It's Snarkurday!

All this talk of treating _____ and his co-criminals like they treat everyone else, by kicking them out of restaurants or refusing to serve them, has me annoyed, but Seth Rogen had the right idea.

Rogen was at a recent event hosted by former GOP presidential candidate loser Mitt Romney to promote brain health and had stopped to take a photo with a couple of fans, one of whom told Rogen:

“My father wants to meet you.”

Rogen says he saw House Speaker Paul Ryan approaching:

“My whole body puckered, I tensed up, and I didn’t know what to do. And I turned around and Paul Ryan was walking towards me.”

The two men shook hands before Ryan asked for a photo.

“I look over and his kids are standing right there expectantly, clearly fans of mine, and I said, ‘No way, man!’ And I couldn’t stop. I said, ‘Furthermore, I hate what you’re doing to the country at this moment and I’m counting the days until you no longer have one iota of the power that you currently have.’”

That’s how you do it.

photo

Wow, Hell has clearly frozen over because Kim Kardastrophe says she’s done with selfies.

Seriously, the woman who has posted boob shots and butt shots and nude shots and lip shots and waist shots and hair shots and kid shot all over social media says she’s done.

“I don’t take selfies anymore. I don’t really like them…as much. I just, like, kinda moved on, like, it’s not all about, like, sitting there taking selfies. I used to spend so much of my time taking selfies … I just would like to live in real-time a little bit more. Um, I don’t mind pictures, but I’m just not on my phone as much as I used to be.”

Rrrrrrrright. I’ll believe it when she actually does it. Hell, I wont even believe it then because Media Whore.

Oops, I spoke too soon … minutes, seriously, minutes, after saying she’s “moved on” from selfies, the Big Assed media Whore shared a risqué selfie in a bra and skimpy panties on Instagram.

And then she celebrated #NationalSelfieDay with another photo.

The woman clearly has no idea what words are or what they mean.

photo

Heather Locklear, Again.

Heather had another messy weekend. After being hospitalized last week for physically assaulting both her parents and then threatening to shoot herself, Locklear came home.

But no sooner than she had arrived, a call was made to police by someone in the home to report a disturbance and when the police arrived they found Drunk Heather. Well, they figured it didn’t matter much because she was drunk and shiz at home, so they left.

Then they got a second call a little while later, and came back to find Locklear, ahem, “extremely agitated.” That was putting it mildly because Locklear ALLEGEDLY punched one of the deputies who was trying to separate her from her family.

The paramedics were called, and the messiness continued. Heather was strapped to the gurney, but ALLEGEDLY got a foot loose and kicked an EMT. She was taken to a hospital, where she was eventually checked out and was subsequently booked into jail held on $20,000 bail.

This has been quite the year for Locklear …

In February, she was arrested for beating her boyfriend.

In March she ALLEGEDLY threatened to shoot a police officer who tried to arrest her.

In March she was charged with four counts of battery.

She must have taken April and May off but …

In June she was hospitalized after threatening to shoot herself. In June she was arrested again.

Someone needs to call Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan and tell her to get her former daughter-in-law into rehab.

Or get a call out to TJ Hooker and tell him his former partner needs a room at Melrose Place Rehab.

photo 1, 2, 3

Okay, so we’ve all heard stories of folks trying to bring whatever animal they want onto a plane as their support animals, but this is a real story about a legitimate working dog brought on a plane by a blind women and rapper Ty Dolla $ign … don’t ask, I have no idea …who tried to get them thrown off a flight because he said he was allergic to the dog.

Seriously. Ty Dolla $ign—real name: Tyron William Griffin Jr—sat down in his eat on an Air Canada flight from Montreal to Ottawa when he spotted a seeing-eye dog near him. He got the person he was traveling with to ask the woman to … wait for it … get off the flight … because he was allergic to it.

Again. Seriously. The woman refused but offered Tyron an allergy pill, which he refused, because he said he had to perform that night and that’s when the flight crew stepped in on the side of the Seeing Eye Dog. They offered Tyron an entire back row to himself, but he wanted to stay in the seat he paid for and refused their offer.

