I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

What is a cracktress to do when her representative, probably sick and tired of covering her drinking, drugging, driving, thieving, ass up and quits.

Well, we’ll have to see what Lindsay Lohan says because the man who tried to cover for her, from way back before her first stint at rehab, Steve Honig, done quit!

And it turns out it was all over tension with Lindsay’s dad.

Michael Lohan butted heads with Steve in the weeks leading up to his original Recipe™ intervention, but things got heated over the weekend, when Steve released a statement saying Lindsay’s management team had nothing to do with Michael’s plans.

Michael flipped out because, well, that’s what he does, and called Honig a “f**king liar” in a text message which made Steve pissy and he threw in the towel.

A towel ALLEGEDLY stolen from the Chateau Marmont, I’m guessing.

Honig, though, now says us he didn’t quit purely over Daddy Blohan, adding, “Michael wishes he were that important.”

Now what’s Lindsay gonna do the next time she runs someone over, or gets kicked out a hotel, or arrested?

Call her mommy and daddy?

That’s crazy talk.

More Blohan dramz.

Rumor has it that OR™ is, ahem, “careening toward financial ruin” by making stupid business decisions and recklessly stashing her money in unsafe places, like Mama Dina’s pocketbook.

Lindsay’s daddy, Michael, says Lindsay flew out to L.A.—right after the LimoGate brawl with her mama, DinaDrunka—in order to attend a launch event for a drink called Mr. Pink. Michael claims Lindsay was paid $150,000 for the event, in cash, and then she gave the money to her brother Michael Jr. to hold in his bank account for safe keeping. Daddy Michael is worried that Dina has access to that account, and a liquor store bill in the amount of 150K that is long overdue.

Lindsay’s lawyer, Dave Feldman, is outraged, outraged I tell ya, for not looping him and her business manager in to the Mr. Pink transaction in order to provide her more financial protection. In text messages to Daddy Lohan, Feldman calls Lindsay stupid—so harsh—for not including her management team on the Mr. Pink deal because—Dave says—they could have gotten her even more money for the job.

And more money for Dave, of course. And Michael and Dina.

Enablers all.

Imagine for a moment that you are Tom Cruise.

What do you do when your third wife publicly dumps you? Do you pick yourself up, put your lifts back in your shoes and keep trucking? Do you file a millions of dollars lawsuit against anyone who calls you, um, ALLEGEDLY gay or ALLEGEDLY  a bad Daddy?

Or, do you ALLEGEDLY  head out to be to nightclubs and maybe check your son Connor’s latest DJ gig like you at London hotspot Chinawhite? Perhaps hoping that your son can hook his fifty-year-old daddy up with the future ex-Missus Movie Star.

ALLEGEDLY.

According to Star magazine—that bastion of professional journalism—Tommy has been seen in nightclubs everywhere his son DJs, cozying up with some of Connor’s club buddies; he was even seen “flirting” with busty Playboy twins Carla and Melissa Howe, who were also recently photographed with, in-need-of-a-Silkwood-scrubdown, Russell Brand.

An insider—and it might ALLEGELY be Suri because she has only one parent now …. ALLEEGDLY—says,  “Tom is looking for a beautiful brunette between the ages of 23 and 30. You would think he’d have the confidence to land any woman he set his sights on, but any man’s game would be a little rusty after five years of marriage.”

So he tags along with Connor and flirts with Playboy “models”.

Midlife crisis?

Or mid “wife” crisis.

ALLEGEDLY.

Speaking of Playboy, Kelsey Grammer was on daddy duty over the weekend, so instead of hiring a babysitter or having a nanny, he and the missus—that gal about town, former flight attendant and gold-digger, Kayte—went to the Playboy mansion Halloween party and brought their three month old daughter in a bassinet with them.

I guess you’re never too young to have your Daddy take you to a Playboy party, and sources say Baby Faith was safely tucked into a bassinet right beside Kelsey as he whooped it up with fellow Upstanding Citizen Paris Hilton, who, may or may not, had cocaine in her cooch, because that’s how she rolls.

A Playboy Playmate Tweeted: “Why the fk does Kelsey Grammer have a newborn baby at the Mansion party!?!?!?”

