Meme Dump

I Didn't Say It ...

Stephen Colbert, on Attorney General Jeff Sessions using the Bible to justify separating immigrant kids from their parents:

“Now if that sounds evil, then good news, your ears are working. The United States? That’s you and me who are putting up with our government saying, ‘If you come to the United States, the worst thing imaginable will happen to you. We will take your children away from you, with no guarantee you’ll see them again.’ That is using cruelty as a deterrent. That’s not my interpretation. That is our stated intention. And the way they’re doing it is horrific. Public defenders in the area are telling parents they’re taking their children away for baths to never return with them. Clearly, no decent human being could defend that, so Jeff Sessions did. Don’t bring God into this. First of all, I don’t think God picked you, because I don’t worship Vladimir Putin. And, the only thing in the Bible close to this is a king threatening to cut a baby in two, and he was joking. I will give Sessions this: That is what Romans 13:1 says: You’ve got to have laws. But if he had just read a little bit further, into Romans 13:10, it says: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.’ But I’m not surprised Sessions didn’t read the whole thing. After all, Jesus said, ‘Suffer the children to come unto me,’ but I’m pretty sure all Sessions saw was the words ‘children’ and ‘suffer’ and said, ‘I’m on it!' … So, for Father’s Day, call your elected representatives and demand they do something. Because I sincerely believe that it doesn’t matter who you voted for. If we let this happen in our name, we are a feckless… country.”

We are America and we, yes, we, are taking children from their parents and basically putting them into camps.

Camps; not Summer camps, but internment camps.

That’s America under _____ and Sessions.

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Laura Bush, former First Lady of the United States, on the incarceration of brown children at the border:

“I was among the millions of Americans who watched images of children who have been torn from their parents. In the six weeks between April 19 and May 31, the Department of Homeland Security has sent nearly 2,000 children to mass detention centers or foster care. More than 100 of these children are younger than 4 years old. The reason for these separations is a zero-tolerance policy for their parents, who are accused of illegally crossing our borders.

I live in a border state. I appreciate the need to enforce and protect our international boundaries, but this zero-tolerance policy is cruel. It is immoral. And it breaks my heart.

Our government should not be in the business of warehousing children in converted box stores or making plans to place them in tent cities in the desert outside of El Paso. These images are eerily reminiscent of the Japanese American internment camps of World War II, now considered to have been one of the most shameful episodes in U.S. history.

Americans pride ourselves on being a moral nation, on being the nation that sends humanitarian relief to places devastated by natural disasters or famine or war. We pride ourselves on believing that people should be seen for the content of their character, not the color of their skin. We pride ourselves on acceptance. If we are truly that country, then it is our obligation to reunite these detained children with their parents — and to stop separating parents and children in the first place.

People on all sides agree that our immigration system isn’t working, but the injustice of zero tolerance is not the answer. I moved away from Washington almost a decade ago, but I know there are good people at all levels of government who can do better to fix this.

In 2018, can we not as a nation find a kinder, more compassionate and more moral answer to this current crisis? I, for one, believe we can.”

Word.

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Kirstjen Nielsen, Homeland Security Secretary, telling the National Sheriffs’ Association not to believe the press regarding the _____ administration’s immigrant child separation policy:

“Don’t believe the press. They are very well taken care of … We operate according to some of the highest standards in the country. We provide food, medical, education, and all needs that the child requests … .We will not apologize for the job we do or for the job law enforcement does for doing the job that the American people expect us to do. Illegal actions have and must have consequences. No more free passes, no more get-out-of-jail-free cards.”

Sad she was born to late to round up Jews. I think she might have loved that, too.

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Shepard Smith, Fox News, on that meeting between _____ and Kim Jong Un:

“[Kim] wanted the legitimacy that came with the event, the handshake with America’s president, and he wanted those military exercises with the Americans and the South Koreans that happen every year to stop. Kim Jong Un got it all for actually doing nothing.”

