Classic MOKF Post: FU Manchu 1, Doom 0!!

This post originally appeared in January of 2008. 

Given that my blog's title is taken from an issue of Master of Kung Fu (or to be complete: The Hands of Shang-Chi, Master of Kung Fu...phew, and I thought Countdown tie-in titles were long...), I've spent precious little time actually blogging about MOKF.

And since, due to rights issues, we're never going to see Essential MOKF or MOKF omnibi, then I guess I'd damn well better pick up the torch and start proselytizing for this series (while coincidentally driving up demand, and hence the value, of my recently completed run...hee hee).

I'll get more in depth later, but right now I want to focus on the very real irony that the reason we'll never see MOKF collections is one of the same reasons that the series was so friggin' cool--Fu Manchu.

You see, Fu Manchu and Sir Denis Nayland Smith (the original Fu Fighter, as it were) were characters from the works of Sax Rohmer, and Marvel no longer has the rights to his material (PRO-TIP: Open the wallet and buy those damn rights, Marvel!). And since those characters were in about 96.2% of the issues, well, there's obviously not much to reprint.

But Fu Manchu, as presented in MOKF, was one of the best villains EVER. Doctor Doom wishes he were as evil as Fu. The Mandarin? Sad, pathetic imitator. Pick your evil overlord, and Fu will trump him.

For evidence, allow me to present a panel from Special Marvel Edition #15 (or, technically, Special Marvel Edition Featuring The Hands of Shang-Chi Master of Kung Fu #15...phew), Shang-Chi's debut, as presented by Steve Englehart and Jim Starlin(!!). This panel says it all:

Oh, the fight scene is insanely cool enough...I mean, Shang-Chi is fighting a gorilla, for god's sake. If your mind hasn't exploded yet, well, why are you hanging around here?

But for the true villainy, let's blow up this caption:

Think about it. Fu Manchu experimented on a gorilla to make it more intelligent. Why? Just so he could drive it insane. Why? Just because he thought an insane gorilla would make a great guard. Now stop and re-read this paragraph. Ladies and gentleman, that is pure EVIL.

In your face, Doom.

More MOKF posts to follow irregularly...

Villain Most Desperately In Need of A name Change

 A good name can mean so much in the super-villain game. Take, for example...

You know, since everybody is mortal, your name isn't really foreboding or strange or threatening at all. You might as well call yourself Dr. Just Like Everyone Else, right?

Of course, since he apparently dies at the end of every story, and than returns inexplicably to life the next month, perhaps he just means the name ironically.

And Dr. Mortal's  game?

Ambitious. Let's see some of these experiments that will destroy humanity.

A big goomba that can see in the dark? Ooh, I'm so scared...

OK, a bunch of them. That's a step in the right direction. What else do you got, Doc?

Man-eating crabs? Well, that's sort of OK, I guess. But your trap door sucks.

I'm just saying, you've got a long way to go until you reach Fu Manchu levels, Dr. Mortal!

From Weird Comics #10 (1941)

Why Comics Are Great, Reason #2,447

A sneak preview of today's Friday Night Fights:

Yes, we've got Fu Manchu's Si-Fan hordes fighting Fourth Reich Nazis in South America over possession of a stolen nuclear warhead.

Goddamn, comics are great.

From Master Of Kung Fu #24 (1975)

Friday Night Fights--Don't Tip The Waiter Style!!

It's Prize Fight time for Friday Night Fights, and that means there are vast sums of riches involved!!

So it's time to break out the big guns. Shang-Chi, Master Of Kung Fu, is wandering around New York City, and has decided to partake of dinner at a Chinese restaurant.

Unfortunately, he has chosen the most evil Chinese restaurant in NYC, as 100% of its employees are Si-Fan assassins working for Fu Manchu. And as soon as he finishes his Chow Har Kew and fortune cookie, they attack. He manages to fight off all of them...but one hasn't attacked yet--the smiling maitre d' (the "d" stands for "Death!")...

I guess he should have gone for pizza instead...Then again, this confrontation ultimately led to Shang-Chi thwarting Fu's plan to blow up Mount Rushmore. Once again, Fu Manchu 17, Dr. Doom 0.

Spacebooger is impressed at the use of "THAP," "SUFT," "SPLANG," ""CHESSSH" and "SPRACT" as sound effects, and he wishes that I had included the panels that used "SHRAK," "KRIK-IK-IK-IK-IK," ""CHUT," "FWAK," "SHRESH," "SWIK,""SWSSSSss," "CHANK," "SHUP!," "KUD," "SWANK," "CHING," "FLANK!," "CHRASH," "SPLOW!," "WOK!," "SPUNT" and "SWOK!" And that was just in the first 6 pages...

The restaurant that probably got a terrible Yelp! review appeared in The Hands Of Shang-Chi, Master Of Kung Fu #22 (1974), by Doug Moench, Paul Gulacy and Dan Adkins.

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Because I crave Amazon gift certificates, that's why!! So go and vote!!

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting, LITERALLY

I'm as guilty of this as anybody else. But when we talk about who has the greatest Rogues Gallery, we always forget to mention Shang-Chi:

Click to embiggen to full glory. Do the same for the key below:

For what it's worth, that's not quite a complete listing. There's a number of henchmen (like Brynocki the cute killer robot), animals (like insane intelligent gorillas, giant killer turtles, sharks & leopards and crocodiles), and other deadly foes who have been left off.

But most importantly, they left off the most important villain of all:

Me!!!

Panorama of evil from Master Of Kung Fu #102 (1981)

Fu Fighters

As you know, Master Of Kung Fu is clearly the greatest comic series EVER. About this I will tolerate no argument. Sorry.

