WARNING: This contains spoilers for last week's Doomsday Clock #5, so if you haven't read it yet (and plan to), well, come back to this rant another day. It will still be here.
SPOILERS commence after 5 harmless pictures...
Still with us? OK, commencing rant...
Look, you all know how displeased I am that DC is continuing to do nothing with the Legion Of Super-Heroes.
Perhaps the most frustrating part is, they have people wanting to do something with the Legion, but no one is allowed to. There are even rumors that a certain big-name writer was willing to sign an exclusive with DC if he could do a Legion book, but he was told, "no."
Why? Well, again, according to rumor, no one at DC is allowed to use the Legion, or the Justice Society, until Geoff Johns has finished Doomsday Clock. Because his Watchmen/DC Universe crossover is going to have such mindbogglingly important impacts on those franchises, that anything done between now and then would just have to rebooted, apparently.
It's a pretty massive bit of ego and chutzpah, frankly. Especially as Doomsday Clock #5 just came out last week, which means there are 7 more bi-monthly issues left (with more delays not unlikely), so it will be over a year until the series finishes.
Still, this means Johns must have big, exciting plans for the Legion, right? Well, now, it's kind of hard to tell. Saturn Girl has been locked in present-day Arkham Asylum for 2 years now, since Rebirth #1. I mean, that's literally it. Once a year or so, we've gotten a panel or two reprising that concept, with zero advancement of the "plot," and zero on any other Legionnaires. Ditto for the Justice Society, where Rebirth #1 had Johnny Thunder in a retirement home raving about "the lightning," and not much since.
Well, finally, last week we got some progress. In Doomsday Clock #5, 102 year old Johnny Thunder has slipped away from the retirement home to search for something, when he's set upon by a group of druggie droogs looking for a score.
But don't worry, nu-Rorschach and Saturn Girl have escaped Arkham, and they are there to rescue him--and to dole out a little of the old ultra-v:
Brutal.
But let's look at Saturn Girl again:
Really? That's Saturn Girl, Imra Ardeen? For the 30th/31st century? From The Legion Of Super-Heroes? Who just looks on completely nonplussed as nu-Rorschach maims and/or kills these guys? (And the fact that she says they would have died anyway so "everything evens out" sure as hell implies that nu-Rorschach is indeed straight-up killing them!)
And wait a minute...how did she know all of them were going to overdose that night? Is Johns confusing her with Dream Girl, giving her prophecy powers? Or are we to believe that, because she's from a future (reminder: according to the nu52, the Legion isn't even from Earth-Prime's future!!), she somehow knows the fate of billions of people? She bothered to look up and memorize how every two-bit mugger and drug addict will die?
So this is Geoff Johns' conception of Saturn Girl: content to watch blasély as her ally beats several men to death in front of her?
At least Johnny Thunder had the sensibility to be shocked by the violence.
Look, the story's not over yet (for quite awhile). And we haven't gotten anything resembling actual story or plot advancement yet. So, maybe it will turn out that it's not really Saturn Girl. Or that being trapped in the past has driven her a bit bonkers, so she's not herself. Or, it's all Doc Manhattan's fault. Or something.
But this is also Geoff Johns, who had Superboy-Prime behead Pantha, who turned the Superman of Earth-2 into a villain for Infinite Crisis, who decided that Barry Allen couldn't be a hero unless his mother was murdered. And you've seen above, where one of the founders of the Legion has become, it seems, a sociopathic monster. This is the guy we're going to trust to establish the new status quo with the Legion?
Please, DC. Please, whomever eventually replaces Diane Nelson. Release the Legion. Geoff Johns is not the man who should be re-establishing the hopeful, optimistic future of the DC Universe.
Thus endeth the rant.
Showing posts with label Geoff Johns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Geoff Johns. Show all posts
Saturday, June 9, 2018
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Self-Awareness Sunday: I Am Shocked--SHOCKED--To Find A Crisis In This Establishment!!
From this week's Justice League #40:
So, this little commentary saying that the DC Universe had had too many crises, that it's hurting the universe's cohesion, that it's been done too often, that the DC Universe cannot survive another crisis?
That was written by Geoff Johns.
The same Geoff Johns who wrote Infinite Crisis.
The same Geoff Johns who wrote Flashpoint.
