Bruce Wayne Shouldn't Have Made His Pin Number 1234

Once again, we must remind the screenwriters of The Dark Knight Rises that, no matter idea you had for your little movie...

Bob Haney had it first!!

Crooks using computer shenanigans to bankrupt Bruce Wayne? It's not the first time Haney went to this story idea.

 Obviously, all those crooks who had been robbing Gotham banks the old-fashioned way all those years were pikers.

Particularly fascinating? Bruce's bank allowed him to overdraw by 5 million dollars!! Really? The 1% are different! I'll try that at the ATM tonight, but I don't think that will work (although, in fairness, it did work for this gentleman).

From Brave & The Bold #152 (1979)

Bruce Wayne...Not A Billionaire?!?

We all remember that, in The Dark Knight Rises, our bad guys brought Bruce Wayne to bankruptcy as part of their plan to get the Batman.

Well, as with so many (every?) idea in a comic book or comic book movie, Bob Haney did it first!!

Let us journey back to 1974, as...

Yes, that is the actual design of Bruce's tie. It's not a stain.

Anyhoo, Batman has been forcibly retired by Gotham City--the mayor ordered him to retire, and got a court injunction forbidding him from ever fighting crime again!! (Haney!) So this crook (who is never named in the story--HANEY!!), who wanted vengeance on Batman, decides to get revenge on "Batman's rich friend" instead.

And the point of "skyscraper-jacking" (HANEY!!!!) Wayne Enterprises?

$27,400,000?! That's kind of...a specific sum. Oddly specific...

Well, since he's nothing if not cooperative with criminals, Bruce hops on the line to his financial guy, with the oddly specific ransom request:


What?!?
So wait just one dang minute--Bruce Wayne's "exact worth" is $27,400,000?!? I thought he was a billionaire?!?

Oh, yeah, inflation, right?!? Well, whipping out our handy inflation calculator, the 2012 value of $27,400,000 is approximately $127,331,634.80.

$127 million ain't chump change, but it's not Bill Gates money, either. Not only would that
not crack the Forbes 400 list of the richest people in America, but Bruce's "fortune" is only 1/10th the net worth of 400th place!!

And in terms of his corporation?? Let's look at the 1974 Fortune 500 (bless you, internet!), so we don't have to worry about pesky inflation variables. At $27.4 million, Wayne Enterprises wouldn't be in the Fortune 500 at all, trailing such luminaries as Idle Wild Foods, Flavorland Industries, and Rath Packing.

Yes, yes, there might be some confusion between Bruce's personal fortune and the worth of his company. But our unnamed kidnapper insists he's done his homework, and Wayne's own financial guy says this will leave him a "pauper." And, given the unlikelihood that Bob Haney could have made mistake (never!!) or just pulled a random number out of his ass (unthinkable!!), we're left with the inescapable conclusion that Bruce Wayne just wasn't that rich.

Poor guy...laughed at by other industrialists; mocked by Dan Snyder and Mark Cuban; can barely afford all that expensive bat-equipment. No wonder he's broody all the time!!

So remember...whatever brilliant idea you have for your comic story...BOB HANEY DID IT FIRST!!

From Brave And The Bold # 113 (1974)

Finally--The True Location Of Gotham City!!

As many of you know, we here at Slay Monstrobot are ridiculously obsessed with tracking down the "actual" locations of various fictional DC cities...and especially Gotham City. (And it's not just me...others share this deep thirst for geographical knowledge!)

But finally, we have a break in the case!! Irrefutable evidence!!!

Turn away if you don't want minor spoilers for The Dark Knight Returns...

At the end, Blake is given the GPS coordinates for the Batcave!! And it's flashed right on the screen!! OMG!!!

Now, let's introduce the caveats:

A) We see only the complete latitude---the degrees longitude are covered, so we only have half the equation.

B) Wayne Manor has often (but not always) been described as outside of Gotham City proper...so this is only an approximation of Gotham's location.

C) DC Movie Universe geography, of course, may be significantly different than DC Comics Universe geography.

D) If the Busiek Hypothesis--that DC Earth is physically bigger than our (and Marvel's) Earth, thus with more room for all these extra cities--is correct, well, that blows my work here to hell.

