Meme Dump

It's Snarkurday!

I guess when you TV show goes off the air you have to decide what to do with your life and in the case of former Glee co-star, and Lea Michele frenemy, Naya Rivera, the choice was to be a husband beater.

Rivera was arrested and charged with domestic battery this week in West Virginia after her husband, Ryan Dorsey says she started slapping him around while they were taking their two-year-old son Josey for a walk. I can see that memory ingrained in the child’s head: I saw Mommy beat the crap outta Daddy on an evening stroll.

Anyway, police were called and when they arrived on scene Ryan told them that Naya had “struck him in the head and the bottom lip” during their family outing. He even produced a cell phone video of the assault.

Naya was arraigned, her bond was set at $1000, and then Ryan’s Daddy came and picked her up from jail. Well, it is West Virginia, so it doesn’t get a lot more hillbilly. And who knew, after Glee, that Naya’s next film appearance would be grainy cell phone video of her beating up her husband?

Lea Michele, that’s who.

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There was big news in the HGTV world earlier this year when the Shiplap King and Queen, Chip and Joanna Gaines of Fixer Upper fame, announced that this would be the last season of their hit show because they were going to take a breather and spend more time with their family.

Rumors swirled of trouble in the marriage, trouble at home, trouble at The Silos—you’d know if you watched—but maybe it’s not trouble it’s just that they angling for more coins.

It now appears that Chip and Joanna were quitting HGTV until Discovery could buy Scripps—HGTV’s parent company—and then Discovery would open up the wallet and coins would rain down on the Gaines’. See, Chipper and JoJo had ALLEGEDLY been battling with HGTV for a while about how they would only “fixer upper” if the new version of the home was full of their Magnolia merch. HGTV wasn’t keen on it, and the Gaines’ walked … 

Until Discovery scoops up the show and then they’ll be back with more shiplap, more metal letters on the wall and more money in their bank account.

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Oh Ivana Ivana Ivana. Every time she does an interview you wonder what she’ll say; sure, since her ex became the Fat Bastard she walked back those ALLEGATIONS that he once raped her, but she does like to throw shade at the third Missus Fat Bastard. And she drags Donny and Mellie every chance she gets, like a few months ago when she called herself the real First Lady and Melania’s face nearly cracked in two.

Ivana recently appeared on the Irish talk show The Ray D’Arcy Show and couldn’t resist the opportunity to remind us all that she is The First Wife and Baby Mama. Then Ray, who knows when to strike, asked Ivana about that whole “First Lady” snark and he asked Ivana how Melania is doing as First Lady:

“I thinks she's trying her best.”

Maybe that explains why Melania decorated the White House for Christmas with a Hall of Horrors and a witch’s cauldron in the East Room where she’s learning how to drown a Voo Doo doll of Ivana.

And least “I thinks’ so.

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Halle Berry recently broke up another of her marriages with French actor Olivier Martinez and declared that she would be single for a while and taking some Me Time. And she did, for a hot second; she spent some time in India on a spiritual retreat. But when Thanksgiving rolled around and Halle took off for Bora Bora, she didn’t go it alone, and she didn’t go with her children. She went with 35-year-old music producer Alex da Kid.

To be fair, Halle announced she had a new boyfriend via Instagram in September, but that was just a couple of weeks after she gave an interview to People where she said she was on a dating hiatus and wanted a “minute to be with myself.” 

Minute was right.

And I imagine Halle will be getting married again real soon and then getting divorced real soon after that and taking another minute.

PS Is it just me or does Halle look like she’s being taken hostage by her new beau in that photo?

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Don’t mess with Beyoncé. And don’t call your company Feyoncé Inc. because Bey will slap a lawsuit down on you so hard you’ll feel like you were Jay Z and you’d just been caught cheating again … or found yourself in an elevator with Solange.