____ is nothing; he does nothing; he accomplishes nothing.

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Seth Meyers, on _____, Sessions and Miller’s policy of separating immigrant children from their parents:

“_____ has sympathy for [Paul Manafort] accused of conspiracy against the United States and sent to jail for alleged witness tampering but what about children fleeing violence and seeking asylum with their parents? This will shock you—_____ has much less sympathy for them. [And] if this policy strikes you as monstrous, and inhumane, and cruel, then you’re a decent person. In other words, you are not attorney general Jeff Sessions. Last week, Sessions defended the policy by citing the Bible. He cites the Bible like a guy challenging someone else’s word in Scrabble. [And] you know you’re evil when you actually want credit for a policy this cruel. Miller’s like a serial killer who leaves clues for the police … To be absolutely clear, this Is not a law. It’s a choice by the _____ administration, and they could end it right now. And yet _____ is trying to gaslight the country into thinking it’s actually the Democrats’ fault that this policy exists. He just repeats the same lie, over and over … _____‘s lies are starting to sound like the Tinder profile of a scammer trying to catfish you. This policy is monstrous and morally repugnant and it is being done in our name. Any elected official who doesn’t call for an immediate end to it is complicit, and anyone associated with it should resign in disgrace.”

Anyone who hasn’t yet stepped up to publicly denounce _____ and this inhumane act, needs to go; if not instantly through resignation, then in November by the will of the people.

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Ronna Romney McDaniel, RNC Chair, threatening people who don’t support Hair Furor:

“Complacency is our enemy. Anyone that does not embrace the _____ agenda of making America great again will be making a mistake.”

Threats. To democracy; to Free Speech; to Resistance.

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John Oliver, blasting Jeff Sessions and Sarah Huckleberry Sanders for their excuses for separating families:

“I cannot stress this enough. There is no law that suddenly required separating parents from their children. This was the result of a deliberate policy choice by Jeff Sessions, a man so small he can wear – and this is true – a raspberry as a hat. That’s a fact. A. [It is] so not a f**king law. And B. Lots of things are said in the Bible but that doesn’t mean you should do them. At one point the Bible demands that the head of government get 100 foreskins but I don’t think Sanders is looking for Congress to get together and start slicing dicks. And the _____ administration might want to go a little easy on holding the Bible up as a moral code. Because let’s remember, the Bible is not a big fan of adultery, gluttony, coveting your neighbor’s wife, pride or wrath.”

Not mention coveting your daughter and generally being the biggest douchebag on the planet.

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_____, praising dictator Kim Jong Un:

“He speaks, and his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do the same.”

Fuck.You.

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I Didn't Say It......

Former First Lady Laura Bush, on marriage equality:
“It’s a very, very difficult issue for very many people, because the marriage between a man and a woman is so fundamental to our civic life for all of our history, for the history of humans. And it's a debate that I think people want to have, and I hope they have it in a way that protects people…And in many ways, I think it’s generational and that gay marriage will come. I’m okay with that.”
Nicely put, except then she said she has no opinion on DADT.
Really?
Gays marrying one another is fine, but you don't know if they should be able to serve openly in the military?

Elisabeth Hasselbeck, responding on The View to Laura Bush's recent support of gay marriage:
"Some people are saying, well, this is a day late and a dollar short, where were you when you could have said something earlier? And in terms of gay marriage, I think there are a lot of, maybe, conservatives out there who are talking about gay marriage and not necessarily with someone who wants to have gay marriage or has been in a gay marriage.
"You know, I had Melissa Etheridge over, we had dinner, we talked for hours about gay marriage, and I would really challenge people: Get out there. Instead of just talking about it and hating on it, actually talk to someone who’s loved someone else and have the conversation about what can be done."

Who could have known that Hasselbeck could have been so thoughtful and reasonable and, well, not quite so Republican?

