The Terrible Life Of Atomic Scientists

You may not realize this, but the life of an atomic scientist is pretty damned stressful:

Geez, no wonder Otto Octavius invented those arms!

Meanwhile, management wasn't much help:

Yes, let's not consider improving working conditions, or getting them more manpower or better equipment. Nope, the only possible solutions are drugs or hypnosis!!

Fortunately, as the caption is about to tell us, the hypnosis works. But that just makes things worse!

Resentment over hypnotist salaries, of course, has always been a major source of conflict at atomic science labs.

Oh, yeah, there's also one more minor issue...

...attacks by giant mutated scorpions that you accidentally created. I know, it seems like such a small thing, but you'd be surprised how high this ranks on the lists of atomic scientist grievances.

Poor atomic scientists...they really ought to form a union*

*(no longer applies in Michigan)

From Journey Into Mystery #82 (1962), as reprinted in Journey Into Mystery #7 (1973)

This Is My Happening, And It Freaks Me Out!!

Ladies and gentleman, I'll bet you didn't know that Austin Powers appeared in the Marvel Universe BEFORE the Fantastic Four!!

Check it out:

All, oh right. That wasn't Austin Powers saying that. It was a dumbass, unnamed archeologist who caused THIS to happen:

Yeah, that's the Sphinx. Except, of course, it's not. And when Illinois Smith finds a mysterious lever just sitting around in some ruins, he doesn't study it, he doesn't call Archeology Today to reports it; nope, he just pulls it.

Result:

Of course, the Sphinx is something altogether cooler than a big ol' stone statue:


SHAGG!!!

And boy, does Shagg kick ass!!

Who's the alien stone monument who's a sex machine with all the chicks?
SHAGG!!!
Ya damn right!

Oh, and goodbye, Paris:

They say that Shagg is one bad mother---
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!
I'm talkin' 'bout Shagg!!
Than we can dig it!!

Ah, but sadly, Shagg is no Shaft...

So, not the most well thought out plan, eh?

Now, there is no writing credit available for this story, but the next panel has me thinking that Stan was trying out some ideas for the forthcoming Marvel superhero boom.

But, of course, in this case, he tries out ALL the ideas AT ONCE:

"Cosmo-Gamma-Electro-Magnetic waves"?!?!? Holy crap!!!!

And then...

Hey...don't judge--after unleashing a giant Shagg, I always fall asleep, too!!

This story is from Journey Into Mystery #59 (1960), as reprinted in Tomb Of Darkness (1976). Here's the original cover:

You can't resist SHAGG!! All are helpless before SHAGG!!!!

Man, I'm so 10 years old sometimes.

Well, since this post is already sort of outta control, and we were talking about Shaft, here's a little something to get your morning started right...play it loud!! (warning...may be TDFFW (Too Damned Funky For Work)!):

Caption Least Likely To Be On A Comic This Week?

From the mists of 1962:

I dare say you shan't see THIS caption on the cover of any of the comics you will purchase today:

Hells, yeah.

Then again...













Intelligence--RESPECTED!!