Yes, he survived in the seat he paid for with the seeing eye dog nearby so clearly this was a case of a tiny man with a tiny dick making much ado about nothing.

Next time Tyron, why don’t you get a car and driver and then you can dictate who sits near you.

photo

Mel B is kind of a has-been, who’s hanging onto America’s Got Talent just to remain however relevant that show makes you. But since she’s just gone through a pricey divorce, she needs a way to make more coins.

Question is, how to do that? Oh, push the idea of a Spice Girls reunion, even though the other Spices are like, “Um, no.”

And yet this week, when she co-hosted the fourth hour of Today, she blabbed about how she and the other four–Posh, too—will be going on tour soon. But then host Hoda Kotb brought up the fact that Posh Victoria Beckham has already said there was no reunion tour EVER!

Mel B waved away that talk and said:

“She’s always bloody saying that — stop it! We are touring.” 

I think there will be a Spice Girls Reunion Tour with Mel B playing the role of All-Spice and the rest of the girls sitting in their homes, living their lives and just shaking their heads at how thirsty Mel B is these days.

photo

Terry Crews spoke about his own #MeToo experience back in October when he ALLEGED WME agent Adam Venit grabbed his crotch at a party in 2016. While a lot of folks gave Terry props for speaking up, others were not happy he was talking and now, erry says, he’s paying for speaking up.

Crews is currently suing Adam Venit and WME for assault, battery, sexual battery, sexual harassment, gender violence, intentional infliction of emotional distress, breach of fiduciary duty, negligence and negligent retention and supervision, and this week he testified in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee on behalf of the proposed Sexual Assault Survivors’ Bill of Rights.

Crews also said he has faced retaliation for speaking out from Avi Lerner, producer of The Expendables franchise who ALLEGEDLY called Terry’s agent and warned of “trouble” unless he withdrew his civil suit against Adam Venit.

Sidenote: Avi Lerner himself has also recently been accused of sexual misconduct.

Well, Terry Crews refused to drop the suit, and now his role in The Expendables 4 has been cut even though he was in the first three films. Crews says:

“This same producer is under his own…investigation. Abusers protect abusers – and this is one thing I had to decide, whether I was going to draw the line on. Am I going to be a part of this or am I gonna take a stand, and there are projects I had to turn down.”

Originally, Crews never wanted to talk about or report what ALLEGEDLY happened to him because he thought he’d be “laughed out of” the police station or be blacklisted from Hollywood or that his career might suffer, but he chose to speak up upon being inspired and empowered by everyone else coming forward with their stories.

It’s also worth noting that Sylvester Stallone, star of The Expendables, is also currently being investigated for sexual assault and let’s not even discuss that other actor in the film, Mel Gibson.

Might be best for Crews to distance himself from predators and the films they make.

photo

Okay, way back in October 2016, Azealia Banks attended a party with rapper RZA at Russell Crowe’s hotel suite in Beverly Hills. 

An ALLEGEDLY drunk Azealia was thrown out after getting violent with other guests, but she’s always said that Crowe ejected her from the party by choking her, spitting on her, and calling her the n-word.

Crowe was never charged, but Azealia Banks doesn’t care about that; now she wants to sue only she doesn’t have the coins and so …wait for it … she’s started a GoFundMe campaign called “Sue Crowe for spitting on AB”:

“Russell Crowe spit on me at a party in 2016 and denied it, had a group of people gaslight me causing irreparable damage to my acting career and my reputation as well as loads of emotional damage. Whatever money comes of this will be donated to ocean clean up charities.

This isn’t about a big pay day for me, it’s about letting the world know that black women are victims to the same sort of disgusting violence men in Hollywood deal out to women and it’s important to send a message that black women also deserve justice and will get justice in these situations. Crowe called me a nigger, choked me, and spat on me…if I were a white singer he wouldn’t have even thought about laying a finger on me. So many things like this happen in the entertainment industry and it’s time that ALL these perpetrators get reprimanded so they STOP this violent behavior!!”