Well, a Kelsey spokes-tool answered that question: “I am not sure why this is a story. People have taken their infant children out with them since the beginning of time. They didn’t stay long, and left before it got too noisy.”

My mom took me out when I was a wee newborn. Maybe to the store, or a doctor’s visit, but not to a Halloween Party at the Playboy Mansion.

She waited until I could walk up to the bar and order her a drink before she did that.

That’s parenting.

But, not to be outdone by his spokes-tool, Kelsey popped up to defend himself: “Kayte is breast-feeding and we do not have a nanny or a trusted babysitter at this time, so Faith goes everywhere with us. We enjoyed the party with a few of our friends, the baby slept as her ears were covered the entire time and we left shortly after midnight.”

Kayte went as a bitch, oops, typo, witch, while Kelsey went as Dracula and Baby Faith went as a Baby in need of Child Protective Services.

Oh dear.

Once a porn star always a porn star.

Kim Kash Kow Kardashian, who rose to fame on her knees in a porn video she tried to stop from being released, and then finagled a deal worth millions when it was released, may have a new sex tape being issues.

And this time, Porn Kim, with the Blow Job Lips and the Booty For Days, is said to be pocketing $30 million.

Her parents must be so proud; one, rolling over in his grave, and the other, taking her 10% as Kow’s manager and pimp.

This new tape is actually an old tape—heretofore unseen—where Kash Kow and her pimp, Ray J, do the nasty, and the nastier.

 “It’s definitely Kim in the video,” a source—and you know it’s Kris—said. “And it’s even raunchier than her last one. There are all kinds of eye-popping moments.”

Who cares if you can make a million off of it?

That’s all Kash Kow wants. Money.Moneny.Fame.Money.

Okay, I loathe Taylor Swift.

I loathe her music. I loathe her aw shucks, who me, she ain’t fooling anyone attitude. I loathe the way she serial dates—and you know she serial schtups—all kinds of celebrities, or famous rich kids, so she can break up with them write a catchy ditty and pocket a mint.

I mean, isn’t that her career path?

But now it seems that Taylor Swift and her latest “beau”, boy Conor Kennedy, have split, and it seems Conor did the dumping. Even after Taylor spent millions on The House Next Door. Conor was ALLEGEDLY freaked-out by Swift’s “OMG. I.Love.You.” schtick and called it quits.

But, not to be outdone, because she has scads of break-up songs to write and sell, Taylor claims that she did the breaking-up, though, really, does a stalker ever truly bend the relationship without having to go to jail?

Just sayin’.

So, Jessica Simpson’s daddy is a homo.

Who knew?

I did. Joe Simpson had the Gay written all over him, and you could tell he got his girls into showbiz because then he could wear flashy glows, tan all die, and keep himself blond and Botoxed without too many people getting any wiser.

And now it seems as if the fifty-something, married former-preacher, was having an affair with a 21-year-old hustler. Joe’s wife, Tina, found about hustler, Bryce Chandler Hill—and maybe some other nubile boys—after finding “modeling shots” of Bryce around the house. She noticed that some of the photos were taken inside her own home.

Ick.

A source—and it’s probably Ashlee, lip-synching the gossip—says, “Joe got busted after Tina found some modeling pictures of Bryce in her home. They were taken in and around the house and she was suspicious because she didn’t have a clue who the boy was. Joe and Tina …. Had a make or break vacation booked in Hawaii, so she didn’t ask Joe any questions at that point. However, when they returned to Los Angeles Joe bizarrely got on a plane to New York, just six hours after they had landed in California. She thought it was suspicious [and] sent Joe a text message asking if he had anything to tell her. She quizzed him about Bryce but he denied knowing the kid …. She flew to New York to make an unannounced visit to Joe. When she got there, she called him down to the lobby and they thrashed it out. It was there and then that Joe confessed he was having a gay affair with Bryce, who had left the hotel just days earlier, and Tina demanded a divorce.”

And she may get half his money, though not any of the ALLEGED $1.5 million he spent wining and dining and, well, you know, Bryce.

Again.

