My Two Cents: #ByeRacistFelicia

By now you’ve all heard about Roseanne’s stupidity; her bad taste, her outright lies, and her blatant racism, and how it lead to her show being cancelled and her talent agency basically saying #ByeFelicia.

Well, Roseanne isn’t done … being an ass of epic proportions.

After the cancellation and the firing, Roseanne said not a word; no apology, nothing. It wasn’t until the _____ Tweet Witching Hours—like _____, she Tweets her lunacy in the middle of the night—that Roseanne offered an apology for saying a black woman looked like an ape:

"I apologize to Valerie Jarrett and to all Americans. I am truly sorry for making a bad joke about her politics and her looks. I should have known better. Forgive me-my joke was in bad taste."

Um, Roseanne? There isn’t an apology big enough to make that better and you know it. And you also know it wasn’t a joke because jokes are supposed to be funny

After Roseanne Tweeted that apology—to Valerie Jarrett, but not to the Clintons or George Soros—she announced she was leaving Twitter … except that was a lie and she was back on Twitter a few hours later blaming Ambien for her Tweets:

“Guys I did something unforgiveable so do not defend me. It was 2 in the morning and I was Ambien tweeting-it was memorial day too-i went 2 far & do not want it defended-it was egregious Indefensible [sic]. I made a mistake I wish I hadn’t but…don’t defend it please.”

Ambien; um, again, honey, if you knew, as you said in your Tweet, that Ambien makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do, but continued to take it anyway, then you only have yourself to blame.

Oh, and I don’t believe you anyway.

But Roseanne still wasn’t done; when her costar, and TV daughter, Sara Gilbert, who spearheaded the drive for the reboot, Tweeted:

"I am disappointed in her actions to say the least. This is incredibly sad and difficult for all of us, as we’ve created a show that we believe in, are proud of, and that audiences love -- one that is separate and apart from the opinions and words of one cast member."

Roseanne blasted Gilbert this morning because, as racists do, they think their co-workers should stick up for them.

And yet it wasn’t just her co-workers. Wanda Sykes,  a consulting producer on the show, tweeted that she was quitting her job. And then ABC Entertainment President Channing Dungey released this statement:

"Roseanne's Twitter statement is abhorrent, repugnant and inconsistent with our values, and we have decided to cancel her show."

That was followed by Bob Iger, the chairman and CEO of the Walt Disney Company, which owns ABC, who said:

"There was only one thing to do here, and that was the right thing. Roseanne's Twitter statement is abhorrent, repugnant and inconsistent with our values, and we have decided to cancel her show."

Michael Fishman, who played Barr's son in the reboot and the original series, offered this statement:

"I feel devastated, not for the end of the Roseanne show, but for all those who poured their hearts and souls into our jobs, and the audience that welcomed us into their homes. Our cast, crew, writers, and production staff strived for inclusiveness, with numerous storylines designed to reflect inclusiveness. The words of one person do not exemplify the thinking of all involved."

And so naturally, Roseanne attacked him on Twitter saying the inclusive nature of his character—in an interracial marriage with a biracial daughter—was her idea because, you know, that makes racism and stupidity okay.

Actress Emma Kenney, the one who played Roseanne’s granddaughter, and the one who the Roseanne character physically assaulted during the show in what Roseanne thought of as comedy, Tweeted:

“I am hurt, embarrassed, and disappointed. The racist and distasteful comments from Roseanne are inexcusable. As I called my manager to quit working on Roseanne, I was told it was cancelled. I feel so empowered by @iamwandasykes , Channing Dungey and anyone at ABC standing up for morals and abuse of power. Bullies will NEVER win.”

Sadly, John Goodman and Laurie Metcalf have yet to say one word, but I’ll say something …

Be racist, Roseanne, or anyone else, if it’s how you feel. Enjoy it, and wallow in it, and live your life thinking anyone who doesn’t look like you, sound like you, love like you, worship like you, vote like you, should be attacked and mocked and ridiculed. Speak it to your circle of friends; join a group; light a torch; march.

