One of the great disappointments in my life is the inability to grow a respectable mustache. This is both my fault and the fault of my ... um ... surroundings. I actually grew a mustache and wore it for about a year-and-a-half around 12 years ago. It was your average, full, well-maintained 'stache. But the problem was I have blond hair and those yellow mustaches never really work out right. It was a Frank Viola mustache. You know the kind. He has a mustache. You know it's there. But part of you isn't quite sure. Is that really a mustache? Your eyes get all squinty trying to determine what he has on his upper lip. That's the way it was for me. Close up? Oh, yeah, that's a mustache. At a distance? Can't tell without ma glasses. The solution for us fair-haired folk who want their facial hair to stand out is to grow a fu-manchu or a righteous mustache-beard ensemble. But that's where the "surroundings" come into play. I'm pretty certain...
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