The same Geoff Johns who had Superboy-Prime "punch the universe" to rearrange continuity to his liking.
The same Geoff Johns who bent logic and reality to restore his favorite characters to life.
The same Geoff Johns who is, in the very comic just scanned, starting yet another "crisis" with "The Darkseid War."
So...is Geoff Johns critiquing himself, and his body of work? Or is he just displaying a ridiculous amount of chutzpah?
Or, perhaps, is he just totally unaware of the ridiculous irony of what he just wrote?
"Reality has been taken apart and put back together too many times"??? Physician, heal thyself!!
So, this little commentary saying that the DC Universe had had too many crises, that it's hurting the universe's cohesion, that it's been done too often, that the DC Universe cannot survive another crisis?
That was written by Geoff Johns.
The same Geoff Johns who wrote Infinite Crisis.
The same Geoff Johns who wrote Flashpoint.
The same Geoff Johns who had Superboy-Prime "punch the universe" to rearrange continuity to his liking.
The same Geoff Johns who bent logic and reality to restore his favorite characters to life.
The same Geoff Johns who is, in the very comic just scanned, starting yet another "crisis" with "The Darkseid War."
So...is Geoff Johns critiquing himself, and his body of work? Or is he just displaying a ridiculous amount of chutzpah?
Or, perhaps, is he just totally unaware of the ridiculous irony of what he just wrote?
"Reality has been taken apart and put back together too many times"??? Physician, heal thyself!!
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Mary Marvel Vs. Geoff John's Color Corps!?!
I have found conclusive proof that Geoff Johns has invented a time machine, and has gone back to the 1940s to write comics.
A new jerk has come to Fawcett City (or whatever they called it back then) to wield his malevolent powers...
Color King? What kind of wiener is this guy?
Tibet? Those guys are always training people and letting them come over here to make trouble: the Shadow, Dr. Doom, Dr. Strange, Iron Fist...and now Color King! Isn't it about time we imposed some immigration restrictions on people traveling to Tibet?
Well, this dude can't be too bad. What kind of trouble can red eye beams cause?
Don't worry, though--Mary Batson is on the scene to make peace!
OMG!! The emotional spectrum? In a Marvel Family story?!! In 1946?!?
But the Color King isn't limited to just one color...
Green ="soothing"? No wonder Hal Jordan is always so mellow!
And Color King has many more tricks up his sleeve...
Blue = depression? I guess that makes more sense than "hope." You don't see many hopeful people playin' the blues...
And the blue makes this guy more than just a little depressed...
Don't worry--Mary saves him.
Next in our Crayola Box Of Emotional Powers?
Purple is the color of madness?? Not love or compassion (depending on whether you think it's violet or indigo)? Well, I suppose if you were Von Doom or such, you would declare that love and compassion are madness, so there you go.
Again, no worries...Mary rescues the King Kong wannabe.
But our villain has one more deadly hue in his color quiver:
Black is death? Death isn't even an emotion!! This has got to be Johns, right?
A restaurant that has a doorman dressed like a Russian Cossack?!? Only in Fawcett City!!
OK, that is terrible advertising for your restaurant!!
Again, don't be worried--Mary saved the day once again!
But there is a point to the Color King's reign of inconvenience:
Well, Mary gets caught skulking about...and just like every other crook in Fawcett City, Color King keeps a good supply of gags handy!
And now, the ultimate expression of his power!
Fortunately, Mary has found the one flaw in Color King's powers:
They can't effect you if you close your eyes!!
Time for Mary to pretend to be an empty husk...
In her Marvel form, she's immune!!
SHAZAM!!!
Colors carrying the power of emotion? "Death" being on that spectrum, as black, even though death is not an emotion and black is not a color? Come on, this has to be a Geoff Johns joint, right?
From Mary Marvel #3 (1946)
A new jerk has come to Fawcett City (or whatever they called it back then) to wield his malevolent powers...
Color King? What kind of wiener is this guy?
Tibet? Those guys are always training people and letting them come over here to make trouble: the Shadow, Dr. Doom, Dr. Strange, Iron Fist...and now Color King! Isn't it about time we imposed some immigration restrictions on people traveling to Tibet?
Well, this dude can't be too bad. What kind of trouble can red eye beams cause?
The color red makes people angry? Hmmm, why does that sound so familiar?
