Why Is It ...

… that whenever I say, “How stupid can you be?” some people seem to take it as a challenge

… that little gesture I make with my hands that looks like a heart isn’t a heart; it’s my hands around your scrawny neck if you keep fucking with me.

… that whenever someone says “there are two types of people in this world” I always cut in and say, “And I avoid both.”

… that I find it sad to live in a world where we add a word to the dictionary just because stupid people use it enough … it’s really sus … you haven’t got rizz …  and you’re delulu.

… that if you see me jogging, for the love of god, kill whatever is chasing,me.

… that y’all need to know that if I am a sarcastic asshole with you it’s either because I really like  and feel comfortable teasing you, or because I really hate you and don’t care if you know it; but good luck figuring it out.

… that I believe the walls of Hell are all lined with the deleted selfies from your phone

… that sometimes I have to close my eyes, count to ten, take a deep breath, and remind myself that I wouldn’t look good in prison stripes so I just smile at the dumbass and walk away

… that most days I feel like life is like a soup and I’m a fork

… that the more I get to know certain people the more I understand why Noah only let animals on the Ark

Bobservations

The other night Carlos was Facetiming with his mother and, as they do, they chatted about the weather. His mother told him it was very cold in Mexico City, and she said it looked like it was cold here, too. Carlos said it wasn’t too cold, and she asked:

“Then why do you have a shirt with a thick fur collar?”

Carlos moved his head back and forth, and the collar adjusted itself; Tuxedo doesn’t like to be jostled while he’s sleeping.

Carlos’ mother could not stop laughing at his “collar”.

As you look around the political landscape, it becomes clear that, for some, the D or the R is a family trait. I am happy to say that when I became old enough to vote, I registered as a Democrat, which really didn’t bother my Republican parents. But then, as it should, in the early 90s, given the choice of Bill Clinton or George HW Bush, both of my parents switched parties, and stayed Democrats ever after.

I taught them well.

Lots of talk at our house about getting the vaccine and maybe taking a day trip, or quickie vacation,  somewhere for the first time in a year, and I think I’ve found the perfect spot.

Dick Island! Not it’s real name but still, there’s something about it that’s drawing me to it.

A woman named Joleen runs a Google Earth Facebook group and recently, while cruising around the globe virtually, she stumbled upon this Eden in the Pacific. The island is within the tropical Trinity Islands off the coast of French-owned New Caledonia, Oceania and is about 1600 feet long.

Perfect for you size queens, I’m guessing.

Just when you thought Rudy Giuliani couldn’t be a more disgusting pig of a man, he appeared on former presidential aide Steve Bannon’s podcast and told a high-larious story about playing golf with fellow disgusting pig of a man, Rush Limbaugh, and how Rush whined that the paparazzi were  following them. Rudy said the photographers were actually in pursuit of LPGA golfer Michelle Wie, because of her putting stance and how she “‘bends all the way over and her panties show.”

Wie heard the pig talk and smacked back:

“What this person should have remembered from that day. was the fact that I shot 64 and beat every male golfer in the field leading our team to victory. I shudder thinking that he was smiling to my face and complimenting me on my game while objectifying me and referencing my ‘panties’ behind my back all day. What should be discussed is the elite skill level that women play at, not what we wear or look like. My putting stance six years ago was designed to improve my putting stats (I ended up winning the US Open that year), NOT as an invitation to look up my skirt.”

Smack. Of course, when you’re as fucking ugly as Rudy Nosferatu Giuliani, perhaps the closest you get to a woman you didn’t order from a service, is looking up her skirt while she golfs.

A party shop in Texas has created a new piñata that looks like Ted Cruz slinking back home after being busted leaving Texas because he was too cold. And, like Ted Cruz, this one is filled with rot-your-teeth candy and, even more like Ted Cruz, the head is completely empty,

Now, buy one and beat the shit out of it!

I’ve asked before and I’m asking again: stop it with the word ‘moment,’ as in ‘This backyard needs a pool moment’ or ‘This outfit needs a cardigan moment’ or ‘This view really needs a moment,’ or “this room needs a red moment.”

Stop it.

In a virtual meeting, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau greeted President Biden like an old friend and slapped at the past:

"Thank you, again, for stepping up in such a big way on tackling climate change. U.S. leadership has been sorely missed over the past years."

Oh.The.Shade.

