Bobservations

I don’t really have a Carlos story this week. He’s not amused me with his take on Spanglish … he’s not done any wacky tricks around the house … So I asked him last night if he remembered doing anything crazy or wacky or silly in the past week so I could write about for my blog and he said …

“Just tell your people that I didn’t do anything stupid or crazy or nuts this week and I’m sorry.”

And I replied:

“Don’t be sorry, what you did just now is perfect.”

Oy, the looks from that man.

Here’s a Tuxedo Says from September 2021 …

With all these state legislatures trying to pass these voter suppression bills, they are the perfect place to start voting out the RepubliQAnons.

And from the looks and results of the elections the other night, this may be the year it works!

A co-worker was speaking with a female client the other day and I turned to another co-worker to say:

“Now this is coming from a homosexual so there is nothing sexual about it at all, but that woman is absolutely beautiful.”

Later in the day a former NFL player and resident of Camden came into the office and I spoke with him for several minutes. After he left I said to a co-worker:

“Now this is coming from a homosexual so everything about it is sexual, but that man is absolutely beautiful.”

That explains everything.

Bernie Sanders is proposing a bill to raise $.4 trillion in taxes from America’s billionaires, a move that would cut their fortunes in half with a chunk of that tax money going toward $3K stimulus checks to everyone making under $150K annually.

See, if a 5% wealth tax had been imposed on Elon Musk in 2021, he would be worth $365 billion instead of the $834 billion he’s worth today and yet would still be the richest man in the world and yet every senior would have dental, vision and hearing under Medicare.

Works for me.

Just a heads up, but since Cankles started his illegal war, the DOW is crashing so shouldn’t we haul Pammy Jo Bondi’s ass back to Congress since NOW she can talk about the Epstein Files?

PS I just read that Congress subpoenaed Bondi to testify again!!

Please note that entering America illegally is a misdemeanor while sexually abusing a child is a felony.

We are putting the wrong people in cages.

Conservatives won’t ban assault weapons that kill people, but they will ban vaccines that can save people’s lives.

The nation’s blood is on their hands.

I have a math question that I am trying to answer and maybe y’all can help:

If Congress had any balls at all and subpoenaed Cankles to testify in an open-door hearing on the Epstein Files, how many diapers do you think Cankles would go through in the first hour?

If every person who has attended or plans to attend a No Kings March votes Blue in the midterm election Congress can be retaken.

Think about that and doublecheck that you are registered to vote well in advance. 

Hiago Paulino is a model from Brazil and I imagine that’s all Maddie need know so the rest of us should be happy about that, too … Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

We were out running errands the other day and sort of traveling along in silence when I looked at Carlos and said:

“Yes?”

“I didn't say anything."

"I know, say something!"

"I have nothing to say." 

“YOU have nothing to say? You ALWAYS have something to say, which is why my eyes are constantly rolled back in my head.”

“I’m not talking to you anymore.”

And then he proceeded to talk and talk and talk and talk and my eyes rolled so far back into my head I was able to see the opposite side of my skull.

This Tuxedo Says is from July 2020:

Tuxedo is growing tired of these All Lives Matter idiots and tries to explain why … again.

He proved his point.

Well, the snow finally came, not a lot, but enough to make the house look purty … oh, and cold. And as is the case with South Carolina, even an inch-and-a-half of snow shut everything down. Even my boss called work off, though it helps since most SCer’s can’t drive in the heat so the snow and ice would be deadly!

Monday afternoon I was speaking with a couple of clients near the end of the day when one suggested they get going; they were going out to dinner to celebrate, they said so I asked:

“What are you celebrating?”

“That we’re making America great again.”

I reminded myself that we do not discuss politics with clients so I quickly said:

“Oh, are we?”

“So you didn’t support him?”

“Does he support me? I am a gay man, legally married for over ten years, and together with Carlos for nearly twenty-five years, and his party wants to erase my marriage so, No, I do not and will not ever support him.”

I then told them I think their event would be better suited to a different person and told them to have a nice night.

Then I reported myself to my boss who looked at me, shook his head and said:

"I don't blame you one bit."

That was nice.

Ah, that feeling when even you know you have fabulous cakes and can’t keep your hands off of them.

I don’t care what he calls, and I don’t care that the chickenshit media calls it an “unfortunate” gesture, after the inauguration of a rapist felon, the man who owns him, Leon Skum, gave the crowd a Nazi salute; twice.

When they show you who they are, believe them.

After years of being praised by MAGAts as “sent by God” to save America, when The Felon took the oath of office on Monday he did not place his hand on the Holy Bible. I guess maybe he thought it might explode like one of President Musk’s rockets.

PS Maybe it’s just me, but it looks like Fake Melanie making her first appearance since the election. And, if sio, why is she dressed like a Rabbi?

Will Howard is the quarterback for the Ohio State Buckeyes and this past weekend his team beat Notre Dame to win the National Championship; in an interview he thanked God for the win.

Cuz, you know, God likes Will Howard more than Notre Dame’s quarterback; or maybe God, after watching LA burn and countless thousands of people go homeless, decided not to help those people when there was a football game at stake.