Feyoncé produced a line of engagement-themed mugs and shirts featuring the word “feyoncé” in Beyoncé’s preferred typeface—one that, apparently, no one else on the planet is allowed to use—and Beyoncé sued faster that you can say I wanted that Grammy they gave to Adele.

Now Beyoncé doesn’t have a trademark on the word feyoncé, so she had her lawyers claim it’s a blatant allusion to her song “Single Ladies” … huh, what, huh … and Feyoncé Inc. responded by saying their website doesn’t mention Beyoncé, and they don’t market themselves as having any association with her … well, except for, you know, selling mugs that say “He put a ring on it” under a word that looks suspiciously like Beyoncé’s name.

But, as for their name, Feyoncé claims it’s simply a phonetic way of spelling “fiancé” and they are calling Queen Bey a “bully” who feels her famous name entitles her to take pennies from their pockets. Feyoncé Inc. also argued that no one would ever confuse Beyoncé’s expensive merchandise with their, ahem, cheaper goods:

“Beyoncé products consist of expensive products with sophisticated consumers. This factor weighs against a likelihood of confusion because the customers are highly sophisticated and would exercise heightened care before purchasing the goods of defendants.”

Wow; they dog Beyoncé by misappropriating her font and misappropriating a line from one of her songs—a line no one else in the history of the world has ever uttered—and they dog their own clients as cheap.

I’m loving it.

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So Mariah Carey dated billionaire James Packer for about nine months—in fact, she was engaged to the man—until it all fell apart one night when he saw her eating a chicken, bones and all.

Well, maybe not, but still … Mariah felt she deserved some coins for her time spent as Packer’s fiancé, not to be confused with feyoncé, and  she sued him for the breakup.

Yes, she did. She first asked for fifty million dollars because she moved to LA to be near him and she doesn’t do LA., and this week a settlement was reached: Mimi gets to keep the million dollar ring and Packer is paying her somewhere between $5 and $10 million dollars in settlement for a marriage that never happened.

Even on the lower end of the settlement—the five mil—Mariah made about $1800 a day for the duration of their relationship which finally proves my point that Mariah Carey is the highest paid hooker on the planet.

I cannot wait for the say she breaks up with backup dancer Bryan Tanaka and sues him for a bag of Doritos. And wins.

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This was the week of morning show dudes accused, and fired, for sexual harassment. We started with Charlie Rose and then switched almost gleefully into smug Matt Lauer.

CBS and NBC down; who’s the perv at ABC?

Apparently Matty sexually assaulted a female staffer during the Sochi Olympic Games in 2014; he apparently thought luge meant lewd, and the ski jump was ski hump. But, after all the recent developments, the woman went to NBC HR with her story, which was enough to kick Lauer’s ass to the curb, but presented them with other evidence of his behavior toward other women.

But, before we all say Good for NBC maybe think that the network was just trying to save face and get ahead of the news that was coming since, ALLEGEDLY, CNN, The New York Times and Variety had stories pending about Lauer.

Which, and this is where I get pissed, a lot of people knew or suspected that Matty was showing off Little Matty to female staffers—after locking them in his office with a button hidden under his desk—and making lewd comments while on camera and wearing a live mic.

Seriously, several years ago Lauer was caught, on camera, ogling a female on the set and saying, “I love that sweater, Bend over some more.”

So clearly NBC knew their perv was Lauer, but since Middle America liked him why not let some women fall victim to his lewd comments and sex toy giftage.

Sorry, Matt, not sorry. I hope you never work again.

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Oh JLaw, you’re a big star now, though your last couple of films have bombed … careful on the way down … and yet you still don’t know who pays your bills.

We The Public.

Apparently Jennifer Lawrence has admitted to being a bitch to fans because, you know, she cannot be bothered to smile, say hello, listen to a compliment, or pause for a selfie, and will do whatever it takes to avoid that, like …

“Once I enter a public place, I become incredibly rude. I turn into a huge asshole. That’s kind of like my only way of defending myself, is just being like, an asshole. Like, see somebody walking towards my table, and just go [wags finger no], or like ‘Can I have a selfie?’ and I’m like ‘No!’ That’s like my only defense.”