Glee's Jane Lynch, on Ramin Setoodeh's contentious Newsweek article:
“The thing is, actors are actors: You can’t play gay anymore than you can play somebody who’s Catholic. Aaron Sorkin wrote a wonderful thing in the Huffington Post. I don’t think you have to slap somebody down for making an opinion that you don’t agree with. But I do think what Kristin and Ryan did was so important, and I’m glad that they said it. It doesn’t mean, ‘Off with [Setoodeh's] head.’ But I’m very glad, and I thought it was very heroic what the two of them did.”

Nicolas Cage, on being crazy...I kid....on how he eats meat:
“I love all animals. I have a fascination with fish, birds, whales – sentient life – insects, reptiles. I actually choose the way I eat according to the way animals have sex. I think fish are very dignified with sex. So are birds. But pigs, not so much. So I don’t eat pig meat or things like that. I eat fish and fowl.”

Okay, maybe I did mean crazy.

Actor Johnny Galecki's sexuality was brought up this week on The View, and he told the ladies why he's never responded to rumors that he's gay:
"I've never really addressed those rumors because I always figured, why defend yourself against something that's not offensive?"

Nicely done, Johnny. Now if you could get Tom Cruise to think that way instead of filing a $100 million lawsuit anytime someone hints he's a homo.

Democratic candidate for Florida governor Alex Sink on the George Rekers scandal:
"When Attorney General McCollum was asked why he would hire a man like this--who previous courts had said that his testimony was no legitimacy--his response was, 'Well it wasn't me who hired him. It was the Department of Children and Families, they hired the expert witnesses.' Well, surprise, surprise, about two weeks later the Department of Children and Families said, 'Oh no that's not the way it was. We didn't want to hire this guy. The attorney general demanded that we hire the man,' and they produced a letter signed by the Attorney General McCollum himself.
"That sounds to me like a typical politician. He's faced with something, they try to sweep it under the carpet or lay the blame on somebody else when all along he was the one who agreed to hire this Rekers, whose testimony in previous cases had already been judged to be not relevant and not accurate. We don't need people in public service like that."

I Didn't Say It

Focus on Family head, Jim Daly, who replaced James Dobson, on gay marriage and how he doesn't think it's the end of the world as we know it:"I’m not fearful that change will happen in America. It will happen. I don’t know what will happen with same-sex marriage, but I’m not going to be discouraged if we lose some of those battles. It’s going to be difficult in this culture and the way the demographics are going right now. You look at the under-35 age group. I think it’s splitting 60-40 support for same-sex marriage....I will continue to defend traditional marriage, but I’m not going to demean human beings for the process."
Cyndi Lauper, on Lady Gaga:
"People forget how young she is. She is barely 24--much younger than I was when I became famous. It's very tough being where she is right now. People are pulling her in all different directions. It's hard to navigate that...I can't wait to see how she grows and what she decides her next act will be...When I see somebody like Gaga, I sit back in admiration. I'm inspired to pick up the torch again myself. I did an interview with her once, and she showed up with a sculpture on her head. I thought, How awesome...She isn't a pop act, she is a performance artist. She herself is the art. She is the sculpture."
Bad Hair Life, Donald Trump, on why he thinks fascism in Arizona is a good thing [sidenote: I wonder how many employees at his hotels and resorts and spas don't have "papers"]:
"Well it all starts with the federal government not coming out with a law. They've been talking about it for years and they still haven't done anything about it. And Arizona is really getting crime-ridden. There's people coming over, there's killings all over the place, there's shootings all over the place. What are you going to do? I mean, are you going to stop people to see if they're supposed to be there? And personally as a citizen I wouldn't mind, I really wouldn't mind."
Laura Bush, on how she asked her idiot husband not to make gay marriage an issue in the 2004 election--of course he didn't listen, he's a dumbass like that:
"In 2004 the social question that animated the campaign was gay marriage. Before the election season had unfolded, I had talked to George about not making gay marriage a significant issue. We have, I reminded him, a number of close friends who are gay or whose children are gay. But at that moment I could never have imagined what path this issue would take and where it would lead.”
Olympic Gold Medalist, and ALLEGED heterosexual, Evan Lysacek on Johnny Weir's complaint about not being asked to join the "Stars On Ice" tour:
"'Stars on Ice' is really selective of who they hire and they only hire the best of the best to skate. It would’ve been hard of them to justify hiring him, and I think he was really upset because he wanted the financial benefit of the tour. A lot of us in the skating world were really disappointed in the way he reacted, basically whining that he wasn’t chosen."
Outsports, on Evan Lysacek's statement about Johnny Weir:
"No Evan, Johnny wasn’t whining. He was reacting to perceived homophobia. But I guess you wouldn’t know anything about that, since you’re straight as an arrow. At least Evan left this little gem for us in the interview…
"'Last question: Are you seeing anyone?
I’m single. The reason, well…(laughs)…I’m limited to who I can see. I’m dating in L.A., but I just haven’t found the right girl.'"
Johnny Weir, on Evan Lysacek:
"He's a slore."
Molly Ringwald on why there were no gay characters in the John Hughes movies:
"Maybe it was just too soon and too controversial at the time, but from what I understand, John was a big Republican. I really didn’t know this back then, and maybe he wasn’t when I was working with him, but I guess he became one. Not to say that all Republicans are antigay, but historically, you know, that has to rub off a little bit, right?"

