Manic FF Monday--So, How Old Are The Fantastic Four?

Let's just get this out of the way:

Reed and Ben fought in World War II. Frak any "sliding timelines." Just say the cosmic rays gave them much longer lifespans.

See how easy that was? Let us never speak of that again.

Yeah, OK, but how old are they compared to each other?

See--Reed and Sue were "kids living next door to each other." They should be relatively close to the same age.

Except, in the very same issue, Stan screws it all up in on the letters page:

D'oh!

Granted, making Reed and Ben in their "late thirties" in 1963 fits well enough with their being in WWII.

But having Sue "in her twenties" suggests that she's at least a decade younger than Reed, which is pretty inconsistent with Reed describing them as "kids together." I mean, if I were 17 and had a neighbor who was 8, I wouldn't describe us as having been "kids together."

Famously, John Byrne did away with the "next door neighbors" bit, but kept the age gap:

A lot of people were creeped out by that, but let's note that: a) Reed, being a super-genius, almost certainly was a younger freshman than most people--16? Younger? b) Byrne doesn't do too good a job of artistically portraying a 12 year old--a Raggedy Ann doll? Really?--and makes Sue look younger than the script says she is. And honestly, a 12 year old having a crush on a 16 year old--and the 16 year old looking pretty uncomfortable about it--doesn't seem too creepy or abnormal to me.

A few years ago, Matt Fraction retconned things again, again dumpling the "grew up together" angle, but making Reed and Sue much closer to each other age-wise:

So, who knows what Slott et. al. will do now.

In summary, I guess the answer is, the Fantastic Four are as old as you want them to be.

Except Ben and Reed fought in WWII. That's non-negotiable.

From Fantastic Four #11 (1963), Fantastic Four #291 (1986), and Fantastic Four #4 ( 2013)

Manic FF Monday--The Time Internet Trolls Made Sue Cry!!

OK, maybe not internet trolls, but it is the day the Fantastic Four go through their fan mail. And, well, some of you folks weren't very nice to Sue Storm:

(FYI, Ben is human for a few minutes after Reed's latest cure attempt...)

You bloody bastards!!

This is why Reed keeps a bust of Abraham Lincoln sitting around the Baxter Building. You can never tell when you're going to need a good Abe anecdote...

True!!

Again, true!!

We at Slay Monstrobot concur!!

From Fantastic Four #11 (1963)

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--The Old Order Changeth ...QUICKLY!!

Reminder...

...at one point this was the Avengers line-up. Yeesh.

It is perhaps telling about how short-lived that line-up was that this pin-up didn't appear until months after that line-up had been shuffled offstage. Oops.

Also telling is that Jackson Guice had absolutely no idea what to do with Gilgamesh, so he just gets buried in the background. No wonder he was the Forgotten One!!

As for the idea of Reed being a hammock for sun-bathing/cheesecakey Sue, well, the less said the better. I'm pretty sure, from that look on his face, that Cap doesn't approve, either.

From Marvel Fanfare #45 (1989)

The Best Cover You've Never Seen--Marvel Knights 4 #5 (2005)

That's our Sue!

Pencils by Steve McNiven, inks by Mark Morales, colors by Morry Hollowell

Friday Night Fights--A Mother's Love Style!!

The lesson of this week's Friday Night Fights? Don't mess with Sue Richards!!

The Super-Skrull has infiltrated the Baxter Building, disguised as Franklin, looking for some of Reed's scientific equipment.

So where is Franklin? That's what his mother wants to know!!

Super-Skrull--not so tough!

Spacebooger knows it's summer because Sue would never wear white after Labor Day!!

Galactic beatdown delivered by Robert Kirkman and Cliff Rathburn in Fantastic Four: Foes #4 (2005)

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Maybe if enough of you do, Marvel will notice and give us back a Fantastic Four book. Maybe? Sigh...Just go vote!!

Meet The New Sue--Same As The Old Sue?!?

So, y'all remember the new, improved Invisible Woman from the early 90s, right?

Ye gods, 1990s, I swear some day there's going to be a special tribunal...

But did you ever wonder what the old, demure Susan Storm would think of the new, in-your-face Susan Richards?

Well, thanks to the magic of time travel, we have an answer, as the "modern" Fantastic Four (with Scott Lang replacing the "dead" Reed Richards!!) heads back to an "alternate past" to meet the much younger, just recently formed original FF!

So what does young Sue think?

Hussy? Hussy? And note that's after they had toned down Sue's costume a bit since that year old cover above!

Well, fisticuffs are of course inevitable, and...

Sue, you've come a long way, baby!!

Fantastic Four #375 is from 1993. The panels are from FF #388 (1994)

FF Week #30--Lo, There Shall Be An Ending!

And so we come to end of Fantastic Four Week here at Slay Monstrobot.

Heaven knows, there's a lot more I wanted to talk about. But while the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak, and honestly, I'm stunned that I posted as much as I did this week.

But at least I think I conveyed some of my deep love of the Fantastic Four and their rich history.

And I can always go back for more later. And we should remember, this isn't the first time that the Fantastic Four have been down.

Super-villains, family strife, tragedy, loss of powers, wars...the Fantastic Four have seen "The End" so often, and always bounced back.

So why should we believe that one high Marvel executive with his head firmly up his posterior will be the death-knell for Marvel's first family?

Yes, this may be a low point in their comic book career--no book published for the first time in 54 years?!?--but, like the FF, I'm optimistic enough to believe that they will bounce back.

Because at it's core--when you break it down to its very (unstable) molecular essence--the Fantastic Four is about optimism.

It's about Stan Lee and Jack Kirby taking the monster comic template, and turning it on its head--the terrible tragedy resulting from foolishly challenging the laws of nature didn't end with a terrible, ironic end in the last panel. Instead of being merely transfigured into monsters and a snide narrator ending the story there, we were shown these people, this family, these heroes, overcoming that fate. They took the lemons a cruel universe gave them, laughed in the face of the cynicism of horror comics,  and pledged to make the world a better place, despite their freakishness. And they founded an entire fictional universe, which at its best embodies that same hopefulness, that same optimism.

And if you think I'm reading that wrong, I invite you to go back and re-read what Jack and Stan put on the page.

In the very first issue, despite being transformed into freaks, our heroes vow to help the world. Meanwhile, the Mole Man decides that his "freakishness" and bad breaks justify hatred, and taking over the world...and he literally goes to live with the monsters. Right there, at the very beginning, the message was there.

Victor Von Doom, like Reed Richards, was the victim of his own scientific hubris. But he chose to blame everyone else beside himself, and turn to the path of darkness. You couldn't ask for a clearer "compare and contrast."

So, hopefully, that terrible, terrible movie will tank, fade away, and we'll be given our heroes back. We need them more than ever in this world. We need more of this:

Reed, Sue, Johnny, Ben...come back soon. We miss you, and you're needed.

Panels from Fantastic Four #60 (2002)

FF Week #17--Bold Fashion Choices--The VERY Visible Invisible Woman!!

I know I've covered this before, but unless we remember the 1990s, we're doomed to repeat the 1990s:

Oh, sweet mother of mercy, the Fantastic Four in leather jackets and pouches. Lots of pouches!

See, it wasn't just the Avengers!!

Of course, the most memorable change of all was Sue Richards showing that Power Girl isn't the only one who can rock the cleavage window:

Holy-not-so-Invisible Woman!!

Her attitude with the FF's muggle tenants is also a bit more...aggressive:

Who hoo!!

Of course, this is the same era that had Ben covering up more...

About time you covered up, Thing!! Think of the children!!

From Fantastic Four #375, #371, #372 & #383 (1992-1993)