OMG!! The emotional spectrum? In a Marvel Family story?!! In 1946?!?
But the Color King isn't limited to just one color...
Green ="soothing"? No wonder Hal Jordan is always so mellow!
And Color King has many more tricks up his sleeve...
Blue = depression? I guess that makes more sense than "hope." You don't see many hopeful people playin' the blues...
And the blue makes this guy more than just a little depressed...
Don't worry--Mary saves him.
Next in our Crayola Box Of Emotional Powers?
Purple is the color of madness?? Not love or compassion (depending on whether you think it's violet or indigo)? Well, I suppose if you were Von Doom or such, you would declare that love and compassion are madness, so there you go.
Again, no worries...Mary rescues the King Kong wannabe.
But our villain has one more deadly hue in his color quiver:
Black is death? Death isn't even an emotion!! This has got to be Johns, right?
A restaurant that has a doorman dressed like a Russian Cossack?!? Only in Fawcett City!!
OK, that is terrible advertising for your restaurant!!
Again, don't be worried--Mary saved the day once again!
But there is a point to the Color King's reign of inconvenience:
Well, Mary gets caught skulking about...and just like every other crook in Fawcett City, Color King keeps a good supply of gags handy!
And now, the ultimate expression of his power!
Fortunately, Mary has found the one flaw in Color King's powers:
They can't effect you if you close your eyes!!
Time for Mary to pretend to be an empty husk...
In her Marvel form, she's immune!!
SHAZAM!!!
Colors carrying the power of emotion? "Death" being on that spectrum, as black, even though death is not an emotion and black is not a color? Come on, this has to be a Geoff Johns joint, right?
From Mary Marvel #3 (1946)
Monday, January 26, 2015
Manic Monday--G.E.O.F.F. J.O.H.N.S. S.T.R.I.K.E.S A.G.A.I.N.
Let me make full disclosure right away.
I love to invent acronyms for things. I used to mock a friend who had a MENSA membership that the name stood for Man-Eating Nasty Snarling Aliens, and the group was really a front for aliens to gather all of humanity's smartest in one place when they invaded. Hmmm, that would make a great comic book plot (or a terrible TV series plot)!
Anyway, the point is that my hands aren't clean when it comes to making the initials of preexisting names stand for something.
But there does come a point when the activity passes the point of fun and silliness, and enters the real of trendy grim realism and sucking the fun out of everything.
Take, for example, last week's episode of The Flash (don't worry, no spoilers here). Co-written by DC Chief Creative Officer Geoff Johns, it was apparently decided that the name Firestorm had to stand for something.
I mean, we can't have a teenager transformed into a nuclear super-hero just give himself the name Firestorm, can we? I mean, that is far too comic-booky for modern audiences!
No, instead the name has to derive from this:
You can click on that to embiggen.
What the screen tells us that the next hero on the DC block got his name by making an acronym of the title of an 800 page pdf file of a scientific paper.
And that F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M. is really an acronym for Fusion, Ignition, Research Experiment and Science of Transmutation Originating RNA and Molecular Structures.
Seriously.
Isn't that the most terrible thing ever? It gets even worse..as blog-buddy notintheface points out, because the phrase contains "RNA", it's actually an acronym that includes another acronym. That is special.
I guess it's a good thing that Johns isn't working on the Marvel TV shows, or he'd reveal that D.A.R.E.D.E.V.I.L. actually stands for DNA Activated Radar Enhanced Dual Extra-sensory (non-Visual) Impairment Lessener.
Yes, it's terrible. But then again, I'm not paid to come up with better, like a certain Chief Creative Officer is.
I love to invent acronyms for things. I used to mock a friend who had a MENSA membership that the name stood for Man-Eating Nasty Snarling Aliens, and the group was really a front for aliens to gather all of humanity's smartest in one place when they invaded. Hmmm, that would make a great comic book plot (or a terrible TV series plot)!
Anyway, the point is that my hands aren't clean when it comes to making the initials of preexisting names stand for something.
But there does come a point when the activity passes the point of fun and silliness, and enters the real of trendy grim realism and sucking the fun out of everything.
Take, for example, last week's episode of The Flash (don't worry, no spoilers here). Co-written by DC Chief Creative Officer Geoff Johns, it was apparently decided that the name Firestorm had to stand for something.
