Why Dogs Make Crappy Super-Heroes

There is a huge reason why dogs make crappy super-heroes:

Dogs can't stop thinking with their stomachs!

For example, the members of the Space Canine Patrol Agents have just escaped from captivity, and are about to bring down the bad guys, when...

Oops. Gotta stop everything for a bone!!

The worst part?

Yes, the bad guys are anthropomorphic dogs. Yes, Krypto is riding another dog. Silver Age.

So how can Krypto and Chameleon Collie save the others?!?

So dogs can never, ever resist bones. Ever.

All villains have to do is have a cache of bones, and they're home free, apparently.

Which is why dogs make crappy heroes.

[Yes, Krypto stopped them by making them lust after their colleague's bones. This does not bode well for the future of the S.C.P.A. Or at least for the future of Chameleon Collie...]

From Superboy #131 (1966)

Meet The S.C.P.A.!!

So Krypto is flying along in space, when...

Well, Mammoth Mutt dies--yup, not a dream, not a hoax, he bites the bullet--but not before he reveals that the rest of the Space Canine Patrol Agents have been captured.

Krypto allows himself to be captured in order to rescue them...so let's meet the dogs!

Uhh...I'm overwhelmed?!?

Better...

No, they're not "as sensational as the Legion Of Super-Heroes." Except, of course, they haven't been rebooted 17 times...

Anyway, Krytpo has lost his powers [SPOILER ALERT: he's been chewing some gum tainted with "a pinch" of kryptonite. Silver Age], so it's up to the S.C.P.A. to rescue themselves. Are they up to it?

And the battle is on!!

Yes, the bad guys are anthropomorphic dogs. Yes, this creates a Goofy/Pluto situation. Silver Age.

Please, no comments about making a movie version of the "canine centipede." Because ewwwwww.

From Superboy #131 (1966). But there is one reason that doges make crappy heroes. Tune in later this morning to find out why...