Ick.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Desperate is always one of those words that I misspell the first time.
Is it d-e-s-p-e-r-a-t-e? Or is it d-e-s-p-a-r-a-t-e?
I have a new way to figure it out. Desperate is now spelled O-p-r-a-h.
See, it seems that on Grammy night Oprah took to Twitter to, well, read it for yourself:

And now Desperate, er, Oprah, has issued a public apology for sending that controversial tweet. See, it's against FCC  rules to ask Nielsen box owners, or, in Desperate's case, beg Nielsen box owners, to watch a specific show. It's like vote tampering, and this ain't Florida in 2000 Presidential election. It's television!.
Oprah has since deleted the message "at the request of Nielsen" and added, "I intended no harm and apologize for the reference."
Another spelling check for Oprah: it's N-i-e-l-s-en, not N-e-i-l-s-e-n.
Those who can't spell shouldn't Tweet.

And speaking of Twitter heads,, lots of folks were riled up over Rihanna-=beatin' Chris Brown's two performances at the Grammy's.
Country star Miranda Lambert Tweeted "Chris Brown twice? I don't get it. He beat on a girl ... Not cool that we act like that didn't happen."
And, she Tweeted: "He needs to listen to Gunpowder and lead and be put in his place. Not at the Grammy's." That's a reference to Lambert's 2007 hit "Gunpowder and Lead" with lyrics that describe a woman preparing to kill her abusive husband when he gets out of jail.
 "His fist is big but my gun's bigger," she sings.
Lambert wasn't the only celeb confused by Brown's Grammy presence.
Michelle Branch Tweeted: "Chris Brown ... (bites tongue) have we forgiven him?"  asked.
Modern Family star Eric Stonestreet Tweeted: "Are Chris Brown's mom and dad CBS and Grammy Brown?"
Here's my spin. His assault on Rihanna was in 2009. Isn't it time we gave the guy a second chance? I don't like him, I don't care for his music, but, at some point, you have to just move on.
Sidenote: Chris Brown, responding to all the negative Tweets, Tweeted that his Grammy win was a "big F-U to all the haters."
On Wendy Williams Show this week, she said winning one Grammy wasn't an F-U. She then showed a picture of Adele and said, "Winning six Grammy's is a big F-U."
Loved it.

Last week we saw Lindsay Lohan looking all Tweaked-Of-Face at an amFAR gala in New York. And her media-whore-slash-mother, Dina, told Us Weekly that the Lohan clan would stay in NYC for all of Fashion Week.But then Lindsay flew home almost instantly. And looked all kinds of cray-cray at LAX, even donning big, thick-rimmed glasses for some reason. Was it an attempt at looking smart? Um, no, because this is Lohan we're talking about and no one would buy it. Was it an attempt to look like a professional actress? No, because this is Lohan we're talking about. Maybe she's trying to look all serious so she'll get that Elizabeth Taylor part that she thinks is made for her.
But, that's besides the pint, I guess, because I think Studious Lindsay is on her way to meet an accountant and lawyer to explain why she failed to file income taxes for 2009 and 2010.
But seriously, folks, are Lohan's tax troubles really anything new to someone who's been arrested for practically everything but murder. I mean, she murdered her career but wasn't that really a mercy killing?
Yet, according to documents filed last week, Lindsay never paid federal income taxes for 2010, in the amount of $140,203.30. And she never cut the government a check in 2009 for the $93,701.57 she was supposed to pay.
So far, La Lohan isn't saying anything, though she did blame her lawyers for the 100K slippage in '09.
Same old Lohan. The laws don't apply to her because she's a movie star.And, No, i couldn't say movie star with a straight face.

With Beyonce, you never know what you're gonna get.
Was she pregnant? Maybe. I guess. And did all her minions speak out ever since the Blue birth that she loved being a Mommy and she did everything for her baby; and by everything, I mean she personally interviewed the six nannies for Lil Ivy.
The story has been that she is such a good mother that she cannot get enough of her child and refuses to leave BICV'sside.
Except.....
Beyonce is enjoying her time off so much--as her publicists keep saying--that she will be releasing not one, but two albums this year and also taking time to star in Clint Eastwood's remake of A Star Is Born.
So, which is she? Devoted stay-at-home Mom or workaholic who turns every single thing she does into a business.
Like the maternity line of clothing she's "designing".
Just sayin'.

