Who Is The Bigger Idiot...

...Norman Osborn or the American people (and the media, too)?

I mean, you're tempted to say the American people...at least those of Marvel-616. I mean, in Siege, they're being given the exact same scenario as Civil War, but apparently reaching the opposite conclusion.

In Civil War, as you'll recall, a group of heroes recklessly attack some villains in Stamford, things blow up, and 600 people died. And the public blamed the heroes, not the villains, and the Registration Act passed, etc, etc.

And now in Siege, a group of heroes recklessly attack a putative villain, things blow up, and tens of thousands of people die. And this time, despite the much higher casualty count, we're supposed to believe the public reacts in exactly the opposite manner, blaming those attacked rather than the attackers.

Then again, this is the same American public who saw Norman Osborn just happen to be the one who made the killshot on the Queen Skrull and decide to make him all-powerful, which is akin to people seeing Ted Bundy put a bullet in Bin-Laden's head and electing him Pope of Chilitown, so who knows.

(By the way, I would have said spoiler alert, but since Marvel has been printing these pages from Siege as a "preview" for over a month now, there's nothing to spoil. Special note to Marvel: maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't print the only interesting pages from the story as a preview, leaving the rest of the issue to be a raging anti-climax and borefest. I'm just sayin'...)

So yeah, the American people of 616 are dumbasses.

But Norman Osborn...he's supposed to be a genius, right? Then how does something like this happen?

He and Loki are going to send to U-Foes to beat up on Volstagg, to create a pretense to justify an invasion of Asgard.

Now, let's look at the reasoning used...

You can't go with the Avengers or Thunderbolts? Why not? Well, it must mean a) this will be public, and b) you need plausible deniability. Osborn can't be seen as being behind the attack...

EXCEPT...the U-Foes are not some unknown mystery men. They're the official Initiative team of North Carolina!!

How do we know this?

Because Osborn himself held a televised press event introducing them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (In Avengers: Initiative #26, to be precise).

So there's no way he can claim that he has no idea who attacked Volstagg, no connection to them--he pimped them on live TV as his hand-picked "champions!"

Man, if I were cynical, I'd think that Bendis was (once again) not even bothering to care in the least what his fellow Marvel writers were doing...

And you can hardly argue that they weren't seen...they were standing right on top of the Jumbotron at Soldier Field!!

Do you know how many network TV cameras are at an NFL game? How many cell phone cameras must have transmitted an image of them before the big boom? And the cops an civilians where the fight started saw them, too.

OK, OK, maybe you can argue that Loki double-crossed Osborn, and picked the U-Foes specifically to foil his plans. But if that's true--and there's no evidence that it is--than why does Osborn compound the problem by taking the U-Foes to beat up Thor??

They're there--in his company--seen on live national television!! The same guys who just publicly blew up Soldier Field, are hanging around with Citizen Osborn and beating up known hero Thor.

Despite what Osborn said earlier about not wanting to be connected to this.

Norman Osborn--the stupidest man alive.

I mean, it couldn't just be terrible comic book writing, could it?

Dork Avengers

Questions, I have questions...

A) Man, if Bendis really wanted to write Thunderbolts stories that badly, why the hell not just write Thunderbolts? Why drag Norman Osborn et al into a whole new and unnecessary Avengers book???

B) Why the elaborate charade?

Remember, the premise is, the public saw Osborn being a hero against the Skrulls, and the public clamor caused the president to put him in charge of H.A.M.M.E.R. and the Avengers.

Well, the rest of the Thunderbolts team was there too, right? Moonstone was there, Bullseye was there, Venom was there. They fought and killed Skrulls live on TV. Wouldn't they then be regarded as heroes, just as much as Osborn?

So why the pretend game? Why pretend Moonstone is Ms. Marvel, or Bullseye is Hawkeye, or Venom is Spider-Man? Why would the public accept Osborn as the Iron Patriot, but not the rest of his team??

C) Spider-Man.

Let's check in with Peter Parker, and see what's up in his life.



Oh, right. He's wanted for suspicion of being the "Spider Tracer" serial killer. The police are shooting to kill on sight. The general public believes he's a killer, and is frightened to death of him.

