Friday Night Filosophy--But What Does "Dead" Mean, Exactly?

From the Ask The Answer Man Column in Karate Kid #13 (1978):

Bob Rozakis just laid a heavy truth bomb on you, folks...

Deadman Has ALWAYS Been Skeevy!

Remember those halcyon day early in the nu52, when Deadman was romancing Dove, and discussed possessing a body so he could...ahem...physically demonstrate his love for her? And everyone thought that was terrible skeevy?

Well, yeah, it was...but that misses the point that Deadman has ALWAYS been skeevy. 

For example:

There's this criminal outfit on a Caribbean island that's posing as a health spa but is really a front to create new faces and new identities from criminals.

Yes, Bob Haney created the basic plot of Die Another Day 30 years ahead of time.

Anyhoo, Batman and Deadman are trying to infiltrate the place and bring them down, because crime bad.

So Deadman possess the body of the head of the outfit, Richie Wandruss.

That leaves the problem of Wandruss' girlfriend and fellow criminal, Lilly Lang...

But that's no problem if you're Boston Brand!

Ah, but the next few days are filled with good lovin', Deadman style!

And Lilly is liking the "new" Richie...

But Batman has no time for love! He insists that when the gang gets busted, Lilly get's busted right along with them!

Well, Deadman can't have that, so he decides the vest action...is to confess to Lilly?

Well, that's an...odd reaction.

You'd think that the revelation that the guy you thought was your boyfriend was really an acrobatic ghost possessing his body would at the very least result in a slap or an "EEEEEWWWWWW" or a long hot shower scrubbing yourself off. Not Lilly...apparently she's into full-body cosplay.

Of course, Boston hasn't been entirely square with her...

Sadly, Deadman doesn't persuade her to quit, and in fact, he has to shoot her dead to prevent her killing Batman. Ain't love grand?

So, Deadman has ALWAYS been skeevy.

But, it's still not as skeevy as the skeeviest comic book story ever...

From Brave And The Bold #104 (1972)

The. Greatest. Comic. Book. Ever--The Insane Conclusion

Well, Deadman and Sgt. Rock have secured the Batman statue...but it's still been a heckuva day for Batman.

He's had his leg frakked up:

He's had his hands severely burned:

He's almost drowned:

We saw previously he was shot at by a crazed dance hall girl and fell out of a second story window onto his head.

The result...he's in the hospital, wrecked, depressed, and no closer to catching the mad bomber.

But wait, Batman has a secret ally:


Damn, now Alfred will never know how The Sign Of Four finishes! Thanks for ruining his book, ghost of Sherlock Holmes!!

Anyway, this finally leads to Batman's final confrontation with the mad bomber:




So, Lucifer's plan has failed! And boy, is he ticked at his minions (who, it turns out, did absolutely nothing the entire issue after their big roll call scene, they weren't even in a single panel again until the end--that's right, Bob Haney wasted the ghosts of Hitler, Jack The Ripper, etc!):

Ah, but Lucifer gets his now, as Rama Kushna shows up to settle his hash!!

Why didn't she just step in earlier, and fix the whole mess before it happened? DON'T QUESTION BOB HANEY!!

And so our story ends. The Queen is thrilled with her gift...

...and Alfred helps the weary Caped Crusader home, as Haney quotes the Beatles:

So endeth the crazy, crazy, Brave And The Bold Special (a.k.a DC Special Series #8) (1978), where Batman was never even on the same continent as his team-up partners; where the devil has his minions blow up ghetto thee-ay-ters; where the only way to get Sgt. Rock to follow obvious clues is to have his buddy talk like a "limey;" where Batman fails 7 or 8 times, but it's OK, because it was all because of a magic voodoo statue that was stolen from the Queen of England by Satan-worshiping Scottish nationalists; where the ghost of Sherlock Holmes re-writes portions of the Doyle novels to send secret messages to butlers.

It was The. Greatest. Comic. Ever.

OK, no it wasn't. But it was damn sure worth the quarter I paid for it...

The. Greatest. Comic. Ever--Deadman Tries An English Accent

So, Deadman has been getting clues from the ghost of Sherlock Holmes on the location of the stolen Batman statue (Yes, I really just typed that sentence, and it is 100% true!).

And he has to pass that information on to Sgt. Rock so Easy Company can track it down before Lucifer uses it to torture Batman.

And how, exactly, does Deadman decide to do this?


Deadman decides to talk like "one of those English jokers."

At least, sort of, kind of. "Hark"?? Really?

Now, there is absolutely no indication in the comic of why, exactly, Boston Brand decides to have Bulldozer speak like some Saturday morning cartoon's idea of how an Englishman would speak. I mean, he could have just said "Look at that suspicious cart over there, Sarge," in his regular Bulldozer voice. But no, Deadman opts for "British" for some reason.

I'm sure, somewhere in the recesses of the Haney-verse, it made perfect sense. But we'll never know.

And later, Deadman deliberately goes into his "Limey lingo" again!

"Dash it all"??? "Yon canal"?!?!?!

No, I don't understand, either...

From The Brave And The Bold Special (a.k.a. DC Specials Series #8) (1978)

The. Greatest. Comic. Ever--Bring On The Bad Guys

So, our good guys are Batman, Deadman, Sgt. Rock, and Sherlock Holmes. Who could possibly be evil enough to stand against them??

How about the ghosts of Guy Fawkes, Nero, Benedict Arnold, Bluebeard, Jack The Ripper, and Hitler?!?

And who could be frightening enough, evil enough, to be master of these sinister shades???

Yep, Lucifer, the fallen Angel himself (and, it must be said, he's rocking that Grell-tastic outfit!! Well played, Ric Estrada and Dick Giordano!)!!

So what is the well-dressed Lucifer's heinous plot? How does all of this tie together? To be continued...

From The Brave And The Bold Special (a.k.a. DC Specials Series #8) (1978)

The. Greatest. Comic. Ever--Enter Deadman And The Detective

Meanwhile, in Niagara Falls:



So, Deadman is possessing people just to make them perform stunts--not to save anybody, but for showmanship? And then ditching them, and hoping they hit the safety nets? Not terribly heroic, Boston Brand...

Anyway, Vashnu sends Deadman to England to receive an important message (why not just give him the message yourself? Haney, that's why!):


Who was that mysterious figure? How could he see Deadman in his spirit form??

When Boston returns later for some follow-up advice:



Lay it on thick, Bob.

Obviously, either Haney just enjoyed being mondo mysterioso, or some rights hold-up was preventing them from mentioning Sherlock Holmes (he's not named anywhere in the story).

So, now the heroes are all on the board...but what about--the villains???

To be continued...

From The Brave And The Bold Special (a.k.a. DC Special Series #8) (1978)

(manic) Brightest (mon)Day #3--Missed It By That Much!

Speaking of how the mysterious white light being is teleporting Deadman around, Pariah-like, to observe the cast of Brightest Day #0, and that Deadman is supposed to "help them"...

...isn't it kind of silly that the light teleported him to a spot where he couldn't even tell for sure if that was Aquaman, let alone what was happening with him?

I mean, c'mon, guys, when you blow the narrative device the first time out, it's not instilling confidence, is it?

(manic) Brightest (mon)Day #2--The Only Way To Travel

Hey, you know how the mysterious white light being is kind of torturing Deadman by teleporting him randomly around to visit all of the members of the cast of Brightest Day #0?

Well, I just wanted to applaud all involved for coming up with such a stunningly original concept to introduce us to an unconnected, far-flung cast. Nothing like this has ever been--

Oh.

Never mind.

Wolfman. Perez. Pariah. Crisis.