Random Musings

UPDATE: A judge has ruled that Barronelle Stutzman, owner of Arlene's Flowers in Richland, Washington, who refused to provide flowers to a gay couple for their wedding, has violated state consumer protection and anti-discrimination law because … oh yeah … discrimination is illegal and, well, wrong.

Good.

Now, howsabout that Vatican and The Gays?

See, the Vatican did something it has never done before; it gave a group of US gay and lesbian Catholics some VIP seats at Pope Francis' weekly general audience last week.

Hoo-ray … wait a minute …

The welcome wasn’t all that; the group, the New Ways Ministry, was only identified on the Vatican's list of attendees as a "group of lay people accompanied by a Sister of Loretto."

And the group was never acknowledged or announced; when a Vatican monsignor read the list of the different groups in attendance in St. Peter's Square, he skipped over The Gays altogether, and Pope Frankie failed to mention them, too.

Don’t ask, don’t tell … alive and well in Vatican City.

I don’t camp; well, I used to camp … on a sidewalk for concert tickets. But outdoors? In nature? Oh, honey … no. And I used to say that my idea of camping was a hotel without room service. But last night, while watching Modern Family, I heard my new favorite I Don’t Camp line:

If  you find me in the woods after three days, it means I've been dead for two.

Boo-yah!

Supermodel David Gandy turns thirty-five years old today. In a suit, in his drawers, always hot. That is all … carry on.

So, remember that time noted asshat Lance Armstrong swore up and down on a stack of Bibles that he never used performance enhancing drugs?

And then he confessed to Oprah that he’s a big fat liar and did use the drugs. And then he said, just the other day, that, if given the chance for a do-over, he’d still dope?

Well, apparently courts don’t like it when you commit perjury and an arbitration panel in Texas has ruled Lance Armstrong must pay a $10 million penalty for being a liar.

Now that’s dope.

Okay, it’s no secret that I don’t like Living Blow-Up Doll, AKA Taylor Swift, very much, if at all. But then I stumbled upon this photo of Swifty at the SNL 40th birthday bash sitting next to the Mama Grizzly Bore™ and couldn’t help but laugh.

Swifty’s doing that whole ‘hold your elbow close to your body so you don’t accidentally lay in on the armrest and the crazy grandma in the sequined mini doesn’t touch you.’

Plus, is it just me, or does the MGB™ look like Drunk Grandma at Christmas whilst wearing a dress that her daughter Blister wore back in 2011? Unemployment must not pay if MooseMeat can’t afford new rags.

So, in the Everything Old Is New — and Stupid — Again file comes the premiere of former Friends star Matthew Perry in a reboot of a 160s film and 1960s TV show, The Odd Couple.

Yes, nothing says fresh like a rehash of a fifty year old movie. But, given that it’s CBS — the network of old people … sorry old people, but it’s true — and given that it’s replacing 2.5 Men, which was basically The Odd Couple for the Aughts, I guess it does make sense.

I dunno because I won’t be watching.

So, I 'Like' Andy Borowitz on Facebook. He has that irreverent sense of humor I love so much, and so I'll share his Status Update from earlier in the week:

Racism is funny. Not.

So, y’all remember the story of South African Kyle Roux who learned that his image had popped up on a controversial billboard along a major highway in Virginia for a “No one is born gay” campaign. The billboard showed two pictures of Roux; in one, he wears a suit, while in the other he has on a T-shirt. And the caption read:

“Identical twins. One gay. One not. We believe twin research studies show nobody is born gay."

Trouble was, Roux is not a twin, and Roux is gay, and Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays [PFOX] never bothered to check because, well, liars lie.

Roux didn’t support the sign’s message, and even though PFOX has since taken down the sign, decided to strike back at the group on his own.

Planting Peace, a nonprofit organization based in Topeka, Kansas, erected a new sign down the road from where the PFOX billboard once stood, that looks eerily similar, though it contains a different message.  The new sign features new photographs of Roux with the caption:

“Dear PFOX: Identical twins? I’m not. I’m gay. Regardless of what you believe I was born gay. And I’m proud of who I am.”

PFOX isn’t talking because, well, liars lie and then they hide.