But … when you step outside your group and Tweet your ignorance you are no longer speaking to “your” people, you are speaking to the world, and the world, your employers, your co-workers, even some of your friends, will clap back.

You have the right to say what you want but understand that there are consequences.

The only one, right now, who isn’t paying for their racist remarks, their outright lies, their ignorance, intolerance, bullying, is the so-called “President.” And I firmly believe that this spike is racist rants, on Twitter, on video, in the streets and parks and dorms across this country, are a direct result of having that buffoon in the White House.

But, We The People have a voice; We The People, by way of a TV network that cancelled her show, and a talent agency that severed ties with her, have spoken rather loudly that this behavior is unacceptable.

We don’t want to hear it; we don’t want to see it … those of you who use the police as your “racism valets’ because you’re uncomfortable that people of color are near you need to stop now. If you’re uncomfortable that two black men aren’t drinking coffee in Starbucks, then you’re the problem; if you need the police to wake up a black woman sleeping in your dorm’s common room, then you’re the issue; if you call the police because black people are barbequing, or Latinos are speaking Spanish, you are what’s wrong here.

We need to step up the fight and take it to the voting booth and make it perfectly clear that those in office, no matter how high the office, are responsible for this behavior, and those who condone it, by agreeing, or worse, saying nothing, are done. The time has come to stop this nonsense, once and for all. When someone says something racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-transgender, ageist, call them out on it.

Silence = Agreement

Silence = Acceptance

And it’s time to stop accepting it.

Finding A Way Into Acceptance

Lynn Koval and her sister, Lysa Broussard, wanted to open a business in South Mississippi. It sounded like a good idea, except they wanted to open a gay bar in South Mississippi where, Lynn Koval says she’s seen five gay bars fail in the past decade.

Not good business, maybe, but the sisters went ahead with their plan and opened Just Us Lounge on Division Street in Biloxi — which is where yours truly was born, by the way … not in the bar, I mean, but in Biloxi. But one thing they did a little differently than other gay bars in town, was that they decided to give back to the community in any and every way they could. 

In fact, for the past 13 Christmases, Just Us Lounge has adopted every South Mississippi Angel Tree child with HIV or AIDS and the bar buys those kids every single thing on their “wish list.” Just Us Lounge has also donated turkeys to the Back Bay Mission in Biloxi and often host all kinds of benefits in their bar. Last month, Just Us hosted a benefit night for Walk for Down Syndrome and all the money from the cover charge was donated to the organization. Lysa Broussard hopes the benefit becomes an annual fundraiser.

"We are a viable resource, not just for the LGBT community but the entire community – period. As long as we can meet overhead, our goal is to give back to our community."—Lynn Koval

And for the record, Just Us has been in business since 1998 in Biloxi, and in 1999 the sisters merged Just Us with another bar Sanctuary. They wanted Just Us to provide a safe social gathering place for the LBT community in South Mississippi, but when the bar opened the sign out front welcomed all people, gay and straight.

Now, it wasn’t always nice and sweet. When Just Us first opened fifteen years ago, Lynn Koval was greeted at the front door by three hanging nooses; the bar has also been protested by white supremacists, but Lynn and Lysa weren’t giving up.

"I told my staff that if a Molotov cocktail didn't come through our doors the first year, we would be open for 20 years-plus."—Lynn Koval

And they’re closing in on that mark, making the club open to the entire community, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days per year. And they’ve hosted all kinds of people over the years, including Biloxi Mayor A.J. Holloway and LGBT servicemen and women who are stationed at nearby Keesler Air Force Base — where, yes, I was born.

Lysa Broussard says that the key to the success of Just Us, when many other gay bars have failed, is because of the unique Coast community, which she calls a more accepting melting pot community than is found in other parts of the state.