E) Nolan may be mind-frakking us.

Still, nerdishness insists that we press onward. Watching TDKR (too many) times reveals that the latitude entrance to the Batcave is:

34 degrees, 8 minutes, 22 seconds North.

Now, as mentioned, we don't have the longitude. But given that Gotham is on the seaboard, Nolan is clearly telling us that Batman's home is...in southern North Carolina?!?

Near Myrtle Grove?!?

Well, getting closer, that's puts the Batcave right near these two houses...neither one of which, looks too much like Wayne Manor...

So...Gotham City south of the Mason-Dixon line? Way south, in fact? Bruce Wayne is a Tarheels fan (or, gasp, a Duke fan)?!?

Well, that doesn't seem right, does it? Especially with the snow we see in TDKR.

Ah, but wait. Let's check back in with caveat E above...Nolan may be mind-frakking us.

After all...why would he give us the latitude, but not the longitude? It's not like that hides anything, because if we know that Gotham is on the East coast, than we don't need longitude, right?

IF we know Gotham is on the East Coast.

IF.

And that's why you obscure the longitude...because you're playing a terrible trick on us. Because, as best as I can recall, there is nothing in any of the three movies that gives us any geographical point of reference, at all.

And Gotham City could have that latitude and still have a port...if it were on the West Coast!!

And 34 degrees North along the Pacific coast just happens to be...Los Angeles!!

And...get ready to have your mind blown...troll along 34 degrees 8 minutes North, and you come to the inescapable conclusion that--and I am not making this up--the Batcave is beneath...

Seriously. The Batcave is beneath Universal Studios.

Christopher Nolan, you magnificent bastard. I'm not sure how Warners feels about that, though...

Or, if you travel Google Earth up in the Hollywood Hills, to precisely 34º 8' 22", you see that there is a spot, not far from the famous Hollywood sign, with this picture uploaded...

A cave overlooking Hollywood. Perfect!!

So, the Batcave is in Hollywood, probably extending top directly under the Hollywood sign!! Case closed.

What about the snow, you ask? Oh, that was just symbolic, showing uh, well, how upset the natural order was at Bane's takeover. Yeah, that's the ticket!!

But what about the waterfall in front of the cave?

Shut up.

Spoiler Saturday--New Ways To View The Dark Knight Rises

FOLKS, THIS POST CONTAINS MINOR SPOILERS FOR THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS. I'LL TRY TO KEEP THEM MINOR & VAGUE, BUT IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE FILM YET, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE READING THIS!!!

LAST WARNING!!

REALLY REALLY LAST WARNING!!

Folks, are you tired of idiots (of any political stripe) trying to tell you what The Dark Knight Rises was "really" about?


Well, then hang around, because there are myriad OTHER ways to frame and discuss this film, ways that are far more productive (and far less likely to devolve into really stupid arguments).

Ready??

#1) Nolan's Batman Movies As A Modern Take On The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance:

What? You haven't seen this classic? You mean I've got to spoil another movie?

Let's just put forth, then, that this John Ford/Jimmy Stewart/John Wayne/Lee Marvin western deals quite heavily with the themes of how to bring civil society to a lawless society; when and how violence is justified in such a quest; when (and if) a big lie is necessary to preserve that society; and who is really a hero.

No, it's not like Nolan was doing a scene-by-scene remake. But thematically, his Bat movies and Liberty Valance are so close, I'd be stunned if he wasn't at least subconsciously channeling it.

So go rent or buy Liberty Valance (you'll be glad you did, trust me), watch it, and when someone tries to go all poli-sci dissertation on TDKR, drop this on them.

Plus, Lee Marvin would have made a great Batman villain...

#2) The Dark Knight Returns As A Two Hour And Forty Minute Argument Between Lucius Fox and Alfred:

Unlike the other two movies, in TDKR, Alfred & Lucius have completely opposite goals and philosophies, and Bruce Wayne is trapped between them.

Alfred wants Bruce to give up being the Bat, as he's no longer needed. Fox wants him to keep it up, going so far as to tempt him with new toys.

Alfred wants Bruce to give his crime-fighting tech to the police, so they can use it. Fox (repeating his position from TDK) is afraid of this kind of thing "falling into the wrong hands" and "being turned into a weapon."