PS I could curl up in his hair and take a nap.

As I’ve said, Carlos and I love Jeopardy, and miss Alex Trebek. For nearly a month, Jeopardy’s biggest winner, Ken Jennings, has been the guest host, and done rather well. But this week, a new guest host, Mike Richards, stepped in because Jennings had other commitments and even though a bunch of celebs wanted to try their hand, there were concerns about traveling to Los Angeles because of COVID.

Richards is the executive producer of  both Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, as well as also being a gameshow host in the past, but what is most striking about Richards is that he is totally adorable. I mean, look at the brows!!!! Kidman is jealous of those brows.

Mike will host for the next two weeks before handing it over to :::ick::: Katie Couric and then Dr. Oz and then Aaron Rodgers.

Anderson Cooper is also tapped to host, but I think I like Mike. He floods my basement.

Deano Perona sounds like he’s a hot model from Italy or Spain or some such. He’s not; he’s a hot model from London.  He gives good face and looks like he’d be handy changing a tire …or at least nice to look at while changing a tire.

He can rock a teeny-weeny swimsuit, too, and has abs you can grate cheese on if you’re so inclined.

And lastly, as in the cases of most hot models, the less he wears the better he looks.

Vacation Post: Slang For Gay ... Old-School

I once had a person comment on the blog that they didn’t like me using the word “queer” when talking about The Gays. I responded that, while I know, and believe me, I know, the pain that word can cause, I was taking it back and in doing so, taking away some of the pain caused when I first started hearing that word in relation to me.

See, before 'gay' became the common and accepted word choice in describing homosexuals, there were a whole bunch of other words about men who loved men; some names were self-created and others were thrust, often cruelly, upon gay, bi, and queer men. 

So, as a way of keeping the words, and our history, alive, and, again, as a way of taking them back, let’s look at some ways in which people referred to The Gays …

Mary

A common, mostly innocuous term of the middle of the 20th century used among gay and bi men. An alternative: Mary Louise.

Light in the loafers

Mid-century American. It can refer more to demeanor than sexual practices, but it is mildly derogatory.

Friend of Dorothy

Refers to Dorothy Gale of The Wizard of Oz? Played by Judy Garland in the film? Get it? Huh?

Bent

Polite but derogatory; there was a Broadway play and film of the same name.

Poof

Australian/British slang that is said to be derived from the sounds the bugee makes when expelling air from a freshly stretched anus; poofter is also acceptable.

Flit

1950s American slang popularized by J.D. Salinger’s novel The Catcher in the Rye.

Bugger

Can be as widely used as the word fuck with as many meanings. Based on the word buggery [sodomy], it carries with it a rowdy feel, as it is a word straight British men tend to favor.

Fairy

This one denotes not only homosexuality but effeminacy. 

Pansy

When British eccentric Stephen Tennant was but a lad, he ran out of the family mansion one morning to play, only to come screaming back to his mother in tears. When she queried him about his distress, he replied, “Mother, there are pansies in the garden, and they are staring at me!”

Fruit, also Fruitcake

A British term, possibly from the gay subculture language Polari. Fruitcake can also mean a crazy person because gay meant crazy.

Uranian

The earliest reference available come from Karl Heinrich Ulrichs' book The Race of Uranian Hermaphrodites, i.e., the Man-Loving Half-Men in 1864. The term came to be used mostly by German men. There is still a gay touring agency called Uranian Travel.

Nancy boy

Based on a vaudeville term. The Nance was a gay burlesque character that was a staple of the times, though it is now considered derogatory.

Pillow biter

It was ALLEGED that British MP Jeremy Thorpe, left, a former leader of the U.K. Liberal Party, was having a homosexual affair with Norman Scott, right, a model, and that Thorpe claimed he had to “bite the pillow” to keep quiet so his wife would not hear him being buggered in the next room. This story seems fairly conflated, but amusing enough to repeat here.

Shirt lifter

Well, obviously you don’t want to get your shirt besmirched when you're prpeared to bugger or be buggered, do you? 

Invert

Essentially meaning that despite outward markers of male and female gender, a person’s sexual nature was inverted. This term was popularized in the late 19th and early 20th century by sexologists, but doubtfully used among the actual inverts. 

And this was long before queer and fag and ass bandit and cock jockey and flamer and … oh there are so many ….

The Advocate