Bold Fashion Choices--Enough With The Chest Sparkles, Already!!

As I've mellowed in my old age, I've come to grudgingly accept most of the elements of Geoff Johns' Captain Marvel reboot--and that's a good thing, since the movie's trailer makes it appear that it will be virtually a direct panel-by-panel adaptation of that take.

But there's one thing I'm still hung up on:

That damn "magic crackle" in the lightning bolt on Marvel's chest is just too freakin' distracting.

Like most other nu52-era costume designs, the whole suit is a little too fiddly and armor-y--do we need metal boots and a oddly shaped metal belt?

And fine, he's magic-based. But that constant Rorschach-swirl of energy on his chest, and the constant flickering of lightning and smoke around him, constantly draws attention away from whatever we're supposed to be looking at in the panel. As I said, it's distracting as hell.

And that applies just as much to his foster-siblings when they power up:

I mean, look at that!

No wonder the first issue was delayed a week, and issue #2 has been bumped back 5 weeks (5--even before #1 comes out, you're more than 5 weeks behind?!?!?!!!). I pity the artist who is required to draw all that fiddle-faddle in every damn panel.

I mean, DC has taken what was one of the simplest, cleanest, most satisfying set of costume designs...

...and turned it into a light show that gets in the way, even during what should be a simple conversation:

And really, do we need Mary Marvel looking like an out of control Electro every time she uses her powers?

So DC, please, a little help here. Tone done the crackle and lightning--before you drive poor Dale Eaglesham to drink!

From Shazam! #1 (2019)

It's A Good Thing They Had Dry Erase Markers!!

Uh-oh, Dr. Sivana is up to no good...

Now, you'd think that somewhere as important to the cosmos as the Rock Of Eternity might have, you know, a little security? A locked door? Need a password?

Nope.

See, I bet you didn't know that the "elders" who grant Billy Batson his SHAZAM powers are hanging around at the Rock Of Eternity, discussing "problems of the galactic universe."

Of course, we can't help but notice the similarities to Kid Eternity--Solomon, Hercules, et. al., just hanging around Eternity (or the Rock Of Eternity), just waiting for a child to say the magic word, so they can grant him their powers (or go down in person). I'd like to think that these similarities were behind DC's decision to retcon Kid Eternity onto Earth-S. We'll discuss this more in my Kid Eternity posts when we get to that point...

Anyway, Sivana waits until the wizard is asleep...

You know, if that's true, I'd seriously consider sleeping in my robe!

Still, that advice comes too late:

Geez, Sivana is pretty damn nasty!

He uses his hostage to force the elders to take their powers away from Captain Marvel...

And how does that process of depowering work? Actually, it's less complicated than you might think!

All you have to do is physically cross your name off a list?

Yup, as the Big Red Cheese finds out when trying to break a code!

D'oh!

And so the process continues, one name at a time, as Sivana toys with our hero like puling wings off a fly!

Next to go: strength!!

Ouch!

Next--stamina!

No!!

Next--power!!

That's just mean!

Next--courage!

Finally, speed!

Ah, but Sivana forgot something very important--the B!!

That is, the powers of Billy Batson!

Billy bonks Sivana...

...and gets Shazam's robe back!! So now it's time to get those powers back!

Wow, it's lucky Sivana didn't make them use permanent marker!!!

And so, with his powers fully restored...

...Sivana's plans are easily foiled.

So, it's as easy as crossing names off a chart, and then erasing those lines? Could someone write in new names on the chart, and grant him new powers? Time to start coming up with new acronyms!!

From Captain Marvel Adventres #144 (1953)

Manic Monday--Saddest Flash Facts Ever?!?

A handy dandy chart from DC Nation #2 (2018) (Click to embiggen):

Not to be too harsh, because Josh Williamson is just doing what his editorial masters tell him to. But man, can we at least get our basic facts straight?

Well, no, the H stands for Hercules, guys. Captain Marvel (SHAZAM be damned) gets his speed from Mercury, which is the letter M in the acronym.

I mean, sure, Hermes and Mercury are just (putatively) the same god with different names. But unless you think the SHAZAM name is no longer an acronym, couldn't Williamson or the editors take 3 seconds to get it right?

But no, I'm not really upset about the foul up. Nor about the odd inclusion of Cheetah on this list. Hey, I guess if you're going to be the villain in an upcoming movie, they'll put you somewhere in the rankings.

No, the first thing that makes me said is...

So there's no real point to ever doing another Flash/Superman race, if Kal-El can't even "crack the top three."

Sigh.

But what really makes me sad is that, after all of the bleeting about how Rebirth was all about restoring "history" and "legacy," this list has no Jay Garrick. Or Johnny Quick. Or Jesse Quick. Or Max Mercury. Or Bart Allen. Or...

It's almost as if, two years after Rebirth, it's turned out that "legacy" was just a bit of false marketing to make fans forget exactly how much damage the nu52 did to the DC brand...

Sigh...

Manic Monday--The "H" Doesn't Stand For Hercules, It Stands For Hobo!

It looks like someone would rather go incognito rather than let Geoff Johns finally get around to writing his adventures...

It's not just billboards asking the question...

It starts off as just another day in Fawcett City, when,,,

But while fires can be frightening things, someone is maybe overreacting a little bit?

Billy is right, as Captain Marvel rescues the wife and daughter pretty easily!

This is where things get kind of strange...

So, she married a hobo? And he stopped being a hobo? They never tell us what profession he adopted...And at the first hint of trouble, he abandons that new life to become a hobo again, without even waiting to find out his family's fate?!? And she knows this is going to happen?!?

I'm just saying, there seems to be some evidence of mental instability there...

Nowadays, there's probably some hobo locating app you could use. But back then? Good luck getting cooperation from other hobos--because Captain Marvel is The Man!

And...

Yes, damn those hobos and their standoffish ways!

Hey, now that's just rude!

But using the wisdom of Solomon...

Huge missed opportunity here for a crossover with hobo Namor!!

And we're treated to the odd sight of the Flying Hobo!

Well, Hunky doesn't want to be found:

"An old hobo enemy of mine"?? What is this, Hobo Game Of Thrones?!?!? Hmmm, someone get me HBO on the line...

Well, Cap eventually catches up to Hunky, and convinces him that he's been kind of a dumbass:

Dude, you took off to be a hobo at the first sign of flames!!! You didn't even stick around for a funeral or anything! You sooo wanted to be a hobo again, you didn't even wait for anyone to be declared dead!!

Well, alls well that ends well. Until Hunky comes home one day, and his family isn't back from the grocery store yet, so he assumes they're dead and just takes off for the road again...

Don't jinx yourself, Cap. Knowing Geoff Johns, he'll have you destitute and miserable within 2 issues...

From Whiz Comics #93 (1948)