Fantastic Fill-In #3--The World's First Director's Cut?!?

Continuing our attempt to generate Fantastic Four content for the two-month gap between Fantastic Four #2 & #3 by spotlighting Fantastic Four Annual #1 (1963).

We all remember the time Spider-Man tried to join the Fantastic Four, right?? Back in Amazing Spider-Man #1 (1963)? By Stan and Steve?? I went a little something like this...

So what does this have to do with the Fantastic Four annual mentioned above?

This:

Whether you believe the "countless requests" or not, Marvel gave us the expanded, director's cut version of that meeting--over twice as long!! Because back then, annuals were special and filled special things, not just forgettable fifth-week fillers.

This time, by Stan, Jack...and inked by Steve!!

More to come...

Is That A Camera On Your Waist, Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

We're all familiar with Peter Parker taking pictures of himself in action as Spider-Man in order to eke out a living:

It's hard to believe that Peter got many good pictures from this set-up--what are the odds the fight stays in front of the camera? Etc.--but J. Jonah Jameson seemed pleased (sort of).

Ah, but that was with primitive 1966 technology. And what most people don't know is, Peter was not the first to use the shtick. Let's take the Wayback Machine to 1940...

Yup, the Fox was playing the "take pictures as a super-hero and sell them as a photographer" game two decades before Peter Parker came up with the scam.

But without webbing, and 1940s-era cameras, how did the Fox get his pictures?

Good gosh.

Yup, he wore that gear under his costume.

Even allowing for artistic license, that bulky gear had to be a noticeable bulge under his costume, right? And how big a hole (or holes) did he have--he had to allow the lens and the flash to "see" out!

Well, one way to get away with it, is to turn off the lights!

Uhh...maybe he's where the flash is?!? Just sayin'...

At least Paul wasn't as unethical as Peter Parker--he, as the Fox, usually gave the pictures he took to another reporter, Ruth Ransom, rather than try to claim the credit/money for himself.

Ahh, cranky newspaper editors...

From Amazing Spider-Man #42 (1966) and Blue Ribbon Comics #6 (1940)

Manic Monday--Clothes Make The Man (Or Rhino)!!

The Rhino is trying to kidnap astronaut John Jameson, because evil spy stuff!!

Spidey has tussled with him twice, and so far it's dead even--Rhino 1, Spider-Man 1.

So the wall-crawler heads to to a scientist friend for help...

What do they come up with? Let's tune in for Round III:

"FTIFFFT instead of FTAKT!" Heh.

But wait for it...

There you go folks--you're Monday Morning Naked Rhino for the week.

You're welcome.

From Amazing Spider-Man #43 (1966)

When The Comics Won't Come To Man-Mountain Marko...

You know who doesn't get nearly enough respect?

Man-Mountain Marko, that's who.

He's big, he's strong--super-humanly so, he can fight Spider-Man--or Spider-Man 2099!!--to a stand-still, he's got ins with the Maggia and the Hand, and his name is freaking MAN-MOUNTAIN MARKO!!

As if we needed more bonus, well, we have three important bonus factors:

1) Man-Mountain Marko loooooves to refer to himself in the third person:

2) Man-Mountain Marko starred in his own Hostess ad (which Spider-Man rudely intruded on):

3) Perhaps most importantly: Man-Mountain Marko had a cousin named, and I am not making this up, Man-Mountain Mario.

Yes, Man-Mountain Mario.

Which leaves us hope--palpable hope--for a Man-Mountain Luigi. Or even a Man-Mountain Wario. Or, dare I say it aloud, a Man-Mountain Waluigi?!?

But let's not be sexist. I, for one, embrace the concept of a Woman-Mountain Mavis...

From Amazing Spider-Man #73-74 (1969)

Have I Mentioned That 1970s Spider-Man Was The Best Spider-Man?

Why was 1970s Spider-Man the best Spider-Man?

Two words: Ross Andru.

OK, three more words: "and Mike Esposito," as he was almost always Andru's inker on Amazing.

This is in no way to throw shade at any other Spider artist, before or after. But Ross Andru was the guy drawing Spider-Man when I started reading it, and to my eyes he will always be *the* Spider-Man artist. His creative page & panel layouts, his ability to capture how ridiculously fast and inhuman Spidey's movements must have looked...

Yeah, yeah, nostalgia and all that. I cop to it.

But for, Ross Andru is a big reason that 1970s Spider-Man was the best Spider-Man.

From Amazing Spider-Man #153 (1976)

Spoiler Saturday--The Unkindest Sliding Timelime of All!

Y'all know how much I hate the "sliding timescale" in comics, as creators continually move heroes' origins forward in time and pin them to specific dates.

Why? To make them seem more relevant? Are there really readers out there who say, "Well, I wasn't going to read the Fantastic Four, because they're all old. But now that we know that Reed and Ben and Victor Von Doom were in college together in 1998, well, sign me up!"

(That, by the way, is an actual thing that Marvel has done. Sigh...)

DC, it seems to me, has always been smarter than that, gently eliding over specific dates while trying to keep their heroes "modern." They don't give us scenes where, say, the Waynes are coming home from The Phantom Menace, or what have you.

But Marvel insists on giving us specifics. With Iron Man, did we really need a specific date? Because as we've learned the hard way, there's always a war somewhere for Tony Stark to get blown up in. So why does Bendis need to go and establish that tony Stark was born in 1982? Why did we have to provide proof that Captain America was revived...during the Clinton Administration?!? (and by now, based on the FF reveal, it would have to be during the Bush II era...or even Obama?!?) Why can't we just maintain the gentle fiction in our mind that Cap did live through the 60s, and Watergate? Why force us to acknowledge that Cap entirely slept through the Cold War and disco?

Especially since, if you're truly dedicated to specific rolling timelines, well, you're going to have to change them again in a few years?!?

But they would never frak with Spider-Man, right? Peter Parker's an everyman, for every time, right?

In this week's Amazing Spider-Man #796, J. Jonah Jameson is in Spider-Man's earpiece, trying to help him drown out the Goblin King's sonic scream. And, well...

Again:

Peter Parker is a millennial? Sigh...

Look, we can pretend that Jonah was just being extra-dorky to motive Spidey. Or, we could surmise that he's old and somewhat out of touch, and is somewhat unclear on the definition of "millennial," so he's misusing it here.

But no, we know that's not true, right? Marvel wants us to know that Peter Parker is a millennial.

We can't have nice things...

This Is Probably Why The Chargers Left...?

This statement not endorsed by the San Diego Chamber Of Commerce...

From Spectacular Spider-Man #144 (1988)

Manic Monday Bonus--Radioactive Lobster, Or Lobster God--YOU Decide!!

Mary Jane's in Hollywood, on the set of the new film she's been cast in--LOBSTER MAN!!

Unfortunately, the producer and the writer are having a little bit of a tiff over what the suits want to do with Lobster Man's origin...

Hmmm...

It sounds like JMS is taking the writer's side here, as the "this doesn't happen in real life" is pretty clearly answered by Spider-Man's existence.

But given that he co-authored "The Other" storyline a few years down the line, which had Peter's existence/powers being under the control of a "spider deity," well, this looks more like JMS was on the producer's side, and this was just a trial balloon...

From Amazing Spider-Man #45 (a.k.a. #486) (2002)