It's Snarkurday!

Kanye West’s last New York Fashion Week show was a d-i-saster that was held on an island, started two hours late, many of the models fainted in the heat, and the clothes were hideous. Naturally, one would think that would put the kibosh on future Kanye shows but no ... Kanye is showing his fifth collection of Armageddon-wear next week and it will be a hot mess again.

See, Kanye says he booked the 5pm slot on February 15th at Pier 59 Studios except that it appears that slot was already booked by Marchesa. Huh ... Marchesa, Kanye? Marchesa, Kanye? Fabulous designs, garbage bags?

And the Council of Fashion Designers of America [CFDA] is none too happy about Kanye’s booking; Steven Kolb, CFDA CEO—and you know he’s important because that’s a lot of letters—says:

“Once again, CFDA was not approached or consulted about the possibility of Kanye West showing on the official New York Fashion Week schedule. As the scheduler of the week, the CFDA works with more than 300 brands to identify appropriate times for them to show their collections and avoid scheduling conflicts. Not going through the proper channels is disruptive to the whole week and unfair to designers who have secured spots through the formal procedure. This bad behavior is not acceptable to the CFDA and should not be tolerated by the industry. Because of this, the CFDA will not list Kanye West on the official schedule. However, the CFDA is more than willing to work with Kanye on securing an available time slot.”

This isn’t the first time Kanye called dibs on some other designer’s time slot or screwed with other designer’s show; his last disaster of a show was held on Roosevelt Island and required so much additional travel time that it conflicted with four other fashion shows.

But, maybe his time in the mental ward has softened the lunatic, because he has graciously rescheduled his show for 3pm on the 15th, but then again, since he always starts late, it will probably not begin until 5pm and set back the Marchesa show.

Why don’t people just go Nordstrom on Kanye and dump his sorry brand of unwashed Spanx-wear?

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I don’t know much about Selma Blair, other than that she played That Woman in The People v OJ Simpson last year and that she had a melt-down on a trans-Atlantic flight, too. And now she’s had another terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

It seems Blair was getting gas and left without removing the gas pump from her car’s tank—a tale she recounted on Instagram because that’s what one days these days:.

“I drove away from a gas pump with the nozzle still in, and then I paid for the broken pump so that was over a 500 dollar tank of gas.”

And that huge bill left her crying at a local coffee house, making the barista and every other hipster in the room feel all kinds of uncomfortable. And then she got nailed by animal rights activists who criticized her for wearing a fur-trimmed red coat. And again she ran to Instagram to tell the world about it:

“I was chastised for wearing fur but that was weird cause it was teddy bear fur.”

So, you admit you killed a teddy bear?

And then just to make matters worse, she told the world that she “ran out of dog food. And Excedrin” and was “still crying” and begged someone to say “this will pass.”

Seriously. This warrants a social media blast? Be right back, I gotta tell the folks on Twitter I left the toilet seat up!

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So, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is coming out soon. Women in bikinis. Ooh la ... why not men in bikinis for those of us who swing the other way?

But I digress ... according to sources, Sports Illustrated is releasing its Swimsuit issue with three covers starring tennis champ Serena Williams, 63-year-old model Christie Brinkley, and, big maybe, Kate Upton. Sources—and it would be Lohan if anyone anywhere had ever asked to see her in a swimsuit with her beer belly—say that an appearance by Upton is up in the air because of her diva demands:

“There was drama. Kate demanded that if she did the shoot, that she absolutely must get the cover. She also had a list of photographers and hair and makeup people she would only work with. She was being a big f - - king diva. She’s thinks she’s better than everyone because she’s an actress.”

Um, Kate, do you know that you’d never have been in the critically panned The Other Woman if you hadn’t been on the cover of SI a few years back?> Yeah. Without them, you’d still be asking if I wanted fries with my order, so maybe you ought to calm down the diva.

I mean, you are no Mariah Carey, gurl.

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Speaking of giant egos, back in 2015, when Kylie Jenner was first beginning to step out from behind big sister Kim’s ginormous ass, she actually filed an application to trademark the name “Kylie.”

Yup; one problem was that there was already another famous Kylie—and I don’t mean my neighbor’s LabraDoodle: Kylie Minogue.

So, last year the Original Kylie got her attorneys on the case and asked them to stop Second-Rate Kylie’s attempt to trademark the name because she already has a trademark on the name. And now the US Patent and Trademark Office has agreed, saying there is only one Kylie and that’s Minogue.