True, JLaw doesn’t always act the rude bitch; sometimes, after she shrieks “NO PHOTOS.’ She mutters something about it being her day off.

But, and this is where she doesn’t get it: those people asking for an autograph, or saying Hello, or wanting a picture, are the people who buys tickets to see her movies, and when acts all C U Next Tuesday to her fans, she’s only cutting off her nose to spite her face because once she’s pissed off enough fans, er, former, fans, she’ll be back at The Gap folding t-shirts and begging Selena Gomez for a photo.

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Random Musings

Ivana _____, the first ex-Missus _____, and Melania _____, the future ex-Missus _____, are feuding because Ivana claims she’s the “First Lady” since she married _____ first.

Seriously? Two women, one of whom was cheated on by the Lying Hypocritical Bigoted Homophobic Pig In Chief, and the other, who probably has also been cheated on by the Lying Hypocritical Bigoted Homophobic Pig In Chief, are sparring over a title.

It’s like a bad episode of The Real Housewives Of Cheating Lying Hypocritical Bigoted Homophobic Pigs. Sit down, ladies, you both look ridiculous.

Joseph Boeckman, a former Arkansas judge, faces a possible prison sentence of 260 years and a $2.5 million fine if he’s convicted on all 21-counts alleging he abused the power of his office for years by giving lighter sentences to men guilty of minor crimes if, in return, they provided him with nude photographs of themselves, or performed sexual favors.

Um .... ick. I mean, look at the guy. I’d take my chances in prison.

Howsabout some good news that starts off bad?

Stiles  had been attending the Tri-City Christian Academy [TCCA] in New Hampshire since kindergarten, but in 2015 started transitioning to male. He was called into a meeting with TCCA administrator Paul Edgar and told that, in order to stay at the school, he would have to keep his transition a secret, only use the girls’ bathroom, play on the girls’ sports teams, and not talk about his gender identity on social media.

Stiles agreed, but when he started hormone replacement therapy, his transition became more obvious and so he was once again called another meeting with Edgar who gave him three options: he could stay at the school if he confessed his “sins”, stopped taking testosterone, attended “Christian counseling” to change his gender identity, and was home-schooled for a year under the supervision of TCCA. Or he could leave.

Stiles, who says he “didn’t know how to do or be a female,” chose to leave TCCA and attend Noble High School in North Berwick, Maine where he was welcomed with open arms ... and was voted Homecoming King.

Good on Stiles for choosing himself over a transphobic environment of “Christian” love.

Remember the post about the Salt Lake City police detective who was video recorded aggressively hand-cuffing a nurse who refused to allow him to draw blood from an unconscious patient in July? It’s HERE.

That police detective, Jeff Payne, has been fired from his job, and his watch commander, Lt. James Tracey, has been demoted him to the rank of officer. Internal Affairs found that both officers were in violation of department policy, and failed in their requirement to treat all citizens "equally with courtesy, consideration and dignity."

Sorry not sorry.

Y’all know I am no fan of Gwyneth Paltrow and here’s another reason why ... Paltrow has joined a loooong list of women who say they were sexually harassed by, now-fired, movie executive Harvey Weinstein.

But here’s where Gwyneth’s story gets me ... she claims Weinstein made sexual advances toward her when she was a younger actress, and that she was so distraught, she sent her then-boyfriend Brad Pitt to Weinstein’s house to tell him to stay away from Gwynnie.

But then Paltrow worked with Weinstein  to make Shakespeare In Love—and won an Oscar for her role, though many suspect Weinstein bullied and bought the award for her—and thanked him profusely. And over the last twenty years has sung Weinstein’s praises as the man who helped make her career.

I do not doubt that he’s a pig and came on to her, but then why work for him, and why brag about him, and why, for the love of god, thank him?

