Bobservations

A couple of programming notes … my father has postponed his New Ankle™ surgery for the time being so I won’t be heading out West for an extended stay. He may reschedule; he may not.

On the Carlos front, he’d been a bit worried about his mother since his father passed away; she’s staying with family in Querétaro, outside Mexico City, and they’re keeping her busy and taking good care of her. But the other day, Carlos was speaking to her on the phone and after he’d finished, he hung up and said to me:

“I can’t believe it.”

“What?”

I was telling my mother something, and I made a little joke and she laughed.”

“I can’t believe that anyone would laugh at one of your jokes.”

“No, seriously, this was the first time I’d heard her laugh in I don’t know how long.”

“Well, if you think about all she’s gone through, in the last month that we know about, not even considering that last few years, she probably hasn’t had the chance to laugh much.”

But that was all it took to ease Carlos mind about his mother; a little laugh during a phone call. I am so glad he got to hear that.

Sidenote: I told him that I was kinda happy not to have to go to Oregon for five weeks; and he said:

"Awwww, you'd miss me?"

"You? I'd talk to you five times a day, but Tuxedo doesn't have a phone! What would I do?"

What can I say, what Tuxedo and I have is real, and it's fabulous.

Plus, you know, being away from Carlos would make me crazy.

Shortly after Talabama Governor Kay Ivey signed that extreme anti-abortion bill into law,  she attended the  execution of Michael Brandon Samra, who took part in the quadruple murder of the family of a friend.

Keep that in mind when she says she’s all about the sanctity of life because she attended an execution. In fact, since Ivey assumed office two years ago, Talabama has executed six other men, including convicted serial bomber Walter Moody who, at 83, was the oldest person executed in the nation’s history; and don’t forget Ivey’s attendance at the execution of  Domineque Ray after the Supreme Court refused to issue a stay when Ivey’s government denied the condemned Muslim inmate access to an imam in the death chamber, although it does provide a Christian chaplain.

Keep in mind that California has the nation’s largest death row with 735 condemned inmates, Alabama has the highest per capita rate of death sentences.

So much for Ivey’s notion that the new abortion ban “stands as a powerful testament to Alabamians’ deeply held belief that every life is precious & that every life is a sacred gift from God.”

Every life is precious?

Senator Mike Lee, a Utah Republican, bigot and homophobe spoke out in opposition last week after the House of Representatives passed the historic Equality Act, which expands existing civil rights laws to protect LGBTQ people.

Lee said the legislation, which heads to the Senate but has little chance of being brought to the floor for a vote, is unnecessary because:

“LGBT people don't need protection because Americans are becoming more "tolerant."

Funny, cuz all that tolerance was nowhere on display last December when GOP bigot and homophobe Mike Lee blocked the renomination of a lesbian to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission because he said her views on marriage were "radical."

LGBTQ Americans need protection from asshats like GOP bigot and homophobe Mike Lee.

Last week Robert F. Smith, the billionaire investor who founded Vista Equity Partners and became the richest black man in America, gave the commencement speech at Morehouse College and kind of went off on a tangent when he …

… told all 396 graduates that he and his family would pay off the entire graduating class’s student debt so they could start their lives without student debt hanging over them.

That’s right. In this last years, full-time tuition at Morehouse was $25,368, with other expenses such as room and board, books and fees, pushing the total to over $48,000.

And :::poof::: it’s gone, thanks to Mr. Smith.

Guess which judge will be hearing _____’s appeal on turning over his taxes to the House?

Wait for it.

Wait for it

Wait for it

Wait for it

Wait for it.

Merrick Garland.

Kris Kobach, the GOP asshat and former Kansas secretary of state, has given the White House a list of requirements that he needs if he is to become the administration’s “immigration czar,” a job _____ has been looking to create to coordinate immigration policy across government agencies.

Here’s what  Kobach needs:

Seriously? What a little bitch. Money, private planes, weekends off. Who does he think he is? Ivanka?

This week Beto O’Rourke “rebooted” his campaign because, after starting off big, he’s really gotten nowhere, so it’s like a do-over.

How about a stop? Full stop.

I like Beto, but if after a few months of campaigning you’re getting nowhere and think you need a reset, you really need to take a seat.