Azealia has a goal of $100,000, and she’s already got $2,043.

I think maybe she start a campaign money to see a shrink because this girl has issues with just about everyone in the world and yet it’s never her fault.

Look inward, Azealia. It’s you.

photo

Scarlett Johansson wants y’all to know that she never ever auditioned for the role of Tom Cruise’s real-life girlfriend so stop saying that.

See, after Tommy Grrrl’s beard contract with Penelope Cruz expired, the loons at $cientology HQ set out to find him a girlfriend who’d embrace the ramblings of L. Ron Hubbard—unlike non-zombies Nicole Kidman and Cruz—and Scarlett’s name came up.

Rumor has it that $cientology held an “audition” in 2004 that included ScarJo and now an ex-employee of Co$ spilled the tea to Megyn Kelly that he saw ScarJo’s name on a report about the “Girlfriend Auditions” and ScarJo is full-on angry at the idea.

Brendan Tighe, formerly part of Tommy’s security detail, says a report of the “audition” was accidentally sent to his printer and he remembers ScarJo’s name because it’s the only one he recognized. He also says $cientologist Erika Christensen had to stop being friends with ScarJo because her audition was a flop:

“Another actress, Erika Christensen, had to disconnect from Scarlett Johansson because it didn’t go well. That was in that report.”

Now Scarlett is speaking up:

“The very idea of any person auditioning to be in a relationship is so demeaning. I refuse for anyone to spread the idea that I lack the integrity to choose my own relationships. Only a man aka Brendan Tighe would come up with a crazy story like that.”

Funny that, because Scarlett Johansson didn’t feel it at all demeaning to play the role of an Asian woman on film or to dine with Woody Allen and call him a man of “integrity” so I’m not sure how much I believe Miss J.

Just sayin’.

Still, Tommy eventually settled on Katie Holmes and we all know how that turned out, so ScarJo should feel relieved her audition tanked.

photo

Camille Grammer has always been one of my favorite Housewives and this week Camille spilled the tea on how ex-husband Kelsey Grammer treats her. She claims that ever since he opened up a bank vault and let her carry out as much cash as she could, he acts like she no longer exists. Though they have two children together he refuses to speak to Camille personally and has all conversations channeled through lawyers.

Seriously. This week, Kelsey did an interview and couldn’t stop talking about how his current wife, Kayte Walsh, is a perfect angel and helps him so much with taking care of his three children who are all under the age of six and, well, Camille had some words to share via Twitter:

“I don’t begrudge him his happiness. What’s unnerving is that fact I was there to help him get through some of his hardships and supported his career and his sobriety. I was right by his side and he acts like I never existed that’s disappointing. We were together through his success I was there during the writers’ strike and the cancellation of Back to You. We moved the company to our home in Malibu. I sat at his bedside for 8 days straight while he was in the cardiac intensive care unit in NYC. I read him poetry and helped washed his hair. Now I don’t exist. We have two beautiful children from our union and I was blessed to have shared those years of my life with him. We have both moved on. Just wished it ended in a more civil manner.”

Well, you know, Kelsey has been married a slew of times, so Camille had to have known it wouldn’t work for long. Still, she gave up Kelsey Grammer and ended up with silver fox David Meyer.

That’s what I call marrying up.

photo 1, 2, 3

I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

It seems like we go about a month or so without any Lindsay Lohan stories, and then, well, she probably gets all mad that she's not being discussed, or disgusted, and goes all drunk and jewel thief and stuff to get her name back out there.You just know Mama Dina taught her right: all publicity is good publicity. So, here's some more Original Recipe Lohan™:

It seems that when Lindsay was filming the sure-to-be craptratsic Liz & Dick for Lifetime, the production team borrowed Elizabeth Taylor’s actual trailer that was, ALLEGEDLY, specifically built for her hen she filmed Cleopatra in 1963.

Wait. They gave Lindsay a fifty-year-old trailer and that's supposed to be a good thing?