I mean, we can't have a teenager transformed into a nuclear super-hero just give himself the name Firestorm, can we? I mean, that is far too comic-booky for modern audiences!
No, instead the name has to derive from this:
You can click on that to embiggen.
What the screen tells us that the next hero on the DC block got his name by making an acronym of the title of an 800 page pdf file of a scientific paper.
And that F.I.R.E.S.T.O.R.M. is really an acronym for Fusion, Ignition, Research Experiment and Science of Transmutation Originating RNA and Molecular Structures.
Seriously.
Isn't that the most terrible thing ever? It gets even worse..as blog-buddy notintheface points out, because the phrase contains "RNA", it's actually an acronym that includes another acronym. That is special.
I guess it's a good thing that Johns isn't working on the Marvel TV shows, or he'd reveal that D.A.R.E.D.E.V.I.L. actually stands for DNA Activated Radar Enhanced Dual Extra-sensory (non-Visual) Impairment Lessener.
Yes, it's terrible. But then again, I'm not paid to come up with better, like a certain Chief Creative Officer is.
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Sunday, January 25, 2015
The Naive World of 2002
Ah, the modern super-hero universe, where the defenders of good and right are resented, hated, and feared...
Wait--the city is throwing them a celebration? Don't you mean a protest, and picketing, and evicting them, and throwing fruit and stuff?
People want to thank heroes?!? Are we sure this is a modern super-hero comic?
A parade?!? A parade?!? (And you have to love the Reed Richards balloon!)
Multiple parades?!? Monthly parades? People love heroes?
Not a dream, not a hoax, not an alternate reality!!
Clearly, someone never got the memo that modern super-heroes must be tormented, hunted, hated by the very people they protect, viewed as both threats and menaces. Someone hasn't absorbed the lesson that heroes must have loss in their life, with murdered relatives and tragedy, or they can't be heroes.
Who wrote this?
OMG.
This is like finding a trunk in the attic full of happy love songs that Morrissey wrote as a teenager before he became Morrissey.
Still, in this series, Geoff Johns does have Ben Grimm get depressed and literally run away to join the circus, so there's that.
And we should be very, very grateful that he didn't try to turn F.A.N.T.A.S.T.I.C. F.O.U.R. into an acronym, like he did with Firestorm...
From The Thing: Freakshow #1 (2002)
Wait--the city is throwing them a celebration? Don't you mean a protest, and picketing, and evicting them, and throwing fruit and stuff?
People want to thank heroes?!? Are we sure this is a modern super-hero comic?
A parade?!? A parade?!? (And you have to love the Reed Richards balloon!)
Multiple parades?!? Monthly parades? People love heroes?
Not a dream, not a hoax, not an alternate reality!!
Clearly, someone never got the memo that modern super-heroes must be tormented, hunted, hated by the very people they protect, viewed as both threats and menaces. Someone hasn't absorbed the lesson that heroes must have loss in their life, with murdered relatives and tragedy, or they can't be heroes.
Who wrote this?
OMG.
This is like finding a trunk in the attic full of happy love songs that Morrissey wrote as a teenager before he became Morrissey.
Still, in this series, Geoff Johns does have Ben Grimm get depressed and literally run away to join the circus, so there's that.
And we should be very, very grateful that he didn't try to turn F.A.N.T.A.S.T.I.C. F.O.U.R. into an acronym, like he did with Firestorm...
From The Thing: Freakshow #1 (2002)
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Bold Fashion Choices--Trying To Make The Silk Purse
Several of this week's DC mags contain a preview of the forthcoming Superman #32.
And as much as I respect the talents of John Romita Jr and Klaus Janson...
...they actually manage to make to nu52 super-suit look even worse.
I didn't think that was possible.
Oh, and apparently we're going to find out that the nu52 version of Titano...
...is a robot.
Good heavens, why???
Because then Superman can savagely tear Titano's head off without actually killing anyone.
Because Geoff Johns.
Ye. Gods.
And as much as I respect the talents of John Romita Jr and Klaus Janson...
...they actually manage to make to nu52 super-suit look even worse.
I didn't think that was possible.
Oh, and apparently we're going to find out that the nu52 version of Titano...
...is a robot.
Good heavens, why???
Because then Superman can savagely tear Titano's head off without actually killing anyone.
Because Geoff Johns.
Ye. Gods.
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