He’s at it again … totally-not-gay-at-all former Republican Congressman, noted homophobe  Aaron Schock was snapped poolside at the Standard Hotel in West Hollywood by a gay tourist visiting from New York.

The closet case was accompanied by an attractive speedo-clad young man lounging at the pool, until he got into the water and tried “chatting up” another young man.

Aaron? Come out already you big queer. And then go away, because after all the years and effort you spent denying the LGBTQ community representation and equal rights, we don’t want you or your turquoise belt.

Come out. Go away.

The oh-so-dreamy Adam Senn was born in Paris, France, but grew up in Sugar Land, Texas, outside of Houston. He studied theater as a child and throughout high school, but then moved to New York City where he began smoldering up my internet searches and modeling for Dolce & Gabbana, among others,

‘In 2016 he began acting, most notably playing a bisexual basketball player in VH1's Hit the Floor for two seasons; why it gotta be ‘bi’?

Anyway, it all boils down to Adam is hot and sexy and cool and just what I needed today …

Just sayin’.

Bobservations

So last week I told y’all that Carlos gave me a cold for my birthday, right? Well, by Monday I was so congested and my throat so sore, I couldn’t speak … and Carlos said:

“Yep, there’s my gift now.”

I whispered that he should be very afraid when the voice comes back.

In good LGBT news … this year, for the first time probably ever, major legislation curtailing LGBT rights has been completely stymied in state capitols around the country this year. And it’s mostly because those in the GOP have learned that being anti-LGBT doesn’t pay.

LGBT activists tracked about 120 proposed bills that were seen as threats to their civil rights and not one of them has been enacted as many sessions now wind down.

A key factor in the shift: In the GOP-led states where these types of bills surface, moderate GOP lawmakers and business leaders are wary of losing conventions, sporting events and corporate headquarters because of their anti-LGBT—mostly anti-trans ‘Bathroom Bills.

The only two anti-LGBT bills still active are the attempts to curtail adoption rights in Oklahoma and Kansas.

Seriously? Oklahoma and Kansas? Wake up and get with the rest of us in the 21st century.

So, this past week, rapper Kendrick Lamar won a Pulitzer for “Damn,” becoming the first hip hop artist to win the music Pulitzer. And, while that is cool news, one asshat, by the name of Geraldo Rivera, who never missed an opportunity to kiss his own ass, took some credit for the honor because in one of Lamar’s songs, he used a Rivera quote.

And so, Rivera Tweeted this mess:

“Congratulations @kendricklamar a extraordinary talent on winning the #Pulitzer. Proud to have played a small, indirect role in inspiring such extraordinary creativity.”

Funny thing is that the quote Lamar sampled on his album was Jerry Rivers Geraldo Rivera saying:

“This is why I say that hip-hop has done more damage to young African-Americans than racism in recent years.”

Snap. Geraldo has no idea that his stupidity, and ignorance, were sampled.

Take a seat, grandpa.

Last month, when Dick’s Sporting Goods said it would no longer sell modern sporting rifles at its stores following the shooting at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas high School a lot of folks wondered what would happen to the unsold firearms in its inventory.

Wonder no more: while, normally, a retailer might return unsold merchandise to the manufacturer., in this case Dick’s Sporting Goods has decided to destroy them:

“We are in the process of destroying all firearms and accessories that are no longer for sale as a result of our February 28th policy change. We are destroying the firearms in accordance with federal guidelines and regulations.”

Bravo!

I love learning new words and then trying them out on people and this week was a great week for a new one. I first heard the word when former CIA director John O. Brennan tweeted at _____:

“Your kakistocracy is collapsing after its lamentable journey.”

So, what is a “kakistocracy”? Searches for the kakistocracy surged to the top of Merriam-Webster, who issued a short explainer:

Kakistos is Greek for “worst,” so kakistocracy means government by the worst people.

Yup, it works.

Kakistocracy; use it.

When you lie about everything it’s easy to get caught … like last when White House Press Secretary Liar Sarah Huckabee Sanders Tweeted that photo of the Situation Room following the military strike on Syria with _____ and his minions, including So-Not-Gay Veep Mike Pence and said:

“Last night the President put our adversaries on notice: when he draws a red line he enforces it.”