Anyway.....a fan of Elizabeth Taylor bought the trailer for $50,000, but as part of the sale,  she had to lend it to the Lifetime production for a week so they could use it for filming, but when the trailer was returned, it had been Lohan-ed, er, trashed.

Fox Studios spent some $75,000 in 1963--about a half a million in 2012 bucks--to create a suitable place for Taylor to shag Richard Burton while filming Cleopatra. It had actual columns inside, and the walls and ceilings were hand-painted in the style of Cleopatra’s era. But, Angel Alger, the Taylor fan, who bought the 38-foot pink travel trailer for $50,000--her life savings--back in June, says she only had two days to enjoy it before it was delivered to Silver Screen Pictures. 

“I was specifically told that it would come back in pristine condition and in even better condition than it was at that time,” Alger said. But then Lohan got hold of it, and when Alger saw it again in July, she was devastated to see damage she estimated to be at least $100,000. There are cigarette burns on fabric, furniture and even a portrait of Taylor. Some dishes, a mirror, and glasses were broken, but what’s worse, is that an antique European rocking chair that Taylor sat in after filming every night is missing.

Criminal say what? Something that was left in a room with Sticky Fingers Lohan went missing? You don’t say! So who trashed Taylor’s trailer?

“Only a psychotic and rebellious person...would steal irreplaceable museum belongings and leave it in this vandalized condition,” Alger said. Sounds like Lohan, no? And Alger suspects Lohan because a studio employee told her the cracktress and her mob used it every night after filming, though she says she cannot prove it was Original Recipe Lohan™.

Lohan’s publicist said there was no way Lohan, who he said worshiped Taylor, would ever destroy anything connected to her. You know, like Lindsay wouldn't steal a necklace, but did, like Lindsay wouldn't drive drunk, but did, like Lindsay doesn't do drugs, but does.

Like Lindsay.

And there's more on Lohan.

Remember last week when I told you she was booted from the Chateau Marmont for not paying her room bill, and her cigarette bill, and her liquor bill, and her Bill bill--he's a male escort who may, or may not, have schtupped Miss Lohan.

Okay, I may have embellished that last part.

Anyway, Lindsay, who never met a lie she didn't want to tell--seriously, Mitt almost considered her for Veep because she can spin a tale--is saying now that, in her cracktress head, she thought the producers of her sure-to-be craptastic Lifetime movie, Liz Loves Dick, or something, were going to pay her bill, because she was filming their "movie" at the time.

Lindsay says she was shocked to learn there was an outstanding 5-figure bill in her name, and just as cracked out to find she'd been banned from the hotel when the bill went unpaid. She says she is speaking to the producers and if they don't pay the bill, well, she'll happily do so.

In cigarette butts and empty vodka bottles, I’m guessing.

Only now sources--Hey Dina! How's the chardonnay?--are saying the production NEVER promised to foot the bill, though they did give Lindsay a one-time only, $5,000 advance against her salary in late May so she could move into the hotel, but that was it.

Five-thousand barely covers her cig bill.

So....more Lohan....in an apparent effort to pay the hotel bill, not to mention her round-the-clock attorney and publicist fees, and the astronomical bill for Dina's boxes of wine, rumor has it that Lindsay is now kind of an international call girl.

Hooker, people, hooker.

People are saying that Lohan wants a sugar daddy, and fast, because her bills are mounting and, well, when she gets a check it goes right to booze and cigarettes. So, Lohan has been desperately searching for a “rich older man” to help her maintain her lifestyle after being dumped by her most recent boyfriend, billionaire hotel mogul, and married man, Vikram Chatawal.

A source--Hey Dina! You want some peanut-butter-crackers to go with that wine?--says, “Lindsay got used to living and spending like a big-time movie star, and Vikram helped her keep that lifestyle going. But on her own, Lindsay doesn’t have that kind of money, and she still spends thousands on hair extensions, and several thousand on makeup, fillers and Botox injections and new lips. She’s also a compulsive online shopper.”