And if you've been hanging around here long enough, you also know that Marvel can't reprint 70-80% of the series. They still own the titular hero, Shang-Chi. But in the series he was the son of Chinese bad guy Fu Manchu, and comrade/employee of Sir Denis Nayland Smith of Scotland Yard/MI6, both of whom were characters from Sax Rohmer's pulp novels. And Marvel lost the Rohmer license. Which makes reprinting a bit difficult, because (especially early in the run) Fu was in every damned issue, or mentioned in every issue, or ruminated about in every issue. And Smith was there virtually every story, as well.

Now, Marvel was able to get around this for a new one-shot special in 1990 and a six issue MAX mini-series in 2002 by the clever expedient of having Fu as the villain but not actually calling him by name. One suspects someone's lawyers were asleep at the switch to let Moench and Gulacy get away with this: the MAX series featured a mysterious "Saint Germaine" who was drawn EXACTLY like Fu Manchu, and was discovered to really be Shang's father, so he was just called "Father" the rest of the series. Subtle, guys.

But even though they still own the character, no one at Marvel has really seemed to have any idea what to do with Shang-Chi. Until the November solicits:

SECRET AVENGERS #7
Written by ED BRUBAKER
Penciled by MIKE DEODATO JR.
Cover by MIKE DEODATO JR.
Tron Variant Cover by TBD
Dark forces are at work in Hong Kong to reincarnate a great evil...but the Secret Avengers and that great evil's son -- SHANG CHI -- are also on these dark streets! As is a new secret member of Marvel's hottest covert Avengers team! By the all-star team-up of Ed Brubaker and Mike Deodato.
32 PGS./Rated T+ ...$3.99

My head just exploded. Shang-Chi is back...Brubaker's writing it, which is just about perfect...and someone is trying to reincarnate Shang's father?!?

Dare I hope...are they just being coy? Has Marvel gotten the rights back and is bringing back Fu? Will we see Marvel Master(works) Of Kung Fu and Essential Shang-Chi?

Ah, probably not. It's probably still status quo, and we'll play all sorts of name games to not actually call him Fu Manchu. But still, Shang-Chi, handled by Brubaker...damn, I must have earned some good karma this week.

But my fingers are crossed for the return of Fu Manchu, the greatest Marvel villain EVER (eat that, Von Doom!!)

I Can Lick Thirty Leopard-Cultists Today

I Can Lick Thirty Leopard-Cultists Today, definitely not by Dr. Seuss:

I can lick thirty leopard-cultists today
But you two not a peep
As I put you to sleep
I can lick twenty-eight leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty-eight leopard-cultists today
Hey! No fair with the knife
You could end someone's life
I can lick twenty-seven leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty-seven leopard-cultists today
Have a nice tryst
With my rock-solid fist
I can lick twenty-six leopard-cultists today.


I can lick twenty-six leopard-cultists today
It's kind of a goof
as we fight on the roof
I can lick twenty-four leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty-four leopard-cultists today
Watch out by the door!
Now they're on the floor
I can lick twenty-two leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty-two leopard-cultists today
You've fought to a standstill
Now it's OUT! of the windmill
I can lick twenty-one leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty-one leopard-cultists today
They just can't evade
When Chi's riding the blade
I can lick twenty leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty leopard-cultists today
It does you no good
To go "CHUD" on the hood
I can lick nineteen leopard-cultists today

I can lick nineteen leopard-cultists today.
You won't get too far
Chi's defending the car
I can lick eighteen leopard-cultists today.

I can lick eighteen leopard-cultists today
This one won''t go far
When shot by Black Jack Tarr
I can lick seventeen leopard-cultists today.

I can lick seventeen leopard-cultists today
These two must shiver
When tossed in the river
I can lick fifteen leopard-cultists today.

I can lick fifteen leopard-cultists today
I'll come back later
After feeding the gator
I can lick fourteen leopard-cultists today.

I can lick fourteen leopard-cultists today
Over the shoulder
As the water gets colder
I can lick thirteen leopard-cultists today.

I can lick thirteen leopard-cultists today
I'll count this as two
From this violent milieu
I can lick eleven leopard-cultists today.

I can lick eleven leopard-cultists today
Stay out of Shang's space
Or you'll get a foot to the face
I can lick ten leopard-cultists today.

I can lick ten leopard-cultists today
This trio's in shock
When attacked by a croc
I can lick seven leopard-cultists today.

I can lick seven leopard-cultists today
They shouldn't get stuck
between the heroes and the truck
I can lick six leopard-cultists today.

I can lick six leopard-cultists today
How would you react
To Shang's deadly "HWAKT!"
I can lick five leopard-cultists today.


I can lick five leopard-cultists today
These two get the heck out
When Rick sticks his neck out
I can lick three leopard-cultists today.

[Yes, that's Rick. In Casablanca. That's MOKF for you].


I can lick three leopard-cultists today
Their leader Maru
Is looking for you...
Can I lick three leopard-cultists today?


I can lick three leopard-cultists today
Is Shang fighting in vain
When his foe can't feel pain
Can I get past this leopard-cultist today?

I can lick three leopard-cultists today
Maru was tough, you see
So I'll count him as three
I have licked thirty leopard-cultists today!!

Phew. Panels from Master of Kung Fu #80-#88 (1979-1980), art by Zeck and Day. This was the "Warriors of the Golden Dawn" epic, wherein Fu Manchu takes over the Amazon and uses UFO's, genetically engineered monsters, and electronically-controlled government officials to try and set off a nuclear bomb beneath the World Trade Center. That's just how Fu rolls. So once again, Doctor Doom, you're a rank amateur next to Fu. Eat his dust.

And I promise to never do this again. Probably.