Trouble was, the night of the bombing Mike Pence was in Peru so how could he be in the two places at once; Huckleberry was instantly called out, again, as a liar by Walter Shaub:

“Fascinating tweet in which Sarah Sanders reveals that Mike Pence was simultaneously in Peru and Washington. If this new capability doesn’t scare our enemies, nothing will. #QuantumEntanglementMike”

Huckleberry then qualified her first lie:

“As I said, the President put our adversaries on notice that he enforces red lines with the strike on Syria Friday night. The photo was taken Thursday in the Situation Room during Syria briefing.”

“As I said” is what Huckleberry says when she’s fixing a lie.

Remember when _____ created a commission to investigate the voting “fraud” of the last election because his tiny ego refused to believe more people voted for Hillary? And he asked Kansas Secretary of State, and Republican, Kris Kobach to look into voter fraud and Kobach basically found nothing?

Kobach should’a looked in his own backyard because this week he was held in contempt of court for repeatedly skirting court orders related to a blocked state voter registration law.

U.S. District Judge Julie Robinson ripped Kobach, a proponent of stricter voting laws, a new asshole for failing to send postcards notifying thousands of voters of their registration. Those voters had previously been blocked from registering under a Kansas state law by Kobach because they were not able to provide proof of citizenship during registration. 

Judge Robinson blocked that law during the 2016 election:

"Kansans have come to expect these postcards to confirm their registration status, and Defendant [Kobach] ensured the Court on the record that they had been sent prior to the 2016 general election. They were not, and the fact that he sent a different notice to those voters does not wholly remove the contempt, nor does his attempt to resend postcards eighteen months after the election and five months after Plaintiffs notified him of the issue."

As part of the contempt ruling, Robinson ordered Kobach to pay the attorney’s fees of the plaintiff in the case, the American Civil Liberties Union.

Yup, another fraud, cheat and liar on the _____ team.

What to do … what to do … oh yeah ….

I gotta a quick joke for you: what is the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

.

.

.

.

Give up?

.

.

.

.

_____ never had a garbanzo bean on his face.

Now …there’s a new show on Bravo, a kind of riff on the Real Housewives franchises … which is saying a lot because all shows on Bravo are kind of a riff on the Housewives … but this one is called Southern Charm: New Orleans.

It’s about a bunch of wannabees in the Big Easy acting like fools on camera, but… seeing one of the promos for the show, I was suddenly struck by one abs-oh-so-lutley ripped Jon Moody, who never misses a chance to take his shirt off.

Thank the goddess.

Moody is a well-known, and well-respected artist and I have already asked to sit with him.

No, not for him. I wanna sit in his studio and watch him paint when he’s dressed like this …

Just sayin’.

The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Pat Bagley, Adam Zyglis, Bill Day, Rick McKee, John Cole, RJ Matson, Steve Sack, Jack Ohman, Drew Sheneman

I Didn't Say It ...

Jeanine Pirro, former judge and Fox News commentator, saying there’s nothing wrong with receiving opposition research from a foreign state:

“As someone who’s run for office five times, if the devil called me and said he wanted to set up a meeting to give me opposition research on my opponent I’d be on the first trolley to hell to get it. And any politician who tells you otherwise is a bald-faced liar.”

So, Jeanine says she’d work with Satan to win an election? That speaks volumes about this asshat.

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Reverend William Barber, criticizing the evangelicals who “lay hands” on _____ last week:

“When you can p-r-a-y for a president and others while they are p-r-e-y, preying on the most vulnerable, you’re violating the most sacred principles of religion. When we have this extremist Trump Republican agenda that takes health care, transfers wealth to the greedy, that’s hypocrisy and sin. Seven hundred billion dollars ... You haven’t seen that kind of transfer of wealth on the backs of bodies of people since slavery. Claiming to care about life, but then passing a bill when you know thousands will die—22 million people, poor, working people will be hurt—that is hypocrisy and sin. When you know it will hurt children, the disabled and veterans, that is sin. That is hypocrisy.”

And that is _____ and the GOP in a nutshell: sin and hypocrisy.

As I said before, if you call yourself a Christian and support a thrice-married adulterer, pussy groping, disabled mocking, Mexican hating, Muslim baiting asshat, you are clearly no child of God ... so sit down.

And lay hands on your own sorry ass.