See, while Lindsay does make a rather comfortable living--though not at all what she thinks she makes--she spends far more than she earns. Add to that all those legal fees Lindsay incurs every other week when she gets arrested, or even just called in for questioning because someone's iPhone was stolen.

Without a deep-pockets boyfriend, Lindsay is headed for the poorhouse.

Or, well, you knew I'd go there, the whorehouse.

Enough about Lohan; there are other crazy celebs out there to talk about.

Take LeAnn Rimes for example.

LeAnn Rimes was married to an ambiguously gay man when she went away to Canada to film a movie with Eddie Cibrian. The two began schtupping and Eddie dumped his wife and baby-mama and LeAnn dumped her dancer-turned-chef husband.

And began a new obsession with Twitter which apparently lead to her recent announcement that she was seeking treatment for anxiety and stress because she Twit-Fights with strangers all the time and it's just too much.

Now Team LeAnn is trying to spin the story of her trip to Stress Rehab by saying that, maybe, she was being cyberbullied in the Twittersphere. And then came word that LeAnn's team of lawyers--sidenote: being a lawyer for a celeb must be a full time job--was “gearing up to sue the scumbags behind the illegal activity.”

The illegal activity in question is the recording of LeAnn’s phone call to Kimberly Smiley--a call that all parties seem to agree that LeAnn initiated. The lawyers say that LeAnn has been “victimized by a gang of cyber-bullies who have been terrorizing her on Twitter ever since she hooked up with Eddie Cibrian." And so, dim-bulb LeAnn chose to actually call one of the ALLEGED bullies, who, well, recorded the conversation and then spread it around the web for everyone's enjoyment.

LeAnn filed suit for invasion of privacy against Kimberly Smiley and Lexi Smiley claiming that they are “supporters of Brandi Glanville--LeAnn's husband's ex-wife--who “illegally taped a conversation with her and then spread it across the Internet.” 

The suit further claims that LeAnn only called Smiley “in an attempt to stop the negative" activity and that she "attempted to be kind and said she wanted peace.” 

Um, LeAnn? Honey? Nutbag? Start by getting off Twitter, m'kay?

Turn the computer off and have a sammich.

So, Heidi and Seal. I always thought those two crazy kids could make a go of it but they didn't. And now Heidi is seeking full custody of their children because Seal, well, apparently dates now, and used photos of the SealKlum kids in a commercial. Heidi wasn't pleased because she wanted to pimp the kids, probably in Project Runway.

And so Seal, who, I guess, wants joint custody, is spilling some secrets about the marriage now, in an effort to get back at her. He says they divorced because Heidi was cheating with her bodyguard, Martin Kristen, and Seal says he believes Heidi was sleeping with him during their marriage: or, he just wants us to think it.

Seal said: “You know, that’s what happens when people separate. They move on, and that generally means other people in their lives. I certainly don’t expect Heidi to all of a sudden become a nun, but as always, my main priority is the emotional well-being of our children. And to be quite honest, if there is going to be someone else in their lives, I’d much rather it be a familiar face. I guess the only thing that I would have preferred [was] that Heidi would have shown a little more class and at least wait until we separated first before deciding to fornicate with the help."

Ouch. But now he's singing a different tune, telling his friends that the idea  that Heidi Klum cheated on him during their marriage is absolutely false, and, of course, Heidi is maintaining that her relationship with the bodyguard was “strictly professional” while she was with Seal. Now, however, they are ALLEGEDLY “very close.”

She says, of the relationship, “It’s complicated....

Meaning it stars Meryl Streep, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin?

"....This has been a difficult time."

But, this makes it even weirder. Though Seal was on-camera, speaking to a TMZ reporter when saying Heidi was "fornicating" with the help while they were married, now he says he didn't mean to "imply" such a thing.

Honey that was no implication.

And now Heidi will speak:

“I cherish all of the great memories Seal and I created together over the years. Our separation was based on issues between the two of us. Seal has moved on and so have I. My priority has and continues to be protecting and providing for our children.”

But, um, she is dating Martin now.