Hmmm.

So having Venom disguise himself as a perceived serial killer is an advantage how??

Yet, in the very same city, here's the press and the public, wildly cheering for the man identified as Spider-Man.

So, the police and the people and the papers (especially the DB!!) have magically forgotten their vendetta against Spidey why?

Or has Osborn somehow pardoned Spider-Man, and the message just hasn't gotten through to the NYPD yet?? So instead of tweaking Spider-Man, he's actually doing him a favor?? And we can expect to Peter Parker receive some of this love in his own mag??

Or, more likely, is it that Bendis just doesn't give a damn what's going on in anybody else's books? That he can't be bothered to have his charade make sense because, dammit, he wants Venom to be an Avenger, and the storyline in Amazing Spider-Man can just go frell itself?!?

D) Ares and the Sentry?!?!?

Look, Bendis clearly has some deep liking for these characters, as they're the only ones he kept around from Mighty. But in heaven's name, why?!? In the Sentry's stint in New and Mighty Avengers, and Ares' in Mighty, have either one of them done anything even remotely interesting, or even memorable?!? If you like these guys so much, Bendis, why the hell don't you have them actually do something?!?

So what does the first real event of Purple Reign give us? Gussied up Thunderbolts, used in ways that make no sense, and a 7-page preview of Secret Warriors that had ALREADY been run in the Dark Reign: New Nation special. There's $3.99 well spent.

I guess it really is a dark reign...

Clips from Amazing Spider-Man 584 and Dork Avengers #1

Questions For A Week When Nobody's Reading

A) Now that Geoff Johns has announced that he's leaving JSA--and DC has yet to announce the new team--what do you think the over/under is on the number of months until cancellation??

I'm certainly not rooting for that. But given the inability of almost anyone else to ever make the title sell, and the inability of DC to provide stable creative teams for almost any book not helmed by Johns, I'm not optimistic. So I'm guessing 7 post-Johns issues...and then another re-launch at some point.

B) Why can't I have a hedge maze for Christmas? Seriously, give me one good reason...

C) Is it just me, or is "Doctor Hurt" just Hush with a more respected creative pedigree??

D) Given the tremendous complications that it could produce for the ongoing Purple Reign story line, what is the likelihood that we ever get any answer to the question of exactly what Spider-Man's and the Green Goblin's history is post-Brand New Day?

Seriously, given the fact that Bendis has spent literally years building up to the moment where Norman Osborn takes over the world, did Quesada ever bother to let him now that they were going to frell up Osborn's memories and/or timeline?!? (Of course, Bendis could pull a little bit of plot jiu jitsu and say that Norman's so nuts because of Mephisto's machinations...)

Full of Sound And Fury...

Some thoughts upon the "ending" of Skrullapalooza:

• Fair is fair, so I should acknowledge that, whatever else its flaws, Skrullapalooza was largely on time. There's certainly some utility, some virtue in actually bringing out a "spine" event for your entire universe in a timely manner. For comparison, we got 8 issues of Secret Invasion in the same time that we've seen 4 issues of Final Crisis. That's not to compare the artistic quality of the two--but in terms of keeping reader interest and maintaining momentum to establish a "shiny new continuity" (not to mention not keeping gosh knows how many other pending projects on hold), Skrullapalooza whooped Final Crisis.
• Perhaps as a consequence of prior delays, have you noticed that these spine events are trickling over less and less into the mainstream continuity? Ever since Civil War and Countdown, Marvel and DC have been less and less willing to have their ongoing series hijacked by inevitably late events. World War Hulk was pretty much ignored in every other Marvel mag--not a mention of NYC being devastated, Avengers Tower and the Baxter Building being flattened, etc--while instead we were given assorted mini-series so we could pretend this really was a universe-wide event. Skrullapalooza did cross over a little more...but the Fantastic Four, Thor, X-Men, Spider-Man, etc, couldn't be bothered to interrupt their own story lines to tie into the "new age" (Quesada's words) of the Marvel Universe--instead we got mini-series by different creative teams. If the patterns of WWH are followed (and if the solicits that have been released so far are an indication) we will never get even a mention in those mags of the universe changing events we've witnessed. Is this a preferable approach? Is it a sign that Marvel editorial has broken down into exclusive fiefdoms, where "I ain't tying into your crossover" is the rule rather than the exception? Discuss.
• One final bit of praise: however oddly and illogically it's been set up, it does sound as if there could be an awful lot of interesting story lines coming out of Dark Reign. Of course, I reserve judgment until some of those things actually happen, but there is some potential here.

There, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Ah, but there's' the flip side, isn't there? Why, on the whole, was Skrullapalooza such a disappointment?

• How, precisely, do the heroes win? In theory, the Skrulls have millions of soldiers at their disposal, now with Magic Super-Skrull Combo Powers. Not to mention an obvious advantage in space-age weaponry. I mean, when all of the heroes gather in one spot for the final confrontation, why not just freaking overwhelm them, outnumbering them 1,000-1, and with more powers? Or better, why not just launch a nuke or 12 from orbit?!? While the heroes are making their "last stand," why not just ignore them, leave NYC alone and take over the rest of the damn world? Bendis never seemed to grasp that we were facing a full-out planetary invasion by an entire star-spanning empire, as the heroes seem to win with less effort than they expended against the Red Hood's gang. The outcome is illogical, and rushed--a total anti-climax.
  
• Speaking of rushed outcomes, what happens to all the Skrulls? I know we'll surely get some details in the future, but wouldn't an invasion on this scale by shapeshifters cause a massive upswing in global paranoia, an inability to have the trust to create a new world order with a new S.H.I.E.L.D. and whatever else Norman Osborn is setting up? And we know there are more Skrulls out there--at the very least, Skrull Jarvis escaped with the baby. Shouldn't we have a planet where nobody trusts anybody anymore, were the merest interaction requires biological proof that you're not Skrull, where any and every problem is blamed on those damned shapeshifters? Apparently not--everyone is "phew, that was close" and is going back to trusting one man with unchecked power...this time just Osborn instead of Stark.
• Speaking of Stark--"World's Most Wanted?" "Will Stark be indicted?!?" For what, precisely? I shouldn't have to point this out, but according to Bendis' own timeline, S.H.I.E.L.D. was infiltrated before the Civil War (before Stark took over), The Avengers were infiltrated before the Civil War. It's not as if he forced the world to buy Stark technology. Sure, he's a colossal doofus and a f#$%-up, but it seems obvious that the invasion would have happened even had we not had a Super Human Registration Act, even if Stark had never become director of S.H.I.E.L.D., even if everyone were one big happy Marvel family. Despite his crimes during the Civil War, Stark is mostly blameless here...and the populace of the Marvel Universe looks fickle and stupid (they now no longer care about Stamford??).
• Speaking of blame--Nick Fury trusted Spider-Woman, who was the freaking Skrull Queen, and dismissed Ms. Marvel as a Skrull. So much for all that time he spent in hiding sussing things out with bulletin boards and red circles. Where the heck is the public outrage at Fury for abandoning his post in time of invasion and running a triple agent who was actually behind said invasion?!?
• Who was a Skrull? As most people predicted, nobody important. Just as with DC's Millennium maxi-series 20 years ago, where we were promised earth-shattering revelations about what long-time characters we actually Manhunters and got bupkis, Skrullapalooza had no courage to do anything truly shocking. Jarvis? Please. She-Thing?? Stop the presses!! And making the cop-out even worse than it was, apparently everyone who had been replaced turned up alive and well. Cowardly, Marvel, cowardly.
• Speaking of cop-out city, not only do the good guys win ridiculously easily, with no casualties (even if you believe the Wasp is dead--she's not--than somehow miraculously returning Mockingbird from the grace counterbalances that), but we can't even remain true to the premises established. Stark tech is all compromised--oh, except for Maria Hill's LMD and ray gun and jetpack, conveniently. And except for Stark just happening to have "another suit of armor, not tied to the Starktech mainframe"--yet it still seems to have all of the capabilities of his old armor. And except for Nick Fury's big ass guns and magic teleporter. And the Scarlet Spider suits. And...well, you get the idea: total Plot-Convenience Theater. Pretend that you've completely disabled things, but actually not when you find you've plotted yourself into a corner.