In Good News:

A recent survey of likely GOP voters in the 2016 election cycle showed that Republican voters in South Carolina ... yes, South Carolina ... find opposition to marriage equality mostly or totally unacceptable.

Times do change.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Y’all remember when LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian started schtupping while co-starring in a LameTime, er, Lifetime movie? They kept it quiet for awhile, until they showed up at a cheesy restaurant in Venice Beach where the paparazzi snapped them holding hands over a plate of chili fries and then all hell broke loose; and by “all hell,” I mean Eddie’s wife-at-the-time, Brandi Glanville.

But one person you didn’t hear from was LeAnn’s husband-at-the-time, Dean Sheremet. He kept himself on the Down Low — and not just because some folks assumed he was gay — and quietly accepted his settlement, er, Go Away check. He moved on to La Grande Apple, enrolled in culinary school and became a chef with a brand new second wife to call his own. But now, he’s ALLEGEDLY ready to talk about Life With LeAnn and has written a book about his marriage to the country crooning cheater.

A source — and, yeah, it’s probably Brandi — says Dean “has received multiple big-money offers from publishers and is deciding who to go with.” And based on their history — remember, she banged Serial Banger Cibrian about ten minutes after meeting him — this won’t paint LeAnn in a good light. Sources say she treated Dean like garbage, never showed any remorse for schtupping her married co-star, and though she gave him some spare change when they divorced, there was never any kind of signed Non-Disclosure Agreement.

Cue Julia Roberts in Pretty Women: “Big mistake. Huge!”

When we last left Lohan it appeared she’d made good on her probation by completing her community service from her arrest for … well, I forget; it was either drugs or drink or jewel theft or kidnapping. But now, Terry White, the prosecutor in her case, is calling bullshiz on the “service” and wants her to do it again or go directly to jail.

White says that London’s community service organization let Lohan do ridiculous things — like getting credit for 18 hours worth of service for meeting and greeting fans after her London play and not stealing their jewelry or running them over with her car — to fulfill her obligation. He also says she was credited with 70 hours for allowing young people to follow her around and carry her bags and her special bottles of “water.” 

He says Lohan had an obligation to inform the court of the types of community service she was doing and says she’s manipulated the system and should do jail time for not completing legitimate community service.

Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Holley, told the judge her client merely did what she was told to do by the community service organization, which may have sounded something like this:

Community Service Organization to Criminal Lohan: “Say Hello at the theater door, and let some kids follow you around and you’re done, m’kay?”

I want that kinda community service when I’m found guilty of reckless driving, kidnapping and jewel theft. I mean, c’mon, even Chris Brown had to scrub toilets ...

So … Sean Penn is a pig, but soon he may be Charlize Theron’s pig.

Y’all know that Penn was married to Madonna for a hot minute, and then was married to Robin Wright for about fifteen years? Well, those don’t count in Penn’s mind, apparently, because he says he believes that, if he marries Theron, it would be his first marriage:

“Yes, I’d get married again. You say I’ve been married twice before but I’ve been married under circumstances where I was less informed than I am today, so I wouldn’t even consider it a third marriage, I’d consider it a first marriage on its own terms if I got married again.”

I’m guessing both Madonna and Robin would like to forget they were ever married to Penn, too. But then Penn goes on to say that he’s “very friendly with my first ex-wife [and] on extremely good terms with the children I share with my second ex-wife.”

So, he’s cool with Madonna, and is on ‘good terms’ with his children from his second wife?

What a lovely man, but, like I said, he Theron’s pig now.

Emile Hirsch doesn’t get much play in the Gossip World, so maybe that’s why he’s suddenly turned up the Douchenozzle.

At the Sundance Film Festival last winter, Hirsch ALLEGEDLY got physical with a female Paramount Pictures executive at a club, which ended up with the police being called, and here’s what happened:

At 3:30AM one Sunday morning at Tao Nightclub, Emile, in town to promote his film Ten Thousand Saints, was apparently drunk as hell and started “aggressively picking on” Paramount exec Dani Bernfeld. A source — and if Lohan wasn’t drunk in London., I’d swear this has her fingerprints all over it — says Emile suddenly snapped, and “pushed Dani up against a table, and then he put her in a headlock. 

