Manic Monday--We All Bow To The Power Of...Mallo?!?!

I'm willing to bet that you had no idea who the most powerful being in the DC Universe is? Well, pre-Crisis, at least? You're about to find out!

Back in the day, DC Comics Presents had a recurring back-up feature, "Whatever Happened To...?" It took a look at older (usually Golden Age) DC heroes who hadn't got a lot of attention of late. This was years before Secret Origins became a regular ongoing, so it was a welcome way to give modern audiences some exposure to older heroes (not to mention an exercise in trademark preservation!)

In DC Comics #30 (1981), we get Whatever Happened To The Golden Age Atom. Al Pratt comes home to find some burglars making off with his stuff.

Bad move for them...

 EXCEPT!!!

 What happened? Well, our story is interrupted by an apparently omnipotent cosmic being!!

 Wait...WTF?!?!?!!?!?!?!

This raises so many goddamned questions.

First off, this character was created by Bob Rozakis--he's The Answer Man!! He must know what he's talking about, right?!? So this has got to be 100% canon--there's a guy in a big comfy chair going around manipulating people and powers to "preserve the balance between parallel universes"??? And seriously, would two guys having different powers really knock the cosmos out of alignment? Why does the cosmos care that two guys named Atom have different abilities? Would it have been OK if one of them had a different name?!?

And where the hell was Mallo guy during Crisis (any of them, really)? Is he related to Metron--after all he's cosmically aware in a big ol' chair? What about other "imbalances"--Black Canary? Red Tornado? What about imbalances between other universes? Is this guy the reason Kid Eternity got switch from Earth-X to Earth-S?

AAGGGHHHH!!! See what you've done to me, Rozakis!?!?

Anyway, Pratt got Palmer's powers for awhile--size changing belt and all:

 He goes on to roust the burglars, and...

WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!!

For the record, it turns out this was Mallo's second (and final) appearance. The previous month, in the Atom back-up in Action Comics #515 (1981), Mallo gave Earth-1 Atom the 5' height and atomic super-strength of Al Pratt, and he used it to beat up some kidnappers. And after this second story, Mallo was never seen again.

So what happened? Why couldn't we even get a "Anti-Monitor wipes him out to show how badass he is" scene? Why didn't Grant Morrison use him as the villan in Final Crisis or Multiversity--Mallo was way better than the villains he actually did use (ssshhh).

The DC Multiverse awaits your return, Mallo....maybe in the end of Doomsday Clock?

How The JSA Caused The Prison-Industrial Complex!!

Wonder how America became so addicted to incarceration? Blame the JSA!

Johnny Thunder is wandering around being a goofball, and one by one the members of the Justice Society go out looking for him.

And in every case, they run into vast pockets of crime--in the same city and the same issue!

First up, Flash deposits some crooks at the city jail:

Next, Doctor Fate drops off a gang:

Then, Sandman goes plumb loco:

See--right there!! The head cop explicitly says that the JSA are responsible for the prison-building boom!!

Oh, and the Atom adds on to the burgeoning prison population!

Two new jails?!? How much unsolved crime was there in this town, anyway?!?!?

Green Lantern contributes to the overcrowding:

Remember, this is all one issue!! The JSA, pretty much just by accident, catches enough crooks to force the city to build two new wings AND two new jails!!

Don't worry, though--the Spectre won't contribute to this problem...

...even in 1941, he just straight-up killed the bad guys he encountered!!

From All-Star Comics #6 (1941)

Ray Palmer's Second Chance!!

The Atom is fighting some crooks, when he's struck by some mysterious radiation, and...

Fortunately, the Earth-2 Atom has come to visit, and he's able to help Ray. Or is he?

Ray has been de-aged--mentally and physically--to an 18 year old college sophomore!!

But...

Ray hasn't had his first date with Jean yet...?

Ray...this is your chance...you don't know her; in fact, you're put off by her aggressiveness!! You aren't engaged yet!!

RUN, Ray Palmer--RUN!!! Run as fast as you can and never look back!! Run as if you life and future happiness depended on it. Run...

D'oh!! Damn you, Silver Age, for returning everything back to normal at the end of every story! Damn you!! Ray could have escaped, and lived a normal, happy life!!

 I guess some things just aren't meant to be...

From Atom #36 (1968)

Friday Night Fights--Gil Kane Atom Style!!

I'm pulling a little bait and switch for this week's Friday Night Fights.

Let's start as the Atom investigates some shenanigans at his university...

Ha!! Fooled you!! When this post's title said Gil Kane Atom, you thought I meant Ray Palmer, right?

Sorry, folks, we're on Earth-2. But Gil Kane can still draw the heck out of a fight scene, can't he?

POW!!

Spacebooger misses heroes who fight robbers and thieves...

The wrong Atom still kicks ass in The Atom #36 (1968), by Gardner Fox, Gil Kane and Sid Greene

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? If I win this week, I'll show you the Al Pratt/Ray Palmer dust-up from later in this issue. So go and vote!!

Manic Monday Bonus--Your Insurance Office Is A Death-Trap!!

A lot of people think the overly-elaborate death traps that villains put heroes in are some modern invention.

Ha!!

Let's head back to the Golden Age, and the first appearance of perennially-failed world conqueror Per Degaton!

He's taking over the world by changing history and making all science and technology vanish (except his).

He and his gang stop off on their reign of terror to loot an insurance company vault of $1 million dollars in gold--because apparently, back in the day, All-State and Geico kept a million bucks in metal in their offices just because.

The Atom tries to stop them, but he gets sucker-punched. Time to kill him!!

Good question!!

AAAIIIEEEEE he's ugly!!

Anyway, it appears that back in the day, insurance companies also built death-trap rooms just to convince folks that maybe they needed to buy insurance!

You would think that having a room full of instant death would be, well, an insurance risk...but I guess they could just write themselves a policy, and pay off in gold when a hapless potential customer died?

Still, it does make for elaborate death traps for captured heroes...

Like a good neighbor!!

Vaults full of gold being robbed by time-traveling despots, death rooms...it probably is far safer to get your insurance online these days...

From All-Star Comics #35 (1947)