Now, I am not blaming the victim, I am simply wondering  why, since the man had made improper advances toward her before, she would choose to work with him.

Just sayin’.

And again, why I loathe Log Cabin Republicans ... Their president will be the first sitting president to ever deliver the keynote at the Values Voter Summit, anti-LGBTQ conference sponsored by the Family Research Council, designated a hate group by the SPLC. FRC President Tony Perkins made the announcement:

“Values voters have waited eight years for a leader who puts America’s mission first and respects the values that made America into a great nation. ... Since the early days of the campaign, President _____ allied himself with values voters, promising to put an end to the 8 years of relentless assault on the First Amendment. President _____’s executive order on religious liberty and the follow up actions last week by HHS and DOJ, demonstrate that he is committed to undoing the anti-faith policies of the previous administration and restoring true religious freedom.”

Let’s be clear: the anti-faith policies and the religious liberty executive orders are the one designed to shove the LGBTQ community back into a closet and make us less than, able to be fired, denied housing, denied services ... because that’s what this group, and ____, value.

Thank you LCR.

Dan Amboyer, right, who plays twins on the TV show Younger, took two bold steps recently: he came out as gay and he married his longtime boyfriend Eric Berger in front of 115 family and friends, saying:

“It was a hard decision to figure out how to approach it in a public way. There are some actors out there now who just keep it as an unspoken aspect of their life and never discuss it in public. But then there are men like Matt Bomer and Zachary Quinto. I look up to them and see how [they’re] being so open affected other people and the country’s perception of gay people. ... I think the more open actors can be the less stigma there will be attached, which will be a positive thing moving forward.”

Since yesterday was National coming Out Day it’s nice to see a man come out and thank those who came out before him and paved the way.

Thanks Dan, because you have just paved the way for someone else to take that step. Oh, and congratulations on your wedding!

Christopher Mirasolo was awarded joint legal custody of his son by Judge Gregory S. Ross after DNA testing established paternity.

The child’s mother was seeking protection under the federal Rape Survivor Child Custody Act because, yes, Mirasolo is accused of raping a woman, who became pregnant as a result, and he wants to be the Daddy. And so Judge Ross disclosed the rape victim’s address to Mirasolo and ordered Mirasolo’s name to be added to the child’s birth certificate all without the victim’s consent or a hearing.

Rape Culture in America. It exists.

Scandal has returned for its final season and brought with it some mighty nice Latino Eye Candy in the form of Jay Hernandez who may be Olivia Pope’s new man-toy. Lucky biatch.

Also, on You’re The Worst, in my mind the best show you’re not watching, hunky Colin Ferguson has joined the cast as Boone and has already shown himself to be high-larious, hot, and possessing a very fine ass.

Just sayin’.

We’ve all seen those staged wedding pictures, right? Boring.

Well, a Dutch couple, with the help of photographer Michael Klooster chose another style of weeding pictures and, yeah, I love them.

The couple didn’t want typical wedding pictures—they wanted spice—so Michael took that first picture, up top, which was kind of tame, with the groom lying atop the bride in an old truck. But they wanted something, um, more, and the bride’s mom told Klooster what they were looking for ...

Gotta love it!

CNN announced today that Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen will host its New Year’s Eve celebration from New York City’s Times Square this year. Anderson My-Husband-In-My-Head Cooper and Cohen are longtime friends and have been touring the country on a speaking tour.

Cooper says:

“Andy is the life of the party wherever he goes, and what bigger party is there than New Year’s Eve?  It is going to be a blast!”

And Cohen says:

“I’ve been friends with Anderson for twenty-five years. We’ve travelled the world together and performed in 30 plus cities with ‘AC2’ and it’s all led to this one huge night!”

Kathy Griffin, with whom Cooper hosted the evening with in recent years, was dumped by the network following controversy over a photo in which she held the bloody head of Donald Trump. Griffin has since said she and Cooper are no longer friends.