Last week, I told you about Connor Cruise--son of so-not-gay Tom Cruise--and his homophobic Tweets after the Super Bowl. And he received all sorts of flak for his use of "gay ass' that he was forced to Tweet the new non-apology.
And now, his peeps, or his Daddy's peeps, because, let's face it, Tommy pimps out his kids for photo ops and such, are pushing news that Connor Cruise could not be in any way anti-gay because his father is so-not-gay and because Connor Cruise, an aspiring DJ, works for all the best gay clubs in Hollywood.
And he will be spinning discs at the 11th annual Oscar viewing party for Aids Project Los Angeles, and he "performs" at the uber-gay Abby.
See, Connor Cruise cannot be a homophobe because gay clubs hire him and AIDS events want him to, too.
Smacks of, "Some of my best friends are gay".....

Talk is that Britney Spears has boarded the Crazy Train again.
Last Saturday, at Clive Davis’s pre-Grammy party, she looked tired, and beat, and rode hard and put away wet, and now Star Magazine has the scoop about an ALLEGED impending Brit-Brit meltdown. They say Spears was acting wacky when she recently stopped in for a manicure and a neck massage at the Hands On Boutique Spa in Beverly Hills.
An insider--and by that I mean shampoo girl--says, “Her eyes were completely glassy, and she was acting very lethargic. After her massage was over, Britney was asked if she wanted to add another 15 minutes. She looked at the masseuse with a confused look on her face and asked, ‘What does that mean?’ She didn’t seem to understand. The employees were saying, ‘Wow, what’s with her?’”
And, when she was through being rubbed, she stood up and a smattering of coins fell to the floor. Britney didn't even bother to pick them up. That sounds about right, because she probably hasn't seen coins in years.
The source says, “Maybe that was supposed to be the tip. Because she sure as hell didn’t give one! She was sweet – but just an idiot.”
Oh, so maybe she isn't going head-shaving-umbrella-wielding Britney crazy again.
Maybe she's just cheap.

I wasn't happy to read about Seal and Heidi Klum separating. I'd always thought that they were truly in love, especially since they renewed their wedding vows every year. And there was silence from both parties about the split.
But now Seal has stopped wearing his wedding ring--and drew attention to that fact with chartreuse nail polish--even though Heidi still wore hers. Seal said, on Ellen, lats month, that he still wore the ring as “[A] token of how I feel about this woman. We have eight years. Eight wonderful years together … [R]ight now it feels really comfortable on my hand, so I have no intentions of taking it off anytime soon.” 
Oops. Then it came right off.
Perhaps it's because all sorts of stories have begun appearing about Seal's ALLEGED volatility, and now he's decided it's all really over. A former girlfriend, Tatjana Patitz, has decided to jump on the pay-for-stories bandwagon by announcing that Seal had a violent temper during their relationship in the late 1990s relationship. 
And then there's the story that Seal had to be physically restrained by security after he pushed Heidi during a mid-January fight that took place right before the split. 
And now Star Magazine--haven't they been busy this week--reports on Seal’s so-called “double life” and his “hidden” criminal past in the 1980s--he was arrested for selling pot and “promoting prostitution by placing hookers’ numbers in public phone booths.” 
Star also says Seal's horrible temper has caused his children to cry.
So, crying children, pot busts, and hookers. Are they the reasons for the Seal and Heidi split?
The two former lovebirds aren't sayin'.

