The Budget Guide To Taking Over The World: Chapter I--Cheap Hypnosis Gas!!

Bobby Drake is visiting a villain, Stuart Clarke (a.k.a. Rampage) in the hospital...

D'oh!!

Really? There are chemicals stored in hospital dispensaries that can be used to make a hypnosis gas?!?

Well, at least it's only a temporary hypnosis gas. Still, you think OSHA would have some kind of warnings up...

And, admittedly, it's probably cheaper than making your own hypnosis gas--you can bill the insurance company!!

From Spectacular Spider-Man #18 (1978)

The Future Predicted, 22 Years Ago

Great moments in prognostication:

What, you don't see it? Look more closely:

Wow. Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #11 accurately predicted the coming of The Age Of Ultron, way back in 1991!!

Now if only they had managed to warn us it was going to be 10 interminable issues and countless spin-offs, we could have taken a time machine to prevent Bendis from starting it...

Dork Avengers

Questions, I have questions...

A) Man, if Bendis really wanted to write Thunderbolts stories that badly, why the hell not just write Thunderbolts? Why drag Norman Osborn et al into a whole new and unnecessary Avengers book???

B) Why the elaborate charade?

Remember, the premise is, the public saw Osborn being a hero against the Skrulls, and the public clamor caused the president to put him in charge of H.A.M.M.E.R. and the Avengers.

Well, the rest of the Thunderbolts team was there too, right? Moonstone was there, Bullseye was there, Venom was there. They fought and killed Skrulls live on TV. Wouldn't they then be regarded as heroes, just as much as Osborn?

So why the pretend game? Why pretend Moonstone is Ms. Marvel, or Bullseye is Hawkeye, or Venom is Spider-Man? Why would the public accept Osborn as the Iron Patriot, but not the rest of his team??

C) Spider-Man.

Let's check in with Peter Parker, and see what's up in his life.



Oh, right. He's wanted for suspicion of being the "Spider Tracer" serial killer. The police are shooting to kill on sight. The general public believes he's a killer, and is frightened to death of him.

Hmmm.

So having Venom disguise himself as a perceived serial killer is an advantage how??

Yet, in the very same city, here's the press and the public, wildly cheering for the man identified as Spider-Man.

So, the police and the people and the papers (especially the DB!!) have magically forgotten their vendetta against Spidey why?

Or has Osborn somehow pardoned Spider-Man, and the message just hasn't gotten through to the NYPD yet?? So instead of tweaking Spider-Man, he's actually doing him a favor?? And we can expect to Peter Parker receive some of this love in his own mag??

Or, more likely, is it that Bendis just doesn't give a damn what's going on in anybody else's books? That he can't be bothered to have his charade make sense because, dammit, he wants Venom to be an Avenger, and the storyline in Amazing Spider-Man can just go frell itself?!?

D) Ares and the Sentry?!?!?

Look, Bendis clearly has some deep liking for these characters, as they're the only ones he kept around from Mighty. But in heaven's name, why?!? In the Sentry's stint in New and Mighty Avengers, and Ares' in Mighty, have either one of them done anything even remotely interesting, or even memorable?!? If you like these guys so much, Bendis, why the hell don't you have them actually do something?!?

So what does the first real event of Purple Reign give us? Gussied up Thunderbolts, used in ways that make no sense, and a 7-page preview of Secret Warriors that had ALREADY been run in the Dark Reign: New Nation special. There's $3.99 well spent.

I guess it really is a dark reign...

Clips from Amazing Spider-Man 584 and Dork Avengers #1

Does Whatever a Cartoon Can...

I haven't seen too many people yapping about this, so let me be the first to say: The Spectacular Spider-Man cartoon on Kids' WB rocks.

It debuted last Saturday with a special 2-episode premiere, and man o man, it surpassed my already high expectations.

Why high expectations? Because the supervising producer/show-runner is Greg Weisman, who was the guiding light behind Disney's Gargoyles cartoon back in the '90s. Gargoyles was, in my opinion, the pinnacle of Cartoons Too Good For Snotty Kids®. The depth of characterization, the complexities and twists of the plot...sheer excellence. Don't take my word for it. Season 1 and the first half of Season 2 are out on DVD, so go watch. Amazon's got them, Netflix has them...just go give them a try.

So when I learned Weisman was taking on Spidey, well, I just had to be on board. And my hopes weren't dashed. We're basically at Spider-Man Year One. Peter's still in high school, and has been Spidey for about 4 months or so.

Now, Weisman has written comics before, and you can tell he looooves early Lee-Ditko Spider-Man, because he's just swimmin' in the fun, wallowing in the stuff.. In just the first hour, we've got: The Vulture, Flint Marko before he gets powered up, Elektro, Curt Conners injecting himself with lizard DNA, The Enforcers, Hammerhead, a mysterious unseen boss who's gotta be the Kingpin, Norman Osborn pre-Goblin but still a dickweed, Eddie Brock, Gwen Stacy, J. Jonah Jameson...and it all works.

So figure out who's got Saturday AM Kids' WB in your area, set your TIVOs, and enjoy. I promise you won't be disappointed.

The only drawback? Aunt May is...well...kinda hot. And that makes me feel real weird...