Friday Night Fights--Millennium Style!!

You know, we're just about at the 30th anniversary of DC's Millennium event, and no one seems to care. Where's the Omnibus? Where's the Absolute Millennium? Where are the congratulatory posts and deep analyses and direct-to-video adaptations?

It's a crime, I tell you. So I'm here to do my part with this week's Friday Night Fights.

Commissioner Gordon has been replaced by a Manhunter robot, and the mechanical menace is trying to take over Arkham so he can kill or kidnap the Floronic Man, who was allegedly destined to become one of the new Guardians Of The Universe and usher in a new race of immortals and happiness and joy.

While Batman knows this isn't the real Gordon, the rest of the GCPD doesn't, so Batman and Robin have to take them out without hurting them so they an get to the robot.

And...scene:

The result?

KATHOOOOM!!!

Spacebooger is hoping for a Millennium episode on Legends Of The DC Universe...

Robot carnage from Batman #415 (1988), by Jim Starlin, Jim Aparo and Mike DeCarlo

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Batman vs. a Terminator!! Now go and vote!!

Funeral For A Crummy Friend!

Did you ever have one of those days where you woke up at your own funeral?

Batman has...and it turns out that everyone he knows is a jerk!!

No, Robin, you're thinking of Superman and Supergirl...

Oh, it was no dream...it was the work of Batman's greatest villain:

Uhhh...Dr Tzin-Tzin? Really?

Ah, well, at least you're not really dead...

From Detective Comics #408 (1971)

Manic Monday--Scott Snyder's Zur En Arrh!!

An Anti-Superman and Anti-Batman have appeared out of nowhere, plaguing the World's Finest team:

Well, eventually they're caught, and...

A Commissioner Gordon who looks young and has no mustache? Why, that could never happen--

Oh, never mind.

Anyway, the Anti-Superman turned out to be a similarly de-aged Perry White. How did it happen?

Pure Silver Age. Gordon and White are taking an (unescorted!) tour of the Fortress Of Solitude, when...

Oh, sure, right...a mysterious unknown element that can completely erase and change someone's personality. That could never happen--

Oh, never mind again. Seriously. (That's Alfred and Clark Kent discussing the new, improved but unscarred by tragedy Bruce Wayne, BTW)

It's clear now--Scott Snyder is just trying to outdo Grant Morrison's "every Silver Age Batman story happened" by amping it up to an even more ridiculous level!! Take that, silly Zur En Arrh!!

From World's Finest #159 (1966), as reprinted in World's Finest #227 (1975), and Batman #43 (2015)

Batman's Hour Of The Gun!

Just another day in Gotham City...

So Batman's solution is:

What?!?

Ah, but it turns out that...

To Commissioner Gordon, a code against killing or guns is just a "personal prejudice." Why don't you tell us how you really feel?

Dude just straight up called Batman an idiot.

Yes, in the old day, when the Joker was murdering people right and left, or Joe Chill was killing folks in Crime Alley, that was "honor...and style!" That's why you needed Batman to clean up your city, you trigger-happy, judgmental putz! Maybe you'd prefer the Punisher in your city, James?

But the real lesson from today is: GCPD carries around a machine gun, loaded with blanks, named Betsy, just to humor Batman.

From Brave And The Bold #104 (1972)

If Only Congress Were More Like This...

And then there was the day that the hot Congressperson from Gotham picked her father up at the airport:

You know you wish your district's U.S. Representative dressed that way, don't you?

And when someone guns down a paroled hood right in front of them, she has a plan:

Well, you're damned glad that your Congressperson has funky taste in undergarments, right?

It doesn't take Batgirl long to track down...

So what does the motorcycle-driving-and-surprisingly-good-looking-House-Of-Representatives-member do?

Whoa!!!

Wait...

No, wait!! 

No, really, wait!!!!

Seriously, hold on a minute!!

OK, time out!!! 

*"Gangdom's most deadly hit lady" only ever uses one gun...and if you take it away, she's helpless?

*Diamond Lilly krazy glues a diamond to her revolver for each successful hit?!? Wouldn't that be, oh, I dunno, a CLUE you could use to convict her??

*Batgirl has "seen that diamond-studded pistol before"? Did you just let her get away then? Why isn't she in jail?

*Commissioner Gordon keeps a box of blanks on him as a "hobby"...even at the airport?!? TSA, where are you?!? And what the hell kind of "hobby" is that??

*"Gangdom's most deadly hit lady" believes that, after going to such lengths to seize it, Batgirl just dropped the gun? And Lilly doesn't notice that she's firing blanks? What, she thinks the supposed bullets are just passing through Batgirl?!? Does she believe that she's suddenly a terrible shot?

Oh, DC...

From Batman Family #4 (1976)