Why Your Parents And Grandparents Won't Have Any Estate To Leave To You!!

Did you ever look at those old Warren horror magazines?Where the last 25+ pages of each issue were solid advertising?

I mean, who could resist this? We weren't made of stone, you know!

And that was before The Empire Strikes Back!!

Close Encounters got some love, too...

And the non-neck-breaking version of Superman was there to suck away our money, too!

Is it any wonder nothing is left for your inheritances?!?

From Eerie #100 (1979)

This Had Damned Well Better Be In The Aquaman Movie!!

Sure, it's not strictly a DC property...

But an undersea creature that's part crocodile, dolphin, shark and elephant?!?! That's hot enough to warm the ocean?!?!? Good gravy, the Makara is the kind of breakout character the DC movies need!!

From Creepy #34 (1970)

That Time Steve Ditko Sent Ted Nugent To Hell?!!?

OK, not just Steve Ditko...Archie Goodwin scripted this piece.

And maybe not precisely Ted Nugent:

Ed Nugent, Ted Nugent--almost the same thing, right?

Anyhoo, watch Ditko get all trippy as Nugent dies, and tries to cash in on his deal with the devil...

So, of course...

Once again, Slay Monstrobot reminds you that there's no irony like cheap irony!! Wango Tango!!

From Creepy #13 (1967)

The Best Cover You've Never Seen--House Of Mystery #281 (1980)

You can keep your Superman Vs. Muhammad Ali.

Me, I'll take...

...Muhammad Ali Vs. a Zombie!!

OK, that isn't Ali, but it is indeed a zombie.

SPOILER ALERT: They both lose the fight.

Jim Starlin drew the hell out of the cover...

The Secret Nazi Zombies Of WWII!!

The Third Reich had a secret scientific project to save the wear for them!

Well, Hitler is impressed by this development...

And the Allied forces have no defense!

Hitler dances a zombie jig!

Not so fast, dude.

A literal fog of war descends on the battlefield. And the zombies are so stupid, they get turned around and start attacking their own troops!

And so Hitler is less happy!

Well, having the zombies respond only to Sporich's voice is a pretty big design flaw, if you ask me. So the scientist rushes to the front to restore zombie order.

[What, they never thought to prerecord his voice giving orders? Or set up a radio link? Or...]

But his plane crashes in the fog! So when Sporich finally gets to the front...

I'd advise you to talk through the pain, mister...

Too late!

Anyway, the fog clears, the air support bombs the zombies to pieces...and Hitler is really, really not happy now!

And so the secret of Nazi science-zombies was lost to history!

From Creepy #35 (1970)

Warren Gets Political!

From Creepy #35 (1970):

Not to pick on a pop culture publication getting political--heaven knows we could probably use more of that these days--but I'm particularly bemused by the fact that the very first reason given to oppose the Vietnam War was, "It hurt the sales of our war magazine 5 years ago!" I'll bet that galvanized Congress and the President into action...

The Real Reason That Bookstores Are Dying!

You know it's hard out here for a bookstore, When he tryin' to get this money for the rent...

Man, Amazon really is ruthless!

[SPOILER ALERT--There was a speakeasy/casino hidden beneath the "bookstore." So, you know, don't do that.]

From Creepy #125 (1981)

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Department Of Cheap Irony, Exhibit #276!!

Hey, look--in the year 2050, they'll still be playing Pokemon Go!

Nah, it's just a guy catching butterflies. But he still has got to catch 'em all!

Why? Because Eric Krane is a sadistic bastard, that's why!

Think of that next time you grab a Snorlax!!

Anyway, Eric is also an astronaut, because they'll take anybody. And when he crashes on a distant planet...

Uhh...not so much, bro:

Cue the Rod Serling narration...

From Journey Into Mystery #79 (1962), as reprinted in Fear #6 (1972)