Overall, though, the biggest flaw of Secret Invasion was the pathetic loss of so much potential. Bendis and Yu seemed content to shower us with splash pages and epic crowd scenes, rather than actually telling the story. The entire planet was under attack by an alien species bent on conquest, and we beat it with a Sharks vs. Jets rumble in the park? DC's Invasion! and Our Worlds At War we far better, more convincing depictions of that premise. They're Skrulls--anybody could be one of them!! No, we got Kirby the Pup. We're going to show what happens when we deprive our heroes of their most important technology...no, we're not, really. Look, all the Skrulls are Super-Skrulls now, they can do crazy things with their powers!! Not so much--aside from growing big, did we actually see a Skrull using anything more than a generic power beam within the series? Nope...just lots of static crowd shots of crazy quilt Skrulls not actually doing much.

The actual series itself was padded beyond belief, giving us, at most, 3 issues of content over 8 issues. Yet despite that, almost all of the big revelations took place elsewhere, in New Avengers, Mighty Avengers, and Avengers: Initiative. It's almost funny--Bendis was apparently dead set on showing off how clever he'd been by showing us every clue he'd planted over the last 4+ years, every single moment of a couple of people being taken over and clandestine meetings and filling in background, all over the last who-knows-how-many issues of the Avengers mags. But if he had spent 1/10th of that effort on the actual invasion itself, and actually had something happen during it, it probably could have been a decent story. But instead we got huge build-up; deeeeeeeeeeeppppp background presented elsewhere; little of interest during the invasion aside from stilted, poorly drawn crowd fight scenes; and a rushed transition to the new status quo. For $3.99 per issue.

That was an awful lot of time and effort just to get to "Norman Osborn runs the planet now."

The Surprise Ending to Secret Invasion--Revealed

OK, I'm serious this time. Unlike my goof on the "true" secret ending of Batman R.I.P., I think that I've really tumbled onto the actual ending of Marvel's interminable Skrullapalooza.

Yesterday at the Diamond/Alliance Retailer Summit in Las Vegas (why does everyone have a better life than I do??), Bendis unveiled the next Marvel line-wide blockbuster, "Dark Reign." His description:

"The Initiative was kind of like the Cold War," the SECRET INVASION scribe explains, comparing this new push to Initiative branding that followed 2006's Civil War. "There's a war, and then there's a cold war. This was an invasion, and from the invasion, certain people take the hit, certain people rise up as the heroes who you wouldn't expect, and from that comes a new power status in the Marvel Universe that some would consider a dark reign and some would consider heaven. One man's dark reign is another man's 'Finally!'"

So, aside from new books (like Dark Avengers....sigh), what could this mean??

Well, I think maybe Marvel may have let the cat slip out of the bag. Maybe. Check out the November solicit for New Warriors #18:

The future isn’t so bright. Not when Iron Man has taken the Superhuman Registration Act to new heights and imposed his rule over a good chunk of the free world. Super heroes have been outlawed and any hope of resistance has been crushed. And while the New Warriors try to escape this world gone wrong, Night Thrasher takes it upon himself to be the one who just might set things right...

Now, the phrasing could be interpreted to make it sound like the Warriors are doing a Days of Future Past bit, visiting an alternate future. But with this latest news about Dark Reign, I'm not so sure.

What if that New Warrior's story isn't an alternate future, but really the end result of Skrullapalooza? Iron Man decides more power is the best way to prevent Skrull shenanigans, and takes over, completing his transition to Fascist Man? Outlaw superheros, so Skrulls can't pose as them...use S.H.I.E.L.D. and Extremis to extend his power over "a good chunk of the free world?"

That would certainly result in shake-ups of the Avengers teams, including requiring some to be "Dark Avengers." It would certainly be a "new power status in the Marvel Universe that some would consider a dark reign and some would consider heaven."

Wow. If I'm right...if that's the end result of the not-so-Secret Invasion...color me impressed...maybe.