Sadly, Second-Rate Kylie—and why not trademark that—has already filed an appeal on the decision because That Woman has programmed that entire family of media whores on the ways to turn everything, from your name, to your ass, to your beer gut, into coins and dammit Second-Rate Kylie needs the money because she ain’t got nothing else going for her.

No robberies to publicize. No divorces and cheating alcoholic husbands to sell. No lunatics to earn some coins. What else is Second-Rate Kylie gonna do?

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Well, David Beckham’s emails were hacked and I was so hoping for a slew of nude selfies but, alas ... no dick pics, but evidence that he is kind of a dick.

It seems that hackers were able to get into the computer of Becks’ publicist, Simon Oliveira and then tried to blackmail Beckham by demanding a million Euros to not leak his emails. Beckham squealed out a “Noooo” and so the hackers released some info ... with emails from Beckham wondering if he’ll ever get a Knighthood from the Queen.

It seems Beckham really wants a “Sir” in front of his name and is all kinds of miffed that he hasn’t gotten it yet. In some of the emails, which detail his work for UNICEF, it appears that he only volunteers his time and a few coins, because he wants that “Sir.”

He was ALLEGEDLY up for knighthood in 2014, but the honors committee changed their mind after his name came up in a tax avoidance scheme, and in one email Beckham calls the committee “unappreciative cunts” and adds that, “unless it’s a knighthood fuck off”.

In other emails, Beckham demands that UNICEF covers his travel costs for a charity trip and seems a little non-committal about donating his own money to UNICEF. Another email seems to prove that Beckham only backed a vote against the Scottish Independence referendum because he thought it would get him that knighthood.

Of course, now his reps are saying the emails were fixed and edited to make him look bad:

“This story is based on outdated material taken out of context from hacked and doctored private emails from a third party server and gives a deliberately inaccurate picture."

Look, David, if it helps, I’ll call you Sir from now until the end of time if you just stop by Smallville once a month and let me gaze at your rock-hard ass for about two hours.

Just sayin, Sir?

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I have not been a fan of Beyoncé ever since I learned that on an old Destiny’s Child Christmas album, she gave herself credit as a songwriter on “Silent Night” because she added a line to the classic song. See, for Bey, it’s all about Bey and screw everyone else ... even dead people and their families.

Beyoncé is being sued by the sister of late bounce artist and YouTuber Messy Mya—real name Anthony Barré—for ALLEGEDLY using unauthorized pieces of his videos in her song Formation.

Messy Mya was murdered in November 2010 but before his death, he posted a video where he did what he always did: talk to and about people in his neighborhood in New Orleans saying things like, “Oooh, yes, I like that” and “What happened at the New Wil’ins” and, “Bitch I’m back, by popular demand.” And so his family was slightly unnerved to hear, at the beginning of Formation, Messy Mya say, “Oooh, yes, I like that” with other sayings, in his own voice, used at other places in the song.

Angel Barré, Messy Mya’s sister and the sole heir of his estate, tried to get in touch with Beyoncé’s people to talk about the unauthorized samples, but Beyoncé and her team refused to respond, thinking it might all go away.

Oh.Hell.No. On Monday, Angel filed a lawsuit against Beyoncé and Sony stating that Beyoncé didn’t ask for permission and didn’t give Messy Mya credit or coins. It also says that Beyoncé used the sample during live performances of Formation. The lawsuit also ALLEGES  that leaving Beyoncé’s use of her brother’s work unchallenged would create the impression that Messy Mya’s estate consented to THE “defendants’ use of his voice, which has impaired Mr. Barré’s reputation and credibility as an independent artist who worked alone and did not endorse popular singers.”

Angel wants $20 million in damages, plus royalties and her brother to get credit on the song.

Beyoncé wrote Silent Night y’all and now she’s stealing from dead people.

Seriously. I hope Angel gets a million bucks for every word Beyoncé stole from Messy Mya.

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Gosh, Tom Hiddleston used to be so cute until he began dating-banging Taylor Swift and until he accepted an award by saying something about how poor people in Africa love him, and now he’s still talking.

