

Since I'm not scientist, I have no choice but to take the movie at its logic that eating rabies-seasoned pot pies will turn the consumer into a ravenous zombie. 

Mayhem takes over the town as the rabies takes its toll, igniting pure savagery in some, suicidal tendencies in others, and insatiable lust in one who just happens to end up naked with a full construction crew. Since rabies (or at least, I Drink Your Blood's version of rabies) is spread by any touch of bodily fluid, it's not long before the whole town is either hunting or being hunted. 

I Drink Your Blood was directed by David Durston after producer Jerry Gross decided, if the internet is to be believed, that  "he wanted to make the most graphic horror film ever produced, but he didn't want any vampires, man-made monsters, werewolves, mad doctors, or little people." 

Success all around! Three years after I Drink Your Blood, George Romero would play with a similar concept in The Crazies (which happens to also costar I Drink Your Blood's Lynn Lowry). The Crazies is a scarier film, but there's an element of wacky fun to I Drink Your Blood that makes it a darn fun watch. It doesn't take long to hit full chaos, and when full chaos involves a LOT of severed limbs, who can complain?

High Points

I am, and will always be, an easy mark for frantic jazz used to enhance insanity, and Clay Pitts' score is perfectly applied in a way that truly takes the wacky tone to the perfect level of escalation

Low Points

You can't give me "old man force fed LSD" as a plot point without the fun of, you know, showing an old man high on LSD

Lessons Learned

You don't have to know about LSD to know abut rabies

The mark of a good machete is one that can sever a head from its body in just one swing

Satan was an acid head

Rent/Bury/Buy

I dug the heck out of I Drink Your Blood. It moves fast, in a wonderfully weird and over the top way. I found the film via a Netflix disc rental, so while it doesn't seem to be streaming anywhere, the disc does come loaded with a batch of special features worth checking out. Bon appetit!

Fatigue of the Dead

Another zombie movie following a handful of scrappy survivors in the countryside? Surely you've never seen anything like THIS before!

Quick Plot: Alice is living her life, fixing breakfast for her young daughter and taking a time out to pee on a pregnancy test stick. Delighted at the results, she phones her husband only to hear his frantic warnings to stay inside and not open the door for anyone...

Which naturally, her toddler has just done, granting access to a crazed 28 Days Later-style zombie. Alice makes it out alive and into the arms of friendly stranger Steven, bidding goodbye to her now eaten firstborn and old life.

Four months go by. Alice and Steven have settled into your typical drive-til-you-have-to-siphon-gas-and-keep-driving routine with a pair of siblings. Somewhere across the countryside, a mysterious woman is being held prisoner for some kind of unexplained medical experiments. Eventually, these stories will sort of kind of meet.

Anger (or Age, its alternate title) of the Dead is an Italian(ish) zombie film written and directed by Francesco Picone, with a terrifying executive producer credit for Uwe Boll. The production values are higher than your average streaming zombie flick, with performances that range from slightly painful to decent. So that's a good thing.

The problem with Age/Anger of the Dead (which, side note: did they choose that title to get a few extra eyes due to its alphabetical placement?) is that it sporadically commits to a deeply cruel streak. Granted, this is a film that opens with an adorable toddler being eaten alive in front of her mother's eyes, so perhaps we have no right to be annoyed at its insanely nasty final shot. 

Still, it would have been nicer had Picone found a little more consistency in tone. Having a mushy moment of love interrupted by a zombie bite tells a darkly funny story. Implying the systematic rape of a female prisoner tells another.

High Points

You can't argue with a zombie movie that doesn't waste time, opening on immediate chaos and moving fairly swiftly from there

Low Points

Seriously: Age/Anger of the Dead deserves better than a 2.9/10 rating on IMDB, but the fact that it ends on such a sour, mean note makes it a little understandable that someone's gut reaction might go that low after finishing the film 

Lessons Learned

Always keep the sharpest object of your home in your toddler’s sock drawer

Enjoying the fresh air on a lovely day is great, but when the undead are roaming the roads, maybe it's worth the splurge of air conditioning instead of keeping your window wide open

When fleeing running zombies, most drivers take their keys before abandoning their cars

New Rule

We all know of the classic Chekhov's Law involving guns and to a lesser extent (but larger in the horror world) bear traps, but it brings me great joy to add a new one to the roster: Chekhov's Law of Naming a Character Alice and how one cannot do such a thing without including at least one "You're not in Wonderland anymore" reference

Rent/Bury/Buy

Anger of the Dead is slightly more watchable than a lot of other low budget zombie films of recent years, but it ends on such a horribly mean beat that I almost wish I hadn't watched it. Some of its action works just fine, but the ultimate mood is so negative that it genuinely destroys any goodwill. 

Actually, It's an UNdead Pit

Earlier this year, Long Island said goodbye to 112 Video World, the magical realm of VHS tapes that once filled my childhood weekends with everything from hot new releases to Gourmet Zombie Chef From Hell. As we film fans of the '80s mourn the loss of those strip mall palaces, we must accept that the world has changed and while there are no more physical doors to open to find our long-lost movie treasures on shelves, Amazon Prime continues to answer the call, no matter how shoddy the video quality might be.

Quick Plot: We open on a montage of mental patients doing all the typical things mental patients of movies made in the 1980s do. Somewhere between the drooling and head banging, the institution's senior psychiatrist Dr. Swan discovers one of his doctors, Dr. Ramzi, is conducting dangerous experiments on his patients. Luxuriously slow motion violence ensues. 