As our Late Great Anne Marie would say, “FOAD.”

Cole Forsgen is a fitness and lifestyle model … whatever that is, but … Would You Hit It?

And tomorrow begins the Great Blindfold Getaway … I don’t know where we’re headed, but I will be driving wherever Carlos directs … wish us well.

Why Is It ...

… that every time I try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas ... Easter ... Summer ... Friday or Tuesday and ruins it for me.

… that for all of you who got into my business this past year, I will be sending you a W-2.

… that I was arguing with boss one day and just decided to take off my glasses and say, “I don’t don’t wanna see you right now.”

… that no one understands that I always have something smart to say.

… that when someone says to me, “I’ve seen your true colors,” I say, “Good., Use them to paint your bedroom.”

… that I always offer to cook, not because I’m nice, but because I want the food to be good.

… that while I may look normal, deep down, inside I wanna be an octopus so I can slap eight people at once.

… that Facebook keep suggesting people I may know. Well, I do know them and I don’t like them.

… that whenever people tell me I smell good and then ask me what I’m wearing, I say, “I splashed on some Leave Me The Fu-Cologne.”

… that my favorite childhood memory is having energy.

Bobservations

Recently Carlos hooked up with some people who do equine therapy—psychotherapy that incorporates horses into the therapeutic process through activities such as grooming, feeding, and leading a horse while being supervised by a mental health professional.

Carlos was helping them to develop programs for visually impaired people, and since he grew up around horses, and even owned a couple as a young man, he was eager to help.

Last month an article was posted in The Camden Equestrian and there was Carlos in a photo taken the day we went out to the horse farm.

He loved that day, being around the horses, and we’ve been back several times just to ride and, gosh, he just looks so darn cute.

This Tuxedo memory is from August 2019 after I spent five weeks in Oregon helping my father after ankle replacement surgery; it is entitled Ruminations On A Month Away ... I’ll spare you the entire post and focus on Carlos and, of course, Tuxedo:

“Finally, Carlos. I don’t think I’ve ever missed someone so much in my life. We’ve taken time away from each other, whether for work, or family business and the other couldn’t get away, but  31 days was quite the long stretch. And we had a very nice reunion, steamy, you might say, and spent about five days together, just us; perfection. 

I’ve never been so happy to see someone in my life, well, except for maybe Tuxedo who came running to the door when we got home and leaped to the back of a chair so I could pick him up and give him smooches. As is his way, Carlos didn't want his picture up, so you'll have to make do with Tucky.”

Ruminations on a Month Away

Oh yeah, The Debate … Demented DonOLD lost it the moment Kamala Harris talked rallies and crowd size; she owned him from then on, and he was so rattled as to be incoherent in a performance his personal lapdog, Miss Lindsey, called a “disaster.”

The Felon rambled about Haitians eating dogs and cats in Ohio to January 6th being just another day and not his fault to tariffs being the answer to everything and nothing to doubling down that the Central Park 5 should have been executed even if they were exonerated to aborting babies after birth to that old chestnut, “I won in 2020.”

The Buffoonery was off the charts. And maybe, slowly, in some circles, the tide is changing as House Republicans bemoan his performance with one saying, privately lest he hear her, that she was sad, and another, requesting anonymity so as not to become a target, being “disappointed” 

The Felon could not stay on message—hard to do when you don’t have an actual message—and then, the next morning, as even Fox “News” and Xwitter proclaimed Harris the winner a woman posted her support of Kamala Harris as president to Instagram, signing her post:

Taylor Swift

Childless Cat Lady.

With even The Felon distancing himself from the Project 2025 manifesto, Heritage Foundation president Kevin Roberts doubled down on the idea saying that if Kamala Harris wins the election, “we’re going to have a press conference outside the White House announcing Project 2028.”

You can put lipstick on a pig, Kev, but in 2028 it’ll still be a pig.

Jennifer Lopez had a moment of self-reflection while chatting with “Unstoppable” co-star Bobby Cannavale at the Toronto International Film Festival and was overheard—and by that I mean her people put the story out—telling him:

“I’m a bad picker.”

And her people then put out the story that she is a Revenge Dress she wore to show Ben what he was missing, when the real message was that his soon-to-be ex-wife is a thirsty famewhore and he dodged a bullet of a lifetime of her need to be noticed.

And then … that face? What the hell kind of alien-looking expression is that?

I mean, come on, what’s the use of having such nice cakes if no one is going to eat them?

At work the other day we had several clients come in at once and one new girl, I’ll call her Kat because that’s her name, asked if she could be partnered with a different client because the man she was set to speak with she had, um, er, fornicated with last year after getting blind drunk in a bar; small town stuff, you know.

I told her that I’d handle the guy and she could take the next client appointment. Later in the day, two older men were in to set up an event and she sighed because she was up to take care of them, and I couldn’t help myself:

“Did you fuck them too?”

Apparently she didn’t and will never be telling me personal stories again.

Whatever.

Anthony Willen is a Brazilian model who currently lives in London, so you know the drill: Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… that when I asked a question at a work meeting about whether or not Kevin Bacon calls his nipples “bacon bits,” my boss asked, “How is it that I keep forgetting to fire you?”