He really should shut up and go back to being cute because I am thisclose to being over him ... or under him. Okay, maybe I’m not through with him yet ... anyway ... remember when Hiddleston wore that ridiculous “I ♥ T.S.” tank top out in public? Well, just recently he was asked by GQ’s Taffy Brodesser-Akner about that most embarrassing clothing item and, well, he just dig himself in deeper and deeper:

“Taylor is an amazing woman. She’s generous and kind and lovely, and we had the best time.”

But Taffy was all, “That’s not what I asked, I asked about that tank top”:

“The truth is, it was the Fourth of July and a public holiday and we were playing a game and I slipped and hurt my back. And I wanted to protect the graze from the sun and said, ’Does anyone have a T-shirt?’ And one of her friends said, ’I’ve got this.’ ”

And out came the “I ♥ T.S.” tank top that all of Swifty’s friends are paid to wear unless they wish to be booted from the Squad and so Tom put it on.

Like I said, I really am over him. So much so that I don’t really want to be under him any longer.

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Drake and JLo ran hothothot and then ran notnotnot. 

I mean, at first they played it off that they were just working together on her album and having fun, but then JLo changed her New Year’s Eve plans to be time with him ... they followed each other on Instagram—nothing says I love you more than that—and he spent time with her kids. Then it was over and we all thought it was about his dinner with the porn star but ... maybe not.

See, Drake and JLo cooled right about the same time that Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill cooled and so, did Drake drop JLo’s ass to take another stab at Nicki’s bodacious butt? So far, no one is saying that, and the reps are all, “JLo and Drake are taking a breather,” but then JLo, as we saw with Selma Blair, took to Instagram to, maybe maybe not, spill the beans by saying:

“Timing is everything. If it’s meant to happen, it will, and for the right reasons.”

And if Nicki allows it to happen, I’m guessing.

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It's Snarkurday!

Charlie Sheen recently sold his profit participation rights to “Two and a Half Men” for nearly $27 million and then went to court to have his child support payments for his twin sons with ex-wife Brooke Mueller cut down because, he says, his income has changed significantly and so he can no longer pay the $55,000-a month child support payments for his 6-year-old boys.

Sheen says when he sold his profit rights for millions his monthly income fell from $600,000-a-month down to a mere $167,000 and so he clearly cannot afford child support; he also lists $12 million in debts owed on mortgages, taxes, and legal fees.

Now, Sheen’s divorce settlement with Mueller states that his child support payments could never be lower than the amount he pays to ex-wife Denise Richards for their two daughters, so Sheen wants that provision removed to be able to give less money to his sons than his daughters.

It’s no wonder he’s never been named Father of the Year, though Douchebag of All Time seems like a natural.

This is funny since this girl would be a nobody with paparazzi, but Kendall Jenner has ALLEGEDLY punched a photographer outside of a nightclub in Paris.

Kendall was leaving the night club with fellow model Gigi Hadid and her bodyguard when the bodyguard tried to restrain the photographer, and then she stepped in and went all Alec Baldwin on the guy.

The next day, on this side of the pond, while stirring her cauldron, That Woman made arrangements to have Kendall’s DNA tested because any child of hers and Caitlyn’s that pushes away a photographer for any reason at all cannot now or ever be called Kardastrophe, or even Kardastrophe-adjacent.

Even though Jennifer Lawrence loves him, and brought him as her date to the Oscars, there are all kinds of stories that director David O. Russell is a douche to work with … there’s an infamous story about how he went after Lily Tomlin on the set of I Heart Huckabees and ALLEGEDLY fondled his niece’s chest in a gym and made a studio exec cry of the ironically named set of Joy and now this …

Russell was so mean to Amy Adams on the set of American Hustle that Christian Bale — known for his own temper — had to step in … I was gonna throw an extra ALLEGEDLY in there but Adams gave an interview to British GQ where she says it’s true …. David O. Russell is a dick:

“I was really just devastated on set. I mean, not every day, but most. Jennifer [Lawrence] doesn’t take any of it on. She’s Teflon. And I am not Teflon. But I also don’t like to see other people treated badly … It’s not OK with me. Life to me is more important than movies. It really taught me how to separate work and home. Because I was like, ‘I cannot bring this experience home with me to my daughter.’”

It doesn’t look like Adams will be working with Russell any time soon though Teflon Lawrence has said she’d work with him forever and always … until he makes her cry?