Not Steve Martin, co-star of "It's Complicated," but bodyguard, Martin Kristen.

Gosh, it is complicated.

I didn't see the interview Rihanna did with Oprah because I loathe O, and I'm not really a fan of Rihanna. But bits and pieces of it invaded the ether around my head and I saw her acting all sweetness and light, and just a plain old island girl who made it big.

Headed.

Rihanna’s been in Europe lately working on her fashion line--hold for laughter because, have you seen how she dresses? Hookers have better taste of on-the-job apparel. Of course, it'll sell, but will also be ultra-trashy, like Rihanna.

Anyway, since Rihanna isn't an all-work-and-no-play girl, she's been making the nightclub scene around London, and, well, just basically making a scene.

It seems Boozehanna sparked fresh fears over her hard-partying lifestyle last week after clashing with bouncers at London’s Rose Club. In front of 300 onlookers, Boozehanna was removed from the club by doormen after jumping on a table in her thigh-high snakeskin boots--Again, she has a fashion line?--and wrecking it, sending glasses flying everywhere; a little like that Drake and Chris Brown nightclub brawl over Boozehanna a few months back. 

One clubgoer said, "They were trying to eject her when her girlfriends starting screaming, ‘That’s Rihanna, you idiots!’

And Rihanna was scuffling with the bounders and telling them to get off her: 

 “Don’t you know who I am?” she shrieked as doormen tossed her ass outside.

"Yes," they said, "a drunken tart."

Okay, that last part was my imagination.

After nearly tossing her drunken ass to the curb, they finally recognized that she was a pop star and not a call girl. The club manager ordered free drinks for the table. 

And a new table, of course.

Last week we heard about Kelsey Grammer and how he will never mention his ex-wife's--and mother to two of his children--name again. He won't mention how she stayed with him for thirteen years and saw him through rehab and off the booze and drugs just so he could start f**king around on her and then play all victim-y and ask for a divorce.

You know, so he could marry his future ex-wife, Kayte Something-Or-Other.

And he was granted a quickie, bifurcated divorce, which means the divorce is granted before the money part is all settled. Which worked out good, because then Kelsey could marry his already pregnant mistress.

Did I mention he's a staunch Redumblican? This explains the boozing and drugging and screwing around, all with a holier-than-thou attitude.

But, anyway, now the financials are all in and Kelsey's ex, Camille, will be pocketing $30 million bucks, plus their house, er, mansion, in Malibu, which she is selling.

I say good for her.

Sere, when Kelsey married Camille all those years ago, before rehab and cheating, he was actually broke. I think all the Cheers money and the early Frasier money went up his nose and not into a bank. But at the time of their divorce, the couple was worth some $60 million and Camille will get half.

Still there are some who say the massive settlement may not be to Camille’s liking because she was, ALLEGEDLY, offered $30 million a couple of years ago and turned it down, hoping to hit the $50 million mark.

Still, there really isn't much of a difference between $30 mil and $50 mil, and, well, the news gets better, in the revenge sense. See, Kelsey and Camille had no prenup, and Kelsey, who apparently never learns a lesson, has no prenup with Wife #4.

So, figure, with his track record, that once he gets his fortune back up to $60 million, it'll be time for another divorce.

Karma is a bitch. So is Kelsey.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

This is just so juicy. Probably not true at all, but, man, it's juicy, so I'm gonna share it.

People are jealous of Matt Lauer. Well, except for that whole losing his hair thing. But, you must admit, he's got a hot body, seems like a nice guy, and just signed a new contract with The Today Show which nets him $25 million a year. So, yeah, there's a lot to love, and loathe, there.

But, here's some of the juice: Lauer is ALLEGEDLY sick of Ann Curry--and really, who isn't--and he's trying to get her fired. Taking all that into account, the good looks, the lotsa dough, the trying to edge out his co-host, and the rumors start flying.....like this other juice: Matt Lauer might have fathered Natalie Morales’s youngest son. 