Eventually the police were called and Emile ALLEGEDLY calmly explained the situation and wasn’t arrested, though Park City police are currently investigating the incident and deciding if charges should be filed.

Hmm, drunk and choking a woman in a bar and you need to ‘think’ about it? Sounds like Emile is channeling his Inner Lohan.

Let’s talk Sherri Shepherd again.

Remember when she was on The View and every time she voiced her opinion it was cloaked in Bible verses or something the Baby Jeebus told her over biscuits or something?

Well, Sherri is no longer playing the part of Good Christian Woman. You remember that she and her husband Lamar Sally broke up last year, and she accused him of being a gold digger who tricked her into a surrogacy situation so he’d had a lifetime of settlement checks coming his way, right? And then Sherri not only walked away from Sally but she also turned her back on her unborn baby and made it clear she wanted nothing to do with the kid; ever!

It got uglier when Lamar sued Sherri for spousal and child support, but now the ugly is real bad because Jessica Bartholomew, the surrogate who carried Sherri and Lamar’s baby, is being hit up for child support.

Bartholomew went on Inside Edition to talk about how disgusted she is that Sherri skipped out on her baby. Jessica says that at the beginning of her pregnancy, Sherri called her regularly and seemed excited about the kid, but when the news broke that Sheri and Lamar were done, Jessica never heard from her again. And when the child was born — Little Lamar Jr. — Jessica had to put her name on the birth certificate as the mother since Sherri backed out.

Lamar now has full custody of the child and filed for Medi-Cal because he can’t afford health insurance on his own; and when he filed for Medi-Cal, the state of California went after Jessica for child support.

Sherri Shepherd is somewhere sipping the Kool-Aid and talking about the Baby Jeebus and what a good Christian woman she is … until the man downstairs comes a’calling.

But Jessica need not worry; I bet Lifetime or TLC or WE … or maybe even Bravo — you know they’re doing "scripted” shows now — would love to tell The Sherri Shepherd Story and would deposit a butt-load of cash in Jessica’s bank account.

Everyone wins except that Little Boy.

If you’re a has-been actress, more well-known for jail time and courtroom appearances than film roles and awards show appearances, what do you do if you need some cash? And if your mother is a woman who hasn’t worked since she whored you out as an actress when you were two, what does she do when she needs some dough?

Well, if you’re a Lohan — Dina and Lindsay — you sue Fox News because one of Sean Hannity’s guests said on air that you do drugs together. Yup, those crack-y Lohan’s are suing Fox News Channel and Sean Hannity claiming they were publicly shamed when someone on Hannity’s show claimed the mother and daughter train-wrecks snorted coke together. Their lawsuit ALLEGES that there was a discussion on the show about celebrity drug use, and recently deceased celebs — like Philip Seymour Hoffman — and the panel discussed who might be next.

Michelle Fields said, “Lindsay Lohan’s mom is doing cocaine with her” — insinuating Lindsay would be the next to go.

Lindsay says that’s insane, though she’s admitted to her own cocaine problems; and she also claimed Dina was on a cocaine binge during an hysterical call she made to her dad in 2012. Mother and daughter say Fields’ claims are “a direct smear on the character/reputation of Lindsay and Dina.”

Now that’s funny. But how are the Lohan’s going to prove their claim? Oh, yeah, because everyone knows that when Lindsay does coke she doesn’t share.

Not Guilty!

Last week, Lance Armstrong said, given the chance, he’d still dope before getting on his bike for a race. But I think he misspoke, I think he meant to say he’s still a giant dope, i.e. loser asshat.

See, it appears that Lance cheated his way out of hit-and-run charges over the Christmas holidays. He was in Aspen with his girlfriend — and baby mama to two of the five Armstrong offspring — Anna Hansen.

After partying hard one night, Lance ALLEGEDLY hit two parked cars, but rather than taking it like a man, he let Anna take the fall, and it went like this:

At first, after the collisions, plural, Anna Hansen told police that she had been driving home from a party when she lost control of Armstrong’s SUV.