This week famewhore, porn star, and married to a lunatic, Kim Kardastrophe posted another nude selfie to Instagram. It was a lie because it wasn’t a recent picture, post Second Baby, but an older picture before Second Baby — sorry I can’t be bothered to learn the child’s name—but folks on Twitter had a field day with Kardastrophe’s latest attempt to gather attention for herself since she doesn’t really do anything.

Bette Midler said:

“Kim Kardashian tweeted a nude selfie today. If Kim wants us to see a part of her we've never seen, she’s gonna have to swallow the camera.”

Chloe Grace Moretz reTweeted Bette and added:

“There’s a huge difference in respecting the platform that you’re given as a celebrity and ‘slut shaming’ something I never have done and would never do.” 

And naturally, Piers Morgan got involved:

“I know the old man’s $50 million in debt, Kim – but this is absurd. Want me to buy you some clothes?” 

It was all fun and humor, but since Kim is married to a lunatic she went all Kanye on Twitter, channeling her inner Donald [t]Rump and talking about how rich she is:

“sorry I'm late to the party guys I was busy cashing my 80 million video game check & transferring 53 million into our joint account”

I wonder how Kanye feels knowing his woman is telling the world that she’s stocking up his bank account? Then she took on Piers:

“hey @piersmorgan never offer to buy a married woman clothes. thats on some ashley madison type shit #forresearch”

She also took a dig at Chloe Grace Moretz:

“let's all welcome @ChloeGMoretz to twitter, since no one knows who she is. your nylon cover is cute boo”

Lastly, she came for The Divine Miss M:

“hey @BetteMidler I know it's past your bedtime but if you're still up and reading this send nudes #justkidding”

Followed by:

“hey @BetteMidler I really didn't want to bring up how you sent me a gift awhile back trying to be a fake friend then come at me#dejavu”

Kim, honey, you don’t come for Bette unless she sends for you, m’kay?

“@KimKardashian: I never tried to fake friend you. Looks like anyone can take a selfie but not everyone can take a joke...”

Snap. Now, let’s give Pink the last word because, well, it’s brilliant. And while Pink doesn’t name any names — she didn’t have to — the bits about attention seekers with tits and asses makes it clear who she was aiming at:

“Shout out to all of the women, across the world, using their brains, their strength, their work ethic, their talent, their “magic” that they were born with, that only they possess. It may not ever bring you as much ‘attention’ or press notes as using your body, your sex, your tits and asses, but women like you don’t need that kind of ‘attention’. In the quiet moments, you will feel something deeper than the fleeting excitement resulting from ‘attention’, you will feel something called pride and self-respect. Keep on resisting the urge to cave. You never have to make silly excuses for yourself. #internationalwomensday #bestrong #upyourrealworth”

Real snap.

Speaking of the Kardastrophes, Selma Blair is playing That Woman in American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson.

That Woman’s daughter Kendall is friends with model Gigi Hadid whose mom is Yolanda Hadid — formerly Foster — who has separated from David Foster who is now apparently dating/banging Selma Blair.

I know none of these folks are inter-related but it still sounds so incestuous.

She started off with a bang and now it looks like she’ll end up with a whimper.

Janet Jackson’s Unbreakable world tour is kinda broken with Miss Jackson cancelling or postponing many of her December American dates so she could undergo a “surgical” procedure — like, I dunno, having her voice tracks surgically implanted in her mouth so it’ll look more like she really can sing?

And now she’s doing it again; all of Janet’s European dates have been postponed due to “scheduling difficulties” and, rumor has it … love Adele … the tour may never happen at all because Ticketmaster is giving everyone who purchased a ticket a refund.

She cannot sing on tour but she did show up at Paris Fashion week … but then she didn’t have to pretend to sing and dance there.

Well, it appears Bradley Cooper has really bad ideas.

He was planning a remake of A Star Is Born — originally starring Frederic March and Janet Gaynor, then remade starring Judy Garland and James Mason, and lastly remade with Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson — which has been put on hold lest it become another Cooper Flop a la Aloha.

But Cooper really wanted “Gimme An Oscar, I’m Beyoncé” as his costar because she’s a brilliant actress; remember Obssessed? No? Howsabout Pink Panther? Cadillac Records? Goldmember? Remember her in Dreamgirls? No? That’s because Jennifer Hudson stole that show.

Now it appears that Cooper may not get his Beyoncé because she wants Weave Money … and by that I mean a huge paycheck to star in the film. Seriously? She is such a terrible actress I think she should pay to be in the film and then pay anyone who wants to see the movie to go see something else, anything else.