… that I don’t think I'm not old, but I realize that I need a little WD-40 and some duct tape every so often to get through the day.

… that the adult version of ♪ ♫ Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes ♪ ♫ is now ♪ ♫ Wallet, Glasses, Keys and Phone ♫ ♪.

… that I am jealous of people who know how to shut up. When I try to stay quiet subtitles come out of my face.

… that I get the feeling that all I want from life is to hunker down, eat pizza and watch movies, but then I also want to break new ground in my profession, or quit society and live in the woods, or go explore the world forever.

… that no one understands that will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Why Is it ...

… that I wouldn’t call myself quirky but there is definitely something wrong with me.

… that my boss asked me why I was gone for seven hours to smoke and I told him, "It was a brisket and that’s how long it takes. What?"

… that curly fries are my favorite snack because they are salty and spiraling … like me.

… that there are people my age out there climbing mountains and running marathons and zip-lining, and I’m here at home reveling in the glory that is getting my leg through my underwear without toppling over.

… that while I may not have lost all my marbles I admit there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

… that in the old days my taste in dates was so bad, that my Walk of Shame was on my way to the date.

… that you can burn all the sage you want but still you don’t understand that I will be back.

… that people at work are mad that I have taken to calling everyone “fucker.” I mean, when you think about it, “fucker” is gender neutral so I'm being politically correct.

Bobservations

As y’all know, Ozzo is nearly deaf and blind, has a little arthritis in his hind legs, and is sometimes incontinent; good times. The other morning Carlos took Ozzo outside to do his business and then came in and fed the cats and made Ozzo’s breakfast. Then he got the dog back inside and fed him while I was in the back of the house. Carlos yelled to me:

“Can you come out here and see where the dog pooped in the kitchen?”

Words I love to hear first thing, but as I was walking to the kitchen I said:

“Are you sure it was Ozzo or did you poop in the kitchen?”

“No, I did not poop in the kitchen.”

“Not today, you mean.”

“I don’t like you.”

“But you love my humor.”

And then I found the poop, and we cleaned it up and went about our day.

This week’s Tuxedo Memory comes from April 2011:

“Caturday: Leapin’ Tuxedo

Tuxedo spots a speck of dust floating in a beam of sunlight ... and he's off in a blur!”

That cat was quite the jumper; he used to climb on top of the clothes hamper in the closet and jump straight up to a shelf six feet off the ground, and then across the closet to an even higher shelf.

Like his Daddy he enjoyed looking down on people … wait, what?

It’s no surprise that Inmate# P01135809 pushed the GOP wingnuts in Congress to open an impeachment inquiry into President Biden, but it looks like the Inmate is actually going to help the president.

In January 2020, the Inmate# P01135809-led Justice Department formally declared that impeachment inquiries by the House are invalid unless the chamber takes formal votes to authorize them.

And they don’t have the votes, just like they have no actual proof of any impeachable offense.

GOP Clown Car.

For well over an hour at a recent town meeting, the people of Llano, Texas spoke out against abortion. See, even though abortion is illegal across Texas, people were still driving women on Llano roads to reach clinics in other states and Llano residents said their city had a responsibility to “fight the murders.”

Howsabout this people of Llano? You don’t own the roads; they are state roads and as such you cannot decide who drives on them. So why not go home, thump your Bibles and shut the fuck up.

PS A journalist ought to investigate how many women in Llano have had abortions.

The man wears high heels, makeup, a girdle, refers to his hair as strawberry blonde, and lies about his height and weight.

All we have to do is get him to read a book to children and he’ll be kicked out of Florida.

*Stolen from Facebook

Rudy Giuliani, who finished another week whining and complaining about being charged as a coconspirator to Inmate # P01135809, and shrieking about being broke, has apparently purchased a massive new ring for his longtime girlfriend Maria Ryan. Ryan has been linked to Drunkle Rudy since 2018 after being named as his mistress in court documents filed amid his divorce from third wife Judy Nathan.

Most newspapers are quick to point out that the ring is worth an estimated $60,000 … “if real.”

I’m thinking the gem is as real as his hair color.

Okay, so I have this habit of saying horrid things that pop into my head at the most inopportune times … like this week when I went to work with a bandage around my forearm. As we settled in for a meeting someone asked what happened and here’s what I said:

“Well, y’all know I have a problem with heroin, right? And I used to shoot it between my toes to hide the track marks, and then started shooting it directly into my hemorrhoids because the high hits harder and faster. Well, over the weekend, I got so high I started shooting it into my arms again and now have these awful track marks.”

I looked around at the shocked faces of horror and then added:

“Or, while working in the yard I was bitten by some kind of bug and scratched my arm so much that it looks ugly and pus-filled so I put a bandage on it.”

A voice from across the room said:

“C’mon, we all know which story is true. Bob doesn’t do yardwork.”

Even the co-workers are funny.

PS It is a bug bite.

This is Ezra Moreland, a model and a US Navy Rescue Swimmer Veteran, but the question is: Would You Hit It?