Well now, two Latinas are spittin' mad.
Well, at least one is pissed.
The National Enquirer--I know, but they broke the John Edwards story--claim that Salma Hayek is pissed off that Sofia Vergara has dethroned her as Hollywood’s go-to Latina bombshell.
A soucre--and by source we all know I mean Salma's galpal, Penelope Cruz--says, “Salma hates Sofia’s thick, put-on gimmick of a Spanish accent and broken English. She says it’s not only getting old, but it’s demeaning and disrespectful to the Latin community. Salma would never disrespect Sofia in public, but everyone close to her knows how she really feels.”
Wait, Salma Hayek, who's been living in America, and making American movies for years, thinks Sofia's accent is phony. Pot.Kettle. What's the Spanish word for Black? Negro.
And Salma is pissed that she can't escape Vergara.  “Sofia is everywhere!” said the source. “She’s in tons of magazine spots, TV commercials, and now films. It’s Sofia overload--and it’s driving Salma crazy.”
As in, "loco en de la cabeza."
I tend to believe this story, because I get a vibe that Salma see herself as queen of Latina actresses. But Salma is also married to man who has enough money to literally burn, so why doesn't she just get over it?
I'm Team Vergara. What about you?

I don't watch The Voice. I'm sort of over all those singing talent shows this year.
But, I am hearing that Voice judge Christina Aguilera is a trainwreck on the show.
A source--and by source, I mean Cee Lo--says, it make take "a village to raise a child. But that’s nothing, it seems, compared to the manpower required to get Christina Aguilera ready for a close-up on the set of The Voice! Christina hasn’t eased up on the partying at all."
They say she shows up bloated and late and then expects wardrobe and make-up miracle workers to turn her into Diva Aguilera from years past. But there isn't that much pancake makeup and corsets on the planEt for that job.
Allegedly, it’s gotten so bad that producers are giving Christina a curfew on the nights before taping. Gotta keep Mam sober and focused.
Or, maybe just give Kelly Clarkson the job.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

I guess the homophobe doesn't fall far from the....ALLEGEDLY self-loathing-closeted-homosexual...tree. OMG did I say that out loud?
Back in the day, when Tommy was a nubile young buck starring in Risky Business, his co-star, Bronson Pinchot, said this about him: "He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, ‘You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?’ I mean, his lingo was larded with the most… There was no basis for it. It was like, ‘It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.’ Very, very strange.”
So, that makes this story all the more plausible.
See, Tommy's son, Connor, is a Patriots fan, and Todd Krim, his representative--yes he has representation because he wants to go into show biz--is not. Well, after the Patriots lost, and probably right around the same time that Gisele Bundchen was having her meltdown, Krim sent  Connor a playfully gloating text: “Sorry @TheConnorCruise maybe next year!!!”  . 
Connor wasn't having it, and went all gay slur on it, Tweeting back: “That was a gay ass [bleeping] tweet . . . U don’t say [bleep] like that about my team the second they lose. Low.”
Methinks Connor has been drinking too long from the Font of Homophobia KoolAid at the Scientology Headquarters. And, once the the Tweet was out, you know Tommy went all sassy on his son and demanded he apologize. I mean, there's only room for one raging homophobe in the Cruise house, so, Connor non-apologized: “What I texted was unacceptable. It is not a reflection of who I am and what I feel, and it certainly won’t happen again.”
Until the next time he gets his panties in a twist. Or maybe he'll just threaten $100 million lawsuits like his daddy.

I didn't see much of Madonna's halftime show at the Superbowl because I was busy watching Downton Abbey.
Deal with it.
But I heard about the bird-flipping incident caused by M.I.A. and don't get why people are all verklempt. I mean, you can see that hand gesture anywhere these days. Sure it makes M.I.A. look like a moron but what do you expect from someone who calls themselves M.I.A.?
But the good part, er, funny part, er snarky part, is that Madge is ALLEGEDLY fuming over the whole thing because The Finger is a bigger topic of conversation than her performance. A source--and by source, I think it's Lourdes--says, “Madonna wasn’t impressed. She prides herself on professionalism. M.I.A did nothing similar in rehearsals. Nobody knew she was going to pull this stunt. Madonna wanted to put on a world-beating performance. But everyone ended up talking about this girl’s middle finger.”
M.I.A. did nothing like it in rehearsals? Isn't that just what MTV said all those years ago when Madonna liplocked Britney--before she went crazy--and Christina--before she got fat--on TV?
Pot. Kettle. Madonna.