A phrase I can almost guarantee you will never hear:

“The Oscar for Best Actress Goes To Beyoncé.”

Unless she makes a direct-to-video flop playing an actress who wins an Oscar.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

JLo. She seemingly has it all: the kids, the career, the fabulous wardrobe, the decade’s younger boyfriend she can ride like a rodeo clown … TMI? Sorry, moving on …. But one thing she has that I never knew about was a problem sleeping alone. Now, I don’t mean sleeping alone as in ride ‘em like a rodeo clown, climb down, and fall asleep. I mean, she ALLEGEDLY cannot sleep in her bed alone, and after she puts Casper and the kids down for the night, La Lopez crawls into bed with her assistant. Yes, apparently JLo makes her female assistant sleep in the same bed with her—no funny business, mind you—it’s just that Lopez likes the company.

An inside source—and you know it’s Casper looking for extra scratch when he spends all his allowance—says, “It has nothing to do with sex. When Jennifer and her ex Marc Anthony were traveling all over South America taping for their 2012 show ‘Q’Viva, Casper often didn’t accompany her—and when he wasn’t around, she’d ask her female cousin/assistant, Tiana, to spend the next right next to her because ‘I just get so lonely in bed!’”

Perhaps that’s the root of all her issues, but it also begs the question: how does one share a bed with JLo’s California King-sized ass?

Well, Conrad Murray is currently behind bars because he was found guilty of giving drug addict Michael Jackson the drugs that killed him.

But there is another court case involving Jackson that is still ongoing. Jackson’s family is suing concert promotion company AEG saying they hired Murray to be Jackson’s doctor so they basically killed him, too.

Whatevs. The real story is some of the :::cough cough::: testimony going on in that courtroom. See, AEG Live CEO Randy Phillips says he has proof that Jackson’s death was an accident because he, pay attention now, he, Randy Phillips, spoke with Lionel Richie’s ex-wife, Brenda Harvey claimed that her psychic says Jackson’s ghost came to see her and told her that his death was an accident.

This is testimony.

Many in the court burst into laughter, but Judge Yvette Palazuelos let the testimony stand; meaning the jury will have to consider that a ghost told a psychic who told her friend who told this CEO that Jackson’s death was accidental.

Oy.

One would have thought that Charlie Sheen had learned his lesson after warring with Chuck Lorre on the 2.5 Men set and finding his ass fired, but crackheads never really learn.

And sometimes they win.

Sheen is still ALLEGEDLY incensed that Ashton Kutcher took over the 2.5 Men lead, and is also dating Mila Kunis. See, back when Charlie was full-on-in-your-0face crazy, and hiring a team of “goddesses” to help him, he wondered aloud about Mila Kunis taking on the role. She didn’t, and then she began dating his arch nemesis, Kutcher.

Well, Charlie is like a dog with a bone, or a crackhead with a pipe, and will not let go of the idea of getting Mila Kunis. You see, Charlie wants Mila to take over Selma Blair’s role in “Anger Management” and, in trying to arrange it, he had Blair fired because she had the nerve to complain that the porn-and-drug-addicted asshat was late and stuff to work.

So, bam, Blair’s out and Charlie is waving around a $10 million paycheck for Kunis who, like most of America if Anger Management’s downward ratings indicate, isn’t listening.

So, on the heels of Lohan’s exit from the Betty Ford Center for a more serene and spa-like Malibu rehab, Charlie Sheen’s ex, Brooke Mueller is also leaving the BFC.

Apparently Brooke, undergoing her twenty-something attempt, followed by a twenty-something failure, at rehab did not like the fact that she had to do chores at Betty Ford so she left without a word.

An insider—and who’s more inside at rehab than Lohan—says, “Brooke didn’t tell anyone, including her lawyer, that she had left Betty Ford. [She] hated Betty Ford because she was required to do daily chores, which she resented. She complained that Betty Ford was just too hard. Betty Ford is hardcore and Brooke just doesn’t respond well in situations where she can’t call the shots.”

But, her abrupt move to leave the facility and head to an easier rehab in San Juan Capistrano just might be the death knell in her bid to get her children—twin sons of Charlie Sheen—back from another Sheen ex, Denise Richards.