Right after signing that $25 million-a-year contract with NBC, insiders at competing networks are telling the tale that the 54-year-old married newsman is the father of one of Natalie Morales' children.

Indeed, they are telling that story.

A source--and by source, I mean Katie Couric, now that she's at ABC--says: “I heard that Matt had an affair with Natalie, and he’s the father of one of her kids. Everyone’s buzzing that the boy looks just like him.” Okay, Matt is losing his hair, and most babies are bald, so, well, I could see the resemblance, too.

But......another industry source--and I think it's Ann Curry trying to save her ass--says: “The Matt Lauer love child scandal is the worst-kept-secret among the network morning shows. Everyone’s talking about it--even at NBC. He’s trying to get Ann Curry dumped as co-anchor, and those loyal to her also talking it up. Matt has enemies inside and outside the shows Studio 1A, and if he’s got this giant skeleton in his closet, there are many who want to see it come out.”'

And Lauer does have the dawg reputation. Back in Ott-Six, his wife Annette--while pregnant with their third child--filed for divorce before ultimately withdrawing the papers a month later. And the filing of that divorce did come while the rumors were surfacing that Matt and Morales were doing some kinky stuff under that desk.

Then, two years later, the rumors began again when Morales announced she was 12 weeks pregnant by husband Joe Rhodes. And, get this, when the National Enquirer gave Rhodes the chance to dispute the rumors of a Lauer/Morales fling,he did not deny them.

Ruh-roh.

I do love me juice in the morning.

I'm kinda, sorta thinking maybe Demi Moore checked out of rehab a little too fast.

Rumor Has It--God I love Adele....but I digress--that the former Missus Kutcher, who has been known to Tweet bikini pictures of herself to her then-husband/adulterer-boytoy, is now taking far more risque photos of herself and sending them to Ashton in that desperate "see what you're missing" kinda thing that high-school girls might do, but not really meant for women in their mid-to-late centuries.

But, to make it even sadder, and pathetic-er, it seems that Ashton's latest hook-up, passed round girl Rihanna, found the nude photos of Demi on Ashton’s phone and chewed him out for it. In fact, her jealous rage came on the set of 2.5 Men: a source--and by source, I mean, Jon Cryer, because he's desperate to keep his job--says Rihanna freaked out and fled the stage in fury after she “stumbled across” sexy, near-naked Demi-pics.

On the other side of this sick and twisted triangle, making it a rectangle, er, wrecktangle, or a pentagon, maybe, comes the story that Rihanna beater, Chris Brown, has asked Diddy--because Diddy knows all about relationships, y'all--to tell Ashton to stay away from Rihanna.

Because, you know, it's like high school in Hollywood.

On the Lohan front, now that she's on informal probation for the next two years, after not breaking the law for 120 days, Lindsay is set to hook it back up with former flame Samantha Ronson--and don't get too excited....that picture, over there, is Samandsy, er, Lindstha, back in the day.

I still remember how freaked out everyone acted when rumors surfaced that Lindsay was going lesbian. Now, comparing that to all her recent antics, Lindsay and Samantha seem almost normal. 

A source--Hey Dina! How's the chardonnay?--says old girl-on-girl habits die hard for Lindsay and she is determined to win back Samantha: "Lindsay has been asking Sam for another chance for months. She’s dated a few guys, but nothing has worked out....Lindsay's convinced Sam is the perfect partner for her.”

And does Lindsay prove her love for Samantha by, sending her flowers? No. Wooing her? Not so much. Stalking her? Ding-ding-ding, we have a winner.

Lohan shows up at events where Sam will be. 

Lohan moved right next door to Sam in Venice Beach. 

Lohan would hang around the front of her house waiting for Ronson to come home.

Stalkers with money are the worst kind.

Jennifer Love Hewitt. Loathe her. Fame whore. 

She apparently has a sexy new Lifetime TV show where she plays a hooker, you know, because that's all edgy and stuff. And, as part of her shameless whore-sploitation, she's doing interviews where she’s talking about--wait for it--her lack of love life. 

