Crazy Crossover Fever!!

I'm not sure which insane cross-intellectual property cross-over was the more joyously nuts yesterday...

I mean, it's hard to beat Tarzan fighting General Ursus:

And yet, when you have John Stewart, Guy Gardner and Kilowog summoned to a meeting with a Star Fleet admiral:

And Hal Jordan discussing logic and temporal mechanics with Spock:

AND Carol Ferris knocking boots with Scotty:

Well, I'm only human, guys. Star Trek/Green Lantern for the nerd win!!

From Tarzan On The Planet Of The Apes #5 (2017) and Star Trek/Green Lantern #2 (2017)

Tales From The Quarter Bin--What 70s DC Should Have Taught 2012 Disney!

When DC picked up the rights to Edgar Rice Burroughs' characters from Gold Key in the 70s, they wasted no time expanding them empire. The At The Earth's Core back-up strip from Korak and the John Carter Of Mars back-up from Tarzan were very quickly spun off into their own title:

Note that DC took pains to tell readers what the hell this was:

They threw the creator's name on there, along with having his most famous creation "present" the book...and featured Tarzan just hangin' around for no reason on the cover:

They continued on the inside, as the first page continued to remind readers that this was an ERB book, and he created Tarzan, so you're going to love this, dammit!!

And every single issue had Tarzan plastered across the top of the cover, trying to beat the connection into peoples' heads:

Now, this didn't necessarily work: John Carter and David Innes only lasted 7 issues of Weird World, before they were shuffled off to Tarzan Family. The last 3 issues of Weird World featured Iron-Wolf, and then was cancelled (according to Denny O'Neill, because of a paper shortage!).

Contrast that to Disney's disastrous flop with the John Carter movie:

It's Disney's John Carter, you see...and you have to get out the magnifying glass to find ERB's name anywhere on the posters. And you'd think that they would be trumpeting "from the creator of freakin' Tarzan!"

Nope...hell, eventually they even dropped the "Of Mars" from the title. So if you weren't already familiar with the character, the marketing campaign pretty much gave you nothing (not to mention rendering the "JCM" logo meaningless...).

I'm not saying that Disney should have necessarily had a Joe Kubert-drawn Tarzan on the posters saying, "Yeah, I present this!" But a "from the creator of" might have moved a couple of more tickets, not to mention using ERB's actual name, and keeping the word Mars in the title.

Hell, why go small at all? Disney should have gone whole hog, pushing an "ERB Cinematic Universe." Carson of Venus movies. Pelluidar movies. Tarzan movies. Korak movies. Crazy-ass crossover movies!!

But for some reason, Disney seemed, well, ashamed of the pulpy origins of John Carter, and tried like hell to hide it. See how well that worked out?

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Which Animals Are Smartest?!?

It's time to lay some animal knowledge on you, courtesy of--

Today's topic?

Sure, 10 arbitrary categories arbitrarily judged--sounds fine to me!

So who wins?

Woo hoo!

Hey, you cannot doubt these results--this is Tarzan, bro. Do you think he'd allow inaccuracies in the Animal Encyclopedia named after hm? Of course not...

And let's note: dogs are on here, cats aren't. Tarzan himself says dogs are better than cats!!

From Tarzan #224 (1973)

Friday Night Fights--A Tiger?!? In Africa?!? Style!!

Are you ready?

YAHHHHHH!!!

Now that you're awake, it's time to use this week's Friday Night Fights to retain my status as the number one Google result for "Man-on-animal action."

It's the jungle, and some idiots get themselves cornered by a tiger...

Fortunately, Lord Greystoke happens to be swinging by...

Damn straight!!

Spacebooger, like Monty Python, asks, "A tiger?!? In Africa?!?" But this isn't Africa...it's an uncharted island settled by ancient Mayans, and a ship carrying zoo animals crashed there, and...oh, don't worry, it's just Tarzan.

Tarzan kills a tiger with his bare hands thanks to Joe Kubert (script and layouts) and Franc Reyes (finished art and inks) in Tarzan #242 (1975)

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Hello--Tarzan killed a tiger with his bare hands!! What more can you want?!? So go vote!!

Friday Night Fights--Kirking The Gorn Style!!

Tarzan is just like James T. Kirk.

There, I said it. And I shall go about proving it through this week's Friday Night Fights.

Korbu is the nasty leader of a tribe of cannibal headhunters. Not just cannibals. Not just headhunters. Cannibal headhunters. Eek!

In his quest to rule the whole region, Korbu slew the chief of the Waziri tribe--Tarzan's friend--and stole his infant son, N'Gamu, to raise as his own.

Korbu demands that N'Gamu prove himself worthy to rule by defeating captured Tarzan in combat!!

Let's watch, shall we?!?

You see? Tarzan just totally Kirked his Gorn!!

Don't look at me like that--it's a perfectly cromulent phrase!!

What does it mean? Perhaps this clip will enlighten you...



See what I mean? Tarzan didn't kill N'Gamu...he Kirked his Gorn!!

Spacebooger is convinced I have taken leave of my senses...but I shall have the last laugh when the phrase "Kirked my Gorn" sweeps through the nation!!

Joe Kubert (script and breakdowns) and Franc Reyes (finishes) showed Tarzan sparing his victim in Tarzan #239 (1975).

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Because if you do, someday I may Kirk your Gorn. So go vote!!

Tales From The Quarter Bin--Tarzan Vs Sharks, Second Attempt

You may recall last month how profoundly angry I was at this cover...

 ...as the interior story didn't even have a single shark in it, let alone Tarzan fighting one to rescue a damsel fair.

Well, Lord Greystoke has a shot at redemption now:

They can't bait and switch me like that again, can they?!? We'll see...

Tarzan and a motley group have been marooned on an uncharted island, and discover a lost tribe of Mayans there!!

Now, Joe Kubert isn't making this stuff up--he's just adapting Edgar Rice Burroughs' Tarzan And The Castaways, which sadly does not involve a crossover with Gilligan. Because man, that would have been great!

Anyway, Tarzan rescues a Mayan woman, Itzl Cha, from being ritually sacrificed, even though she was kind of down with that. Later, as her tries to rescue their group's inevitable blonde beauty from being next on the chopping block, he ends up captured. And because he refuses to love Itzl Cha and run away with her, she turns on him, and demands Tarzan be punished for preventing her own sacrifice.

Hmm...still not a lot of sharks, here...but on to the ceremony:

Whoa...an extinct volcano full of sharks?!? Now we're talking!!! (And take that, Blofeld--the lost Mayans have just upped the game on volcano hideouts!!

So we are finally going to get Tarzan versus sharks, right?

Yes, it's going to happen!!

Uh-oh, what's this...?

OK, now he can avenge her, right? Now it's full-on Tarzan versus sharks, right?!? Right?!?

D'oh!!!

Tarzan #243 (1975)...you are dead to me!!!!

All a boy wants is Tarzan versus sharks...(sob)...is that too much to ask? (sob)