Lohan, er, the source, says, “This could have a serious impact on Brooke’s bid to get custody of the twins. Brooke just doesn’t seem to be taking get sober that seriously. Her doctors at Betty Ford advised her not to leave, but she did anyway. Her counselors will be submitting an extensive report about Brooke’s time at Betty Ford and it won’t be glowing, that is for sure.”

Happily, the chances are low that Brooke Mueller will ever have primary custody of her sons; sadly, it seems that the boys won’t grow up with either of the parents—who have yet to grow up themselves—and may find that they will be Denise Richard’s boys now.

Oh, it wouldn’t be gossip without Lohan—even if Lindsay is still in rehab lockdown.

It’s been just over a week since Lindsay paid off asked a judge to let her out of the Betty Ford Clinic and into a celebrity-friendly rehab in Malibu because it’s summer and the parties are in Malibu, so, yeah, Lindsay + Malibu – rehab = arrests. I’m guessing.

Except now she’s not happy in Malibu and wants to make this The Lindsay Lohan Rehab World Tour, Part One—because, bitches, you know there’s gonna be a sequel.

Lindsay wants to transfer again, and head to the east coast where maybe she and mama Dina can share a room because how Dina has escaped rehab all these years is amazing. But, Lindsay says she wants to go east because it’s easier for family to see her, and rehab is all about visits from home, not getting your issues dealt with and trying yet another stab at sobriety.

So, let’s get this straight, or queer, or whatever: Lohan was ordered to Morningside Clinic by the judge, and she did go; I mean, she sat in her car in the driveway and left without entering, but she was there. Then she went to Betty Ford and apparently kicked a nurse—I’m kidding, maybe—because they refused to let her continue taking Adderall. And so she hustled her way of the BFC and into Malibu, where she thought she could keep her prescriptions until they said ‘No’ and now she wants out again.

Yeah, this’ll turn out great.

And what would a week be without a visit from Little Miss Justine Bieber.

He’s such a rock star, you know, and as rocks stars are apt to do, he took to partying it up Big Boy style while staying at an upscale hotel in New York City.

It seems Miss Justine was ready to get down with her bad self, and called downstairs for some extra special goodie bags for the festivities. An inside—and it could be anyone because, other than prepubescent girls and Lesbians, no one likes The Biebs—says, “He asked for more intimacy kits with condoms. He always requests condoms…and jelly beans!”

Condoms and Jelly Beans.

I can’t with that; it says it all. I can picture Justine and her BFFs sitting around the hotel filling condoms with jelly beans so they can have party favors on the bus.

Poor Miss Thang.

A little more on Mila Kunis, although it’s never really about Kunis, it’s about the men who want a piece of Kunis. And this time it’s one Russell Brand—who, we learned this week, asked Katy Perry for a divorce via a text message … shades of Berger’s Post-It note break-up with Carrie on Sex and The City­—who wants some Mila for himself. 

But Brand lost out, too, like Charlie Sheen, though the big difference is, Charlie lost Mila to Ashton, while Russell lost Mila to … wait for it … Macaulay Culkin. I.Know!

It seems Brand was filming with Mila Kunis when he tried to charm her into becoming one of his conquests—the looks-like-he-doesn’t-bathe comedian is ALLEGEDLY a sex addict—and she said, ‘No.’ Cuz she was dating that kid from Home Alone. That has got to hurt, you know?

Russell Brand:  “She’s so gorgeous, just so gorgeous and I was chatting her up and got the conversation around to have you got a boyfriend, and then you know that feeling of how long do I have to entertain a conversation? Then I go away and she keeps talking about her boyfriend Mac, this is when I was on Sarah Marshall. Eventually she said he’s coming tomorrow and there was some sort of fanfare, she was so excited. Then when he came it wasn’t Mac – it was Macaulay Culkin. He’d got longer and looked pale and scared of himself, like a shaved horse. There was a horror about him and I thought, ‘you can’t f**k him – that’s the lad from Home Alone’.”

But that begs the question: which is worse? F**king the kid from Home Alone or f**king Russell Brand.

Discuss.

And since we started with JLo, let's end with JLo at the ceremony for receiving her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

I'm'a keep this simple:

Girl looks older than Casper's mama.

Girl couldn't find a decent pair of shoes?

Girl couldn't get a dress that wasn't wrinkled?

Girl gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame?

Who'd she bang for that?