I don’t remember much about my time in Mississippi, not because I blocked it out, but because my family moved to California when I was six months old, but I’ve always been annoyed by the ignorance of some folks in the state, the bigotry, racism and homophobia of some people in the state.

Still it’s a pleasant surprise to hear of such an accepting place down in the southernmost part of a southernmost state where being gay isn’t any different, where the gays bars are community supporters, where people help one another out no matter your race or gender or orientation.

I might wanna go check out my birthplace, and a bar or two, as an adult one day. 

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Sometimes You Feel Like There's Progress, Sometimes You Don't .... Smallville Edition

Carlos and I are procrastinators of epic proportions. He'd say he's gonna disagree with that statement but then he'd probably wait before he says he actually disagrees with it.

When we purchased our home in Smallville it had a huge yard; it is, literally, 23-times larger than the yard we had in Miami. And, when we lived in Miami the HOA took care of mowing the lawns, and we just tended the gardens so we had no use for a mower; until Smallville.

When we moved here, I suggested we get a riding mower and we looked at them but then Carlos found a self-propelled push mower by Toro and he fell in love with the name so we bought that. And after that first year I said, We really should get a riding mower because it will cut the mowing time in half. [It takes roughly an hour-and-forty-five minutes to mow just the back] And Carlos agreed.

Six years later .... SIX YEARS .... the procrastinators did it; we bought ourselves a Craftsman Riding Mower. But, that's not the story, this is:

We had, as we are apt to do, done all the research for the mowers; we looked at them online, visited all the stores that carry them, talked to friends and neighbors about their mowers and what they liked and disliked, and that lead us to Sears and the Craftsman. Trouble is the nearest Sears is roughly forty miles from us, but then we realized that he next town over has a small Sears storefront that sells mostly appliances and, lo and behold, mowers. Last Saturday we went to buy one.

And we found a beauty, that is perfect for our yard and, most important of all, fits in our backyard shed. So, we began talking with the saleswoman—an older woman with one of those thicker than molasses Southern accents—about the mower and she explained it was the one that she had, and that it works very well. We told her how big our yard was and she said it would be a good fit for us. We asked about the bagger options--and this is where the progressive part of the story comes in--and she said there were two options: a hard-shell bagger, and a soft-shell bagger.

She said she got the soft-shell because, well, she has a tendency to back into things.

I looked at Carlos and said, With the way you drive we'd need a soft-shell, too.

Then she said, MY husband is the same way.

It was so quick, I almost missed it. MY husband; as in my husband is like your husband.

See, Carlos and I don't hide who we are when we're out together, not even in South Carolina; he has a live-and-let-live attitude while mine if more %@&# 'em if they have a probelm.

When we buy things for the house we talk to salespeople about our house and what we want for our home and we just present ourselves as a couple. And while we’ve never had an issue with anyone sort of feeling uncomfortable with that, this woman, this self-admitted country woman, said my husband is like your husband.

It made me realize that the problem people have with The Gays isn't all of the people—even in South Carolina—it’s just some of the people, and the people that have no issue just go along through life.

Comparing their husband to yours. Now, you can say that she was just trying to make a sale, but, if so, she didn't need to emphasize her husband as if comparing him to my husband.

I was kind of on a high after that, feeling just a tinge of progressiveness from South Carolina, but then I was jerked back.

Later that night, I was having a drink with a friend, and an acquaintance of hers came over to talk. Now, I know the guy, but we're not friends; it's just an I've seen you around town relationship.

But, while we chatted, the conversation turned toward the recent events in Boston and the murdered suspect and the captured suspect and we began discussing terrorism. This acquaintance kept calling it domestic terrorism which I finally said annoyed me because, to me, terrorism is terrorism, no matter whom the perpetrator. Just because you live in this country doesn’t make the terrorist act any different.

The term terrorist means, at least to me, to instill terror in people, and that's what those two men did in Boston. Adam Lanza did the same thing in Newtown; terrorists all.