Twenty years later, a pretty young woman dubbed Jane Doe (stuntwoman Cheryl Lawson) is admitted to the same facility due to her amnesia and possibly, ability to cause earthquakes with her temper. Before long, Jane begins to see visions of the long-dead mad scientist. Not so coincidentally, a wave of violence spreads throughout the hospital. 

Well, WE know there's violence as patients and nurses are brutally torn apart by Dr. Ramzi. Only Jane seems to witness said murders, while the rest of the staff thinks little of its population dwindling. 

Eventually, Dr. Ramzi (or his ghost or whatever) uses Jane to awaken an army of zombies, who promptly chomp their way through everyone but Jane, Dr. Swan, a mad nun with a talent for making holy water, and Chris, Jane's inmate pal who happens to have a talent for bomb-making. Who says you can't make quality friends in '80s mental institutions?

The Dead Pit is the directorial debut of Brett Leonard, who went on in the '90s to specialize in the ubiquitous subgenre of technology amok movies (The Lawnmower Man, Virtuosity) and later, the very small niche of obesity-based horror (Feed). The Dead Pit is unmistakably '80s in its parts. Just try to add up the high-waisted panties, Fulci-esque undead, cranky mental asylum nurses, and obvious-but-surprise parent reveals and not calculate 1989.

That's the strength of The Dead Pit, which ultimately isn't a very good movie. It's made on the cheap and shows it, but seems to understand that its audience is there to see messy-faced ghouls hold slippery butcher shop animal parts up to the camera for their closeups. 

What a golden age of cinema. 

High Points

There's certainly some smiles to be had when watching the gooiest of '80s practical zombie effects

Low Points

You know, if you're picky, the script and acting and blah blah blah

Lessons Learned

Not remembering your past doesn't make you crazy (though constantly shouting that at people evaluating your sanity just might)

Double the time, double the money

Junk drawers of '80s era psychiatrists were typically stocked with scotch and loaded revolvers

Rent/Bury/Buy

Eh, The Dead Pit will certainly scratch your itch for 1980s horror, but it doesn't really crush it in the zombie department. It's a decent way to pass 90 minutes on Amazon Prime, but it won't necessarily leave you with anything special after. 

The Girl Who Is a Gift

Does the world need another zombie movie? Well no, but I'm sure there's some heathen out there who thinks we're fine without another Step Up sequel. 

My point is simple: entertainment is rarely about need. Nobody thought we needed Toy Story 2 and 3, but isn't the world a better place with them? 

So hey, you want to give me a zombie movie in 2016? Make it good and I'll take it with joy.

Quick Plot: Preteen Melanie is bright and good-natured, a pleasant, creative individual who's first to raise her hand in class. She's the perfect teacher's pet save for one fatal flaw: her taste for human flesh.

Melanie, you see, is a second generation "hungry," aka evolved zombie who can function as a normal human being so long as she doesn't smell saliva, blood, or other bodily fluids.

In the near-apocalyptic future of The Girl With All the Gifts, the remaining uninfected are putting most of their resources into developing a cure for the virus (in this case, it's fungal-based and can spread through spores). Children like Melanie are treated like lab rats, much to the disapproval of teacher Helen (the always welcome Gemma Arterton) who disgusts her military escorts with her sympathy for the kids. Scientists like Dr. Caldwell (Glenn Close! In a zombie movie!) see hungries as a disease to be cured by any means necessary.

When Melanie's facility becomes overrun with activated hungries, a ragtag team of survivors bands together to seek shelter. Helen, Dr. Caldwell, the bitter Sargent Parks, soldier Kieran, and Melanie wander a hungry-swarming world together with very different motives.

Based on a novel by Mike Carey (who also wrote the screenplay), The Girl With All the Gifts presents an intriguingly thought-out system for a zombie horror setup. The science is explained easily, and some of the more fungus-ish tics lend both believability and uniqueness to the setup.

That's all well and good, but a decent pitch for zombie attacks doesn't necessarily a great zombie flick make. Enter Sennia Nanua in her film debut as one of the most lovable characters to ever come out of the very well-trod genre. With her eager-to-please sunniness and wry sense of humor, Melanie is a genuine delight. Your heart immediately goes out to any kid strapped into a wheelchair on a daily basis and treated with such disgust as the soldiers do towards the hungries, but it's Melanie's intelligence and moxie that make her the kind of child you can build a film around.

The Girl With All the Gifts is directed by Colm McCarthy and damnit, it is a delight. I laughed. I jumped. And you know what else? I damn well cried. 

This is a joy.

High Points
There's a lot to admire throughout The Girl With All the Gifts, but its key strength is right there in its title. As Melanie, Nanua is incredibly charming and engaging. I can't remember the last time I rooted so hard for a character in a zombie flick.

Low Points
This is a movie that finds a way to make a cat's death charming. I have none.

Lessons Learned
Velcro is equally as impressive to zombie children of the future as it is and has been to a generation of living kids who couldn't tie their shoes

Don't play with anybody that looks dead

As Arrested Development should have taught us, always leave a note

Rent/Bury/Buy

Obviously, I adored this movie. It moves well, it has a winking sense of humor around its horror and a true affection for its characters. You can find it streaming on Amazon Prime. And you should.