“The
day 19 children and 2 teachers were murdered, we held a moment of silence at
sporting events around the country, then we played the national anthem, and we
went on with our lives. Players, staff, and fans stood for the moment of
silence, grieving the lives lost, and then we (myself included) continued to
stand, proudly proclaiming ourselves the land of the free and the home of the
brave. We didn’t stop to reflect on whether we are actually free and brave
after this horrific event, we just stood at attention. When I was the same age
as the children in Uvalde, my father taught me to stand for the pledge of
allegiance when I believed my country was representing its people well or to
protest and stay seated when it wasn’t. I don’t believe it is representing us
well right now.
This
particular time, an 18-year-old walked into a store, bought multiple assault
rifles and hundreds of rounds of ammunition, walked into a school with an armed
resource officer and its own police district and was able to murder children
for nearly an hour. Parents begged and pleaded with police officers to do
something, police officers who had weapons and who receive nearly 40% of the city’s
funding, as their children were being murdered.
We
elect our politicians to represent our interests. Immediately following this
shooting, we were told we needed locked doors and armed teachers. We were given
thoughts and prayers. We were told it could have been worse, and we just need
love.
But
we weren’t given bravery, and we aren’t free. The police on the scene put a
mother in handcuffs as she begged them to go in and save her children. They
blocked parents trying to organize to charge in to stop the shooter, including
a father who learned his daughter was murdered while he argued with the cops.
We aren’t free when politicians decide that the lobbyist and gun industries are
more important than our children’s freedom to go to school without needing bulletproof
backpacks and active shooter drills.
I’m
often struck before our games by the lack of delivery of the promise of what
our national anthem represents. We stand in honor of a country where we elect
representatives to serve us, to thoughtfully consider and enact legislation
that protects the interests of all the people in this country and to move this
country forward towards the vision of the “shining city on the hill.” But
instead, we thoughtlessly link our moment of silence and grief with the equally
thoughtless display of celebration for a country that refuses to take up the
concept of controlling the sale of weapons used nearly exclusively for the mass
slaughter of human beings. We have our moment (over and over), and then we move
on without demanding real change from the people we empower to make these
changes. We stand, we bow our heads, and the people in power leave on recess,
celebrating their own patriotism at every turn.
Every
time I place my hand over my heart and remove my hat, I’m participating in a
self-congratulatory glorification of the ONLY country where these mass
shootings take place. On Wednesday, I walked out onto the field, I listened to
the announcement as we honored the victims in Uvalde. I bowed my head. I stood
for the national anthem. Metallica riffed on City Connect guitars.
My
brain said drop to a knee; my body didn’t listen. I wanted to walk back inside;
instead, I froze. I felt like a coward. I didn’t want to call attention to
myself. I didn’t want to take away from the victims or their families. There
was a baseball game, a rock band, the lights, the pageantry. I knew that
thousands of people were using this game to escape the horrors of the world for
just a little bit. I knew that thousands more wouldn’t understand the gesture
and would take it as an offense to the military, to veterans, to themselves.
But
I am not okay with the state of this country. I wish I hadn’t let my discomfort
compromise my integrity. I wish that I could have demonstrated what I learned
from my dad, that when you’re dissatisfied with your country, you let it be
known through protest. The home of the brave should encourage this.”