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Andrew Napolitano, former judge and Fox News commentator, saying political campaigns cannot accept “something of value” from a foreign government:

“So the question is, is this enough to commence a criminal investigation? Answer: yes. Because it is suspicious that they met with these people, they didn’t consult a lawyer, and one of these people is a former KGB/GRU. And didn’t tell anybody about it. Why didn’t Jared Kushner tell the FBI about it when he filled out his national security application unless he was trying to hide something?”

They all have something to hide.

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Elijah Cummings, Congressman, on GOP hypocrisy:

“For Republicans, there was no allegation too small to investigate in respect to Secretary Clinton, but there is no scandal too big to ignore with Donald Trump.”

How many hearings did the GOP hold on Benghazi and never uncovered any wrongdoing? How many times did we hear “criminal” shouted at Clinton about her emails and yet nothing criminal happened.

Then _____ comes along and there is proof that many people on his team and in his family lied about dealings with Russia and the GOP goes crickets.

Repeal and replace the entire party seems the best option now.

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Trevor Noah, Daily Show host, on Ann Coulter’s meltdown over being asked to change seats on a Delta flight:

“How long will white women be asked to move to the back of the — well, not the back, but just like slightly over two seats? Ann Coulter is basically Airplane Rosa Parks.”

Ann Coulter is a typical conservative wingnut who sees demons in every bad thing that happens to her, liberals at every obstacle, and collusion over the fact that she had to move three feet.

Fuck her.

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Kris Kobach, vice chair on _____’s Commission for Voter Integrity—and let that sink in: _____ and integrity—if he thinks Clinton won the popular vote:

“We may never know the answer to that question. Let’s suppose that the commission determined there was a certain number of votes cast by ineligible voters, you still won’t know if they voted for Trump, Clinton or someone else.”

Oh, Kris, you goose-stepping lapdog. Tear your snout away from _____’s sphincter and listen: Hilly Clinton won the popular vote. The only people who don’t believe that are the wingnuts with their lips pressed to the president’s flabby white ass.

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Michele Bachmann, describing ____ as normal:

“He is quite honestly one of the most regular guys you would ever meet. He just is who he is [and] after all of this phony, fake, Russia-collusion nonstory, the number one thing that voters in America stand with Donald Trump on, it’s the idea that they want the pause button hit on immigration from Islamic countries because of the problems that are coming into this country.”

Oh Michele, shouldn’t you be helping Marcusssss with his hair and makeup, because clearly the problem with this country is that the GOP is using fear as a means to get elected and then doing nothing about the so-called problem when in office.

You, Michele, are the problem; you and your hypocritical “faith.”

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Bill Palmer, political journalist, on _____:

"In no particular order, America has overcome a civil war, Adolf Hitler, a depression, and even disco. This illegitimate occupation of the White House by a confirmed traitor is a whole new kind of challenge for us. But we can, and we will, overcome this. In the end, the will of the people will propel the Constitution to propel Donald ­­­­­_____ out on his ass. When his degenerative brain disease finishes him off in a few years, he’ll either die a lonely miserable broke man, or he’ll die in a prison cell. We’re in the fight of our lives. But Trump is going to lose this battle, and America is going to win. We always have, and we always will.”

#Resist.

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Stephen Colbert, on _____’s second previously-undisclosed private meeting with Vladimir Putin:

“Really? How stupid can you be? You’re in the middle of what could be the worst scandal in U.S. history. People think you colluded with the president of a hostile foreign power, then you go out of your way to meet with him again and you don’t tell anybody? That’s like if OJ does get out on parole and immediately goes glove shopping. Here’s the thing, I want to believe _____ here. I want to believe that the president of the United States is just shooting the breeze with the guy he’s accused of colluding with for the second time that day, for an hour. But here’s why it’s hard to believe him. He lies about crowd size, voter fraud, ’til death do us part. He’s the boy who cried Wolf Blitzer is fake news! This might actually be a nothing burger but every time they tell us it’s a nothing burger, it turns out to be a juicy quarter pounder with sleaze.”

I’ve also said, time and again, that if there is a hint of some Russia scandal, the last thing you’d want to do, unless you’re a buffoonish lapdog of a Russian president, is to have anything to do with Russia.

But that’s just me.

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