Ricky Martin, Tweeting about the new fascist state of Arizona:

"Equality is understanding that we all come from the same place. Racial profiling should never be tolerated, in the U.S. or anywhere in the world. We're moving backwards. Scary."

Colin Farrell, on his sex tape [note to Colin: Honey, I was doing a lot of thing. Laughing? Not one of them]:

"I didn't really give too much a fuck about that-I just didnt want it on demand in a hotel room. It was a bit of an expensive 14 minutes. But at the end of the day, it was something to be laughed at."

Arizona Fascist Governor Jan Brewer on best gal-pal MooseMess Palin:

"Had such a great time with Sarah Palin last night that we went to the Diamondbacks game today before she left town. It was great talking to her about my efforts here in Arizona of securing our borders, fighting Obama Care and preserving our 2nd Amendment rights."

Sterling, Virginia District Supervisor Eugene Delgaudio, spreading homophobic hate in a fundraising letter:

"Frankly if you really do support the radical Homosexual Agenda--or if you just no longer care enough to stand up for the family--insiders in Congress say the entire Homosexual Agenda could pass in a matter of months. Special job rights for homosexuals and lesbians. Businesses may have to adopt hiring quotas to protect themselves from lawsuits. Every homosexual fired or not hired becomes a potential federal civil rights lawsuit.

Radical homosexuals will terrorize day care centers, hospitals, churches and private schools. Traditional moral values will be shattered by federal law. Same-sex marriages and adoptions. Wedding-gown clad men smooching before some left-wing clergy or state official is just the beginning. You'll see men hand-in-hand skipping down to adoption centers to 'pick out' a little boy for themselves.

Homosexual advocacy in schools. Your children or grandchildren will be taught homosexuality is moral, natural and good. High school children will learn perverted sex acts as part of "safe sex" education. With condoms already handed out in many schools, Radical Homosexuals will have little trouble adopting today's "if it feels good do it" sex-ed curriculum to their agenda. And to add insult to injury, lobbyists for the Homosexual Agenda are paid off with your tax dollars! That's right, radical homosexual groups like the Gay-Lesbian Task Force and ACT-UP receive millions from the government."

Complete moron Sarah Palin, on organic food:

“I eat granola. I eat a lot of organic food. I have to shoot and catch a lot of my organic food before I eat it.”

Bryan Fischer, wingnutting for the American Family Association:

"Bottom line: you want to know who's now running the U.S. Army, the U.S. Navy and the Marines and calling the shots where it counts? Fundamentalist Muslims and homosexual activists."