And she's telling people that The Voice judge, and proponent of "pulling out" as a birth control method, Adam Levine, is single and she's like to be his real-life hooker.

On Ellen:

Ellen: Are you in a relationship, right now?

Jennifer: I am not. I am very single.

Ellen: You’re very single. Is that good, very single?

Jennifer: It’s good. Yes, it is. It’s good.

Ellen: Do you have you’re eye on anybody?

Jennifer: Well, yeah, I always have my eyes out… I just read two days ago that Adam Levine is single again…I’m just saying...Look, we would be cute…(photo of Adam). His haircut is hot.

How desperate is it to go on a TV show and beg a stranger for a date because you'd look 'cute'' togetehr? Oh yeah, I forgot. It's Jennifer Love Hewitt. 

Moron. Fame whore.

On the first season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Camille Grammer was portrayed as an evil bitch. And I bought it. The second season she was and sugar and spice, and we learned that her bitchiness was caused by the sudden breakup of her marriage to serial adulterer Kelsey Grammer. And all was forgiven, except...now it seems like Season One Camille is the real Camille.

She's been dating hottie lawyer, curly-haired, tanned hunk, Dimitri Charalambopoulos--I cannot pronounce his last name, but I can see him on a Greek island beach, in a speedo, feeding me grapes.....gimme a minute....okay, I'm back--for several months. 

She has him following her on a press tour where she's talking about how she hasn't signed on for RHoBH newest season because Bravo wants to film Camitry, or Dimille, and she's reluctant to open her private life up like that. 

We know this because she's on a press tour with Dimitry and telling us so. But, one thing we have learned about Camille is that she is so in love with Dimitry, and so ready to keep him at any cost, that she will do anything. 

See, an audiotape has surfaced, and heard in a custody case, in which Camille threatens Dimitri's baby mama, and during a videotaped deposition Dimitri was asked to listen to that phone call between Camille and his baby mama, Lisa, in which Camille threatens her: “If you go to the press, I have lawyers that are beyond what you can imagine and they will pull stuff on you and you will be so mortified about your life and your family and what you have done. You don’t want to do that to Marcus. I will desecrate you, believe me, and that I can do, so be careful what you say and what you do because my defamation attorneys are huge..they will hunt down and research every nook and cranny of your life.”

I just imagine Camille sitting in a big chair suspend by a chain from the ceiling and petting a large fluffy white cat while she says all that. 

And wouldn't that make good RHoBH TV?

We've talked about breakups and ALLEGED stalking makeups, and desperate wannabe hookups, now let's hit some divorce gossip.

Lesbian divorce gossip. Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels.

While the two women were never legally married, even during those ten minutes when equality ruled in California, they did have a civil union ceremony. So, when they broke up, all sorts of stories came out, from both sides, about the other. Tammy was a gold digger. Melissa was a cheating bitch. Isn't it funny how heterosexual it all seems?

Anyway, they eventually worked out some sort of detente, and monthly support plan, and custody arrangement, and Melissa went on with her new life, new wife, new everything. But Tammy Lynn  is still not happy. She recently petitioned the court to increase her child and spousal support above and beyond the $23,000 a month she’s already getting. She is claiming that Melissa is alienating the children against her and that Melissa ALLEGEDLY didn’t give their son antibiotics he needed for his ear infection and will not get the children vaccinated. 

If you need proof that same-sex marriage is like opposite-sex marriage, look no further than a same-sex divorce.

Tammy, who starred in a couple of semi-popular TV shows back in the late 20th century, and early in the 21st, put her career on hold to be mommy to the couple's two children, and now she wants more of the, um, pie. She is claiming that it's hard to raise two kids on 23K a month, especially noting that Melissa earns roughly $177,882.00 a month. 

Tammy got used to an extravagant lifestyle while they were together  and this is just not fair. :::foot stomp...head snap::: Tammy also claims she has “virtually no savings” and would need “extensive retraining” if she were to rejoin the workforce. You know, because acting has changed so much in the five or six years since she gave it up.

Like I said, it all sounds so hetero to me.