Then she said, well, after a valet came forward and said he handed the keys to the car to Armstrong, who drove off that night, that Armstrong was driving, but they decided to let her take the blame.

They. Lance Armstrong. American Hero Zero. 

Sadly, he can’t be charged with being a drunk driver because he wasn’t tested at the scene since he and his girlfriend lied, but he will be charged with leaving the scene of an accident.

Still doping, eh, Lance.

We often hear about Paris Hilton — though not so much these days because she’s irrelevant — and we sometimes hear about Nicky Hilton — though only in conjunction with Paris — but we rarely hear about baby brother Conrad.

Until now … Conrad, just 20-years-old already has a criminal record; he was charged with DUI in 2012, for alcohol and pot, and was put on probation, which he effed up by getting high again.

Now he’s back at it. Conrad was arrested in LA for ALLEGEDLY going insane on an international flight last summer and attacking the flight attendants. According to officials, multiple witnesses on the plane say Hilton went berserk on that flight and began screaming and threatening flight attendants:

“If you wanna square up to me bro, then bring it and I will f–king fight you.”

“I am going to f–king kill you.”

“I will f–king rip through you.”

“I will f–king own anyone on this flight; they are f–king peasants.”

“I could get you all fired in 5 minutes. I know your boss! My father will pay this out. He has done it before.”

Witnesses say Conrad then began punching the bulkhead of the plane, inches from a flight attendant’s face before, oddly enough, deciding to take a nap. That when the captain authorized crew members to handcuff him to his seat for the remainder of the flight.

Hilton has admitted to taking a sleeping pill before the flight. His lawyer, Robert Shapiro — yes, that Robert Shapiro — confirms Conrad took a sleeping pill and wasn’t himself, adding that there are numerous news reports of people experiencing adverse effects, including aggressive outbursts after taking those pills.

Or maybe it’s just self-entitled spoiled drunk and drugging rich kids who experience the side effects.

Random Musings

Hello Daddy.

He's actually closer to being my big brother but Hello Big Brother sounds a little too Julie Chen.
This Daddy, the latest Vanity Fair coverboy, is Archbishop Georg Ganswein, Pope Benedict's, ahem, ‘private secretary,’ who has been dubbed "Gorgeous George" by the Italian media.

And I can see why.

The cover photo, for with Gorgeous, er, Georg, did not pose, shows the 56-year-old archbishop smiling, his blue eyes beaming, above a headline that reads "Father Georg - It's not a sin to be beautiful." The magazine then goes on to calls Ganswein "The George Clooney of St Peter's" but then backtracks on His Hotness by saying the story was written to honor his recent promotion to the rank of archbishop and as recognition of his growing power in the Roman Catholic Church.

Um, sure.

Out there in Wyoming, of all places, a Republican, of all things, is backing a same-sex marriage bill.

Yup, GOP state Congressman Keith Gingery--that's him up there--has signed on as a co-sponsor of two measures sanctioning same-sex unions.

He's working with Democratic Representative Cathy Connolly to create a path for gay couples to form civil unions or get married. This new dual approach has already has won the backing of another GOP Representative, Ruth Ann Petroff. She and Gingery say they would prefer to see same-sex marriage allowed in Wyoming but are willing to debate whether civil unions might be a better way to go.

They aren't; civil unions are "less than" but it's nice to see some Republicans, of all things, in Wyoming, of all places, taking a stand for equality.

Oh, Michele Bachmann. You lie, and now you cheat.

It seems that Bachmann's failed presidential campaign team is refusing to pay five Iowa staffers and is, instead, asking that they sign non-disclosure agreements.

Peter Waldron, who served as Bachmann’s national field coordinator, says that the former employees were repeatedly told they would be paid, but even after Bachmann's lame attempt imploded and she quit, they are still not being paid. Waldron also says they were asked to sign non-disclosure agreements that would prohibit them from discussing any immoral, unethical or criminal behavior with the media, the police or an attorney.

What? Michele Bachmann? Immoral? Unethical? Criminal?

Color me not surprised.

Eric Woolson, who managed Bachmann’s Iowa campaign, says staffers were paid in full and that no one expected to be paid for the entire month of January when Bachmann finally realized she didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning and quit on January 10.