Of course, they're both right, in part--Gotham would have been destroyed had Bruce not returned to the cowl, and (maybe) this whole mess could have been averted has he (and Fox) been less paranoid.

Nonetheless, it's still a fascinating move by Nolan, to have Bruce become a pawn in an intellectual/philosophical battle between the two good mentors from the previous films.

#3) Compare And Contrast--Movie Tony Stark & Movie Bruce Wayne

Two billionaires, different approaches to alternative energy.

In the Iron Man and Avengers films, Tony Stark invents a new, clean power source. And even though it can be misused, he goes public with it, powers huge skyscrapers with his "arc reactor" technology, and wants to spread it.

Bruce Wayne, in TDKR, invents a fusion reactor, but decides that it could be used as a weapon, so he (literally) buries it, and ends the project, even at the cost of his own fortune.

Of course, that's just the tip of Bruce's paranoia in the movie. He won't share his crime-fighting tech with the police (even Gordon!), because it "might be turned into a weapon." He buys up software companies just so one program they're working on "might fall into the wrong hands." His mentor, Fox, is gathering and burying all of Wayne Enterprises defense contract equipment and hiding it, to "keep it out of the wrong hands."

Movie Tony Stark vs. movie Bruce Wayne. Tony sees everything as a tool, Bruce see everything as a weapon. Discuss.

#4) Gotham City--Worst Urban Planning Ever?!?

OK, this falls more into the category of nitpicking, I know...

But Gotham put Blackgate Prison, which they boast as filled with violent criminals, right in the middle of downtown?!?

And it opens right onto the street?

Here's the opposite view...Blackgate is right across from what looks to be some school or library or government building??

Yes, I know...Nolan couldn't put it on an island or outside of the city because he blew up access. Still, you don't see maximum security prisons set, say, in Wall Street, or The Loop.

Speaking of access...you remember in TDK when Joker bluffs about blowing up the bridges and tunnels (oh, Nolan, you foreshadowing madman...)? And everybody hops on of Gotham's many ferries to get out of town?

Uhhh...what happened to those ferries? Wouldn't that have been a pretty decent way to evacuate some folks?

One line from Bane or henchman is all that would be needed to deal with this, and given the prominence the ferries played in the last movie, Nolan certainly should have given us that line...

#5) The Dark Knight Returns And The World Is Not Enough:

Again, spoiler territory, but both of the movies feature the exact same plot twist. Discuss.

#6) Sports In A Super-Hero Universe:

If you've seen the trailer, you know there's a scene at a football game, and we're introduced to Gotham City's NFL franchise:

Guys, if you're trying to clean up the city, maybe that's not the team name and mascot you want to go with. I'm just saying.

Still we now have lots of new merchandise for us to buy--hats, jerseys, etc, all emblazoned with the Gotham Rogues logo. Too bad about that godawful color scheme (sorry, Pittsburgh Steeler fans. Not sorry, Iowa Hawkeye fans...).

This gives us lots of opportunity for discussion as to how pro sports might work in a super-hero universe. If, you know, hypothetically, two teams are killed in a super-villain-caused earthquake, and one city is locked off for several months, how does the league continue? Does it? What are the rules if your game is interrupted by super-heroes or villains (ahem, Superman Returns...)?

But, more importantly, here was the PERFECT opportunity to get in a sly reference to another DC city, to ever-so-slightly start the universe building you need for a Justice League movie. So whom are the Gotham Rogues playing?

Wait...what?

The Rapid City Monuments?!? Rapid City?!? And they're called The Monuments?!?!

Hey, nothing against Rapid City. Maybe in the DC Universe (or at least the Nolan Batman Universe), Rapid City is large enough to have an NFL franchise.

But c'mon, guys...couldn't you have had them play Central City? Or Metropolis? Or Opal? Or Midway (the Midway Monsters..heh heh)? Just to throw us the tiniest bone of "there's a larger universe out there" fan service to us?

Sigh...

So there you have it...if you want to talk TDKR but want to avoid squalid political issues or tragic real-life events, I've given you some other ways to frame the conversation. You're welcome.