Why Is It ...

… that when people call their pets "fur baby" it's fine but when I call a kid a "skin dog" somehow I'm disgusting?

… that nowadays I run into most of my friends at the pharmacy instead of at the nightclub?

… that I don't always roll a joint, but when I do it's my ankle?

… that sometimes I think I’m reasonably intelligent and other times I click the remote car door lock a second, third, fourth or tenth time for extra lockiness?

… that I am a huge fan of saying ‘You’re welcome’ really loud when people don’t say ‘Thank you’?

… that I feel adulthood is like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by an airplane?

… that years back, when an ex-boss, pleased with my performance, told me I was “going places”: and my first thought was, “Yeah, an asylum?”

… that as I grow older unnecessary noise starts to irritate my soul?

… that there is literally no tea on me that I won’t spill myself? So stop thinking y’all know.

… that my ability to read the room is why I stay home a lot?

… that when I was looking for the yee to my haw, I always ended up finding the hell to my naw?