Still, I hope no one signs the non-disclosure and starts talking.

Up there in wee Rhode Island, a most Catholic of states, there are still some religious leaders who have no issue at all with The Gays getting married.

A group of over 100 religious leaders--lead by Rev. Gene Dyszlewski--from 13 different denominations throughout the state has come together to support equality, outlining the following tenets in their endorsement of the freedom to marry:

• The most fundamental human need is the supportive love of other human beings, and that love is demonstrated in many ways.
• The arc of God’s universe is toward justice, and we are called from out of our faith to pursue civil rights and fairness for all people.
• The Divine, known by many names, does not ever side with expressions of hate or acts of discrimination.
• The misuse of sacred texts or traditions to deny justice is wrong.
• The freedom of religious belief and practice is paramount for a solid and healthy society.
• The individuals entrusted with civic authority should not impose their personal religious beliefs, or any one interpretation of religious beliefs, on society as a whole, nor use them to deny rights to peoples.

Amen.

Remember Maryland Delegate Don Dwyer?

He was the one who was boating drunk and crashed into another boat, fracturing the skull of a five-year-old girl.

Dwyer refused to discuss the issue for months but he's ready to tell us why he turned to drink.

First, he separated from his wife in November 2011.

Second, he felt “betrayed” by longtime allies in the State House who began to support marriage equality.

Yes, it was the idea that The Gays might be able to marry, with the support of some of his fellow Republicans, along with the separation from his wife that sent him onto a boat with a male friend, John Moran IV, that day, drinking to excess and crashing into another boat.

It's always The Gays with guys like Dwyer.

Lance Armstrong doped.

Didn't we already know this?
Was it worth A Very Special Oprah?

Supervisor David Campos, a San Francisco lawmaker is planning to introduce legislation asking voters to rename the city’s airport after slain gay rights leader Harvey Milk. If five of Campos’ colleagues agree to submit the proposed name change to voters and the amendment goes through in the fall, the city would become home to the world’s first airport honoring an openly gay person.

Stuart Milk, Harvey's nephew, who runs an international gay rights foundation in his uncle’s memory, believes that adding an airport to the list of public venues named for Harvey Milk would be an enormous victory, considering flights to and from San Francisco International serve 68 countries where homosexuality is illegal.

Stuart Milk: 

“For young gay people in an illegal place looking up at a monitor and being able to point to this international airport named after an LGBT advocate, it gives them the green light to authenticity. It’s a major representation that (they) are being celebrated somewhere in the world in a high-level way.

....

“That no airport in this country has been named for an openly LGBT person is something I hope would be remedied, and what a better place than San Francisco for something like that to happen than SF and what better person than Harvey Milk.”

I couldn't agree more.

Remember when the Obama administration said it would not defend the Defense of Marriage Act [DOMA] in court? 

And John Boehner cried foul, and, possibly, actually cried?

Well, Boehner promised the GOP would continue to fight to uphold discrimination against The Gays, but promised that he would not spend more than half-a-million dollars.

Funny thing is, somewhere he lost the ability to count, or he’s just another miserable lying politician.

See, we learned this week that the Republican leadership—under Cryin’ John—had once again secretly renegotiated its contract with attorney Paul Clement to defend the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act at the Supreme Court.

This is the third time the contract has been adjusted, raising the total costs to $3 million from the original I-promise-not-a-penny-more cap of $500,000.

And it continues to be a waste of 500K to a million, to 2 million, and now 3 million taxpayer dollars. .

See, the GOP-appointed, taxpayer-funded legal team has lost in every single case.  Courts across the nation have stood on the side of justice and equality for all Americans and, like DADT before it, DOMA is on its way to being another disgusting discriminatory footnote in US history.

And yet Cryin’ John keeps a’spending.

All the while playing the “fiscal conservative” card.

Give him a shout out to his email and tell him that his lying about the capo on spending to defend DOMA is reprehensible, and ask him how a fiscal conservative justifies spending money, TAX-EFFING-PAYER money to defend discrimination in the Land Of The Free.

Email Cryin' John HERE.

TWEET OF THE WEEK:

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY--blatantly stolen from BosGuy: