The Funny Papers

Mike Smith, Chris Britt, Darrin Bell, Bill Bramhall, Clay Bennett, Jack Ohman, Mike Luckovich, Dave Whamond, Ed Hall, Kevin Siers, RJ Matson

I Didn't Say It ...

Alan Dershowitz, law “professor” and member of _____’s impeachment defense team, speaking of _____ and of The Clinton Foundation in 2016:

“When you compare that to what _____ has done with _____ University, with so many other things, I think there’s no comparison between who has engaged in more corruption and who is more likely to continue that if elected President of the United States. So I think what we’re doing is we’re comparing, we’re saying, look, neither candidate is anywhere close to perfect, let’s vote for the less bad candidate.”

And yet in 2020 Dershowitz is saying the opposite.

Why? Coins and media coverage. That’s what Dershowitz craves. Coins and media coverage.

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Bowen Yang, SNL cast member, on being a survivor of gay conversion therapy and his relationship with his parents today:

“The first few sessions were talk therapy, which I liked, and then it veers off into this place of, ‘Let’s go through a sensory description of how you were feeling when you’ve been attracted to men.’ And then the counselor would go through the circular reasoning thing of, ‘Well, weren’t you feeling uncomfortable a little bit when you saw that boy you liked?’ And I was like, ‘Not really.’ He goes, ‘How did your chest feel?’ And I was like, ‘Maybe I was slouching a little bit.’ And he goes, ‘See? That all stems from shame.’ It was just crazy. Explain the gay away with pseudoscience. I had this second coming out [to my parents] while I was in college and went through this whole flare-up again with them, where they couldn’t accept it. And then eventually, I just got to this place of standing firm and being like, ‘This is sort of a fixed point, you guys. I can’t really do anything about this. So either you meet me here or you don’t meet me.’”

It pains me to see parents put their children through this therapy torture rather than just loving them and understanding them and accepting them.

It’s the parents who need therapy, not the LGBTQ+ kids.

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Ron Reagan, son of President Ronald Reagan, on what his father would think of _____:

“My father would—although he might not use words like this because he was a fairly genteel person—my father would pinch _____’s empty head off and shit down his flabby neck. My father would have been ashamed of this Republican Party. He would have been embarrassed and ashamed that a president of the United States was as incompetent and traitorous as the man occupying the White House now. He’s a disgrace to the office of the presidency.”

He’s not the only one embarrassed by the GOP; they’ll be embarrassed themselves when the populace turns on them; embarrassed they aided and abetted a traitor.

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Robert De Niro, accepting the Lifetime Achievement Award at the 2020 SAG Awards:

"I can imagine some of you saying, 'Alright, OK, stay out of politics,' but we're in such a dire situation, so deeply concerning to me and to so many others, I have to say something. And I thought I said it pretty well to Variety the other day, so I'm going to quote myself. There's right and there's wrong, and there's common sense, and there's abuse of power, and as a citizen I have as much right as anybody, an actor, an athlete, a musician, or anybody else to voice my opinion."

Citizens have the right to speak up, and if your job, your position, affords you a larger stage from which to speak, so be it.

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Pink, singer, in a letter to herself about aging:

“Dear Me, you’re getting older. I see lines. Especially when you smile. Your nose is getting bigger. You look(and feel) weird as you get used to this new reality. But your nose looks like your kids, and your face wrinkles where you laugh. And yeah you idiot … [you] smoked … Continued note to self: Every once in a while you consider altering your face, and then you watch a show where you want to see what the person is feeling … and their face doesn’t move. I’m cannot get behind it. I just can’t. I want my children to know what I look like when I’m angry. I’m fortunate because I’ve never really depended on my looks. I’ve decided that my talent and my individuality is far more important than my face. So get on board cause I am about to AGE THE OL FASHIONED WAY (in a tutu ruling shit at 30 mph 100 ft in the air over 40) yasssssssss!”

That’s a message a lot of people, women and med, need to hear.

Pink rocks.

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The Funny Papers

Michael de Adder, Clay Bennett, Mike Luckovich, David Fitzsimmons, Drew Sheneman, Jack Ohman, Nick Anderson, Dale Cummings, Steve Stegelin, Dave Whamond,