Why Is It ...

… that even when I’m on my third ‘mhm’, they just keep on speaking!

… that no one realizes that when you falsely accuse me of having an attitude, it creates exactly the attitude that you thought I had.

… that I really want to be nice but everyone annoys me?

… that cocktails are so dangerous; I mean, they often taste like juice and then suddenly you can’t walk.

… that I’m too old for Snapchat and too young for Life Alert.

… that every single day there is something to do and I am sick of it.

… that I feel like Willie Nelson’s been the same age my whole life?

… that while it’s nice to see people embracing therapy, a few of you are in need of an exorcism.

… that I always have the need to get the last word, even if I have to mail it to you.

What's This? Nice News??

I admit it takes me longer to gather the Nice Stories these days when Stupid abounds, but here's what's making me smile for a Tuesday:

RAFAEL, ER, TED, UM, KAREN

The other day Senator Ted Karen Cruz  got into a confrontation with employees at Bozeman Yellowstone International Airport which grew so heated that law enforcement had to get involved, a new video showed on Sunday. 

Cruz was spotted at the Montana airport on Sunday, apparently irritated that he had missed his flight and pitched a hissy because he’d missed the check-in window for his flight, and that re-booking options were 'limited out of Bozeman due to Spring Break.' 

As always happens with a Karen, someone was filing the exchange, which shows Cruz vigorously nodding his head in annoyance at the two female employees; he appeared less annoyed when the female employees stepped aside and a single male law enforcement officer took over. 

The person who took the video claims Cruz muttered something along the lines of ‘Don’t you know who I am’ to the police who says he did not know who the Karen was, until after Cruz had walked away.

One thing of note, the Texas Republican who last week claimed pilots and flight attendants regularly “hug “ at airports because of his stance against mask mandates, and who also proudly rode around DC in a big rig during the protest over mandates, was wearing a mask.

Cruz was finally able to leave that evening and all of Montana heaved a sigh of relief.

Oh Karen …

MILA AND ASHTON

Kudos to Mila Kunis and her husband, Ashton Kutcher, for their efforts to help the people of Ukraine during Putin’s attack on that country.

Kunis, a native of Ukraine, and Kutcher have set up a GoFundMe campaign that has so far raised over $35 million toward refugee and humanitarian aid efforts. The couple also pledged $3 million of their own money.

The couple’s GoFundMe is HERE, and then HERE is a list of other ways to help Ukrainian refuges.

KIM DAVIS

A U.S. judge ruled that a former Kentucky Kounty Klerk Kim Davis county knowingly violated the rights of same-sex couples by denying them marriage licenses in 2015, clearing the way for a jury trial seeking damages against her.

Davis thrust herself into the center of the same-sex marriage debate when she refused to issue marriage  licenses to same-sex couples citing the Baby Jeebus as her excuse.

The two couples in the lawsuit— David Ermold and David Moore, and James Yates and Will Smith— had sought to marry in the immediate aftermath of the landmark 2015 U.S. Supreme Court decision Obergefell v. Hodges, and sued Davis claiming she had violated their constitutional rights. Now, with the essential facts in the case now settled, the two couples  can proceed to jury trial to seek damages against Davis as an individual.

We haven’t heard about Bigot Kim in a long time and it’s nice to see that she’s lost her battle and can be sued.

Now, see there? It’s not all Stupids; there’s some fun and nice and well-deserved news in the world today!

The Funny Papers

Steve Sack, Mike Smith, Nate Beeler, David Fitzsimmons, Jim Morin, Bill Day, Mike Luckovich, Drew Sheneman