But then this acquaintance said something about how he was surprised that these two men were the ALLEGED terrorists because, and I quote, "They look just like one of us."

Excuse me, I said. One of us?

Well, you know, terrorists are usually Middle Eastern, Muslim.

I said, I have two words for you, Timothy McVeigh. Terrorists aren't terrorists because they're Muslim, they're terrorists because they terrorize and murder people and they can do all that and more without being Muslim.

And, I continued my rant, how racist is it to suggest that the men couldn't be terrorists because they 'look like us'? I mean, when I think American I see all colors of faces and all ethnicities and religions and beliefs and genders and orientations. How is it that you just see white guys?

He stammered and stuttered and said he just meant that they didn't look like terrorists and I asked, again, What does a terrorist look like to you?

It was just silence. And in that moment of silence my whole sense of euphoria about South Carolina and progress and understanding and acceptance was wiped out.

By the words 'they look like us.'

While the saleswoman was being open and accepting while selling a mower to the couple who just happened to be two men, here was this guy—this young, well educated gut—saying he was shocked that white people could be terrorists.

I had really felt those two big steps forward South Carolina, and then I felt the big jump back.

Baby steps, I guess.

Gay Dad Wants To Dine With Supreme Court Justice

I'm a huge proponent of Coming Out. I think all LGBT people should Come Out ... Right now. See, once we're out, there is no more fear; people will begin to realize that gay folks are pretty much like straight folks, except in terms of who we love. And fear, as we all know, is at the root of intolerance and bigotry and homophobia, and even hate; fear of the unknown.

So, it seems pretty clear that if we are all 'known' there will be less fear, and one man has a novel way to make certain someone's less fearful, and make himself more known.

Rob Watson, a gay dad, an LGBT activist and blogger, wants to become known to Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, and he wants to do it in the best way possible: he's invited Kennedy to his home for dinner:

Dear Justice Kennedy: 

This is an invitation to dinner. I thought that would be the best way for you to decide how to vote on whether my family deserves the equal protections that other people's families enjoy. 

If you come, you will meet my 10-year-old sons, who will likely impress you, given how personable, articulate, polite and bright they are. You might ask, as many people we meet do, if they are twins. The answer will be, "They are 'almost-twins': Their birthdays are four months apart." That will bring a "huh, come again?" look, and I will explain how I adopted them as babies from different drug-addicted birth mothers through foster care. 

Many of the amicus briefs you've seen in these cases suggest that other families deserve legal protection over mine because those families were created more spontaneously or accidentally than the family of someone who went out to help children and save them from real danger. ("Marriage is ... inextricably linked to the objective biological fact that opposite-sex couples, and only such couples, are capable of creating new life together," says Dennis Hollinsworth.) I would just ask you to meet my sons, look them in they eyes and see their smiles before you decide whether the "procreation advantage" briefs are correct. 

If you were to come to dinner with my family, you would also meet Jim. He is the man in my life. It wasn't until our relationship became serious that he met my sons, and now he has taken up running a lot of the day-to-day needs of my family and has been an incredible support. He and the boys have already established a terrific bond. You will be able to see by the way I look at him, and by the way my sons look at him, that we love him. Deeply. 

Jim had a business life before he met me, as I did before meeting him. You and I can chat about how complicated blending all that can be, and what a terrific hardship it would be to each of us should the other die. Where opposite-gender couples have legal protections, we do not, and our attempt at blending our finances would fall apart, our pensions would be lost, and enormous taxes would be imposed on us. This would be the scenario even if our state allowed us to legally marry each other. If any of our biological next of kin were to interfere, then things could go badly very quickly. 