Lohan didn't do anything this week to cause trouble, but she's always good for a headline. Especially because she shows up anywhere, like the opening of an envelope.But at a recent amFAR event in NYC, the wacktress showed up looking all kinds of cracked out. The hair was cracked. The dress was cracked. The face was beyond cracked.
First off: Bangs? Oh, honey, No. You just know that Lohan, in a fit of vodka and prescription meds, found the kindergarten scissors one night took 'em to her hair. But then there's the eyes, and the crazy nose, and the not-so-ALLEGEDLY new lips. Or mouth. Or maw.
She's all posing and smiling and twisting and turning and she looks like she's high as a kite. Or as crazy as Umbrella Britney.
Lohan still has a few months left on her probation and this does not bode well.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino wants everyone to know that GTL stands for "gym, tan, laundry"--not in LGBT, you know.
He is ALLEGEDLY miffed at fellow reality show media whores--and I don't mean a Kardashian, this time--Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and Jenni "JWoww" Farley after they hinted he might be gay in an interview.
"Mike really ripped both Snooki and JWoww a new one," a show insider--and by insider, I mean, The Situation's best boy--said, because, you know, Sorrentino is worried that those comments could hurt the endorsements that he targets at nubile young straight men.
In the interview, JWoww and Snooki imply that Mike has questioned his own sexuality: "He brings it up," JWoww says. "He'll say, 'People think I'm gay and I don't know what they're talking about.'" 
Snooki raised her head from the toilet bowl, to add: "He told me one time, '[All the talk is] making me wonder.'"
Hey, girls, and I use the term girls loosely, stop saying The Situation is gay. We don't want him on our team. Seriously.
He's like a walking petri dish of STDs. ALLEGEDLY. And so are the two of you.

So, is it a baby or a marketing tool?
You be the judge.
Blue Ivy Carter--Jay Z and Beyonce's bundle of money--is barely a month old, and she’s already an official brand. Beyonce and Jay-Z have filed paperwork to trademark BIC. 
Seriously. Rolling Stone reports that the new mom and dad filed an application with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office to protect their daughter’s name; the music superstars intend to use Blue Ivy as a potential brand name for a line of baby products, including carriages, diaper bags and baby cosmetics.
The application to make the baby a company was made through the mama's company, and the couple says they're merely trademarking their child because other people might try to use the name and they want first rights at marketing their offspring.
After all, they ALLEGEDLY paid someone good money to have that baby for them.
Just sayin'. 
Is it a baby or a moneymaker.

Supermodel with the super-big-mouth Gisele Bundchen has been big news all week because of her comments about Tom Brady’s teammates after the Super Bowl. The Patriots feel betrayed and their wives feel insulted.
And everybody has an opinion on whether or not Gisele is a mouthy bitch. And yet, remarkably, the one person staying silent on the whole issue is Gisele's hubby, Tom Brady. He hasn't even stepped up to defend the missus for her rant.
What does that mean? Well, the Enquirer knows: sources--and by sources I mean Tom Brady's team of beauty experts...because you know it takes a village to keep him looking hot--says he is incensed over his wife's big-mouthery, and added, “Gisele was out of control! Tom prides himself on his professionalism and here was his wife screaming at reporters. He was embarrassed--and furious! Out of sight of the others, he let her know it. ‘Zip it!,’ he told her. He sacked her, telling her she’s got to keep her feelings to herself.”
Um, I get a different impression of how Tom sacks Gisele. 
Really, he should just tape her mouth shut.

When I first read this story I got a whole different take on it.
Rumor has it that Jennifer Lopez and her boy-toy, Casper Smart are looking to adopt.
My first thought was, "She wants to adopt him?"
But then I realized that they mean JLo and The Boy want a baby to call their own. You know, something to play with; something to keep Casper busy while MamaLo works; something to rub in  Marc Anthony's face--though I'm sure he and his Baby Girlfriend will be rushing to the adoption agency on JLo's heels.
And JLo thinks Casper would be a good baby daddy because she already let's her kids call him  “Daddy Casper,” or maybe that was "Big Brother Casper"?
This sort of fits in with the JLo M.O. She doesn't date; she marries. And, so, why not marry the boy and the pick up a little bundle of future income like Beyonce and Jay Z?
It's all the rage.