^%#@*&%^# %!!@&$&% $%^&$$!!!

If you watched ever Deadwood, you know for a categorical fact that ye olde west was the swearingest place in human history.

For example (NSFW audio, unless you work in a cuss factory!):



But is that really how cowboy times were? Let's check in with Black Diamond and see...

Nope, no-swearing, although there seem to have been plenty of epithets regarding dairy consumption, hair color, and pleasant facial features.

So whom are you going to believe? So fancy-pants high-falutin' Hollywood TV series, or comic books?

I know my answer.

Then again, one can't ignore the evidence of Yosemite Sam:


Hmm, perhaps the issue isn't as open and shut as I thought it was...

From Black Diamond Western #60 (1956). Sadly, the black diamond in the title doesn't refer to Eclipso traveling back in time to corrupt ye olde west...

Manic Monday Bonus--The Black Diamond Is Coming!!

In the middle of Desperado #8 (1949), there was a double-page spread announcing that next issue, the title would be changing it's name, and getting a new star (click to embiggen):

The gang at Lev Gleason Publication was pretty keen to give this new book and hero a big push (and themselves a pat on the back:

You could say the same about Fantastic Four, and we still can't get a comic book of that!

Man, this is making even Stan's hucksterism look shy and unassuming...

Well, he really was just another cowboy hero, as we'll see in a few moments.

EVEN THE STAPLES ARE PERFECT!!!

Yes, I'm sure that all western heroes, if they were alive, would vote for your new clown to lead them. Sheesh...

So who the hell is the Black Diamond?

Bob Vale's parents were killed in in a massacre of white settlers by Native Americans which was instigated by an evil white man. Later, his adoptive father is killed by the same guy--take that, Batman, even Joe Chill didn't kill two sets of your parents!

So, to protect his girlfriend and all his friends, he puts on a mask and fights crime. Just like every other Western hero (ahem).

But there's not just money involved!

Wait--you're offering him a job as a U.S. Marshall--and you don't even know his identity? No background check?!?

Look, an official federal law man, and nobody knows who he really is? That's not going to go well in court, is it?

And I'm sure the townspeople are comforted by the fact that their sole protector is a masked idjit who leaves messages stuck with a knife in random locations. 

Does he even have an office? How do people get in touch with him when they need help? What about all the paperwork the job requires? Does he have body cameras? What if he's really evil, and just clearing out the competition? What about...

From Desperado #8 (1949) and Black Diamond #9 (1949)

Speaking Of Female Action Heroes Debuting In Black Diamond #1...

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention yesterday that Sybil Danning IS Black Diamond #1 (1983) had a back-up feature:

AmeriComics sure had a thing about not bothering with origin stories, eh? They did the same thing with the Black Diamond lead story--just give us a big ol' block of text explaining the origin/premise, then leap right into a story in the middle of their career. No messing around, just straight into the action!! A number one issue is no place for backstory and exposition, after all!!

So, let's take a look at Valencia Kirk, a.k.a. Colt, The Weapons Mistress:

Hubba hubba.

I've got to say...I approve of the costume.

Colt, by the way, lasted far longer than the book's star, Black Diamond. That book died after only 5 issues, whereas Colt went on to join FemForce, and even had a special or two of her own.

So, our lesson is: secret agents based on an exploitation film star, even with Gulacy covers--fail. Chicks with bare midriffs and costume design by gay pirate cowboys: success!!

And all hail AC Comics, who, even though it was dressed in exploitation and cheesecake, were giving us plenty of female comic heroes at a time when the Big Two were pretty much twiddling their thumbs...

Tales From The Quarter Bin--Sybil Danning IS Black Diamond!!

Presenting:

Who is what now??

For you youngsters out there, Sybil Danning is an actress who was the queen of B-movie exploitation flicks in the 1980s. Chained Heat, The Howling II, Panther Squad, Reform School Girls, Warrior Queen...Sybil did 'em all, including many a TV guest appearance.

So in 1983, Americomics decided it was a good idea to give Sybil her own comic, going so far as to include her name over the hero's logo. In fact, this was apparently an adaptation of a script for a new Danning film:

However, no trace of this movie can be found...even IMDB is mute. A project that never got off the ground? A film that fell apart during filming? Who knows?

Anyway, the comic presents our hero--and I'm quoting this verbatim:

To the world at large, Tiana Mathews is involved with Multmonde, in the glamourous world of international high fashion modeling. Beneath the glitter she is in reality an agent for Info Com Three. Her jet set travels provide the perfect cover for the beautiful but dangerous lady spy!

So, they're trying for Modesty Blaise meets James Bond via Zoolander. What could possibly go wrong?

In between fashion modeling assignments, Tiana bursts into the headquarters of the most evilest group ever, Quansa (Kwanzaa?). No, they never tell us if Quansa stands for anything.

And Quansa's top operatives? Why, the Valkyrie Unit, led by Darkfire!!

Yes, a group of female pirate ninja babes!! What else could you want from a comic book?

The story is no great shakes, as it mainly consists of Tiana getting ambushed going to and from the airport (3 times!!), reminiscing about how her lover was a traitor so she had to burn him, and finding out that Quansa has developed a mind-control device. Hey, what do you want for a quarter, anyway?

Still, it was pretty rare to get a celebrity-based comic book back in those days. It was still far too rare to get a female action hero, even in comics. And it had a bitching logo:

One final word of advice, though, for Tiana/Sybil: if you've got a choice between a Gulacy-drawn frontpiece...

...and an actual photograph...

...go with Gulacy.