Some have told you that we gays are politically powerful. Paul Clement claims, "Gays and lesbians are one of the most influential, best-connected, best-funded, and best-organized interest groups in modern politics, and have attained more legislative victories, political power, and popular favor in less time than virtually any other group in American history." Around our dinner table we can discuss how it sure does not feel that way. On the sideboard you will see pictures of dear friends of mine who passed away from AIDS, a disease that ran rampant for years because, at the time, it was not politically defensible for the president of the United States -- the one who appointed you -- to say its name. We can try to name another health crisis in history that received such a lack of immediate action, but I don't think we will come up with one. 

We can also talk about my relationship with Jim, and how, before I met him, millions of strangers voted for me not to be able to marry him. Neither of us has yet brought up marriage, but you will see by looking at us that one of us probably will want to bring it up in the near future. We are happy and love each other that much. However, even if one of us were to propose, he would need to ask millions of people for permission to marry his love. Somehow that does not make us or my kids feel particularly "politically powerful." 

Republicans from the House of Representatives have asked you not to decide on the same-sex marriage issue as "a matter of sound social and political policy while the American people are so actively engaged in working through this issue for themselves." As I look across the table at the man I love, I would ask you to in fact decide on it so that he and I can work on our lives and our feelings for ourselves. 

If you come to dinner, we can chat about how you also started in California and whether you are liking your home in McLean, Va. I would tell you how I envy you. You see, even if Jim and I were allowed to marry in California, we could not move to Virginia as you and your wife have done, because the legal protections we'd have in California would fly out the window, and without them our family arrangements would unravel. Even if we could marry in California, we would be under statewide house arrest, essentially. We do hope that you are enjoying your freedom to move from state to state and continue to be considered married wherever you happen to live. 

We will probably then verify your taste in food and beverage, so that we can make any necessary last-minute changes in the serving of the meal. It is interesting how deeply ingrained our tastes are, in terms of what we are drawn to eat, what we desire and what our systems can tolerate. Those do not seem to be learned but something we were born with. Some people have tried to tell you that being gay is just an expression of chosen taste and behavior. "What lower courts have understood to be a homosexual 'orientation' is not a trait attributable from conception or birth. Rather, particularly as framed by Respondents here, it involves a species of conduct," states the Catholic Church in their brief. You will see me furrow my brow at such a suggestion, because every credible biologist states that sexual orientation is biologically based, as it is in most species of animals. I will also mutter under my breath, "Gee, I don't recall scientists declaring the discovery of the gene that makes one Catholic. Yet these bishops are crying that a pro-gay decision would impede on their religious freedom. If they have rights protecting their chosen religion, I should have rights protecting my innate nature." 

You may hear my comment, and that will enhance our conversation as we serve the ham. As I cut the boys' meat and try to convince Jesse that he does actually like it but just forgot, I will mention that I am glad that you did not require a kosher meal. Some of our friends do, and serving ham to them would be a faux pas. Eating ham is a sin, according to their religious beliefs. However, they do not seem to feel a need to turn their personal belief into a federal law that would require everyone to avoid ham, nor do they think that because people eat ham, society as we know it is coming to an end.

I hope that over dessert, you will just sit back and take us all in. We are not perfect, but we are a family. We love and plan and live just like any other family. Jim and I do not want anything special; we just want what we have worked for our entire lives to go to the benefit of each other and our loved ones. We do not consider ourselves better because of how we came together, but we also do not consider ourselves any worse. You will see that my kids have been raised with standards just like kids in other families have, and with manners, and that they too have bedtimes that we hit like clockwork.

With that, we would get your things, and I would walk you out to your car. I would look at you and say, "Thank you, Justice Kennedy, for coming. We were honored to have you. We know that the future of our family rests in your hands. You have the power to make it devastatingly difficult. You can make it confusing and convoluted. Or you can do the right thing. Please, Justice Kennedy, please, please, do the right thing.

Be a rock star.

Sincerely,
Rob Watson

Like I said, once we're known, it becomes clear that we are so frightening; fabulous, maybe, but not scary at all.

We just want the same things that heterosexual people have been having for years: peace, love and understanding.

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