The Funny Papers

Ted Littleford, Ed Hall, RJ Matson, Dennis Goris, Jack Ohman, Gary Huck, Clay Bennett, Lalo Alcaraz, Nick Anderson, Marc Murphy, Michael de Adder, Bill Bramhall, Darrin Bell, Steve Breen,

The Funny Papers

Jack Ohman, Mike Thompson, Joe Heller, Tim Campbell, MacLeod, Tjeerd Royaards, Nick Anderson, Adam Zyglis, RJ Matson, Christopher Weyant, Dennis Goris, Drew Sheneman, Steve Breen, Michael de Adder, George Danby,

Bobservations

The other night, after we’d finished dinner, Carlos and I sat at the table chatting about this and that, and I said:

“I’m going to get some bread out of the freezer so I can have toast in the morning.”

“You’re going to bed?”

“What?”

“You said you were going to bed so you can have toast in the morning.”

“Yes, my life is so full, and the thought of toast thrills me so much, that I want to go to sleep At 7PM so morning comes sooner and I can have toast.”

“Okay … are you gonna clean the kitchen first?”

As he likes to remind me, I signed the papers so I’m stuck with him.

Tuxedo and MaxGoldberg always got along, but every once in a while had a little spat; this is from September 2009:

“Tuxedo Carrington and MaxGoldberg Carrington Colby Dexter.....I can't wait until one of them pushes the other into the fishpond on the Carrington Estate!”

I love the look on Max’s face and the way Tuxedo is sitting up on his hind legs ready to pounce. I think the fight lasted about three minutes and then they were buddies again.

A sixth-grade teacher in Floriduh asked her class how many were Thing 45 fans, and despite most of them not knowing who Thing 45 was, they wanted to be liked by the teacher so they all raised their hands … except for little Bobby. The teacher looked at him and asked:

“Why are you being different again?”

“Because I’m not a Thing 45 fan.”

“Why aren’t you a Thing 45 fan?”

“Because I’m a Democrat.”

The teacher sniffed:

“Oh really? Why are you a Democrat?”

“Well, my mom is a Democrat, my dad is a Democrat, so I’m a Democrat.”

“Well, what if your mom was a fool and your dad was a jerk—what would that make you?”

“A Thing 45 fan.”

Be like Little Bobby.

Speaking of being like Little Bobby, graduating students at New College of Florida will hold a student-led “Commencement On Our Terms” after Dr. Scott Atlas was scheduled to be the commencement speaker for the regular graduation. You see, Atlas worked in Thing 45’s administration as a special White House advisor during the pandemic. His views contradicted all medical advice on how to combat COVID making him one of the head COVIDIOTS who denounced COVID testing and masks as millions died.

Students at the school have chosen civil rights leader and CEO of the Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights Maya Wiley as the keynote speaker at their alternative, woke, graduation.

Cuz they don’t need another idiot in Floriduh.

I have come to the realization that there are two Carlos’ in our house. One is a hard-nosed diva … Tear down that bitch of a bearing wall and put a window where a window ought to be … and the other is the martyr who, when you ask what he’s doing, mutters … I’m just doing my chores so I can still live in the house.

Yes, one minute I’m terrified he’s going to beat me with a wire hanger and the next I’m wondering if I should start a bonfire and burn him at the stake.

Joan Crawford or Joan of Arc. Tis a puzzlement.

An 18-year-old shooter fired indiscriminately while roaming a residential street in Farmington, New Mexico this week killing three people before the police arrived and killed the suspect; six other people, including two officers, were injured.

In Texas, the apparent capitol of Mass Shootings, police have charged a 12-year-old boy with murder after he shot and killed a Sonic employee who was arguing in a parkin g lot with the boy’s twenty-year-old friend. The 12-year-old boy used an AR-style weapon and fired at least six rounds at Davis.

Just another day in the United States of Guns. Thoughts and prayers in the hopes that Congress will one day grow a spine and do something but we all know thoughts and prayers fix nothing so ... 

Officials in Kansas City, Missouri are hoping to declare the city a sanctuary for people seeking or providing gender-affirming care, defying anti-transgender state officials bigots who are intent on banning it for minors and restricting it for adults.

Kansas City Council members acted after the GOP-controlled state legislature gave final approval to a bill banning gender-affirming care for transgender minors.

This could be a good first step, but the march goes on …

When Senator Joe Manchin scolded the EPA for requiring power plants to reduce their carbon emissions, he didn’t mention that the agency’s rules might threaten his personal income.

In fact, the risk to one plant, in particular, could threaten a lucrative source of money for Manchin. His family business Enersystems Inc. delivers waste coal to the Grant Town power plant, a financially struggling coal facility that Manchin has spent much of his political career protecting.

It’s not about protecting jobs at these plants it’s about protecting Joe Manchin’s bank account.

Fuck him.

Eli Bernard is a model, personal trainer and student but really all one needs to know is: Would You Hit It?

The Funny Papers

Marc Murphy, Mike Luckovich, David Horsey, Ann Telnaes, Drew Sheneman, Nick Anderson, JD Crowe, Jack Ohman, Ted Littleford, Bill Bramhall, Kevin Siers, Steve Breen, John Cuneo, Adam Zyglis, Clay Bennett, Michael de Adder,