You know, the
Frightful Four really are a bunch of
losers.
Yes, I know that we
already knew that. Yes, they were
three 10-time losers who, never having beaten an
individual member of the
Fantastic Four, somehow got it into their heads that they could beat the
whole FF if they just teamed up. Yes, they were idiots who somehow never read the newspaper, and
never realized that once she recovered from her amnesia,
Medusa was a good guy. Yes, these chowderheads thought they could
hypnotize Spider-Man into being their fourth member.
Do you see the
pattern here? There's a whole world of villains out there who hate the FF, or are just evil in general. Yet rather than go after them, the Wizard keeps going for the unknown character he hasn't done a proper background check on, or a hero. Really, is this the
best they can do??
Sadly, yes.
Let's head back to
Fantastic Four #129-130 (1072-1973), and see if these guys have learned their lessons yet.
Fortunately for the Frightful ones, the FF are down a few members. The
Human Torch has quit:
(Don't worry, readers...back in those days he quit every 6 or 7 months). Meanwhile,
Reed and
Sue are acting out
Roy Thomas' quaint idea of the battle of the sexes:
So
Benjamin J. Grimm is all by his lonesome when...
Who?
Duh.
And the
Sandman isn't alone!!
So it's going to be three-on-one...except the
incredible coincidence machine is working full speed:
Yes, Medusa just
happens to show up at the exact same moment and exact same place that her evil ex-allies choose to return. (And not to accuse Roy of
sloppy storytelling, but we don't get the reason for Medusa's visit for another 2 months yet!!).
Anyway, the Frightful Three are still incredible losers, as Medusa and the
Thing mop up the floor with them. Benjy even hurls a big-ass crane at them...but the
mysterious new fourth member chooses to reveal herself:
Now, this is
Thundra's first appearance
ever, so at this point readers weren't aware that she was from the alternate future where Earth is known as
Femizonia and ruled by the
Femizons (no, I'm not making that up). So we didn't know
diddly about her, except:
Thundra is strong.
Together, she and Sandman manage to take out the Thing:
We get absolutely
no exposition as to how the Frightful Four found Thundra (or
vice versa), or why she thought these losers were worth the time of day (then again, since she thought all men were pathetic, maybe she couldn't tell winners from
doofuses). But, frankly, Thundra is
spectacularly unqualified to be a member of the Frightful Four. To wit:
Now, it seems to me, refusal to kill men would be a pretty big disqualifier from joining the Frightful Four, since their
raison d'etre is to, you know,
kill the Fantastic Four. Thundra joining up with them is like someone getting a job as a bartender and refusing to serve alcohol--why would you apply for the job? Why would they hire you?? Well, the Wizard actually has a master plan:
Ah, the "
lie to the person who is stronger than all three of you combined and then betray her and somehow survive her wrath" ploy. That
always goes well...
On to the Baxter Building. Proving that might is greater than mind, Sandman takes out Reed (along with gratuitous "limp wrist"):
Sue has come back, but apparently, after 129 issues, she still doesn't have the "
the point of invisibility is to stay hidden" lesson down yet:
Which leads to one of the
odder back and forths ever.
So, the Wizard promises not to hurt Franklin...
...until Sue turns out to be too tough...
...so he reneges on the deal...
...but then it turns out his reneging was really a trick??
Oh, my head...
So, everybody is captured, right? Game over, right?
Nope...time for
blatant cheating, as
Franklin whips out a
previously unseen power to free Ben.
I guess the Wizard really
shouldn't have let him be a non-combatant! That creates enough distraction so everybody else is free. And now it's time to pound the losers. Sue teaches the Sandman that you really
do need a brain...
...the
Trapster is so
pathetic Medusa whoops him point blank...
...and Reed takes down the Wizard (I'll show you that
later this week!). In the meantime, Reed gets incredibly
sexist:
As for Ben and Thundra?
Oh, Thundra, what
is this foolish moral code you have? You can fight "the most powerful men of our world," but not if they're actually fighting
for something?? How does that make sense?
Everyone escapes...
And once again we must ask the question:
Wizard,
YOU'VE MASTERED ANTI-GRAVITY!! Why the
hell are you still a super-villain? Why not patent that and become a
kajillionaire??
And we finish with Reed and Sue debating gender roles, as well as getting proof positive that Roy Thomas
didn't have a clue how to write Reed Richards yet:
So that's our Frightful Four: still recruiting unsuitable unknowns, and failing
miserably at every turn. Stay tuned...they'll be back sooner than you think!!
BONUS: A
Jim Steranko Fantastic Four cover!!!