I imagine she’ll be sitting home that night ... not watching.

Random Musings

So, people hoping to visit Island Beach State Park over the long weekend were not allowed to because of the state government shutdown that Governor Chris “Krispy Kreme” Christie ordered amid the state budget standoff. But, oddly enough, some folks did get a chance to use that beach, free of crowds ... Governor Chris “Krispy Kreme” Christie and his family.

Oh, but they were only allowed to use it because they are also using the summer beach house provided by the state for a weekend down the Shore.

No budget standoff will stop Christie from going all beached whale in Jersey.

Asshat. Luckily he cannot run for governor again, but I can’t wait for him to run again at the White House and people bringing up BridgeGate and BullyGate and now BeachGate.

I mean, no chance he’d get elected after all that, especially when you throw in the fact that if he was elected President we’d have to pay to change the name of the plane from Air Force One to Air Force Tom.

Thank you! I’m here all week!

And the funny continued down at another beach, open for those pesky “regular folk” who created a sand sculpture of Chris “Krispy Kreme” Christie. 

It's sand on the outside and cheese in the middle.

We watched Snowden the other night, about accused spy, traitor, bad guy, Edward Snowden. Good movie; of course that was partly due to Joseph Gordon Leavitt, whom I really like as an actor, and, yeah, as some eye candy.

Of course it also starred, clockwise from JGL, Ben Schnetzer as a government hacker, Scott Eastwood, son of Clint, as a kind of nerdy computer guy, and the openly gay and openly adorable Zachary Quinto as a journalist helping Snowden get his story out.

Like I said, good story, and some Hot Men. Win.Win.

Dear House Democrats:

Sit the fuck down.

Love, Bob.

Oh, you need more? Well, the campaign arm for House Democrats out a new campaign slogan:

“I mean, have you seen the other guys?”

Seriously? You want us to take you seriously and this is the shiz you’re spouting? Go on then, do it, get voted out and give us four more years of _____ and the GOP.

I have a slogan for House Democrats:

“Fucking do something!”

Just sayin’.

Oops, Gay Orgies and Pope Francis! It seems Frankie is furious about an ALLEGED gay orgy at the apartment of a senior Cardinal.

Apparently Vatican police raided an apartment that belongs to the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith—AKA the Holy Office—after neighbors complained of loud noise. One of the jobs of the Holy Office is to deal with clerical sexual abuse.

Huh, maybe they were just getting a handle on what that means?

Oops! The Indiana GOP and trying to drum up support for an Obamacare repeal.

It seems Indiana Republicans called for people to share “Obamacare horror stories” on social media, but the only horror many people expressed was at the idea of losing it if the GOP repeal plan passes Congress. 

Talk about not knowing your audience! Here are some of those responses: 

“Obamacare means that my baby who fought leukemia and won can’t be denied coverage for a pre-existing condition. Obamacare means she gets the care she needs and we don’t have to choose between her health and keeping our home.”

“The real horror story was before the ACA when I wasn't covered for a pre-existing condition.”

“I started my own company since the ACA passed. I know quite a lot of others who have done the same thing now that affordable healthcare is not tied to an employer.”

“ACA worked well for me. Great service/support. Great docs/hospitals. Please appropriate more $$ to improve online experience-that would help.”

“As a breast cancer survivor I was dropped by 2 insurance companies before joining ICHIA, Indiana’s high risk pool. Obamacare was such a huge relief!! Not only was the cost of my insurance about 10% of what I had been paying monthly for over a decade, I actually got to see doctors and physical therapists to fix long neglected medical problems.”

Sorry, GOP, even your base is against you on this one, so let’s stop pretending it’s about fixing healthcare and say what it actually is: ruining what the black guy accomplished because, yeah, he’s a black guy.

So, I have Edition 2 of Hot Men, er, Hot Man.

There’s a piece of fluff TV show about a talk show with five female hosts—it’s written by former Viewster Star Jones—that is kinda dishy and fun; it stars Vanessa Williams, whom I have always liked.

But it also has McKinley Freeman as Williams’ son and he is sizzling especially in the shirt off department.

Let’s just say I do a lot of DVR playback when Freeman is on screen.

Ivanka? Suck it.

While appearing, where else, on Fox News, Daddy’s Little Girl squeeeeed this one out:

 “I am proud on so many levels, and really traveling this country has made me even more of a proud American today than at any other point in my life. You see the spirit, the tenacity. You see the sacrifice. You meet with soldiers and sailors and their families, and you think about all the things that they’re doing to ensure that the America we know remains true and can continue on.”

First off, Fox, is it me or did you miss Ivanka saying she was more proud to be an American now? Surely you must have because when Michelle Obama said the same thing eight years ago you blasted her as unAmerican because ... oh yeah, black.

Cuz when a white girl says it, its okay; especially a rich white girl.

All y’all sit the fuck down.

Yeah, I had a long holiday weekend ... thanks Independence Day ... but some folks had to work and kvetched all over social media about it.

I’m looking at you, Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley. The former ... thanks the goddess ... South Carolina governor, expressed her dismay over missing Fourth of July fireworks because North Korea decided to test an intercontinental ballistic missile officials say is capable of hitting Alaska.

Haley Tweeted:

“Spending my 4th in meetings all day. #ThanksNorthKorea.”

And Twitter went for her:

Kevin Allred:

“it's called public SERVICE you stupid cow. #ThanksNorthKorea for keeping her racist ass off the streets today.”

Geraldine:

“The amount of arrogance in this tweet is baffling. Is serving the American people an inconvenience for you? If so, feel free to step down.”

Kelly Scaletta:

“Uhm. You know that the 4th of July isn't an international holiday, right?”

Justice Girl:

“#ThanksNorthKorea?? Seriously, our government is being run by a bunch of 1st graders who engage in world diplomacy via Twitter. #resign.”

Tom Maxwell:

“Spending my 4th hoping we don’t get dragged into a war by a psychotic megalomaniac. Or that guy from North Korea.”

Shannon Watts:

“Meanwhile, Donald Trump went golfing for 36th time since becoming president and Nikki Haley has the sadz she's in North Korea meetings."

I was gonna go for one of my own, but there are priceless.

And Nikki Haley is now all of our problem and not just South Carolina.

The other day, as we were leaving for work, Ozzo began this barking at nothing and so I said, to the dog, because I speak dog:

“Ozzo! Knock it off or I’ll kick you till your dead.”

Sidenote: that’s a paraphrase of a line from Moonstruck where Olympia Dukakis’ character tells her father-in-law that if he gives any more of her food to his dogs, she’ll kick him till he’s dead.

So, Carlos says to me:

“He’s just barking! It’s called Free Speech.”

“Ah, but this house is a dictatorship, and I’m the dick.”

And Carlos says:

“Tell me.”

Ouch.

So, thanks to Towelroad, we now have a list of some of the hottest men in films this year.

Yes, I posted about the Hot Men in Snowden and I posted about the Hot Man on Daytime Divas, and now I’m posting more Hot Men because this is my blog, and the men are hot, and it’s hot and I’m hot and ... where was I?

Oh, yeah, men ... here they are:

Paul Hamy as “Fernando” in The Ornithologist. Sam Claflin as “Philip” in My Cousin Rachel.

Colin Farrell as “Corporal McBurney” in The Beguiled.

Hugh Jackman in The Greatest Showman.

Daniel Kaluuya as “Chris” in Get Out.

Chris Pine as “Steve Trevor” in Wonder Woman.

Oz Zehavi as “Yos” in The Wedding Plan.

Sam Claflin as “Philip” in My Cousin Rachel.Sam Claflin as “Philip” in My Cousin Rachel.

So get out to the movies, sit in the air conditioning, and drool over some hot guys.

It one way to beat the ... heat.